Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Raquel Butler Jan 2017
And who the hell was I?
I was a soft girl in armor sheets
hoping to be the one you'd seek.
I was gently crafted tea
just the right amount of bitter
- and sweet.
I was all dreams and no reality
my mind in constant flow
my life an artful mess
I suppose,
I was too much dreamy
and not enough girl
I was too much guarded
and not enough frail.
But,
I am enough now.
I am enough for me,
My mistake,
-and now I see
how I fell for all of you,
and you fell
for **half of me.
wooooooah. I think I'm finally over it.
Raquel Butler Dec 2016
And maybe it was supposed to end like this.
Maybe right when I figured out what I was feeling you were supposed to move on.
Maybe
- it doesnt hurt any less.
You claim to need me,
but lately I feel us drifting.
You claim to care,
but you dont even see me breaking.
Im holding everyone together,
stitching up everyones wounds.
Im trying to glue you all up,
patch up every hole smooth.
Im trying to keep everyone
-from falling to pieces.
But me?
Im already shattered on the floor.
Nobody notices,
Im losing myself in all your tears.
Im losing myself in everyones fears.
Maybe you will see it,
the way my eyes glisten,
the way my body trembles.
Maybe you'll notice the black holes
in place of my eyes,
lack of sleep,
death.
I hope so,
I hope somebody see's.
I hope somebody cares enough to mend me up.
For now I just keep losing myself,
in everyone else.
12/15/16 @ 3:30 am.
  Dec 2016 Raquel Butler
HerrAichach
Breaking out with my faults
I can't handle becoming an adult,
My scars are open
My life is determined by someone else' pen

There is no recovery from suicide
There is no place to hide.
I know that I've lived and fought
But what happens when you're a neet who takes bottles in one draught

When you give yourself less but everyone else so much more
Man life ***** when you're poor,
I hate the meds because it makes me feel weak, reliant and unhappy
Shoutout to Dappy.

I almost met my fate yesterday, oh what a feeling of ecstasy.
It almost seemed like a fantasy,
It isn't about the lie, it is how the truth is denied
It isn't about life, it is how you've lived with a knife.
Make comments if you can relate or just wish to comment.
Raquel Butler Dec 2016
#1
He tells me:
" ***** yourself with a needle,
   it will have the same effect"


As if I am trying to harm myself.
He does not understand
this does not hurt me,
at least not physically.

It has become a joke now
  - but I'm not laughing.
It isnt funny,
it isnt a joke.
His ignorance sears into me,
he thinks I have forgotten
I have not.
this is a poem about a comment someone made about my trichotillomania.
Raquel Butler Nov 2016
you hold yourself in this sort of trance,
eyes expressive but body no stance,
a fascinating event to see:
how your mind wanders valleys
but your body never leaves.
lol
Raquel Butler Oct 2016
Amid such choruses of desire there she spun,
dressed in tulle long hair undone.
She waltzed and twisted upon the crowd,
what an effortless aura that she endowed.
And when she came to pause before you,
her copper eyes oh how they stunned you.
And in the final moments of thy ball,
She danced away through the parties throng.
Raquel Butler Sep 2016
Unbeknownst to me,
I was conditioned with unease.
Unbeknownst to me,
the lies could encapsulate everything.
Unbeknownst to me,
the unrest would result in unease.
Unbeknownst to me,
this caused me to expect the worst in the best of things.
Im flipping through my old creative writing journal searching for stuff to finish and I found this gem, written on 2/16/16. I tweaked it a bit :-)
Next page