you're a rose
with many thorns
your heart torn & forlorn
awaits soft hands
to strip you of your ache
tend to your wounds
love you

I am glass
my love for you transparent
ill be your vase
your place of rest
hold you safe
in my fragile heart
just promise not to break me

your soul
a purple field
of dreams
softspoken
dewy flowers
outpouring love
its covering
uprooting weariness
uplifting the spirit

black widow spider
love's end was slow and painful
and uninvited

insatiable desire
for more than just
bits and pieces,
i want all of you,
to savor your tenderest parts,
to devour your heart
and soul;
satisfaction.

the world is quiet
but for the whisper of rain
the bray of my heart

rose petals falling
all around me lies the love
we once called home

cloudbursts of beauty
you nourish me with your love
blooming daffodils

2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."

In the gleam
of the morning sunrise
i saw the blooming
of the seed of faith;
strength to live
another day,
peace to let go
of yesterday,
grace
for the journey ahead.

I am blessed
going in and going out;
wherever I go
I carry the beauty-mark of success
eternal happiness
because I believe
I am blessed
because you love me
I am alive
because you touched me

And eventhough
it may not be an easy road
i recognize
that you are here with me,
there to guide my eyes to see,
hold my hand and lead me
through treacherous trail of every trial
until I get to promised land
of milk and honey.

I am blessed

like nature's beauty
nourishing and fulfilling
spritually sound
the fibers of your being
breathe into me love and peace

i walk in the rain
to purge my anxieties
rediscover peace

standing there
by a broken tree
torn to pieces
with a toothy grin screaming
"Im. Still. Breathing."

i am fireflies
i carry luminous light
shine in dark places
i am a travel guide for
the ones who have lost their way

a tree in winter
the absence of something
i once held onto

Clouds
fall down,
swallowed
snowflakes,
melting inside
the mouth
of the mountain.
I am lost
in the abyss
of the hole
you left me with.
heart-broken.

speechless
as you read to me
I watch your lips move
but find myself
hearing only the thought
of kissing your pretty mouth
speechless

back against the wall
again feeling so very small
falling down hard
like raindrops often do
in the fierce ferocious storm

unending nerve cells
swell with pain
a well of screams
all screaming the same thing
"i am tired, so very tired"

sometimes
i want to give up so badly
i feel my heart
close in on itself
stop beating in its tracks

then beat again...
as i pick myself up again
knowing this is not the end
only the beginning
of brighter days ahead

the light grows
ever closer in the distance
where once
there was an end
i see the hope of new beginnings

Falling
in the dark night,
the rain;
soft tears of beauty,
moonlight drips
from the eye of sky
down the cheek of the abandoned city.

The flecks of light
spark  wildfire,
from its whisper,
the sounding of one's desires
reveal in the quiet
the path to finding
one's self again.

After being lost
for so long
it is riveting,
the feeling of being at home
in your own skin;
as earth shattering
as the birds playing their violins,
welcoming the morning sunrise.

It is a pleasure to be alive.

melancholy eyes
i am drawn to their soft cry
my own reflection
existing inside of you
a pain that i recognize

grey on top of grey
everything black and white
some days it feels like
i've woken up on the
wrong side of the sky

silver horizon
i will reach the pentacle
of the mountain
hold the moon in my hands
accomplish all of my dreams

graveyard shift
the night is paved in darkness
all the things i miss
i want them back, especially
the heart you stole from me

walking on air is
as easy as breathing it
when Im with you the
stars are not so far away
I dream in endless color

i liked it better
when love was a lovely rose
not a prickly thorn
when you carried soft eyes for me
and not a heart of stone

The light is dim.
The wings of a crow
beat the clouds thin
into wisps of fog.
In the residue of silence
I try to think of ways
to make you see me,
only to realize
how naive i am.
There is no forcing sight.
The eyes either see
or they don't.
One in love
and the other not;
the blind cant lead the blind.
One must let go.
I must let go.

Here lies a scar
a short cut to a shortcut
on the journey home
to the heart
I almost died trying to
find a way out of myself
to release my own demons
free the inside of me
in the split second
of a split vein
the moment i almost lost
all of my moments
the breath of life
i realized its importance
there is no easy way out
you will hurt the ones you love
when you are here now
then suddenly gone tomorrow
there is no easy way in
there will always be trauma
that aches beneath the skin
things you want to escape from
escape into
life is full of paradoxes
you want to live
but self sabbatoge your life
though the same God
who created the stars
created you
you feel yourself undeserving
to be among the living
Yet you are here
In almost giving it away
I learned life is a gift
i must not squander it
eventhough I feel squandered by it at times
that I am wasting my time
These ill feelings pass
and ill get past my past
and the future will at last
be the last thing I grasp
my last will and testament
that I faced the present
my sadness, my fears, my anxieties
deep depression
fought them all tooth and nail
raised hell
to be comfortable in my shell
accept myself
And I outlasted it
won the battle
Lived
Survived
Thrived.
I am here.

I walk in the winter rain
and feel its breath
stunt the growth
of long buried seed,
the cancerous disease
of depression & anxiety;
revive the root
of dry-bone soul.

"Out of dark matter the light will form; every trial has an expiration date."

Unbearable dark,
the kind that's pitch black;
inescapable.*
Fierce and formidable chaos
consumes everything.

On nights like these
I long for a piece of light,
peace of mind,
a sliver of moonlight
to gleam in the gloom;
an ending to long suffering.

To find shelter
in the open arms of hope,
uplift my soul,
I will cast my burdens
like stones into the riverside,
watch them sink out of sight.

Feast my weary eyes
on the bulb of fireflies,
let my mind break free
of impossibility,
explore the astral plane of dreams;
far from view
of obscene reality,
safe and secure,
knowing this too shall pass.

I will escape the empty glass,
elude the shadows overcast;
outgrow the dead grass.
No longer outcast
I will Breathe
and bloom again at last.
Outlast, the storm.

blistering cold night
vulturous clouds overshadow
the mountain flesh
hopelessly wanders into
grey mouth of melancholy

the lonely mountain
peaks the curiosity
of wandering skies
the long fingers of the sun
examining its landscape

whirring wind and rain
the sound of a heart beating
melancholy chords
inescapable longing
to find to whom it belongs

Pale.
The day you left
my heart became deathly ill.

Waning moon.
All light retreated with you.

Shadows.*
Im a fraction of self;
incomplete.

i asked the wind if
it would be your surrogate
carry your burdens
the things that depress your soul
too heavy to bear alone

fortress of solitude
an exchanging of chaos
for peace of mind

a pincushion heart
thorns in exchange for a rose
unrequited love

i want to wear earth
grow into a softer skin
be one with my soul

there are storms raging
in the quiet of my eyes
wind is gathering
the pause before the rain falls
a solemn prayer to find peace

I am origami
touch my heart
and I will unfold
for you
Peel back
all the layers
and you will see
my soul
how deep an ocean
I am
how far Ive swam
to lose myself
to find myself
to breathe again

her cotton mouth heart
parched and dry as the desert
thirsting to be loved

"when I think of you
my body is still here
but my Spirit floats..."

Your love makes this dead heart beat again. Words can't express how grateful I am. You don't know how long its been. Since Ive felt less like a zombie and more human. Less like a plastic smile. More transparent. I can put the rifle down and unlock the door, be less guarded, less insecure. I don't have to wear a mask or filter; only be a self portrait; a reflection of myself. You see me for me. More transparent. Less concrete and more soul. Even if I am but skeleton branches barely clothed in leaves; you accept me for me. Scars and all my faults. My empty apologies, past regrets. My nightmares. But most importantly all my dreams. My transparency. The bareroots of my tree. For that I will always love you, always in the way you love me; completely.

Split the vein of heart
let all your beautiful colors spill
bleed your love
all over me...
blank canvas of clouds
bare your soul to me
paint my black and blue
pure and new

I will bloom for you
as only the soul touched
by light and beauty can

orange and pink and auburn
like flowers and autumn leaves and sunrise
every sunset
I will spend my moments
with you
in your garden
smelling your roses
daydreaming
in the morning of your eyes
in the night of your dreams
flying like stars
dancing like the wind
sturdy as a mountain

Ill wait for you
underneath a blanket of darkness
pale as the whitewashed moon
flask half empty
waiting to be filled
to drink you in
get drunk on you
be the one
your lips make love to
the lungs your breath settles into
the flesh you crawl beneath
to slumber in peace
the heart you escape into
whenever you are on the run from the world
your place of solitude and quiet
your shelter

*Chose me
and I promise to be
an ending
to all your unhappy endings
your happily ever after
your here and now
and thereafter in the hereafter
forever and always

Alone
Always alone
Please
Somebody
Find me
A home
I want to belong
to someone
other than myself
to be the lover
of another
and be loved in return

I am tired
of abandonment issues
the exit wounds
being torn through
left bereft
with holes
and scars
shallow breaths
and worn out beats
a broken heart

For once
I just want to be held
and not put down
not let go
but treasured
kept
swept
off my feet
cherished

All my friends
seem to have come and gone
I feel so alone
Lonely
Always second
a hand-me down
Never first
an afterthought
sought after
only out of convience

It hurts
worse each time
I break open
to let someone in
only to be shut out
by them in the end
Again and again
the third wheel
spinning tirelessly
circling the drain
swallowing pain

When will they notice
that I am shambles
bleeding from the inside out
internal wounds
Hemorrhaging
from all the cuts
the back stabbing
Is it really that hard
to love me
to see me
accept me
for who I am?

I know Im quiet (introverted)
and awkward at times
high on anxiety
lowered to depression
but funny too
sweet and kind
intelligent mind
heart more courageous than a lion
loving fiercely mankind
Yet everyone leaves me
in the back of the car
like a crying baby
forgotten in her booster seat
in Summer heat
dying from neglect

Alone
Always alone
Please
Somebody
find me
A home
I want to belong
to someone
other than myself
to be the lover
of another
and be loved in return

One day
I wont have to try
so hard to be relevant
cared for/about
by the very people
I've come to adore
beg for attention and time
In time
I will find my tribe
kick off my shoes and relax in my socks
by the fire place of warmth
my soul embraced and loved

No longer the one calling out
to hear only a dial tone
or answering machine
receive no response
No longer will I walk
as the wind
nor be the waning moon
an empty shadow
silent company
of leaves and trees
hollow
A bystander
A dead end
or one way street
the ghost unseen
someone who no longer exists
in their world

One day
Ill finally find myself
at home
right where I belong

Russian roulette
one black gun
& a silver bullet
shooting star within the darkness
I bled a wish for love
(for you)

dulcet whispers
breaths of tiny lights
the flicker of hope
a candle encased
in the softest shell

breaks

the rain falling gently
too fragile to touch
fine china
collecting dust

my heart remains hidden
within a cabinet of dreams
awaits my prince
to be awakened
by tender kiss of love

Everything
fades to black
the loneliness
a cruel darkness
and I yearn for light
the candle of your eyes
warmth of your soul

a want
that grew into a need
to be something more
than a seed
or the root

but the center piece
the core
the rose
that blossoms in between
the depths of your soul

a written palm
within your heart
the love that makes you whole

I am reaching
a raven's call
within the darkness
through fog's folly
(smoke and mirrors)
of blurred clarity

to penetrate
the surface details
of your skin

I want to touch
the inner parts of you
to know the love
that lies within

to hold on
to the hand of your heart
and never let go
to submerge
in the deepest part of your river
and drown
in that soft thing
that reaches beyond flesh
beyond bone
an entering into the soul
to rest within the heart
that soft thing called love...

Your hands
a flawless perfection
always reaching
in that tender way
to hold and keep safe
my fragile heart

You are
the poem unwritten
my eternal dream
a wordless poetry of
infinite love

and even
with only half a heart
I know no other way
but to love you
utterly and completely

So take my hand
we have nothing left to lose
except the pain
for love waits
to fill the empty space
the cracks (our broken hearts)
mold us into something beautiful
makes us whole