The more you share,
The more they care.
The louder you cry,
The greater they try.
The faster you run,
The quicker they follow.
And once you are done,
You’ll lose faith in tomorrow.
You asked for the truth,
I offered, yet I am graced with silence.
This isn't a battle, yet somehow I'm losing.
This isn't a war, but I am still defeated.
This wasn't a fight.
T'was a slaughter.
A senseless homicide of a friendship that I don't think I could ever understand.
I will not be the mannequin for you to unload upon your confused attacks,
I do forgive you though.
I bear no grudge,
I hold no anger.
My role in this play is now,
To patiently wait for your truth.
Even if it will never arrive.
I just want to tell you something.
I don't know what hurts more.
The fact that you were in pain and didn't tell me or come to me for help.
Or the fact that we both had mental health stuggles, and you decided that yours were too much and decided to stop breathing air.
We were supposed to get through this together.
But you left me to figure out my problems myself.
So, yeah... I don't know what hurts more.
You should have ******* told me you were in pain. Now I know that your death is my fault. I didn't know you were hurting that much. I'm the only ******* person to blame. I **** wish you were here with your bright red hair and green eyes. It's all my ******* fault.
Your voice over the phone didn’t sound the same
I wondered if maybe your love for me was fading
Maybe my eyes weren't as beautiful to you anymore
I was hoping that you would say you missed me
But you said goodbye instead
I hope this isn't the end for us though
Beceause I really want you to stay
I’m in my room, legs crossed and sitting in the middle of my bed. I look at a photo. A photo of a little girl. She isn’t even 12 yet. The little girl in the photo smiles up at me. She’s facing the camera with the biggest and brightest smile I have ever seen. Her dark brown eyes light up in the photo. Her curly black hair that barely falls past her shoulders. She hugs a woman who stands next to her in a big embrace. The woman hugs her back. She too smiles a bright smile. But her smile is brighter than the little girl’s. There is a love and soft look in the way she smiles. She hugs the little girl tight. If you look at the woman closer, you can tell that the little girl is the reason she smiles. She smiles because the little girl is her pride and joy. She would never hurt her or let anything hurt her. She would risk everything for her. She would do anything for her. She will always put the little girl’s needs before her. Making sure the little girl takes her steps through life safely. She would do anything to see the little girl smile and be happy. She loves the little girl with all her heart and more. She knows that they might not look alike, but they are still family, forever and always. Trust me. I know this all. Because in that photo. The little girl is me, and the woman next to me is my mom.
As a kid:
Our faces covered with sweat.
As y'all be yellin’ at us with threats.
Our hands covered with cuts and blood.
And our arms, be caked with mud.
Every day, we be prayin’ to God for our freedom to come
Ignoring all y’all sayin’ we’re scums.
Someday I’ll finally leave this place.
Cuz’ the people ‘round here are claiming black ain’t a race.
All y’all people callin’ my people *******.
As all y’all be sittin' there while y’all snicker.
You’ve whipped me, tearin’ my life apart.
My ma always be sayin’ kindness comes from deep down in our hearts.
I kneel as you chain my hands.
And push me down again as Imma’ tryin’ to stand.
I reckon myself I ain’t gonna give up now.
As all y’all treatin' us like we’re cows.
As an adult:
My ma always be tellin' me to fight for what is right.
I was her favorite stick of dynamite.
My pa even said I jaywalked a two.
Said that I would make a big change that guys like me would be lookin’ up too.
My bro Jay be tellin’ me to never let anything get to me.
But still, as an adult, a white man whipped me.
And he be taunted me and sayin’ ain’t you gonna flee.
I looked him straight in his eyes and said someday we are gonna be free.
He looked at me sayin’ you think a ****** like you would be special.
I told him off sayin’ he was being sentimental.
I walked away, head held high.
Cuz’ he’s just bein’ a cruel type of guy.
Who would’ve knew that I ended up bein’ a leader.
All just because I ain’t never stopped bein’ believer.
I may be black but that don’t mean I ain’t allowed to be speakin’ up for black rights.
Cuz’ all y’all can be speakin’ up to and be white.
Ivva’ worked hard and was very successful.
Now all y’all please remember that y’all are special.
I didn’t back down and I ain’t never gonna give up for freedom for slaves.
So all y’all speak up for all y’alls rights and don’t y'all ever forget “Remember to be brave.”
Yesterday marked the exact day when you died 1 year ago.
I still wish I could have done something about it.
I feel like its my fault that your still not alive.
******... I should have picked up the phone.
I feel like I'm living a movie now.
I hate being here without you.
I hope your happy now.