I've been thinking for a while
I'm stuck in this stupid riot
I no longer know where i belong
Starving for a week gaining it back
Eating for a week and getting dangerously thin...
I'm ****** up
I ****** up
I'm ******
I ******
****...
I can barely fven talk seems like i'm stuck

It's our little secret.
You'll have to keep it
Feel the pain in your gut
Close your heart and keep it shut.
Let no other person in
And let the punishment begin.
Every wrong thing that you make
Will also be my mistake

I'm beginning to see.
What people think of me,
I swear it's not by choice,
But ana has this voice.
She starves me of my youth,
And that's the only truth.
This hunger grows in me like cancer
I expected her to have the answers
And she did
But she haven't made me fit

I was made to love
And i was sure it had to be you
But seems like i was tricked
And you were too

You leave it alone
You're already over me
I'm so desperate to move on
I fall in love with whoever i see

I've been so stupid
Almost lost my innocence
In a ******* forrest
I thought ihad a better taste..

Right now i wouldn't mind dying
I comvince myself i'm happy
But why can't i just face that i'm not?
Beacuse i wanna move on and be all jumpy

I'm scared of those voices
They scream to hell
They could bring me to death
I can't let them win
But I'm just so tired
So tired of this life
Too tired to fight
I just want to let go
Close my eyes
Take a deep breath
And drift off to a never ending sleep
Cause afterall
Wasn't i born to die?

Dear legs...
I'm sorry how i've alwYs complained about you not being long or straight enough.
Thank you for still carrying me even though i've hated you with such a passion.

Dear arms
I also wanna tell you sorry, for punching you when i got mad, and also for complain about you being too floppy.
Thank you for still helping me, do everything and for just being there, life would be a lot harder without you.

Dear ****
I'm sorry for all the times i've said you were ugly, you not being round, small or smooth enough.
Thank you for still going along and let me sit on you when i've been tired.

Dear stomach
Sorry for pinching and hitting you whever i was hungr, and sorry for never liking you beacuse you were floppy but i know it's just skin
And that's how you're suppossed to look.
Thank you for telling me when i'm hungry and keeping in all the food i eat, you work like a machine and that must be hard to do!

dear *****
Sorry for always thinking you were too small, i regret everything i've said you've grown nice and round, i'm sorry for complaining so tou had to hurry so much you got stretchmarks
Thank you, for grabbing so much attention, that id sort of funny.

Dear hips
I'm dorry for punching you and complaining avput you being too wide.
Thank you for giving me the hourglassshape every girl long for.

dear skin
I have so much to be sorry for..
I'm sorry for cutting you, and bruising you and burning you, i' so very sorry i have ruined you this much, i'm sorry for letting my emotions out on you, i have made you scarred and i'm sorry about that. Im sorry for also complaining how you were never clean enough
But thank you! For sticking along and holding my body together you're awesome

Dear face
I'm sorry for never liking you and being sad about my eyes not being deep blue or my nose not perfect
Though i thank you for
Letting my friends know who i am

Dear hair
I'm sorry i put you through a lot of heat and dying and all that but hey you're still on my head i bet i would look weird bald so thank you!

Dear body!
Last but not least
I wanna thank you for being so strong and beautifull i wanna thank you for holding on even though i put you through this much

*dear body... I'm sorry.. Thank you

she held up her knife
she's wanted to die, actually for a while
she has harmed herself recently
but keeps it to herself, she's not happy
but no one can tell
it's sick how much a single smile can hide
how you can hide your hurt
from even
the people who love you most
how you can
harm
starve
ruin
yourself
but no one will notice before you're actually dead
she's too sad to fight anymore
she's tried for too long
her energy is used up
she takes her knife to her skin
*i guess this place just wasn't for her..

i sit alone,
but i have never felt lonely.
The times i feel lonely,
is when i'm in a room full of people.
i always smile,
but haven't felt happy in a while.
the times i actually feel happy,
is when i'm actually all alone.
i've always been skinny
but i never felt so,
i always felt fat and disgusting
the only times i didn't,
was when the scale had dropped.

that girl in the conor
80 lbs of weight
she's beautifully broken
skinny almost dead

that girl in the front
200 lbs of weight
she's happy and giggly
but fat and almost dead

we have me in the middle
100 lbs of weight
i'm neither happyor beautifull
i'm fat, living but not at all alive

little girl
your young
your skinny
you could have the world

little me
your shy
your sad
you don't know what you could be

dear myself
you were happy
you were beautifull
you should've never put that smile on the shelf

when you have a love for a special person
but you're not allowed to see each other
what do you do?

when you have a love for a special person
who all of a sudden doesn't love you anymore
what do you say?

when you have a love for a special person
but lost track of each other and never will meet again
*how do you heal?

little fragile creature
broken and empty
your crying again
you're so **** silly

little skinny girl
why don't you eat?
you're starving again
food is what you need

little baby me
why are you here
you should have been dead
no one would waste a tear

Today is the day I have
chosen  to die,on the wings
of an ANGEL I will fly high

I feel I could have been
better while I was here,
but on the wings of an
ANGEL,I will have no fear.

All my life I had to put up
a fight,but on the wings
of an ANGEL I will be alright.

Things may have been better
if i'd taken time to pray,now
I am on the wings of an ANGEL
and I am going to be ok

standing on a cliff
one step forward
two miles down...

why cant i even dream
desperate and so lonely
i've looked for you
i left behind all that i
have ever longed for
cold wins scream through my ears
like a banskee
a freezing chill
a pain, that still will haunt me

yet i have made it here
running through all the fear
the sadness in my heart retains the pain
and if i fall i've learnt that i may not return
none of my love remains
yet i have made it here
make this pain dissapear
my one and only prince charming

that's when i wonder...
**why cant i even dream?

here we go again
sitting on my own
crying in the shower
same old sad tone

razor blade passion
calling my name
far in my thoughts
fasting my fat frame

all these words
rushing in my brain
i write them down on paper
to deal with my pain

i just wanna say i miss you
but you can't talk to me
i'm such a big problem in your life
i wish i could just let you go
but i cant, i cant just not talk to someone
whom i love so ******* much!
but i've made so many problems
andi'm not even worth it
i should just let it be
like you did long ago...

i can't stay here
i can't stay away
i'm split bewteen
what to say

i love you
but you don't love me back
so i'll go hide
in my hearts crack

don't say you miss me
cause i know you don't
don't say you need me
i know i'm not what you want

she's proud og herself but she won't tell you why
it has now been a month since last she even tried
but they voices won't stop today she still won
she put down her razor and put down that gun

after hours of thinking to herself
she goes and picks up her old friend from the shelf
overwhelmed with emotions she picks up her blades
and disposes her devils, drops the charade

for the first time in a while her lips crack to a smile
this wont be easy but in the end it will be worthwhile
her cuts will turn to scars and those scars will fade
and this makes her feel stronger she's no longer afraid

A broken mirror
A bleeding fist
A silverblade
Against a wrist
Tears falling down
To lips unkissed
Ignore her
and she wont exist
Shes not the kind
Youll come to miss

Im alive
But i feel dead
Im choking
On my own breath

Im myself
But still someone else
Deciding who to be
Is a living hell

All these things
All this stuff
It ruins me
It fills me up

Im burning down
Im tearing up
Just take it away
Please make it stop

Shes just a child
Whos ready to die
She took her gun
Shes been deprived
She pulls the trigger
And spreads her wings
Another angel
Suicide brings

So happy
Yet secretly so dark

So loved
but yet she hates herself

Shes like every one else
But yet so different

Can't you tell you'rr killing me?
Can't you see i'm broken?
Can't you feel i love you?
Can't i just stay whole?**

(S.l.g)