it breaks my heart to think
im not worth
what it takes
to hold me in your arms
and never say goodbye.

it was perfect
so when it ended
i fell apart.

i ripped out the pages
i threw them into the wind
they blew behind me.

but then i asked myself
how could i destroy what remained of our chapter?
how could i tear something apart that told a story so innocent?
so beautiful?

after all, it wasn't our fault that it was over.

so i picked up the pages
i put them back together
and i read our chapter once more.

it was then that i realized
our chapter
was just your chapter in my book.

so i looked to the next one
saw it was blank,
and wrote my name.

that one was gonna be about me.

you dimmed the lights
closed your eyes
and so did i.

still felt the weight
and all the pain
when you left marks on my thighs.

i just laid there
weren’t you aware
that i didn’t want to die?

though out of sight
out of mind
you heard me cry.

we shared so much
but now all we share are memories
of what once was
and what is now past tense.

oh, my dear
no feelings here
only head
down eyes
shut
no opening
until
dawn

you say that you care
but you don’t say why
am i living a lie
when you tell me goodnight?

do you really love me
or that i love you too?
i wonder what you would do
if i ever left you

would you notice i was gone?
or just move on with your life
would you even bat an eye
and if you did, would you cry?

are you really there for me?
should i trust the things you say?
i think i should go away.

would you let me?

she still cries sometimes.
she cries thinking about why he left
why she wasn’t good enough
and what she could’ve done to make him stay.

but she smiles more.
she smiles thinking about her strength
her beauty
her kindness
her care.
how proud she is of herself,
and of the love she gives to the world.

she still cries sometimes,
but she smiles more.
and that’s what she chooses to remember.

i think a lot
about sphynx
no hair to care
for the lemon-shaped eyes
that squeeze shut in the breeze
but do not make lemonade

no sugar either
all protein bro
do you even lift
a finger because EYE do
YEW dont but they dont call you a
sphynx, do they?

oh wait nevermind i sphynx i got confused
eye am not a sphynx i do apologize
but Lucy is, shes my friend.
maybe even more than a friend
eye dont know
its just that shes a

mutant like me
and she pays for it too
just in cancer and heart disease
not with crying and mocking screams
saree i didnt mean to go there
but eye sphynx eyem getting worse

lukewarm coffee
still tastes alright
melted ice
still chills

wide ruled paper
still ***** up ink
bleach stained towels
still soak

greasy blowouts
still look okay
chipped gel nails
still shine

broken phone screens
still do turn on
unbound books
still read

insomniacs
still always wake
and the depressed?

they still breathe.

thinking about you doesn’t help me,
and it doesn’t help you.

yet i just can’t seem to stop.

everything that i was afraid of
has already happened

and i’m still here

if you're not feeling happy right now
that's ok
because every moment you have
is just a part of the symphony

some notes are high
and some notes are low
but they all add up to the bigger picture of who you are
and who you were born to be

just know that i'm proud of you
and that your symphony will turn out to be more beautiful
than you could've ever imagined.

shake it off? ive tried but it hasn’t gone too well. you see, in my wildest dreams i’m clean and he does not belong with me but we all love a good love story and i think she knew that when she wrote fearless. we dream of the white horse but it doesn’t come around it never. ever. does. and i think she knew that too. which is good because to be honest i’m sick of waiting. one of the Kardashian's called my girl a snake so it goes but she can do no wrong she really cant. even when she says she did something bad she cant do no wrong. she’s the queen of my heart to be honest so dont blame me, her love makes me crazy. i think she would understand.

ive come to realize
im no ones favorite.

please don’t touch the glass
i’m startled enough as it is.
everything is warped and i
can’t tell ceiling from wall.

please tell me where i am
and please do so right away.
i’m running out of oxygen and i
need another breath.

please don’t feed me here
i do not intend to stay.
will it crack if i scream?
these are things i must know.

but please don’t walk away
iloveyouimsorryimsogratefulforallyouvedone but
can i walk beside you now?
please

i promise i’ll be good.

It's the days when you don’t cry,
But you don’t smile either.

It’s the days when you’re quieter than usual,
And people notice.

It’s the days when you aren’t quite thinking about anything.

But if someone asked you what was wrong,
You wouldn’t know where to start.

Is it ok
That I hope to see you again someday?

I don’t know if you feel the same,
I just really miss you.

like a tumble ****
rolling down a city street—
i dont belong here

and i know it.

ding **** the witch is dead
but she lit a fire under my bed
i woke up to the heat
but why did she leave?

the fire under me still burns.

you act like
loving me is a
curse you count
down
till the day
you can say
goodbye.

there's a reason
its not easy
to get used to the quiet.

as once you're used to the quiet,
your timer's just begun.

i dont miss the boy who left
i miss the boy who stayed.

its too bad theyre one in the same.

i was always afraid of being too much.
i used to cry when we were together
i was afraid that you would leave.
i had anxiety
and i always apologized for it.

but you comforted me.
you made me feel loved
you made me feel cared for.
you told me i was more to you than that
you told me that everything was going to be okay.

but then you left.

i still wonder sometimes
if I was simply too much.
but I cant ask anymore.
because now
you won’t reply.

when i think of you
i stare straight ahead
thinking of what you were thinking
when you took your last breath.

i’ve been there before
i know how you felt inside
but for me, the storm broke
i saw the rainbow on the other side.

but you didn’t see it
the storm was just too thick
they say you were selfish
but i know you didn't want this.

so when i think of you
i stare straight ahead
i know you were dreaming of the rainbow
when you took your last breath.

i can’t be mad at you
that’s the hardest part.

he’s not “the boy she used to love” anymore
he’s just a boy
a boy with issues
a boy who left a girl,
who would have never let him go.

she’s not “the girl he used to love” anymore
she’s now a woman
a woman with issues, yes.
but a woman who lost a boy,
and gained herself.

now, i ask, which one is better off?

a day to celebrate love
or to feel its absence pulling at the seams of your broken heart.

but a greeting card will do.

the walls are up—
you can feel them. your
fingers
graze at their temperament.

ouch, you caught a nick.
so your blood begins to
tric
       kle

and you watch
as your feet begin to
turn that shade of red.
they leave

tracks
as you pace,
you scream,
THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED! but

what did you want, my dear?
i’m afraid
those walls
didn’t build

themselves.

****** feet lead you out of the
cold ice freezes over your
path
you fall

you get back up but you’re
dizzy this time you look right and
left but you
can’t see the sun

or the moon.
there is nothing here
                                    nor
                    ­                       there

except the walls.
four sirens to your sunken vessel.
but then you blink
that shine you see?

it’s your blood on the ground

you turn around.
this land has no direction
but somehow
you know you’ll make it home.

why do i mourn the unlocking of my chains?
seems freedom is what i fear most…

When you left
I could see
That what I kept
Was not to keep

A broken bond
was what you made
I was so fond
and yet I paid

For all the nights
you said you would
It was not right
“Can” is not “should”

So yes you left
And I was afraid
But a bond of theft
Isn’t one where I gain

I will not devote
Myself to his cause
So I said “end-quote”
This isn’t a pause

My life does not stop
Because he’s not here
I will not drop
And I have no fear

So I move on
Myself in check
He is now gone
No more Russian roulette

he said he was afraid of losing me
yet he's the one who let me go

what you see
is what you get!
so sit back, relax,
and close your eyes...

i want there to be a poem that
shuts the door
     lights the fire
and pronounces you dead.

i just can't tell if that's for better,
or for worse.

i spend every waking moment thinking about you
you don’t deserve it
and neither do i
but yet here i am
spending every waking moment
thinking about
you.