“I need more than you…”
She said and walked away
“I’m emerging…”
Pain whispered as the calyx tore

Oh Jalaluddin!
You counseled me to "Tear down this house"
My House

Because I Love you
I'm taking your advice
Tearing it down

Brick
by
Brick

Plank
by
Plank

I'll start from the outside
And work my way in

People will stop and stare
"Another crazy person" they'll observe
"He's gone mad" they'll whisper as I break down the walls
"He's a fool" they'll note as I bring down the chimney
"He's lost" they'll gossip as I break the foundation
"Stay away from him" they'll warn as I sit in the rubble

"Were they right all along" I'll ask again and again
"Did I make a mistake"
"Did I burn my life on a whim"
"How do I know"
"Is it possible to know"

It's a lonely place this one
In the ruins
Tired and hungry
Gathering energy to dig
With the Pickaxe You gave me at birth

Alone
Homeless
Afraid

I Surrender...

Dance Recklessly
With Passion
With Purpose
Like
            Each          Step        Is
C   r   e  a  t i ng a Universe

Let each step set fire to fear
Move to music your Heart makes
Make the floor slick with your sweat
Feel... Feel... FEEL... FEEL!!!
For the Love of God... FEEL!!!

Before it is too late...
Feel.

Dance Recklessly
Knowing
There is no other way.

“I need more than you…”
She said and walked away
“I’m emerging…”
I whispered through pain as the calyx tore

You’re beautiful from every angle
There is no perspective
That
I Can
Take
Which reveals otherwise
You’re beautiful from every angle

I’m going mining today
I’m digging in that place between
My pain
And
My grave

My hands are covered in it
The dirt and the ****
Of a lifetime
Of the lifetimes before me
So far back no one knows their names

I’m searching for treasure
It has to be here somewhere
But so far
It’s just the dirt
The dirt
And
The ****

I’ve dug so deep
I can’t crawl back out
I can’t forget about it
I can’t let it go

It’s death
Or
Treasure

One of them is definitely down here
It’s as simple as that

And so…

I’m going mining today
Like I did yesterday
And the day before… and for everyday I can remember

I’ll dig and dig
Until memory of me fades
And my dreams fall from the sky
Past the stories that promised happiness
Beyond the eyes that captured my heart
Away from the lights of the shore… Into the oily blackness I’ll swim
That place no one wants to follow me to
That place everyone tells me doesn’t exist
I’ll dig
Long enough
Hard enough
With everything I have
And…
When I arrive
I’ll send you a card

I’ll invite you to mine
Follow the tears, the blood, and the sweat
Look for the light of my soul

“That was the treasure!” I’ll declare
“Now let’s find yours”

I’m going mining today
You don’t have to… you can stay
I’m already covered in it…

The dirt
The ****.

Let that butterfly
   land
            on
                  my
         Heart

It’s been so long since I’ve felt anything there
Well… other than the THUNDERCLAP
That was you closing the door

Let that butterfly
    land
                 on
                         my
                                    Heart

It’s been so long
So long since I felt butterflies there
Dancing so hard it made me feel sick

I miss that kind of sick…

Let that butterfly
   land
                      on
                                      my
    Heart

It’s been so long
Too long…

Let me hear the wind from its wings…
I hope they whisper Truth

Let one antenna brush up against my Heart…
To remind me that I can still feel

Let it see me…
I need to be seen

Don’t fly away
                                    little
                                                                                     butterfly

Love
So Intangible
So Real

Would I still choose to Love you if I had to sacrifice parts of my body?

So quick to give our hearts to each other,
                Would speed still rule if the cost was Flesh?

The price list:
Puppy Love - a sliver of skin
First Love - a finger or a hand
Grand Love - a leg or an arm
Unrequited Love - an eye or a tongue

Would you still dive in?

The wound obvious
The Scar A Warning
                     An Invitation
                           A Beacon
                                A Lesson

In the end,
At the very least
We tell ourselves there was "A Lesson"

Don't pretend...
We'd all gladly walk around with parts missing

We already do.

No music… no music… no music...
No Music can compare to the song we made

You were the violin and I was the piano
Our chords danced in the ether
A melody sublime

Rising and falling we created color

The fusion the friction the ferocity the fantasy

The fantasy… the fantasy… the fantasy...

The fantasy evaporated
The song had to

End.

And, we both know...
It wouldn’t sound the same if we played it again

The chords are too familiar
                                                    The melody's not as sweet

They robbed us!  

The one’s that told us what it means to be men…

THEY LIED!!!  

They told us feeling is wrong.
And they taught us to be STRONG is to be silent.

"Build a pit," they said, "make it so deep that a lifetime of emotion can’t fill it."  
And we oblige.  
But we know it’s there…
The stench keeps us up at night.  
The fetid fumes cloud our vision;
The windows to our souls opaque to the outside world and those we Love, those we want to reveal ourselves to.  

Meanwhile, inside, we’re clawing at the glass with bloodied hands.  

                                       GOD HELP ME!!!
                                                                ­I want to be free of this!!

See me!  
                                               I’m a human being!  

I have hopes,
         I have dreams,
                I have fears,
I feel sorrow, I know regret, and I believe in redemption…
but all of this...
It's for someone else… someone weak.  

What a lie!
So delicious we swallowed it whole—a bitter pill dipped in honey
Given us by those we love,
                                    by those we trust.  

The poison works through us,
                                         unrelenting,
T w i s t i n g us, turning us against one another…

No emotions!  
Not here!!  
You’re a man!!  
Be a man!!
**** it up!!!
          **** it up until it chokes you!!!
                   **** it up until you can’t feel anymore!!
                             **** it up until you’re dry and broken!!
                                       **** it up until you forget...
What life was and what death is…
              
                               **** it up because that’s what men do.

They corrupted our legacy
They stole our future.  
And we let them do it.  
We helped them do it.

What is a Legacy
What's the equation that leads to the sum that is
A
Human
Life
The curtain draws as it must and
when it's done...
We spill out of this "Life" a grocery bag of idiosyncrasies, neuroses, hypocrisies, and other I-sees
What are we in the end but broken pieces of a puzzle we leave for others to assemble--who cares if the pieces fit.
Someone found a Kind word here
Another a Generosity
A memory of a Lie
Proof of a Cruelty
Acts of Humanity by a human being acting...
Who knows me well enough to define my Legacy?
Who else but "I"

I want to make Love to you, like the flame to the wick
Wrapping around you
                                        Caressing you
                                                                 Lighting You UP
                    revealing      YOU
The Real                              YOU
Not that silly facade you show the world -- cold and lightless
We are shapeless and flowing... dangerous and beautiful...
Love and Lust
Fused
Consuming Each Other
Awake and Alive
Tasting the Divine as our Temple burns
This is Life.
This is Death.

Life is not a straight line
  It curves
in               chaotic
       unpredictable             and
                    Beautiful ways...
A chance encounter on the way home
A lover lost in a storm
A sunrise after a long lonely dark night
The first cold of winter
And the last dew drop in Spring.

Miracles more than mere Moments
The emotions and memories
Shading in the pattern
Giving it shape and depth
Defining something imperceptible until it is Done.

A Cosmic Mandala - Temporary Divinity
This is Life
so...
Embrace
               the
     Curves

Is this what It is
Sitting at a table
Surrounded but ignored
Teeth falling
Memory fading
Skin hanging
Friends dead and dying
Is this what it is
Generations erupting and then receding
Ages coming and going
Is this what it is
To live
To die
Why did we choose life
Why do we believe in death

Reflected, in your eyes, I see...
   Imperfections
     Blemishes
       Misery
          Pain
Is that how you see me?
A taTteREd tappestry
    A misfit  
Dis-connected
From my motivations and inspirations
   Lonely
    Afraid
       Sad;
These all seem to me to be reflected, you see, in what you see that I see reflected in me.

I don’t know you, but I do
Nothing can explain it, you’ve been with me my whole life, before and after

I’ve never met you, but I dream of you every night
The possibility that I might find you fills even my darkest days with joy

You’re not here with me now, but I see you in the corner of my eye
I never feel lonely

I haven’t heard you speak, but I laugh at your jokes and revel in your conversation
There’s a crystalline quality to your voice and an infinite depth to your curiosity

You’ve never seen where I live, but everything that makes my house a home is because of you
What I cook, what I paint, what I write—it is all for you

I may not be the man you expect, but know that you are the reason I exist
I expand in all directions each day so that I am equal to a woman like you

I don’t know you, not yet
But already I Love you

Hurry
Love

*Reza Bavar

You told me if I take one step towards you that you'll take 10 towards me.

Showing up and I'm thinking my God this isn't for me...

Cold showers, Almond Oil, Head Covering?  Man... I gotta fly- T.S.A.

Tratakum
Sadhana
Awakened

To the kiss of the Amrit Vela--the Ambrosial Hour--sitting at Gods table

Infinity Generating
Life Organizing
Death Destroying
Rebirth Delivering...

Sa Ta Na Ma... Wahe Guru!!

I stand reborn and aware

This IS the Yoga of Awareness...

Now I'm running towards You, seeing You in All--a Mirror Gazing at a Mirror

THIS is MY Identity--Truth.

Sat Nam...

Say it with me... Sat Nam

Breath it in and feel it with me!!

SAT NAM!!!

~Reza Bavar

Staring at the sea looking for my reflection
I see nothing but inflection
It moves me

Feeling the wind searching for my direction
I feel nothing but perfection
It steers me

Intuition surrounds me for protection
I sense nothing but connection
It binds me

You set me in motion Love
You direct me Love
You keep me and I keep you. . . Forever...
In Love

*Reza Bavar