I shouldve known
to better leave the gaps
between my fingers just gaps.
To not fill the space between my lips
when it's slightly parted.
To not fill my nose with your scent.
To not fill my mind with thoughts of you.
To not fill the emptiness
with something in your form.
Because whole things,
complete pieces ,
only know how to break.

when the sun
kisses the sea orange,
my father comes home with sawdust
caked underneath his nails.
i remember how my mother
brushes them clean
until the water becomes yellowish,
like the sun.
That night, we will tuck ourselves in.
But i'll still be left at dusks.
wishing for that very same one,
where their worries would recede,
like the orange.
Where they will not have to think
about tomorrow
too much.

in storybook endings ,
the princesses
found their princes.
The valiant heroes
chases away all the dragons.
The lost would find
their way home.
And people would find
what they've lost.
But then, whatever happened
to those who fell in love
with the dragons instead?
The damsels,
who became too comfortable
with their own distress?

in one of my dreams,
I was a witch.
burning .
at the stakes.
prodded by pitchforks.
stabbed with daggers
behind my back.
the talking was loud.
their hateful eyes were louder.
then i woke up
realizing the thin line
between dreams
and consciousness.
it almost made no difference.
ive seen those eyes somewhere.
of those who want to
burn me at the stakes ;
stab me with daggers
behind my back.
always been wanting to
watch
me
fall.
darling, I am a witch
you could not burn.

my hands are full
and my fingers are breaking
for counting my sins
and all of my flaws.
so i apologize
if couldnt hold myself together.

I should stop this fruitless job
‎of keeping obsolete little things
‎that never did
‎anything good for me.
‎Maybe i should start
‎by unfolding old unsent letters
‎bare from the enthusiasm i used to
‎envelope them in.
‎Then, i'll throw away pretty glass bottles,
emptied by their contents
‎of sweet perfumes and wild dreams.
‎Pick up plastic beads ,
‎loose from the strings tied
by friendships
‎i used to wrap around my wrists.
‎I should discard useless trinkets,
‎cute nothings and dead mementos.
‎Declutter and make room-
‎for other things ,
‎like self-appreciation,
‎growth,love
  and
‎maybe a pen
‎ or two.

there are days
i only feel like a burden.
someone who fills backseats
so that someone could be at the front.
and the weight of my own bones
are too heavy for a family name to carry.
heavy enough to crush a sorry girl.
my breaths are sometimes apologies
people refuse to hear.
im sorry if i am this way.
i wish i could be something more.