The way you lean in
Close to me
To whisper something
In my ear
To make me laugh
To make me smile

The way you sit a little closer
When it gets too cold
And your fingers
Ice cold
Burning against my skin
You smile
That stupid
Crooked smile
And tickle me
With your wit

The way you grab my arm
When I'm on the verge of tears
Pull me away
From the torture of today
To ask me what's wrong
And pull me in close to you
Arms tightly around me
Not caring how wet
Your shoulder is getting

The way you message me
Good morning
Just to check on me
Because its been a day
Since we've talked
And you can't bear to wait

The way your chest feels against mine
Hearts beating together
Your arms tightly round my waist
As I'm lifted and swung around

The way I go to pull away
And you pull me back
Closer to your chest
Arms tighter
Because one hug wasn't enough

The way I feel protected
Whenever your around
Because you've always told me
You'd always keep me safe

What even is it?
Is it a perfect smile
Long golden hair
Blue eyes with long eyelashes
Tan skin
Perfect figure
Big ****
Big *****
Clear skin
Pale skin?

That stuffs all *******
What's a beautiful face
Without a beautiful soul
An ugly personality
And dark soul
Destroys that beautiful face
It means nothing anymore

Beauty comes from within
Stop straining yourself
To look a certain way
You are you
God made you who you are
For a reason
Love yourself
Be confident

I have this guy
He's not exactly just a friend
Not exactly a boyfriend either
He means heaps to me
Just all of a sudden
I always said to myself
I'd never fall into that trap
The trap of caring so much for one person
That if anything ever happened to them
It would **** you eternally
But this ones different
He cares for me more than anyone ever has
He's kinder to me than anyone's ever been
And supports me more than anyone ever has
With him things are different
With him nothing else seems to matter
Because I finally feel
Accepted, Protected, Cared for, looked after
Safe

Dear the Old Me,
You're depressed
Why don't you seek help
You're afraid
You still in primary school
You have no idea
What depression even is
Or that its even a word
At this stage your 9 years old
And your depressed
You just don't really know it yet
You can't explain why your sad most days
Why you cry in your room everyday
Why you always hide under the bed
Hiding away from the world
Let's go forward to year 8
Your at intermediate
You've discovered depression
What it is
It explains everything
Things were worst than ever last year
You were alone
Scared
Depressed
Cried every single day
Felt unwanted
Year 9
You've started self harming yourself
It takes away the pain
Just a little bit
Helps you focus on something else
Just for a little while
Takes the weight off
Just for a little while
You want to die
You've almost gone through with it
Many many times
But you're scared
Put the scissors down
Put the string down
Put the knife down
It's going to be okay
Year 10
You're getting there ***
Things are getting better sweets
Trust me
You're getting better
Slowly
Painfully
Year 11
You're getting bullied
Being told your fake
Ugly
*****
****
But it's okay
You have people there for you this time
To support you
You couldn't be happier
You've met a guy
That you've never really noticed before
He's better than the rest
Witty, kind, quiet, intreging
Your childhood best friend is with you
She's right by your side too
Year 12
This guy now means the world to you
Your best friend and you are closer than ever
She's more your sister now
Things are okay
Average
You're getting bullied
It's starting again
*****, ****, fake
You get to school and your friend doesn't notice
How broken you are
Your best friend can tell right away
You can't stand it you breakdown
Go to class
That guy grabs your arm
Pulls you aside away from the terrors
Asks you what's wrong
You cry right in front of him
He doesn't mind at all
He pulls you close to him
Against his chest
Your making his shoulder wet with your tears
He doesn't mind
He looks after you all day
Keeping a close eye on you
You realise that day who your real friends are
Next day you get threatened
Your scared
He tells you he'll protect you
He does
He keeps you safe
Right now your 16
Have the best friend ever
Best guy in the world to protect you
Best friends ever
Happy family
And great things
Dear the Old Me
Things do get better
Way better
Hang in there love

That's what it feels like
Depression
I've never really talked about
My depressed days that much
Its just a part of me
I can never really reveal to other people
This is hard
It never really leaves you you know
Its like your just numb
You can lay there for hours staring
At the ceiling
Doing nothing
Thinking nothing
Or you can be
Lying on your bedroom floor
Tears streaming down your face
Crying silently alone
Burning all the memories
You want to never remember
But somehow can never let go of
You can have the blade in your hand
Running across your skin creating
Lines of red
Lines of pain
Lines of anger
Of heartbreak
No one even knows
You hide it so fucken well
The pain is unbearable
But you can't let it show through
Smile
Laugh even
No one notices
No one notices the scars
You keep your jumper on to hide them
Even on hot summer days
Your skirt hides the lines on your thigh
No one notices
No one knows that the happiest person they know
Truly isn't
They're broken
Cut up
Terrible

I want to take breaths,
so peaceful,
a single feather,
will float up and down from my lips,
and silence will be as common as oxygen,
and you will only hear me inhale,
and exhale,

like it was when I took my first drag,
I took it,
as a loud world went quiet,
and all focus went on your hand,
you forgot about the simple things,
simple things that really where so uncontrolled,
you just forgot,

and with a clear head,
you take the most peaceful breaths,
as your smoke,
acts as a feather,
and floats,

You've never seen a mind but you know it exists.
I guess that's the same with faith.