From the womb we are taught to idealize the prospect of employment...and everything that comes after is done in attempt to attain a job
All the years of school...the pre-job jobs...the extra curricular activities that sparkle like a diamond among shattered glass or dreams on a CV
because employed is secure...
employed is safe...
employed is smart...
employed is successful
Your mom was hoping you would be an accountant like her but daddy thought you'd be a better scientist...so they made you do everything and by the time you realized that you didn't want to do any of those things...you had spread yourself so thin that the wind carried you in every direction and non of them was right...
That didn't really matter as long as you made enough to live in comfort...luxury is like the coin you find under your pillow in return for your fallen tooth...except instead of teeth it's your dreams that you have to trade in...
Because unemployed is unstable
Unemployed is without purpose
Unemployed is poor
Unemployed is a failure
So it doesn't really matter what you are...just as long as you're not unemployed.

These feet were not made to walk on glass..
So forgive me if I shatter your expectations..
Midnight will reveal my true form...
And beneath all that which I have been adorned,
I am the worst thing to happen to existence...
I am human.

This is a pain you can't read about...etched to my soul from the bowels of hell...
A darkness I beseech to escape...
A nightmare inescapable...suffocating my very being...
heart knocking against it's cages , in attempt to abdicate ...
But I'm subject to the pain...
Bullet wounds through my chest
I'm a victim to cupids arrow...
I'm bleeding love ...
Into your silver chalice and you sip the life from me...
Through all the barricades you find me and adorn me in gold chains, like slavery ...
This is what I am to you...
I look in the mirror and see your reflection...
I'm in love with your evil.

I wanna be somewhere on a beach right now…and not those busy beaches where everyone goes and takes aesthetically pleasing photos…
Just some quiet place where I can play slow soul soothing songs in foreign languages so that I can feel them better than I can understand…and watch the waves come crashing beneath my feet…and when they return into the vastness of fallen sky…they would take all my pain, all my bruises and worries with them… I would sit there for hours and hours reading books and writing poetry…until the sun comes down for an evening swim and the moon comes out to birth stars and glaze the night sky…this is midnight city…and I’m the only resident…then eventually I close my eyes and float off into nightmares of my reality…kissing me softly like an abusive lover in apology…but I’m immune to it all…because in that moment
Right there
Right then
I would have tasted freedom.

Let’s talk about the 1 too many times you’ve allowed yourself to settle…because you’re always comparing yourself to somebody,
doing math equations in your head,  where you never add up…
to the plate and you always hungry for something.
Or the 2 people constantly on your mind…
you and the person you wish you could become…
But never do because when you’re custom made , not everyone can fit into your life…and in all honesty you would rather suit to everyone’s liking…right?…
you always gotta act “right” so you’re not left…
Or the 3am thoughts about those three words you’ve forbidden yourself to say and  that you try to drown out with loud music and “meaningful” conversation with strangers that don’t really mean all that much to you once you see them for what they really are…a way to pass the time…except time is an illusion that you can never escape until you see it for what it is…a puppet…with the strings in your hand to manipulate…
Or even the years you spent waiting 4 “the one”
Hoping that they could bring happiness into your life and help you do the whole life thing…help you understand it a little better.
Except life is a ***** and you married it.
Then you wake up every morning for the the rest of your life..
5 minutes before your alarm with a pain in your chest…
And you would sigh heavily at the realisation that you were just dreaming …
And think to yourself….is this all there is to life?
****.
THIS IS IT.

We’re making memories of nights that seem all too familiar
Cause we did this last week but got too intoxicated to remember
Now we’ve gotta do it again and see if it gets any better..
Like taking pictures…except no matter how many times you retake the picture the smile doesn’t look or become anymore genuine..
Like digging for treasure in the same empty spot hoping you’ll get closer the deeper you go…
Then you realize you’re the treasure and a coffin is your treasure box.

Then again you don’t really mind dying cause you don’t really have much to live for..
Waking up without a purpose is like eating food when you aren’t hungry…
Or Drinking water when you aren’t thirsty…
It just isn’t as good…
Then you starve yourself hoping you might wake up hungry for life…
Or that for a split second you’ll get to taste what it feels like to be completely, wholey and unconditionally HAPPY.
And a genuine happy too…
Not the kind that ends books or movies.
Not the one shown in tumblr quotes or magazines…
But the one written deep within the confines of your body…and radiates as far as your soul can reach.

The stars in my eyes are shooting,
Arrows of love to pierce mans chest
Reaching beyond protection vests
It’s a war of ages,
Over treasure concealed in rib cages,
Between love and hate
Memories we wish we could create

What if I told you that throwing was reverse catching
Would you throw golden eggs against the walls and hope that it was love that was hatching
What if I told you that I drink dry water every morning hoping it would quench the thirst that love has etched to my throat…
Or that oxygen suffocates me…
That I seem to be ascending to heaven… in a sinking boat…

Would any of it make sense to you?
Would it make the love i want you to have for me true…?

What is to come? 

From a world where our children are given guns to play with, 

It’s not the squirting of water,or release of plastic bullets, it’s the message we shoot into their heads .

Triggering violence from adolescence.
Planting seeds of hate,
And watering them with spilled blood .

Waiting for the fruit to ripen, but it never does,

Now we have the taste of bitterness lingering on our mouths.

That bitterness stays on our tongues ,
So that when we speak, that’s all that comes out.

You see Somehow the fruit is never as sweet as when it’s forbidden.

Sugared by sin,

Borrowed from thy neighbor, because when it’s sin there’s always enough to go around.

What is to come?

From a world where we are told to express ourselves , but within the guidelines.

Told that the world is your canvas , but restricted to only the color white.

It isn’t as pure as it seems.

Underneath the white paint lies splashes of read , gushing from a black body.

There is no canvas, all we are given is a painted picture, of what perfect looks like.

So that we Erase anything that doesn’t fit the image. 

The slightest difference is reason for war.

Be it the quantity of melanin

Be it religion

Be it Gender.

What is to come?

Of a world that is only tolerable through the shade of intoxication .
Where pills serve as capsules of happiness 

We are our biggest enemy,

Our pain is self inflected.
If this is what it is ,to be human 

What is the cure?

2am juices,

I’m pouring myself onto this canvas 

Let’s have a glass..

Off myself uncensored…

My canvas black and white

Like stars in the night

Can you hear them shooting?

Splashes of red, gushing out the wounds

Ancestors rising out the tombs…

What are you willing to sacrifice?
They say life is a gamble, except somebody already threw the dice..

We are slaves to the forces …

Married to a chosen fate ,without room for divorces…

You see The canvas …has been painted

All that’s left, 

Is for you to open the doors that frame it..

I met a Prince
He taught me that princes don't alway charm
No fairytales...he was as real as the sound of my alarm
I woke up
Realized that sometimes a Kiss from a Princess isn't enough
To break the walls of insecurity the world built so tough

I met a Prince...
He taught me that princes don't always charm ...
He ,like the rest of us had the world do him harm...
Crowned by thorns
Monsters are made
Not born ...

I met a prince
He taught me that princes don't always charm
The world isn't conducive for charm to bloom in...
He wore a crown of imperfections but that made him human.
He proved that fairytales don't exist
But I learned to see beauty in the beast.

Dear Grim Reaper

You and me had a love child
But you took custody
I still think about her sometimes when I let my mind get wild
I let the memories overcome me in all their rhapsody
I remember how I would curl up in her cold embrace
Beautiful as ever...like death had a face
She promised to rid from me
All of the worlds pain
Convinced me that the worlds loss was my gain...

Dear Grim Reaper
You and I had a secret I swore I'd never tell
But its hard to live on in hell
I killed a man to find freedom in a prison cell
Oh well
Bring me my child, bring me death
In all her glory and her wreath
Tell her I wrote her in my will
And I give her my final breath...

What if the constant smoking and drinking aren't just a temporary  escape ?
Rather a quicker means to reach the true escape ...
Who drank my beer?
When I had death so near.
Now I have to face the rejection of society like I'm a soldier
Constantly at war with myself...trying to figure out who I should be today.
Battling my demons and sometimes yours too
Building up walls to defend myself from myself
But I keep falling and bruising my ego
Who drank my beer?
When I had death so near
Pleasure filled poison on my lips
The only life support I need in my drips.
Three cheers to making it this far...
Let the beer take one more sip of life from me.

I made a wish upon a falling star
I fell too
And as you descended from the sky I prepared to catch you
Weak knees ,I seem to have caught
Feelings.
****** love nothing but a taboo
That's until I met you
Rumored intimacy you made true.
I'm under your spell,I'm devoured.
By your corroding touch,consumed by the fairytale in you eyes I'm enamored.
As far as hearts go ,you are the winner
Of mine
Like I lost you in a different lifetime
My glass slipper
A perfect fit, perfect pair
Emotions invested, I make you my heir
All of me is yours for the taking
My heart, yours for the breaking

But Don't .

I passed by your old house today,
A sudden rush came over me as memories filled my head.
Memories of a simpler time.
And how we would play our childish games to enjoy the fruits of our youth. Then an angel would call from inside and ask if we wanted to eat or if she should get us something. Im suger coating because she wouldn't ask ,she would insist.
I remembered a time when pain ...I mean real pain ...was a stranger .
Now pain keeps us company...
I remembered a time when you where just a little girl with dreams just like I ...
I watched this girl get thrown into womanhood ...
Pent up aggression ...but how could I possibly resent the one that created me.
For taking a piece of you...
As an angel ascended, your spirits descended ...
Waking up became a nightmare...not the kind that involve screams , but silent mornings instead ...
I passed by your old house today and I thought to myself
God I didn't have a choice or say in the first passing ...
But I won't let the little that lived inside this house die too...
And as the smell of the kindness and pure heartedness that once lived starts to escape her clothes...
Let the memory live on

I passed your old house today
And made new the memories.

The taste of sin on your lips, you've got me begging to sip more.
Of the forbidden fruit
Be free, but save me the last dance
To tango with the devil is something I adore.
If it's evil you are the root
Route, I do not know any other.
Two steps forward , you seem to take me farther
Aback
I let darkness attack
Even stars need the darkness to shine
Sweet nothings Devine
Hearts heavy
You raise the levy, to break my spine
I bleed love the color of cherries
You have my spill as wine
As you dine , on my bruised ego and shredded spirit.
It was all a game , and you were in it to win it .
Princess and the ***
My feelings ****** upon
Monsters are not born
Like the one you made me
Past loves beauty I could not see
The beast that lives within
I was in ,thick and thin
Loving you was the true sin.
To think I could change you was wrong
But since I'm not dead, I guess you made me strong.
The world is a cold place without you descending hells heat upon me
But it's a perfect fit for a heart you turned to ice
It was a huge sacrifice
But my curse a blessing for my failure to feel has set me free.
Let the tail be told, of you and me.

Let's tap into someone's mind

Young you understood that life was fine if you obeyed the rules your parents/guardian had set...Your goal was to do this...until you were old enough to understand what the television shows you were watching were saying...then your goal was to become rich ,find the love of your life and travel the world unraveling secrets that don't really exist. You tell yourself your life will not be complete if you do not achieve this...because this is the definition of success ...you gain a few more years and start to experiment with other things that could fill your hollow...start of with a little puff from a cigarette...**** perhaps...alcohol... Soon enough you like the world you see through the shade of intoxication better than your reality... But the real drug is wanting people's acceptance ...change your style around a couple times, until you find the one that gets you the most compliments...your biggest desire now, is to be desired...you value your worth by the amount of ****** in your dm ,the amount of girls you can get with,or your ability to land the prettiest or most difficult, the amount of likes...your ego begins to grow and so does your hunger to feed it. You tell yourself that you do not need the validation of anyone, but that's all you crave because deep down in your heart of hearts, your biggest fear is to be forgotten .

Maybe if we looked beneath the exterior , the radiant glow
All the pain hidden underneath would begin to show
What secrets she hides,no one Knows
But her grief, her depression continues to grow

A monster tears people apart
Hurting people merely for the art
A twisted tower of destruction
No preparation for your hearts abduction
In disguise do not undermine we
This terror, is this me?

Show face
Inner demon, leering and brooding to have me dwell in my failure.
Show face
Caring foe , waiting to see me fall.
And I will, flat on my knees begging for the lords mercy.
Ask him to pave me a way forward
Thank him for letting me see another day . Even if it's dark.
Dark, clouding my vision, where do I go?
To my head where vision never mattered.
Where I could close my eyes and let the wind carry me with the birds.
Hear the trees whistle songs of how they have been liberated from freedom.
In my head where I am bigger than myself. I am the earth.
Only in my head.
My eyes will open soon and I will be blind again.
I will show face.
Paint it on, mascara, lipstick ,smile and all
Then show it.

I'm falling. So I catch myself
Before I fall into another series of what ifs.
Like
What if I steal a glance
Or worse, what if he returns it
Either way it's a loss because if he is not looking, I'll wonder why he isn't and if I'm not good enough.
When I catch him looking , it plays with my mind because I don't know why he is. Leaving a burning desire to know exactly what goes on in his mind.

I'm falling, but I catch myself, because odds are, I will never speak and neither will he.
I'm falling but I catch myself ,because I'm just a girl and he is just a boy , we are just a boy and girl afraid to love each other. So they settle for stolen glances.
I'm falling , but I catch myself , because I bruise easily.

She thought it was funny
Thought it was a joke
So she put some poison in his Coke
Joke went wrong and he began to choke

That's how it started,how she took a life
Soon she was slitting throats with knives
Homes where recked as lives were lost
But she had to shed some blood at any cost.

How much would the devil pay for a lost soul?
Been to the earths core and back,but still theres this hole,
Im tortured by subliminal misconceptions
Neurons put to the vote but the are no elections,
Its as if ive been put in emotional detention with unknown intentions
I feel like an animal in captivity,
In need of cage keys to set me free.
I wish not for happy endings,because i dont want my happy to end,
Is it? Love or peace or even love of peace that will to my happy place send,...me, so i can be free eternally.

These harmonies and melodies.
These vibes
Pierce through my soul like knives These vibes move me and yet they paralyze me
These vibes have such massive power
These vibes, so sweet and yet so sour
These vibes take me over and under
They make me hunger
Yearning for something deeper
Just the thought has me growing weaker.

These vibes fill me with desire
Burning fire, take me hire.

It's beyond what the eye can see
In this moment, heaven is you and me.
Our only enemy is time
But for now let us pretend you were mine
Sip me like a glass of wine.

I shall conform to your deepest desire
Burning fire, take you hire

Let us pretend that I was your only
Cause this vibe between us is almost holy.
You and I , like Bonny and Clyde
Just for tonight
Like we were more than just a vibe.

Who are you, who am I
I used to know you.
Back when we used to laugh at the silliest things, we used to bring out the inner children in each other,I was yours and you mine, Once, when we were friends...

Who are you, who am I
I used to know you
Back when I Iooked in the mirror and recognized who I saw.
Now it seems other people's reflection of me are the only thing I see

Who are you ,who am I
I used to know you
Back when you were more than just  another citizen of sin city
Now we are residents, judging each other because we sin differently.

Who are you ,who am I
I used to know you
Back when we were more than just two people afraid to discover each other or dare I say love each other.

Who are you, who am I
I used to know you
Back when we let our souls connect and the world didn't matter.
Now any connection compared to opinions is inferior
With our eyes open we are blind to what's beneath the exterior

Who are you, who am I
I used to know you
Back when we viewed the world the same
Now we don't even live in the same one.
Now you are a memory that is fading
Who could you be?
You used to be me.

Who are you, who am I ,who are we?

I offered you my time and You shat on it...I hope one day when the high finally fades, you realize what I meant to you and as you look through the shattered pieces of what was once a good bond, I hope you find a reminder of who you used to be,before your cup was filled to the brim and your pride just became too much to swallow.
Who you were before you started needing compliments to feed your ego ,
Before the world only became tolerable to you through a designer drug haze.
You used to be a person before you crowned yourself Queen,
High on your throne where no man could hurt you again.
You figured a Queen without a heart would put you on deck and have you sailing to paradise.
Forgetting you had to carry all your luggage, including yourself.
Feelings have no escape, and if you succeed in escaping love , you still find hate.
It's a foreign word to my tongue
Even though you made me a sidekick and then kicked me aside
I could never hate.
I let you sleep on me but now I'm awake.
You swore to yourself you would never cry, A thought that left not only your eyes but your soul dry.
It's okay to cry
The thing about tears is ,the world becomes blurry momentarily, but at the same time you never see a picture as clear.
Maybe that's why you won't shed a tear, because you are too afraid to look at the canvas you let everyone but yourself paint.
Scared that it won't come out as perfect as you envisioned.
Maybe that's why you had to let me go, because I wasn't the right shade to be put in such a picture.
For what it's worth, you'll always be on my canvas, as a permanent mark, a delicate part of the picture that could not be completed because of its nature...
I guess it took its toll,
Nature that is.
And when the wind blew in our direction the branch we shared wasn't enough to hold us together.
So I let go, this leaf took leave.
I hope your social stature is enough to keep you afloat.
And my final words?
Save yourself.
This is the end, and I hope you are happy.

The sun sets and darkness rises
Midnight is upon us
Shadows are no longer
They too have fled in fear of what is to come
Angel faced demons take their true form
Bed nor closet do they reside.
Monsters are among us
Monsters are us.

Only then, when the clock strikes
Are the true tales told.
Of how beauty killed the beast
And how beauty was the beast.

You see, Mankind is a myth, and so is humanity.
A myth told to us to make us believe that we are superior.
To make us forget,
That princes become frogs
Princesses become servants
Glass slippers shatter,
And they draw blood.

Hello, how are you doing?
I'd like to ask you,
And maybe one day when I find the courage and my fear of rejection doesn't overpower the will I have to speak,
I will.
I would walk straight up to you and say,"I'd like to get to know you, and I don't mean to be cocky but it would be worth your while if you got to know me too."
Call me cheesy or whatever but some of my sweetest thoughts are of you
I like to think of all the things I could do
with you,
For you
To you.
And if you could spend a day in my head you would make it your home.
All the attention, all these intentions towards you.
I've never experienced love like a love song or a movie,
But ****** I know if you gave me the chance I could give it.
No, I don't love you
I don't need you
I'm not even sure I like you,
But I want to.
Won't you let me get to know you?
Maybe I don't know much, but I know I'm heavily attracted to us.
Your existence next to mine is poetry and even the absence of words could not stop us from writing it.
Heavily bound, even silence has a sound,
Lord knows how much I like to have you around.

Hello, how are you doing?
I'd like to ask you,
And maybe one day when I find the courage and my fear of rejection doesn't overpower the will I have to speak,
I will...