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Louisa Coller Jul 2021
The sunflowers are blooming,
For the first time again.
My mind has raised higher,
Into aspiring false fates.
My heart is warmer,
It fills my eyes with tears.

I've made a million mistakes,
You weren't one of those.
You brought me joy,
Overwhelming support.

Soon it'll be true,
I cannot wait.
To see and touch,
Your face again.
Louisa Coller Aug 2020
SNAP!
It falls apart.

A string of hope?
No, it survived.

A thread of the soul?
Intact, it's muddled up.

A simple heart string?
It feels sore but not gone.

Well,
What was it then?

...
Trust.
Louisa Coller Oct 2018
Sick as hell I check my phone, messaging into school,
I sigh inside and notice the time, deciding to message you.
The pain falls deep in my body, I type to you in glee,
Crushed, squished, I sit up waiting, stuck in a morning daydream.
Sharp stabs and bubbling insides, lead my fragile mind,
despite the feeling, a childish grin came at your reply.

Your golden personality dripping on me, after whimpering a battle cry,
Ballrooms fill with dancing literature, written in the night by a fool.
Words, movements, gentle touches, make my heartstrings unwind,
Music, intimacy, gifts for you, under a sky of blue.
Child-like fantasies feel trapped inside a tub of Neapolitan ice cream,
My confidence felt numb under a heavy lock until I saw your key.

Cheek caresses and dark chocolate eyes are all I want to see,
Our anxieties scare me, but we’ll overcome it like a butterfly.
Despite it all, it feels wonderful, to meet someone who sees esteem,
Blind ourselves, of achievements we hold, to me you are a jewel.
Your impact, care and self dedication is the reason why my smile grew,
Joyful tears, the pain we’ve known, I know we can finally leave behind.

Gazing downwards, I feel at ease, seeing your name signed,
Touching your handwriting, a piece of you, here beyond the sea.
Ambitions are goals made from our souls, we dream of making come true,
if feeling love is what I feel, I want you to prolong this high.
Colours are bright within our lives and I feel like we could rule,
We spoke in harmony, we spoke in warmth, we watch the pouring stream.

Hardships will fall, sometimes we will but I know we are a team,
We push onwards through the force like a blistering wind.
I promise you, I’ll hold on to you, during this whirlpool,
Life is fun with someone and you mean everything to me.
I’ll dream of you thinking of when I’ll see you come by,
The scent of tea over me, over you, awaiting our breakthrough.

Crying, singing and feeling, It’s all I wish to do,
Learning what’s wrong, doing what’s right, mild to extreme.
We cheer, we laugh and hold hands under this moonbeam,
For your attitude of faith, reminded me that day, to never feel resigned.
Carve your name into mine on the bark of a tree,
Celebrate every moment, kiss me in time, the rush of a joule.

I want your days to be as shiny as the lights, glistening near Blackpool,
It amazes me, that this sheltered dream, could become our reality,
You coat me in romance, I will pay back in kind.
This is somewhat based on Sestina structure but broken into some free verse.
Louisa Coller Nov 2022
You think you're keen,
You see my eyes,
My shift in key.

You think you're smooth,
But what if you knew,
My shift was because of your tune.
Louisa Coller Dec 2016
Embarrassed by surrounding,
it's simple as can be.
Happiness just simply isn't meant for me.
While you all cheer in absolute delight,
I'll try to force through another night.
Louisa Coller May 2018
A symphony made for those of wealth,
Left me anxious, aggravated and apart.
When they asked why, we sang.

Left me anxious, aggravated and apart.
Dreams follow us all with ambitions.
When they asked why, we sang.
I wish I could erase the world in between.

For you to be with me.
Louisa Coller Aug 2023
Static filled vision,
Rips my little ears to shreds.
My heart is stuck with cello tape,
Plastic touch to my fingertips.

Your name reminds me of her,
Which reminds me of summer days.

Your actions remind me of pain,
Stuck in my eyes for all days.
Louisa Coller Jun 2022
Mighty and strong to the mind,
I seem so cowardly by your side.

Carelessly restlessly walking on,
Help me through this bitter storm.

Are you real? Or am I fake?
Even with fear, I'm just so afraid.

Let me just state to you,
I really think I might love you.

Thoughts are plastered dream-like,
Hell on earth, a heart on fire.

Irreplaceable suffering of own pleasure,
Not now, not here...
Know that I love you.

I can't control their words,
Love hurts and burns my inners.

Overwhelmed by constant thoughts,
Viciously spun deeper in love.

Eventually you might see,
You're so special to me.
Over time I hope you'll feel,
Undeniably the same I do.
Louisa Coller Dec 2022
The winter cold,
Is when you're expecting to cry,
For me it's a moment of peace.

For this winter cold,
Felt amongst my warm silk coat,
Leaves me with a heart that's pleased.

During a winter cold,
It's a freezing moment left to cease,
It brings me joy and sometimes pleas.

Crunching snow in this cold,
I'm left paralyzed by a cut so clean,
For this winter snow takes me home to a place where I'll soon be praised.
Louisa Coller Aug 2022
It hurts me to know,
How people left you to rot.

But the moment I yearned for you,
Is when they saw you as valuable enough.
Louisa Coller May 2020
Is hurts to see the past,
Being so ugly bitter in the present.
I panic about the future,
Left in a stagnant worry.

I find it hard to vocalise jealousy,
As I feel guilty it being part of me.
But can you really blame me,
Seeing you be loved before me.

I don't look like any of these women,
I appear differently in every way.
I internally panic and worry,
That you want something I'm not.

Why do you keep ahold of the past,
The memories, notes and valentine's.
By holding onto your used-to-bes,
I feel weak to my knees.

I saw it, but I wish I didn't,
Because now my insecurity thrives.
Like a venomous snake poisoning,
These thoughts come back to haunt again.
Louisa Coller Nov 2015
Ever since I was young, I looked down upon myself as someone weak forever,
when I looked upwards I couldn't breathe but I wanted to, I really wanted to.
When I see my soul freeing itself from my own hurtful feelings corrupted by me,
I begin to notice me as something I don't want to be at all.
I am a tortured soul inside a body I don't want to own,
I feel so fragile yet I want to be strong, I wanted to be strong.

Don't go away, please listen to my tale, everybody isn't listening any more.
I walk this broken road, trying to hold onto myself.
I look straight with a high head pretending I know what's best, but real truth is I am too upset.
I can tell you what to do but it doesn't stop me becoming a hypocrite too.
I walk this cold blizzard clutching to myself when no one sees the storm.
I see the bubble drops of water seeping down my body,
feel my physical structure, after all that's the only thing anyone cares about.
I could have the kindest heart, never want to break you, never want to hurt you,
but I have noticed that nobody cares about your emotions, but their own.
I think that our species will deprive because of mankind no longer holding hands in battle,
we only care about the individual spirit in our heads.
But again, I can't lie when I say I'm rather selfish myself, but I try not to be.
There are moments I feel out of my head when I say that we can do more than anyone else can.
But I feel my used body become a vessel for a slowly breaking soul, I don't want to hoard myself inside. I swear I'm a good soul.

The day sin took over my little mind was the day I felt free inside,
when I saw how much power someone could have over others I abused it badly.
But I saw someone raise from the ashes, she wasn't a soul but a tale of past ones,
I saw her fire sweep in forward in front of me releasing my past mistakes.
I know how much someone can feel pain, because I've felt it myself.
I dread to think about the worsened physical pain of the body,
but one can complain about the physical pain but the mental pain stays beside you.
I don't care for what body I own but for the soul that is inside of it.
I don't want it, I don't need it, I don't want to remember pain any more,
I don't want it, I don't need it, I want to forget the painful emotions.
Louisa Coller Jun 2018
I walked into the new room of my home,
the painted trees guided me towards my bed,
I lay down looking up to the ceiling smiling,
the dark walls are painted in white.
A somewhat attempt of an epigram? It may have not been the best, a lot of them do revolve around satire, however I wanted to go with the smart approach and show how the change in a room’s appearance can really help your state.

My room used to be dark. I used to have walls that were essentially dark brown (painted), dark curtains and pretty much a lot of dark tones. Recently, we revamped the whole room and painted it white. I came to notice how the white room gave me such positive energy, it made me feel quite happy, awake and overall gave a feeling of comfort.

I always saw trees as a comfort since a child. When I wasn’t talking to others, I would be nearby trees almost just examining them, staring at the leaves, the shapes... I was a bit of an oddball, but it was a huge comfort. I even had one tree I would leave little flowers around and notes. So yes, essentially even at one point I had a favourite tree. It was a willow, by the way.

So trees have always given me a sense of hope, freedom and love. So having painted trees on your walls, can have the feeling you are in a little forest happy as can be.

White, black and red have always been favourites of mine throughout life – Most likely because of Snow White but, I also just admired the colour-scheme. Even in make-up I would wear my light foundation, red lips and the black eyeliner. I feel geisha make-up partly inspired this.

In reality, my bed is almost like a comfort zone. It’s not bad to have breaks to lay down. When you have moments you need to cool-off or relax, a bed is a good comfort – maybe short-term, but not long-term of course. I am hoping to aim to try and get out a little more. It’s a big step for a sheltered individual like myself, but I know it’d be better in the long-run.
Louisa Coller Feb 2023
I'll try to be good,
It's a struggle of mine.
I've been in danger,
Millions of times.

You lit a blush, inside a flame,
Wooden hearts filled with gold.
Maybe I was rude or perhaps too *****,
I dare not remind us of this bitter past.

I never hated you,
I just always lie.
I really loved you,
That was my only crime.

I hate myself,
I can't stand this girl.
I thought of us as heaven,
While hell was born.

Please forget me,
If it makes the pain drain.
Don't forget me,
If you felt the same.

I didn't deserve you,
You deserved everything.

Instead my heart was left to die,
In a fire I was blinded to.

She held up the matches right in front of you.
Louisa Coller Aug 2018
Caught by your eyes, when I fell for you,
Struggling in painful, I didn’t know what to do.
The sunlight faded leaving me burned.
Sweet hallucinations,
Force feeding me candies.

Trapped amongst the void,
I don’t wanna call this home.
Submerged into media and fakery,
of the make-believe lives.

Thud! Thud! Thud!
Several years have gone by.
Just like me you panic out of your mind,
So impatient, so ill-mannered.

I stared at the fabric, covered in gifts of grief,
Every breath is a struggle I make.
An edited up version of a really old poem I found in my files and decided to post.
Louisa Coller Nov 2023
The whishing of a morning wind,
Rustling within my brain.

Warmth brewing beneath my lips,
Pulsating heart of dark rain.

The more greed my heart forms,
The disgust in myself is held strong.

I'm prideful with the fluid of love,
Yet nobody, cares for my waterfall ride.
Louisa Coller May 2015
I want to admit the pain I'm suffering, but attention spans don't last too long,
I want to give the world something to remember me, I want to create a stone,
in which my children read to follow on by passing down to future centuries
remembering who I am, but here I am again, sitting all alone feeling like bore.

I don't want to hurt a million hearts in the process of creating machinery of love's heartbeats,
the gears are stuttering like the words out of my mouth, every opening is like a new glitch,
a new broken tool found amongst the metal pipes.

I can say, I am a cheat, a worthless matter, but look, I've noticed why I broke the hearts of him,
he wanted me, I did too, but I was so caught up in my own lies I couldn't tell him the truth,
it hurt too much because in the end I wanted to be loved, but I let lust take over that night,
it blinded me dearly, and choked me until the dawn light, those days I wanted to run and to die,
I just wanted to desperately cry, my friend's palm arose from my shoulder,
this time I knew, I really ****** up this time.

But after five months of the pure misery, of staying up every-night wanting to cry my eyes out,
I found out that I was blessed with love, I saw him walking around, speaking out loud,
his knowledge would spread like a disease, except this time, I want to breathe,
yet I see him walking away, out of my palms into the grey, please don't go away.
I don't want to, feel the pain I felt so much before, maybe this time, it's not meant to end,
please somebody set me free.

I try so hard to fall in love again, but it's so hard to get that spark up, I feel like hiding,
shadowing away, but every time love comes I run away, I don't want to shatter hearts any more,
I am toxic, a demon girl. Please, please, please, I don't want to be this way.
You were the only smile I could feel the warmth, everyone around, but my eyes locked,
locked onto you, you are perfection to my eyes.
Yet the past it crept on in, when I could've grabbed your hand, it pushed me away,
choking my breath, my hands won't stop shaking I'm in such a mess.

I am here everyday, crying inside, please can someone see past my façade,
I am insane, I'm crazy, I am a sicko but somebody love me.
I've been raised to be the perfect woman, and now on, I feel like disasters,
Please don't stereotype my body, my heart it's not the same thing.
I want to write, I want to paint, I want to sing, perform on a stage,
I want to draw every piece, but every drawing, it looks like him or a stranger.
Louisa Coller Mar 2023
Freeze my outer shell with raindrops,
Rip my arms off with the droplets.

Burn my eyes, covered in salt and fear,
Kiss my lips like poison ivy.

Chop my toes from my core,
Peeling away like bread buns turned to crumbs.

Leave my heart, but I wish you took it,
It's disgusting me.
Louisa Coller Sep 2023
I give my heart the best I can,
Fluttering my feathers inside with glee,
Yet when I speak it is met with me - Silence.

A long everlasting love affair,
Working hard each day with a new pain,
Yet when I speak it is met with me - Silence.

A family tree extended consistently,
A new face along with a name,
Yet when I speak it is met with me - Silence.

You want me to express myself?
I'm sorry, your light and heart is important,
Yet when I speak, I've just learned not to,
I'm giving up not on myself, but you.
Louisa Coller Jan 10
Push me aside,
I'm an obstacle, right?
You need that goal so tempting, so rich,
So you push me aside.

A red flame, a blazing blitz,
A rich burn consuming my skin,
Your droplets of hopeful flames,
Dance my skin to remains.

How many times can the wicker man burn,
Before the glow within my lava flow,
Rips to bits pouring through.

A love with a mother of the unknown,
Treasured flowers and vanity growth,
All left as I'm pushed aside, placing duty above pride.

Thought I was a phoenix but maybe I'm dumb,
Each burn and cut left me further undone,
Screeches of serenity, mental abuse,
It wasn't just you.

How many times must I burn,
Before my flesh turns to bones.
It's very clear I'll take no more,
It's about time my hand shows.
Louisa Coller Aug 2022
Wondering forever in a trance,
Illusions of change followed as well.
Literature bruises left in her mind,
Longing nightmares ruin her nights.
Only she stays awake to dream,
Where she can finally be with him.
Louisa Coller Jun 2018
We're foolish,
I know they say it.
We're individuals filled with difference,
In a world of indifference.

A poet hopes for someone to read their words,
but a writer sighs in pity from the silence around them.
It almost hurts to feel like a leader,
but they're quiet, what can you do?

I want to bare your children a breath of life,
which never leaves their lungs.
The feeling of skin is unnecessary,
for my thoughts are what need to stay.

Love and wisdom hand in hand,
are as beautiful as can be.
Louisa Coller Nov 2014
May the fourth I was born, I didn't open my eyes,
the doctors and my mother worried out of their minds.
I promised her in my heart even though,
I couldn't hear her, that I would open my eyes and heart for her.
They opened but then, my skin it turned to shreds.
I open my heart for you, please don’t leave me.
I love you my mummy so, so please don’t leave me.

I began to grow believing there was a man,
who would guide me through life until I die and welcome me home.
Then I saw that it wasn't truth, it was only belief,
a belief I was told to know.
I open my heart for you, please don’t leave me.
I swear I prayed to you, but you didn't listen.

I ran through the trees, the winds blew against my skin,
I swear to life and all the scientific feelings, that I was free.
I open my heart for you, please set me free,
let the world of curiosity and wonderful stars seep,
seep my life into purpose which I will see,
you may not believe, but I always will.
Believe.
I wrote this today.
As a way to run away with myself in my imagination.
Louisa Coller Aug 2018
Annoyance radiates within my mind,
words better unsaid? Yet they feel so hard to find.
I have a hatred when I look within my reflection,
the chapped lips that my weak eyes can't take.
The drier my skin becomes, the sicker I feel,
is this lady Karma catching up to me again?

Fighting the universe isn't what I dreamed,
I leave the battleground wounded to the neck.
The time goes quick and it makes me sick,
wasting away in a shell of security.

Rush the gazes, avoid all eyes,
for the minute they look into mine,
pity will overflow within their bitter soul.

They walk on happily while I grip the wire tightly,
you are better leaving me behind this time.
Louisa Coller Oct 2015
Shaking.
My whole body is shaking.
I looked at her stand stood up tall,
it was like a fabricated introduction I only saw in photographs.
Slowly I began to step-by-step approach,
I felt tears and happy feelings slowly consume my soul.
I was at the stand looking around when I saw her signing pages,
my hand shake left to right as I clenched the money in my palm.
Artwork from the top to floor held in my grip,
Inspirations and visions forever follow on through my memory.
Louisa Coller Jun 27
I feel mischievous,
Like I should say no.

My heart was torn up,
Yet I yearn for you to hold.

Don't say I love you,
But pull me down under.

Your passion is strength,
Your eyes are wonders.
Louisa Coller Jan 2020
Words are hard, words are soft,
some are fragile and some are lost.
It's difficult to say, confusing at least,
words can be so clouded to me.

Days, months, years and more,
they all seem to fade inside of a blur.
I look at myself and reflect deeply,
We'll finally beat this.

Words are hard, words are soft,
some are breaking, some are gone.
It's such a shame to hold your breath,
as words and pictures are laid to rest.
Louisa Coller May 2015
My vocabulary is beginning to fade,
I see lights that I shouldn't see.
Shadow figures are surrounding me,
I can not see.
I can not see.
She grabs a hold of my arm, warning me tightly,
I laughed it off, pretending to care.

She screams to me, "Why can't you see?",
see the things which are in me.
I saw her tempting glare, pulling me in for this seductive game,
lust and love, they corrupt one another.
I could not bare to let this moment pass.
She looked at me dead in the eyes,
I saw the shadow figure for the first time.
Now in the face of hers, but in another.
A woman.
A woman I looked up to once.
Begin to panic: automatically.

I felt my heart drop completely.
He thinks I'm insane.
she understands the game.
I've been, manipulated.
I wish people understood us,
those figures who shrug the world off.
We don't care about infamy, it's just,
if we don't have hate, we will degrade.

We are left to be soiled in the ground,
to the point we are molded now.
We just want to break off this pain,
but we never, never, never were cared.
Those who wear the masks are safe.
Those pretenders, faking in the grave,
dancing a sweet jig before I see,
I will never return the pattern to them.

The pretzel feeling through my brain,
forgiveness shall never be taken easily again.
I will not, let myself degrade.
I shall stand alone in this rain.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbEpeBlRAIg
Louisa Coller Feb 2018
The storytelling poetic, symbolic and exotic,
the heartbeats of many ambitions follow.

The story touched hearts, brought people to dance,
a sunlit harmony of bodies.

The pain and the grieve written through their teeth,
laid there in public display.

For many dance to the romantic trance,
her pain and memories will stay.
This is actually a poem inspired by how much I currently am in love with the film 'La la land' and how many people most likely think I love it only for the romantic tropes, but in realistic viewpoints, I actually admire their characters individually much more.

Mia shows a lot of emotions in the regards to how I feel when I lose someone in my life and in a way I wanted to subtly replicate that emotion I feel in contrast to the romantic trope-following emotion of the masses. Sometimes, people genuinely like something more than what people would expect for.
Louisa Coller Oct 2023
I heard life has been rough for you,
Is it bad I assumed a self-inflicted wound?

I was told to be kind but is it bad,
I felt hurt by the fact you
tried to rip me apart too.

I cared deeply for where I am,
I did this all for my family, the love that I hold,
You tried to take it from me.

Don't you realize how cruel,
You really have been?

You nearly ripped my world apart over jealousy.

Like it didn't hurt for me to walk away,
You've made mistakes.

— The End —