its funny how
a decade is 10 years,
a century is 100 years
but
'forever is 2 months'

i apologise for any toxic energy i have given you.

im learning to be a better me,
im maturing,
correcting my wrongs.

i can only learn and move on.

im sorry for the ****** ive done...
im only human

wow. im lost again.
its a ****** feeling. because idk what to feel.
but thats ok.

i need these times to constantly be changing.
i just need to embrace it.
maybe its my soul needing a rest until its ready.

maybe my brain is just trying to function while my soul finds it's way back to me.

it will come back soon but for now i am lost and thats ok.

i'm not in love. and it *****.
once you have it, it's so hard to have no feeling.

it's an addictive feeling and i want it so bad.
but i am afraid to let myself again.
is it worth it?
that feeling for a week followed by 6 months of pain?
honesty yes.

it is the best feeling in the world and i just have to wait for a while,
till love feels it's the right time.

the little gaps between words or the letters between gaps.
they allow for thought, time, breath.

why not live a simpler life?
take all the gaps out of titles and make it one word that means so much more.

taking that gap out gives me the control.
the control to decide what you love, live, believe.

it's one breath im taking back from god. one thing i am gaining back.

a stand against freedom, literature, language.

dial the number...

you need to stop living in the past and move on.
all those worries. all that pain.
i know your thinking of someone or something.
take it and put it in the past.

pick someone today.
forgive them.
forgive them for every pain they have caused you, send them love and kindness.
hopefully it will be a chain affect.

spread the love

dear past pains,

i wish you well. i hope your happy and healthy.
to my ex, i hope you are good.
old friends that will always hold a piece of my heart - i hope your cheery.
people that have done me ***** - don't worry - i know we have both learnt from it.
anyone i have hurt, i deeply apologize.

forgiveness is important.
you deserve it just as much as me.
forgive someone today.
spread the love.

i'm content and happy - i don't need him

disclaimer:
it doesn't mean i don't miss you.
your all i think about, all i dream about.
when your ready, i will allow you back.
i might not need you, but doesn't mean i don't want you.



time will heal all

disclaimer:
a **** ton
but don't worry it will happen

it will forever be our day.

we might drift,
we might not talk,
we might not be friends.

but it will forever be our special day.
i will think of you on that day,
and forever thank the stars that they led me to you.

i am forever thankful for you.
every part.

you are my forever.

i may be lost

but doesn’t mean the milky way can’t guide me back to you

i looked up at the stars that night,
and knew they would one day align for
us.

i tried to understand us not together,
harder than you the first time we spent the night together.

i just have to believe you need time and give you that
to see if i fit in your life.

'don't worry girl, you guys will make up, your
endgame'

you lay land mines on my safe space;
i try to retreat but they are too powerful.

your 'i love yous' hurt more than a rifle because
in the end
they mean nothing more than your promises.
both are broken and killing me piece by piece.

today,
i dodged one of your emotional land mines.
i am free, i am strong, i am me.

and you can't hurt me anymore.

ouch. that hurt.
we were in love.

you owned my body and i owned yours.
we knew every single thing about eachother.
i was your everything.

our pact meant the world.
the world meant out pact.

when you stopped loving me;
wait when was that again?
(something i will never know)

that day i became,
someone that walked past you in the hall,
someone who had to say sorry when they bumped you,
someone who had to walk out of a room when you walked in,
someone who didn't talk to you again,
someone who meant nothing.

i became a stranger.

i didn't recognize love at first,
he can in the shape of feminine, talkative yr 7 boy,
being yr 8 i wasn't particularly looking for love;  
tbh i was shying away.

he hid for a while; i kept denying his presence.
but love came, love was my best friend,

till one day.
may 1st.

love took me down a bush trail,
i cried my eyes out to love for hours,
told love i couldn't live without him.
love embodied a now yr 9 - cutest theatre kid.

love stuck by me for months,
love even stuck by me when i dated other guys.
love stopped me from many things; love kept me sane.

but love got tough.
i got demanding of love and love had enough.
i battled with love for a couple of months.
love made me cry myself to sleep many nights.

love left me.
he probably felt it wasn't the time.
he left me, drifting slowly and then all at once.

i was left without him but he promised to come back; i believe him.
who knows when i will see love next,
why, where, how.

maybe in a 18 yr smoker, with black nails.
maybe in a 23 yr uni student that vomits all over me.
maybe in 30 yr artist in the middle of times square.

sometimes he is obvious, sometimes in disguise
but i trust he will come when i am ready.

love's gone
but for now i have one message for love,

thank you for coming

ay me.
lady, lie down and cover thyself in fruits.
thou art as beautiful as thou art can kiss.

take all thyself, but don't mistreat my body.
lick thy fruits i have gifted you.
use thy pistol to make me surrender.

legs and arms spread, all touching thy ground.
kiss my neck and make thou way down.

her faced oozed frangelico;
a sweet reminder that she was top shelf.

you striped her skirt to the floor,
eyeing her chastity belt made of condoms.
unbeknownst to her father, you stole the key.

his shotgun alarmed you but not enough to stop.
the laws about minors stumped you but not enough to stop.

unlocking my belt, she prays.
on her knees.
mouth open.

she carefully places the cross that looms over her bed in the bin.
marriage can wait, this can't.
you realize in the morning God wasn't with you.
but the hole in your ****** was.