all my favorite bars
remind me of old ship wreckage
blue bottled dry gin
courses through my Viking veins
I steer this helm with one aye

“intimidating”
me from the one place I love
unbelievable

I never dreamed of
being here, now
nor what is to come
there, then

13 Ways to Cringe

1.

We met under a glittering ball

at the drop of the song

I told him not to fall in love with me



2.

We were swallowed by the city

and when he craved me and wings and beer

I had to marry things like ketchup



3.

We tried again in Chinatown

the club with the ***** girl at the bar

who tried to dance her way into his lap



4.

Eventually I spent a night

but that stupid 9-5

it’s like we didnt even talk



5.

He wanted wings again

I snuck him beers

He was always a good tipper



6.

I remembered his address

a door so nondescript

I wound up forgetting again



7.

We talked on the fire escape

watching people is cool

because you get to skip yourself



8.

Matching robes one morning

we had to play divorce

while his roommate intruded



9.

There were four of us at night

two got married

two got lost



10.

When we dance in a group

half the time we spend losing it

half the time we spend finding it



11.

I try to sleep on his sailboat

but I gotta ***

and my beds down the street



12.

We play BINGO with his nieces

to want the babies to win

is an inky dabber to six cards



13.

His dad calls me his

His mom shows me new shoes

He is petting his dogs

we leave through the meat rack

but we’re all friends here

except so much more

we leave unspoken

and on the dock

no taxi light was on for us

so two hours, one sunset pass

and I’m dancing but we’re irritated

we leave it unspoken

we eat french fries

and when the chariot arrives

the fireworks start

the beautiful shimmers and

smileys in the sky

there’s no place I’d rather be

but you’re anxious to be home

with nieces and your nephew

so we leave it unspoken

and thats how we got

back to Lonelyville

give me all your nightmares
your twilight woes
gasps in the thick heat
of August’s night
swamp goblins’ prance
eerily sideways, smiling
sharp nails point to
an existing wasteland
meant to decay you
for eternity

Having a hard time in spring makes me think it is my least favorite season. My paleness frostbitten from eager pedal pushers and my hairs luster lacks gone away with the beanie I lived in. My face loves the sun, but it was too much too soon and the burn remains. Oh and death is spring because babies can’t care for themselves yet. The first buds of bland blooms, backdrop for later’s begonia. It is not exciting to see this life struggle out of sleep when the season of sadness spills over. Spring, she’s bipolar a bit. The warmth is hit or miss and she takes so long to get out of bed. Get out of the fog, get of out of the grey. She takes the moments you hold your breath the longest before plunging out of the horizon and runs her finger along the film as to slow it down because when you’re sad in Spring you feel as though winter is forever.

the parallels in who I was
and who I am today
sometimes become too close
when I lose my footing
after speaking up
the parts of my mind
meant to stay in folds
it must remain math
the parallels are destined
to a line of steady observation
the dominant stretch seeming larger
but it measures the same

I awoke with sweat
beading down every inch
of my body
my decolletage a lake
of processed loss
my grey shirt
cast limp and damp
in melting mountain peaks
I wrung it back where I felt
it belonged in the lake
further sinking my heart
to the bottom of this
fresh water body
a lost treasure
only I knew of

I’m so unhappy when I consume
more than I produce
do I delete everything in lieu
of creating or let everything
coexist and mind my own
**** business
none of my business
my thoughts have become

Wait for him

Not to change

No not he

Wait for him

Who doesn’t wait

For your fantasy

The one who

Changes what your

Dreams are made of

The classical on the stereo

10 disc cd in the trunk, maybe

Is so lovely, the piano keys

Spell disaster

As we round the curve

Of the highways entry

And Chang, 2100 trips

Is so close to the steering wheel

One slip up and his Burberry

But not Burberry

Drivers cap would fly off

In slow motion in front of me

And his face to the wheel

Because his wrists bend back

When he turns

Reminds me of Grandma Bea

When she slipped

In our sunken living room

Her wig rolled off

And had she been nice to mom

I might not have smirked

you're not here for the pleasure

off navigating leather and steel

I still feel your weight

your hand on a pen now,

not my chin or nape of neck

I'm selfish for missing you

knowing you'll return to me

but I still feel your weight

so I peak and peak again

knowing you're not done piquing yet

I feel the valley up my navel

once deep but now the sand is packing

my five id'd fingers run along my ribs

around the animal of a heart all caged up

up along until my hips crest into bone and skin

carving my backside along outer blades

I return home when I miss my crack

I feel sweet honey dripping in the pond

of the small of my back, one million possibilities

old men unable to sleep

no fear for streets (or Central)

in the darkest twilight

the shadows in street lamps

what a way to live

tired with will to fight

if its dawn or night

how long will they live?

do they fear for sleep?

As I shimmy shimmered

the highlight on my cheek

to myself I started to speak

I might flirt, I might dance

try not as I might

this makeup is coming off tonight

Applying lipstick

never to stay

gloss and balm, more my forte

These lashes are short

spunky, yet thick

needing a hundred Maybelline

a fan true black and slick

Ready to bite into

my apple cheeks

take nothing more than

a tap of peach

The mirror likes me

and I my mirror

Windexing weekly

to see this face of glimmer

The girl pauses to view

no dark reflections

ready to go

with good intentions

I will gladly skip in your gardens

the petals on my fingertips

like the soft lips you kiss me with

there’s a

7:30, 10, 10:40

from the bay

I make coffee

after 7:35

on days he can’t stay

after touching the sea

walking the dog

the clock thats too fast

prompts us down to the dock

take me to the space

between wind and sea

the place I can hold

you close to me



the waves cradle light

wakes form scattered foam

reminding me of stretch marks

you let me form



tears never dry

in dusk my heart bled

filling the sky

vivid red sunset



soft kiss on my shoulder

butterflies fly free

in the air everywhere

surreal memory

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

I need you, I cannot survive in this life without you

I want to know

because the gravel

the dirt

the sky

the love

so overwhelming

to handle

to comprehend

so beautiful

and meaningless

how does beauty hold meaning?

you mean

the meaning in money

the money in beauty

the beauty in money

the beauty in meaning

Early for work

homemade coffee

will an ordinary life

ever find me

Dentist and errands

groceries purchased

an ordinary life

with a purpose

A fence for the dog

a house for me

an ordinary life

can set me free

Casseroles and pies

worn in cast iron

an ordinary life

could fuel my fire

Supper at 7

good night at 11

an ordinary life

sounds like heaven

It’s not fun to dip

Back into darkness

To flirt with it

Black sparrows in

A grey winters sky

Into the madness

Endless revelation sensation

The sad freedom

Loose creeping feathers

Over the reds confined wire

His snouts had two sets
a dual headed beast with
one body grounded
four eyes locked on me

the soldiers come last
each one covered and armed
lining the walls of a beasts canyon
pawns of a silver operation

he roared his chain taught
the officers guarding him
and I couldn’t reach defenses
too deep in my bones

a flick of the wrist
spinal twist bone by bone
surrendering to him
devoured, won

I feel foxes tumbling
outside my window
butterflies escape
much like their color

To the naked eye
my vision never ceases
capturing the same
essence time and thyme

two animals
finding home
between the sand
and the trees

one hunting to eat
two flutters in heat
a ripening life
like picking strawberries

When human being sounds alien

I want to be called Woman

Turn the hot water right

Baby girls gotta go tonight

Another night at the bar

Saying stay stay stay

He’s calling her back

By the bay bay bay

He makes her feel alright

He’s falling and holding tight

Do you get me in the heat of the night

Your thumbs in my indentations

Hair strewn a dark notioned mess

Darkness seeps ***** fantasy

Heavy breaths eyes shut light

Lashes mash neck sigh salvations

Finding the caress soaking confess

Rush of gush free from depravity

I tell myself again

Of course it’s me he wants

In the toss and turn of night

His *** dreams I haunt



Salt into my manmade wound

I can’t get it out of my head

Dial tones ring and ring

My lover alone in bed



I tell myself again

He’s sleeping and dreaming

My demons reply sharply

Or ******* and cheating

I painted every petal

Twice, three times, even four

To get the detail I was looking for

The wet pink and purple

Saturated knowing her worth

Britney Spears videos

Running on Vevo

Red latex clear signs

Sometimes I hide

Sometimes I’m scared

But nobody listens

who is really there

So we make our way as women

God bless, god forsaken

Wondering our place

Holy bodies escape

In our bedrooms ecstasy

Happens so naturally

But we wonder why me

We wonder why we

on the rainiest day

with his helm in my hand

the motor dropped in the bay

we raced to mainland

the pine needle raindrops

daggers to my eyes

I had to get home

but first pizza pies

I would never tell it so
The soft moan of a tender baby
knows most of the neighbors
Still to never tell it so

He cares less, his youth escapes
The expiration
Found between my lips
Caring less about youth escaping

His head to my cavity
A heart ache holed up mess
Swirling deep and deep
He holds tight to my crevice

It’s the top lock unwound twice

The bottom halfway

Walking into my home

Tiptoes leave nothing to say

A pit stop in the kitchen

Ascending light for some water

Enough for the night

Not to wake godfather

I search for city dreams

But the deepest sleeps

Pull me away

Back to the beach

Rounding the exit

Makes my tear appear

I’m finally home

Going to my pillow

My thoughts are lambs

Hopping fences

Valleys wayside

In mornings dawn

bright eyes, wide smiles

dancefloor drag, diamonds and pearls

shaved legs for miles

alcoholics too

there was one of me, one you

mornings painted blue

all i ask

is she worth me

in the back

of my mind

i hope

she’s worth more

she needs water

salt water

she needs air

summer breeze

she needs love

not temptation

she needs flowers

left on trees

How safe does home feel

settled vines uprooted

potted into a new plant

that doesn’t like *** anymore

old habits dying softly

like screams for warm arms

will you miss her when she’s gone?

will you think of her sweetly?

The holiday of jokers

Catches me without anticipation

All Saint’s Eve

A festive participation

Masked little boys

Come running for candy

Laughing off

The eternal damnation

The night turns slate

Five o clock am

Wondering where

The hell you’ve been

The joker the dealer

Show up to the table

The healer in green

My memories’ fable

Facing me in the corner booth

Another smile to meet my own

Telling me, “baby come here”

Intending to take me home

Come into me as a love crush

My bed the only thing left going for us

So innocent in this act of sin

Resignations, no aspirations

In this lust filled room we’re in

A thousand dollars

All for planning his affair

The kids will have funds

Rain pours when you feel the pain

The rubber boots rested by the door

I didn’t know what to do with them

Staring to leak when I was nearly poor

I’ve always been confused

Unsure how to celebrate

A golden birthday

In my body’s estate

The importance of time

Like tide for the sea

This year I’ll work better

I have yet to see

Fall knits winters sweater

A lost memory

Driven by the city

Pack up from the beach

Let’s go to the country

The waves the other day

Were as teal as could be

How I wanted to leave them

Until the quarter of next year

The jump between stones

Leaves a lot to discover

This is my home

And I now have a lover

Confusion lies in

Understanding why

Loving you passionately 

To be left high and dry

Yesterday's coffee
Heat it up as rain comes down
Today's cigarette

There she was, Smiles & Dances

He asked him if they should wait

But he said, “She'll find her way"

Everyone loves Smiles & Dances

Playing the life game

Roll your dice, Monopoly

You owe me fifty

The billowing smoke

Lingers like my lust for him

Let me burn this down