Sometimes-

I wish I had never
Known romantic love.
I have been chasing a high
No substance can fulfill
Ever since.

How scary it is-
To realize
None of this is truly mine.
Not these things,
Not this life.

Time is my master,
She owns it all.
I cannot keep any of it.

He fell in love
With the brightest star
In the sky.
The way she glowed
Just for him-
A celestial deity
Shining down on him
As he worshipped at her altar.

She loved him too,
This human.
He made her laugh
With the things he would say.
He made her feel worthy
With the way he worshipped her,
But
The human man was broken.

The brightest star in the sky
Watched the human man
Walk in the shadow of his past trauma-
A constant onyx cloud
Hanging over his head.
The man was beautiful.
The man was so loving.
The man was broken.  

Night by night,
The celestial deity provided light
To the man she loved
Chasing away each shadow as it came.
The light leaving her,
She became dimmer on each night-
Giving pieces of herself
To save the human man from the darkness.

One summer night,
The celestial deity
Looked down upon the man
Who in turn was looking up at the stars.
He was glowing.
The brightest human on earth-
But he did not smile.
He did not show love to his star.  

"Why do you not shine for me?"
He asked.
"I loved you for your beauty,
But now I can barely see you."
The star made an attempt
To respond with a flicker of light,
But it was gone.
She had given it all to him.

When she saw her love
The next night,
He was gazing with a look of awe
Out towards the Eastern sky,
And she watched with despair as
He fell in love
With the brightest star
In the sky.

In the silence,
I find every broken piece of myself
Their sharp edges cut me until I bleed
Forcing me to drop them to the floor-
The pain too much to bear.
Perhaps it is not worth it
To repair the shattered remains of my past.
The pieces on the floor
Taunt me to try again.

The silence here is deafening,
And still I do not whisper for aid.

She gracefully walked into the ocean
Her dress flowing behind her
Welcoming the waves,
It seemed,
As an old friend.
She looked to the horizon-
Smiling,
As she dipped below the surface.

When she disappeared,
Some questioned whether she had drowned,
But no,
The Selkie had simply
Returned to her home
In the depths of the sea.

Tonight I am 26
At a concert
Standing so close to the girl in front of me
I can smell her perfume
And coconut shampoo-
I am swaying with the crowd
And the person next to me
Has an expression of pure joy across her face
Vibrant lights race across the room
Revealing hundreds of people
Who are feeling what I am feeling.
We throw our hands in the air
And allow ourselves to escape reality
For just one night.

Tonight-
I am alive.
We are alive.

I wore a life vest this time,
But I still feel my monsters
Trying to drag me below the surface-
Trying to drown me.
I am in a constant battle
For my life.

She used the fall and winter
To **** off
Any unnecessary leaves
So that when spring came,
She could bloom again.

The best nights of my life
Have been on cold, bleak nights-
My breath a cloud of smoke
And my face numb.
The nights when the stars and moon
Would look down upon me
As I laughed and danced for them.
I could never feel my body,
But my soul was alive.
On those nights,
I never felt alone-
Wrapped around a lover
Or laughing with a friend.
The sounds of silence never unnerving-
Because how could it truly be silent
When the stars wove such beautiful tales?

I broke my own heart
Trying to be enough for you
And always falling short.

I used to believe
A heart broke quickly.
A strayed lover,
A punch to the gut,
A truth revealed-

But it is not like that really.

A heart breaks slowly.
It bruises and strains
With each added hurt
With every small fight.
Little fractures begin to form
With every feeling of being unwanted
And every time he makes you cry.
Pieces begin to fall away
When he stops coming home
And starts sleeping on the couch.
The pieces get larger
When he stops touching you
And his actions no longer match his words.

When he breaks his promise
Of forever with you-
You realize you feel an emptiness inside.
A heart broken gradually
Until nothing is left behind.
Your only hope-
Is that maybe a small piece still remains
That you can rebuild from.

And you vow-
To protect it better next time.

There is a dark shadow
In the corner of my room.
I did not notice it at first,
But I think it has been there for months-
Growing-
And growing-
And snuffing out the light.

I only realize its presence now-
As half of the room
Is shrouded in darkness.

It has become hard to see.

Depression is like
Being on a sinking ship.
You see another boat
Out on the horizon,
But you are not sure
It will make it in time
To save you.

I lose
Bits and pieces
Of myself
Every night.

I only realize
Now-
When so much
Is already gone.

Sometimes-
I feel too much.

Sometimes-
I feel nothing at all.

I have seen suns set
All over the world
And each time
I feel more alive
Than the last.

You are etched on my bones
Ingrained in my soul
Locked in my mind
Still residing in my heart-
I cannot wash you
From my skin.

When will I be free of you?
Do I want to be?

I did not expect-
To mourn you.

It feels like you died.
Maybe you did.

Maybe I'm sad
Because I thought-
I was worth more
Than
You treated me.

Maybe one day
I won't
Go back for more.

If I'm not numb-
Do I go back for more?

They ask me
Why I can't sleep.
Why?

Because I am a witch-
Wandering the night
Worshipping the moon and stars
Connecting with nature
And collecting my herbs.

Have you ever danced
By yourself
Under a moonlit sky?
Completely out of your mind-
But the wind and birds and bugs
Create a background song
To life.
The grass under your feet
Makes you feel
Complete with nature.
And you dance-
You dance for the trees-
The stars-
Nature-
And for yourself.

It truly is an experience.

You were the one
That taught me to
Love myself.

You were also the one
Who made me feel
Like I wasn't enough.

No matter how much love
I put into it-
It still fell apart
In my hands.
Nothing but ashes now.
Is it wishful thinking-
To hope for a phoenix?

He said,
"It's not you, it's me."
And I agreed.

I keep the deadbolt unlocked
Just in case you come home.

You don't.

I cannot tell if
I am being brave
Or if I'm a coward
By choosing to stay.

How long before
Even the strongest soldier falls
In this war-
How long?

She looked everywhere-
For passion,
For whatever meaning to life-
Happiness.

And yet,
She lost who she was
In the journey
Of finding herself.

Have a little faith
A little bit of strength
And before I know it-
I might be able to escape.

The faith doesn't come easy
And the weakness fights against me
But I rage against my shackles
And suddenly, I am free.

The metal chains clanking loudly
From her cage-
Where she has been imprisoned
In the darkness
All these years

She is trying to break free.

To be a poet is more than-
Fancy words,
Alliteration,
Onomatopoeia,
Stanzas and rhythms,
Or even an excellent metaphor.

I believe a true poet-
Is honest.

How do you know when the journey is over?
When to say goodbye,
When to move on?
The complicated emotions I feel
Do not give me a clear answer.
Perhaps-
The journey doesn't have to end?
If only.
If only.

I am unsure of where to go.

I was always told
That life would show me the way,
And Frost told me-
To take the road less traveled.
But the roads do not seem clear to me.
Where do I go?
What do I do?
How do I find my way?

My words,
Like a whisper,
The world drowning them with noise.
Written on paper instead-
Where they may live forever.

You took something from me-
I'm not sure what.

I've been frantically searching,
But I don't know what I'm looking for.

Something about me is missing,
And it's taken away my smile.

You took something from me-
And I'd like it back, please.

I am disappearing.
The bingeing of alcohol and food-
The disorders and the late nights.
They are devouring who I am.

How to cope
With this devastating revelation-
When everything I want to do
Will eventually **** me?

I allow myself to be a sinking stone-
Settling in the bottom of the sea,
Encompassed in darkness.

I wait for a tide
To bring me to shore-
But it never comes.

In the search of something more-
Several doors I closed
Only to be left
Locked in a room on my own accord
All entrances blocked
Telling myself I will escape one day
Except I do not accept reality-
Destined to be isolated from the world.

I never realized
How easy it could be
To lose yourself-

I stopped taking time for myself,
Gave myself to others,
Piece by piece.

Every time I put the puzzle back together,
Another piece was missing.
Or perhaps stolen.

One day I will no longer exist.

The days get longer,
It seems,
With less and less excitement
Life becomes boring.

And the late nights cease,
To wake up for the early sun,
For another long day.
It never really seems to end.

Here I am-
Trapped in a cycle
Of my own unhappiness.
Where I torture myself.

We use our pens and pencils
As a way to fight the injustices of this world-
It is our biggest weapon.

People will read,
They will understand,
But they will not do.

I will write,
Because I understand,
Because it is the only thing I can do.

What else can I do-
When high society plans against us?
Pitting us against each other.

They watch us fight
They watch us suffer.
As they sit upon their thrones.

To my friends-
Please read,
Please write,
Please fight.

We need to count on each other to win this war.

Tell me-
What happens when you cage a wild animal?
Does it forget what it is meant to be?

Does it forget to hunt,
And gather food,
And search for its prey?

Does it forget that it is no longer free,
That it can no longer reach-
Past the glass enclosure?

Does it forget its instincts,
Its defense mechanisms,
How it protects itself?

Does it forget the family it once had,
Its home,
Where safety came easily?

Tell me-
What happens when you cage a living being?
It forgets what it is meant to be.

I needed to write this poem-
It's what I do when I'm lost,
Trapped by my own mind.
I blame others for my prison,
But it is I who locked the door.

I needed to write this poem-
What happened to who I was?
The freedom, the youth.
I am still very young
But they tell me I should grow up.

I needed to write this poem-
Because I saw how happy I was,
Dancing with my toes in the sand.
I've replaced it with a nice, quiet life.
If only my past and present could collide.

I needed to write this poem-
To remind myself not to put blame.
I am happy.
And there are many forms of happiness.
If only I could taste them all.

I needed to write this poem-
Even if no one knows what it's about.
Because that isn't what matters.
I needed to purge my bad thoughts-
Before they get locked away again.

Welcome to my island.
It is my home-
Where I've separated myself
From those I've known.

Be careful not to drown in the waters,
Or get eaten by the sharks-
Better to stay close to the shore,
Like I've done to protect my heart.

You can build me a boat,
But I cannot promise I'll leave-
I've lived here too long,
Lost out here in the sea.

She started off-
As they all do,
Following the path,
As told by her elders.

She was told to find her purpose-
Her place in this world.
She began a journey,
Ready for the adventure.

She discovered the stars,
And danced in the moonlight.
She climbed many mountains,
And came face to face with a god.

She unearthed wonderful elixirs,
That allowed her to converse with many.
She became one with these people,
They helped her understand humanity.

She ran through the streets,
Of many foreign places,
For the adventure,
To meet so many new faces.

She needed to find her purpose,
Her one final stop.
But no one ever told her the truth.
There was no final stop.

She convinced herself the journey was over.
She fell in love with a wonderful man,
And got to work,
She assumed her purpose would come-

Some day.

Her dreams-
Were too loud
And when she was told to be quiet,
She listened.
Now she just sits in silence.

We didn't realize how broken we were
Until they told us to be apart
Alone with only the home we have built.

The hospitals overflowing
Doctors deciding who lives and who dies
Some don't go because they can't afford to

There are those who can't pay rent
And those who can't buy basic necessities
The elderly, immunocompromised, and the poor

Significant others have realized that they love their person,
Or that they simply cannot be in the same room.
Online searches of divorce are rising

There are people who don't listen,
Don't take it too seriously.
Their mistake is killing grandparents.

And yet we still need to make money,
But some have lost their jobs.
And others are making minimum wage to be exposed.

This world is broken,
And the cracks are showing,
In this massive earthquake.

How long will this go on-
Humanity craves social interaction
And we deserve a world that works.

The sun is never afraid to rise,
So why am I?
To shed my skin in a fiery blaze-
Like a phoenix opening her wings.
To become anew.

But the fear is always there.
A fear of future possibilities.
I hide in the dark,
Prowling in the moonlight,
Waiting for the sun to rise by itself.

But I need to become the sun.
I need to rise.
I need to try.
Or I risk living in the darkness forever.