there is beauty in innocent intelligence
where the elder sister disturb the younger sister through the window i of class
just so that they can go back earlier
through the changing times of the world
and the storm of wild emotions
it is warm to know that life as humans ages and eons ago, likely shared the same experiences and innocent amusing through the times and ages
we cant ever escape our emotion but rather should deal with it
one way or another
we will never know how
there is just so many ways to handle
all most likely already been explored or trialed
it might work or not
we will not know
through the world
beyond innocent laugher and simple joy
the darkness and terror eludes
how can we stay pure and not judge with such
or how can we be a terror but find pureness
life and human world
is a wildy conflicting place
how can we know for sure
what is what

i am alone and lonely in the world
given all has gone
and those around i cant speak to
nor understand
it hurts to see
and finally understand
that i am truely alone and lonely
at every night and day
where i cant confide in anyone
it is a one way conversation
with supposedly god
but the mind runs wild
and heart hurts
i understand that i must manage
to be alone and lonely
even though i am surrounded by people
but i cant speak with nor to
i cant confide in anyone
but god
it is just me
till i breathe my last breath
and beat my last rhythm
i know now
it is just the way it is

If happiness is a look,
It will be a smile on my child face
If happiness is a sound,
It will be the laughter of my child voice
If happiness is a feel,
It will be the touch of my child on me
If happiness is a taste,
It will be sharing bowl of food with my child
If happiness is a smell,
It will be the smell of my child smelly hair

My children's, A and N, you have saved me more then you will ever know.
I love you.


PS, same with the wife, with all the struggles and up and downs, we learn as we go.

My mind is in conflict
My mind is lost
I am losing sanity of choices
Not too sure what is ahead
And why do strange thoughts keep coming back.

In moments of clarity, it all looks fine and rational thinking it IS fine.

In moments of irrational and blurry imaginative state I am confuse and unsure.

I hope I can make the right ones.

Letting go of the hope felt good
I think I am getting better

But why oh why
Am I feeling empty and pain deep inside still

I am confuse and troubled
Logically that make sense
But emotionally it still hurts

Music help
Alcohol numbs
Will time heal ?

there is much pain in my heart
and sadness in my soul
punching my heart
to try to ease the pain
or maybe try stop it
from beating
ever again

i am sorry
its really painful
i am losing my sanity

So much pain every day
Not from work
But just being with the wrong person

How did I end up here
I blame no one but myself

Had to guts to end the relationship
Now I am stuck for life
Made and swore a vow
To never leave you
Till death do us part

I just hope
It is me that makes the first step
For you really did nothing wrong
And I am just not right for you

I have tried to right myself
And stay sane
Just too many thoughts in my mind
From doing so

So much pain I go through
Silently

May I get a swift and fast death
But let me pass in the field
A glory death in battle.

Take me home
I guess I am done here

No happiness with you
Surely not you.

I am in so much pain,
But you will never know.
And you can never know,
Because you are the cause of it all.

I will carry on,
Till I can't
And finally,
Let death be my salvation.

Please make it quick.
That is the only thing I ask.

We can only walk so far
Without being Broken
And Shattered

There is only so much
That cannot hurt
But everything else
Will not hesitate

I now walk around
Shattered and Broken

Dreams
May very well remain as Dreams.

That is just sad

Because only in Dreams
Is when Man is truly free.

I have distance myself from God
And now takes dressing
From the universe.

Sadness consumes me
Looking at the future

Not with me,
Nor my work

But with you
After 4 short years
You are still incapable of
Hearing me
Feeling me
Worse
You do not get me - at all.

And how are we going to spend our future
Together
Sadness consumes me
Not because of me
But you.

I don't want to do it
But you keep pushing me

Selfish thinking of yours
Incorrigible as time has shown

Just makes me fill with
Nothing but sadness

I don't want to do it
But you are incapable of making me
Truly happy.

When will I break
Or till I go home, if home wants me.

Sad memories linger

In the idle presence



No surprise the lust teases deep

Could have or Could been

The future ever so bleak



Drown my sorrow

And Death be my salvation.

I think
We have become to fearful in our lifes
We live in the modern world,
A First World country.

But why are we so afraid of everything?

We must not underestimate the human spirit.
The strength to carry on against all odds.
The will to live, to fight, for our dreams and aspiration.
Above all, we must live to do Gods work.
To make the world a better place, a happier place.

We must make a difference in this modern "life"
Or it is no longer a life,
but modern slavery.

Strive to make the world a better place.
Through peace, love and sharing.
We come with nothing,
We leave with nothing.
Show the human race,
What you are capable of.
Do not ever, ever belittle yourself.

With God's grace,
Strive to make the world a better place.
And not a modern slave world.

I try so hard,
Tirelessly,
Day after day,
Night after night,
Soldiering on,
From Light to Dark,
and Dark to Light,

But God,
Why make it so hard?
So hard for me to succeed,
One mistake,
And again,
It may be all gone again.

Dear God,
Please,
I do not have much time left,
Grant me some grace,
And lend me some leeway,
Let me learn,
And grow,
Hit me with the rod, if you really must,
But please,
Don't **** me,
Don't **** my dreams,
Please, Don't take everything away.

If you really love me,
Why make it so hard?
I am in pain, can you not see?

Or am I not destined,
To carry out your plans this way.

Help me God,
Please allow my dreams to come true,
Your loyal servant.

Hey Baby.
When you are away,
Your lovely scent lingers on my pillow,
Like a lullaby each night hugging me to bed each night.

Till we meet again,
My love.

Today I felt giddy when I woke up,
Got no strength to move,
Had little memory of what I did yesterday.

But,
I knew I needed to take a walk today,
The glorious Sun was scorching and blazing,
So brightly,
That it felt blinding,
My eyes, cringed.

As I walked,
And as the Sun shined,
I notice that every though I walked this road everyday,
The flowers were beautiful,
The grass green,
The spiders IS STILL creepy
But the path tells a story.

Hence,
I pondered in my dreamy mind,
The flowers were beautiful,
And grass green,
And the insects somewhat creepy.

The Good The Bad and The ugly.
It always equates to the "Three",
Yes, the flowers is beautiful,
Only because of the creepy crawlers around,
To make them so,
After all, they are the workers for the flowers, and grass,

The crawlers are around,
Only because there is environment for them to be in,
And that very place,
Like every other place,
Has The Good, The Bad, And the Ugly.

It is just Maths.

I concur.

I find it disturbing that,
When God created man,
The wise Lord gave us Maths.
But we became calculative and used it to keep tabs.

He also gave us Languages,
But we too found ways to be ****** and rude.

Strangely, he gave us Science,
Thinking that it would improve our world,
But all we did, was try to disprove him.

Oddly, he created Technology,
For awhile, that worked well,
But even with that,
It now tries to replaces the very humans that he created,
With scraps of metal.

Are we truly on a one way street to destruction?
Why...

These ******* charts,
These ******* buyers and sellers
You ******* giving me a squeeze on my ******* *****!

It would appear that
You and I,
We are certainly from different worlds,
From different place,
And that our parting is a matter of time,
Measured by the number of differences.

I cant see myself living in your world,
I doubt you can see you living in mine.

I think,
Slowly but surely,
They stack up,
The resistance gain strength,
The time will tick ,
The clock shall tock,

To say good bye.

Until then,
I will try,
To live in yours,
You in mine,
Till we break or fuse,

And hope that we not say the final Good Bye.

Remember that

While failure is never not an option,
To fail is a step nearer to succeed.
To retreat is an indirect attack.
Clear your mind, trust yourself.

While browsing hellopoetry on this day 180815
Saw many heartbroken souls
Read many emotional lines

Fret not my dear friends
Fret not my fellow writers
Fear none, my comrades

Write on, express with freedom
Pen down, and let the words take you away

Let the words embrace you
Let the words console you
Let words, wrap around you
Feel the hug
Feel the cuddle
You have found home

But remember, after the thunderstorm, a rainbow awaits.
After the ink has dry,
Why you are ready,
Show that smile,
Let your eye sparkle once more.

From one to another, I send an e-hug.
:)

Sat on the garden chair
Looking as far as my eyes could see
Legs apart
Took up my cigga pack
Last one in the pack
Last one for my life
I say
Jack Daniels ever ready by my side
I lit the cig and fired her up
Inhaled the smoke
Feeling the rush
A gush down with JD
Softens everything up
All is well in the world again

Its been such a difficult battle
Absolutely clueless which direction you will go
So manipulated and evil you are
How can I ever read you?

Truth is,
I must learn, not to read you,
But flow with you, dance with you
To be one, to be harmony

I need to stop playing GOD,
Stop trying to read or predict,

START to be human,
START to be water,
START To Flow
START to Dance

She kicked me hard in the nuts,
She squeeze me hard
All she wants is a dance.

I will stop being smart,
Clear my mind of all *******,
And just, simply, dance,
Wait for her cue,
Don't be impatient,

Just flow, Just dance.

In the game of profit and loss
It is very painful to take the latter
Especially once im consistently profitable
Much harder, is to swallow the bitter pill
And much much harder, is to let the money go into someones else pocket
Such is the game I play
Of bitter and sweet
Of risk and reward
Painful is the game I play
Of profit and loss
Of up and down

Lessons are learnt,
2 in this loss
1) never entirely trust self, for my cap is not enough to tank like the banks
2) cut it at BE, when chance arises ! I had 2 !

Now, the bloodshed continues, where will it go, i dont know
I am in pain,
I am in the red
I am in a drawdown,
That I let myself in

ONLY I CAN LET MYSELF FAIL;
LEARN LEARN LEARN
Today bitterness tomorrow sweetness.

Keep what we want,
Discard what we don't,
Sometimes it is easy,
Other times it is hard,
When time goes,
And the river flows,
All things find their place.

And I sincerely hope,
You will too,
Meanwhile,
Keep smiling ok? :)

Or is it not?
I cant put a finger to that
Neither can I place my finger to this
Heck, I cant do that anywhere !

They say karma is a *****
So, to do
Or not to do?

Is it worth,
Or is it not?

Should I
Or should I not

Heck, what should I do ?!?!

I have never felt so much anger flowing through my veins for a very long time.
You make my blood boil and my heart thump as if we are at war.
You ******* piece of dirt swine, I have never even wish to have a war with.
I can't bear to be angry, and raise my voice or thump my chest.
But you make me so mad I could break bricks and doors just to satisfy my anger.
You ******* piece of trash, you make me so angry till my hand tremble and vein twitch violently
You ******* *******, you make me irrational and angry beyond measure.
*******

While we lay in bed
Your arms in mine..

Our eyes softly gazing into each other
Our lips met with a gentle touch
Then, they part... to invite the warm swirls of our tongues
Gentle kisses, Gentle tongue fights

My hands, caressing your soft skin
They seem to run .. in search of something
Slowly, our clothes peel off
And skin on skin, we kiss on

Your legs part,
I move in
I got hard,
You got wet

It was painful at first
When I first penetrated your fortress
When I tear down your walls
But,
Rocking and moving
It turn into immense pleasure
With a final ****** of love,
I ******* into you
Warm, and wet...

Our eyes met again, and gaze soften
We bask in each others scent,
Cuddling under the warm blanket sheets
Sealed with a kiss, on the lips and your forehead
Your arms in mine..

We made love under the moonlight

Come on

Be inspired
Be the person you want to be
Be the bee
That smiles in glee

Till then,
Be the bee
That work harder then you have ever been

Come on!

Word
Together with Tone
You could take the throne
So much power that
You could cast my mind in stone
Leaving me to rot
Till nothing but bone

So, be kind okay?

That day, you let Greed get in your mind
That day, you let Expectations get in your mind

You know you can not trade like that
You know you will get destroyed
Have you forgotten what happen?

Cultivate,
Remove it
Overcome it
Beat it
Erase it
Delete it
BANISH it
**** it

Do not let it happen again

Mornings,
Coffee
Kisses
Fuzzy
Toothpaste
Buzzing
ALARM
Yawny
Smil­es.
:)

Morning,
I love you so
For all the life
That is breathe into me, when I wake up
For all the cool breeze at 4am
That seems to send a refreshing chill to my spine
For all the calmness you bring
That seems so peaceful before all the madness wakes up
For all the time spent
Till my alarm clock fails to wake me up

See you soon,
You beautiful.

Tomorrow, and for all tomorrow that follows;
Today, and for all today that follows;

May I be without fear
May I be without greed
May I flow with the charts
May I be one with the charts
May I Dance

Tomorrow, and for all tomorrow that follows;
Today, and for all today that follows;

Let me make no mistakes
Let me define my battleground
Let me be situational aware
Let me be free
Let me have utmost discipline
Let me have trades I can be proud of
Let me have strength, speed & clarity
Let me have no biased
Let me trust myself, no matter what
Let me be smart and wise
Let me flow and be one with the charts
Let me be the best I can be
Let me be, enlightened
Let me, Dance

I can, if I want hard enough

Please.
Remember this day, 13/02/15
Make the difference, that you always dream of
It starts here.

I beg to,

Remove my fear
Remove my greed
Take them
They are useless
Take them
They are worthless
I don't need them, you can have them back

Such shackles on my feet
They shall weight me down no more

Today,
I will learn to walk without them
For,
I need to be free
I need to be clear without emotions.

Oh hello Poetry dot com
You bring joy to my words
Clarity to my mind
You bring peace to my soul
Calmness to my heart
An avenue to release

Earlier in the day,
As am the log
Stuck in the mud
Still broken and torn
Still beaten and shaken

But I feel
The grey clouds lessen
The rain lightens
So, Sun, COME ON, SHINE THROUGH will you ?!

Give me light
Grant me LIFE
**** this ****, AND GET THE **** UP WILL YOU ?!

I am.

A boy that dreamt of conquering the world,
Not with bloodshed and tears,
But with love and compassion,
For a world to be free, at peace, no proverty and illness
For a world, filled with love, compassion, hope and will
For a world, to be beautiful beyond measure
For a world, where the sun shines and rain dance gracefully

Please,
May I find strength,
To pick myself up
To find strength
To find valiant
To find light
To find me
Again.

Time is tinkering on the clock,
Time is running away
Time waits for none
Time is never kind
Time is change

I need to change
I need to be valiant
I need to get up
I need to fight
I need to correct
I need to  dream again
I need to believe, in myself

To learn and forget the mistakes
To move on
To carry on

Till my last breathe,
I shall NOT GIVE UP!

Gazing at the night sky miles away
I see a zillion diamonds looking back at me


My mind seems to b drifting away
Just like my worries
All falling apart

The night sky seems to be telling me a thing
What is it?
Not to worry perhaps

That seems to lighten some weight off my shoulders
what a relieve what a relieve

Is it a blessing from god or something special
What a miracle
Just like the night sky, so special

As reality starts to kick back
I sit and ponder whats going on
Why is our world fill with greed sadness and violence
What can we do ?

Is it our destiny
Hopefully not


If only our world is like the night sky
So special, so magical...

I think and I thought
I weep in my dear thoughts
What have I done
What could have been
I lay in regrets on a single mistake

It was a day like any other
Coffee in the morning
Feeling the warmth of the sun, in my face

I was in battle for days
A battle of currencies
A battle of endurance
A battle in which, I am getting drained
My mind is tired
My body is weaken
My thoughts are in disarray

With a click of a mouse
I have lost it all
With that click of a mouse
I have fallen down
With that click of a mouse
I felt a slash in my heart
That hurts like nothing I ever knew
With that click of a mouse...
I have became nothing but a rotting log

As they say,
When it rain, it pours
Today, hard as I tried to stand again
I never could
The clouds thunder
The lighting strikes
I have became nothing but a rotting log, soaked in mud

The skies are grey
The end is not in sight
The pain is beyond my threshold
The pain is killing me slowly
I feel suffocated
Suffocated with failures
Months of success, undone by a single click

I can only hope, I can get up again
I can only hope, the sun rises
I can only hope, I can only hope