"feel the rush of my blood
i'm seventeen again
i am not scared of death
i've got dreams again
it's just me and the curve of the valley
and there is meaning on earth, I am happy"
(...)
"a minute from home but I feel so far from it"
(...)
"the death of my dog, the stretch of my skin
it's all washin' over me, I'm angry again"
(...)
"the things that I lost here, the people I knew
they got me surrounded for a mile or two"

- the view between villages by noah kahan

if you scream
do it silently
make sure youre not a bother

faster
faster
faster
i havent done enough,
ive havent even gone anywhere
stop the treadmill
im still in the same spot
useless

respect your elders
a rhetoric taught for eons
passing through the generations

taught to people of colour
to the indigenous peoples
to the poor
to the sick
to the disabled
to women
to lgbtq+ peoples
to the gender non conforming
to the religious

to children who are
and will be
everything that they fear

but when the elders
remove you from yourself
a shell of what you could be
if you had room to grow

how do we decide when you dont deserve our respect?

if we decide you dont deserve our respect
what happens then?

what will happen when those that were oppressed
now have room to grow?
the glass that covered the candle has cracked
the flame is spreading
and it will burn this cursed house
from the inside out

the power to save
yourself comes from who you
are and where you go

i will not stay put
and there is nothing you can do about it

thunderstorms
satisfaction
crushing goals
cuddles
family
gelato
running
forests
the beach
surfing
dogs
climbing a tree
nature
summer rain
hot showers
mud
a good story
creation
showing up
freedom
kindness
friends
feeling safe
companionship
contemplation
dappled sunshine
horses
roaring fireplaces
christmas
beauty
wildlife
love

breath
s
   li
       ps
in and out and through
lungs
harsh gasps
tightening
strangling
why cant
i breathe?

squished its soft body
between my shoe and the cold concrete
it was disgusting
i tell myself
an objective fact
too many legs
its hairy, thats wierd
but
really
it was different
and i was afraid
i do not think i should be allowed to **** something that is other
than me
just because
it is

dont feel sad if you are not who you used to be
you are just homesick
you are just tired
you are just going home

the girl
gauzy dress
tattered and torn
running
breathless through brambles
reaches a river
pursued
panting
she must cross it
take a step into
freezing water
numbing bones
shaking shivering
pale skin and blue lips
trip
and
fall
hands go forward
trying to catch
whatever is left of yourself
but pieces crumble and scatter
on the mossy rocks
sharper than they
look
dogs barking
men yelling
filthy
hunting
they will be here soon
so get up
because there is no more time
to lie here
and wish you were home
the girl
who was maybe once loved
is now drowning
face down
in frigid murky water
the only company in death
is those who persecute her
as her pale body
begins to rot
even god
starts to
forget
about her
first
her hands
then
her face
then
her hair
until there is
nothing
left
so that when the dogs
frothing lips
raised fur
and the men
shouting voices
savage thoughts
arrive
the girl is gone
nothing left of her but a
whisper of wind
the scent of sandalwood
and strawberries
and ****
and summer days
long forgotten
but now remembered by those
who never knew them
maybe god didnt forget her
maybe he saved her

sometimes i allow
myself to hope that i can
save myself at last

its a beautiful thing
to have a heart full of love
until you lay alone at night
clutching desperately
as thorny roses of hate
tighten around your chest
and fill your eyes with blood
that runs down your cheeks
the metallic tang
into your mouth
you are struggling to breathe
and whimpering like a wounded dog

"i am a forest fire
and i am the fire and i am the forest
and i am the witness watching it
i stand in a valley watching it
and you are not there at all"
- 'a burning hill' - Mitski

theyre mad again and its my fault

tension
dr
      i
         ps
down the hall
as i
try
to hide myself
away from people
who send
the sharpest daggers through my soul
shattering me
without even trying
im trying, i hope they know
even though its hard
to keep my head up
when i want to bury it
far away
where they will never
ever
reach it
but
if i think about it reasonably
its my fault
and im sorry

delicate petals unfold
and swallows swoop and glide
in a dance of new beginnings
as the earth breathes
a gasp of renewal
and green stretches
from beneath the cold grey

each bud
is a promise
each raindrop
a melody
and the sun
wraps its arms
around the world
lifting shadows
with gentle warmth

as hope blooms
in every corner
i grow with the flowers
learning to bloom
in the season of becoming
as spring whispers
softly through the trees

they tell me
i am not enough
but i am too much
of everything

i am a paradox
a flame that burns
too brightly
yet leaves shadows
in the dark

a whisper
a roar
i create
i destroy
a ripple in a river
a rushing tsunami
i laugh
i cry
a flickering candle
a forest fire blaze
i am dead
i am alive
i
am
real?

i am a storm
in a world
that fears the rain
and lightning
and thunder

i dance on the edge
of moonlight and starshine
where wild hearts
whisper secrets
in my ear

you will tell me
to calm my chaos
to tame my spirit
i am 'too much'

but i am a wildfire
spreading through fields
of ordinary being

i do not fit
into neat little boxes
or follow
their straight lines

i am the echo
in the silence
of the vast universe and
the untamed breath
in the quiet night

i am wild
not because i must be
but because i am
and that
is enough

i like to think that
someday
i will crawl into the forest
i will run
and climb
with the foxes and the deer
and we will be wild
together
my feet will have wings
my heart will soar
with joy
until my bones crumble
and i fall on the mossy ground
and become one with
the thing from which i once belonged

maybe a fox will eat my soul

through birch trees where shadows blend
a fractured mind begins to mend
yet through the cracks, a something seeps
like sorrow through the birch trees

echoes of laughter, forever lost
the birch lined paths, covered in frost
every whispered hope, now tattered and worn
like sorrow through the birch trees

the sky weeps tears, a gentle grey
do you think she knows the price we pay?
for the fleeting moments, pure and bright
like sorrow through the birch trees

a sparrow embarks on a lonely flight
drifts endlessly through the silent night
slipping in and out of old and new
like sorrow through the birch trees

the echoes of a distant song
in hollow chambers, lingers long
the cheerful melody fades to dust
like sorrow
through
the birch trees

a bird soars free
dipping a gentle wingtip
into pink tinged clouds
the idea of boundaries?
unfathomable
but look
closely now
the flickering bars more apparent
with every glance you give
more bars appear
the bird is frantic now
screaming to the world
does anyone care to save me?
…
no response
hopeless

if your flesh was torn
apart by vicious birds
we would all be the same
on the inside
right?

when will they will able to see
that we are not less than
we are more
the same
equal
is it so hard to understand
that we are all just people
trying to survive?
no.
thrive
on this heartless earth
why cant they grasp the idea of
everyone is worthy
of life
health
safety
it seems we are yet to realise
that one is not more
than the other
equal

who taught you?
that destruction is the way
to get
everything you’ve ever wanted
destruction is
an unforgiving mother
mother?
what kind of mother
encourages
the loss of life