I feel like a staple! Funny, eh!
I hold things together round this place,
In a mild-mannered old lady way,
Like the staples in a book,
I guess there's no need to sook,
I am a helping hand today,
Nothing lasts forever, eh?
Avoid  confrontations with the ex,
Who carries on like old T-Rex,
The old staple of their lives,
I would do stuff anyway, being kind,
Doormats do get exploited, eh,
I feel it's a staple kind of day!
Smile!!

I'll say this any way I can,
You're not an excuse for a man,
I don't love you any more,
You're a nasty old predator,
I try not to listen to your blip,
I really think you're full of it,
I don't like your attitudes,
I think you're mean and very rude,
No wonder no woman wants you,
Your self opinion is very smug,
No wonder you sit alone, no hugs,
Do not dwell on the past,
Live like today is your last!
Good day to be alive!
That's what I say to your jive,
Just carry on dude,
I don't even like you,
You have no idea of being a friend,
Tell me when your blip shall end.....

I'll say this any way I can,
You're not an excuse for a man,
I don't love you any more,
You're a nasty old predator,
I try not to listen to your blip,
I really think you're full of it,
I don't like your attitudes,
I think you're mean and very rude,
No wonder no woman wants you,
Your self opinion is very smug,
No wonder you sit alone, no hugs,
Do not dwell on the past,
Live like today is your last!
Good day to be alive!
That's what I say to your jive,
Just carry on dude,
I don't even like you,
You have no idea of being a friend,
Tell me when your blip shall end.....

Yes, I'm still the bard of Bayswater,
Once was a doormat daughter,
Now as the song does say,
I have old grey hair and saggy **** these days,
Don't know if sparks ever fly from my fingertips,
Let alone my ancient fat hips,
Now there's broomsticks over Baysie,
Yesterday sunny, today sodden and hazy,
Floating on a broomstick above Baysie,
In a vision of solitude,
Why is ignoring football considered rude?
Tough, we are all unique,
Some old footy players are total creeps,
Dateline: crocodile tears:
Another classic loss to his team, no cheers!

We love you cos' you are Victorians,
Here we are all Melburnians,
Here there are genres of folks,
Listen up, let's have a joke,
One type of plebs here goes to church,
Or plebs go fishing, to catch some perch,
Some are drinkers and go to the pubs,
Some are football tragics, hubbub!
Then there's the anti-football league,
Not participating non-vigorously,
Then some folk go to the library,
Or some can belong to the Dr. Who Society,
Or they can be a combination of any of the above,
It's all a norm in olde Melbourne town we love!

Well, it's my old friendship refrain,
Really good to see you again,
It's as if we never paused our conversation,
Today's smiles are no imitation,
We take up where we left off,
Welcome, old friends, thanks a lot,
And a surprise visit as well,
Old friendships have their own spell,
It's like we're never apart,
Old friendship's place in our hearts.....

This is the news,
Old alliances on view,
The world is on the edge,
Exactly to what do they pledge?
And famine is stalking Africa again,
This is our continual shame,
Opportunism faces its fears,
What comes next, my dears?
See not the weeds, but the flowers,
We could all sit and whinge for hours,
See not the dust, but ceiling cobwebs,
What, indeed, happens next?
Could the world ever change its record?
Genocide is totally flawed.....

They're bombing Syria tonight,
For chemical weapons, out of sight,
Whose democracy is at work here?
It'll all end in tragic tears,
Yes, they're bombing Syria tonight, no cheers,
Biggest losers are the civilians, dears,
We pray for liberty once held so dear,
A song for freedom needed, hear, hear!

This is a little everyday tale,
A warning for women, without fail,
Yes, it's Easter time again,
Your old man's got camping on his brain,
So, you load up the caravan and car,
This camping site is miles too far,
You set off in a golden glow,
Seven hours of traffic jams on the road,
You are having fun! you grin,
You are listening to your family whinge,
Your old man has a bad back,
You unload the stuff, the kids do clap,
But, the primus stove does not work,
Then the fridge throws a spanner in the works,
Now the milk is off,
Your old man tells you to "*******!"
You are having fun!
Shame you haven't got a gun!
You all collapse into bed,
By 5 am, it's raining, enough said,
The dog has left you a doggy surprise,
And for breakfast, only frozen pies,
You are having fun!
His moans have just begun.
You wish you'd brought a gun!
Yes, girls, camping is a defence,
God gave you a home, not tents!
Happy Holidays!!!!!!!!**######

Trees can talk, you know,
Trees resound in their glow,
The wind softly leaves and sighs,
Trees bless passers-by,
Trees have voices of shade,
Trees do chat in their glades,
No one to listen, so
Trees can talk, you know.....

These are things he meant to say,
But he never did, any day,
"I was married, by the way,"
"But not to you," he didn't say,
The other woman, did he sigh?
"But I loved you, passing by!"
These are things he meant to say.
But he never did, any day.....

What does moonlight sound like?
Like glistening pearls, crikes!
Moonlight sounds like tranquillity,
Glowing, soft serenity,
Moonlight sounds silent to me,
Shining through space eternally,
Moonlight beams down on us,
Yes, moonlight sounds lustrous!

If Friday became one of us,
She would not make a fuss,
Thank God, it's Friday we say,
Yes, it's a fabulous Friday,
No need to get a shock!
By  5pm, it's weekend o'clock,
Yes, Friday is folk like us,
Let's hear it for Friday fabulous!

If Monday was a person,
Maudlin would be the lesson,
"Oh no, not another Monday."
"What became of Sunday funday?"
Yes, it's Monday, so it seems,
Same old dreary routine,
Back to the rat race again,
Commuting by car or train,
Wage slaves, off for gain,
Maudlin Monday on their brain,
"Yes, it's Monday, so it seems,
Same  old dreary  routine."

We've heard of seven deadly sins,
Where do seven graces begin?
One is a smile on every face,
Then kindness to all is a grace,
Humility is to bless,
Sharing is great, no less,
Peace in daily life,
Walk away from strife,
Understanding is for free,
Compassion for all he's and she's,
Share these among all races,
Should bring a smile to their faces,
That's seven heavenly graces.......

A question for you, this
is a line I read in Genesis,
Who were the sons of God? I ask,
Ethnopoetry of the Bible, the task,
And who were the daughters of Earth?
Did Gods mate with men, now a dearth,
What does 'giants' portray?
Way back when, in ancient days,
Who were the sons of God? A guess,
Did we all come from the stars, no less?

I know this may never happen,
If I met a bloke, who'd be clapping?
How do you do the squishy bits?
I would end up giggling over it!
Gravity has won, let's say,
How do you get it on, at our age?
Do you keep our tops on, let's say?
How embarrassing! What gets in the way?
That would be really funny love,
I can't imagine such love doves!

Some people live in fantasies,
Feed others non-issues and hyperboles,
Like politicians in government,
Phony fear campaigns, not what's meant,
Target disenfranchised, that's the way,
Who writes this drivel in our days?
Why worry about such hyperboles?
We all get ****** into fantasies....

What would be inspirational,
In a poem so devotional,
Imagine if humanity did trod,
To make a global City of God,
A world of reafforestation,
And lives of non-confrontation,
A whole new focus for every nation,
Brotherhood to be an illustration,
Yes, and planetary City of God,
Instead, onwards we all do plod....

Here in Oz, they're banning fairy tales,
Indeed, a giggle did not fail,
Children's lit must be correct politically,
Here's the new style ode for thee,
Listen up and you shall see.
Skippy has two mummies,
Their boyfriends spat the dummies,
Now Skippy's mums got preg,
Their boyfriends did renege,
So along came little Skippy,
Hopping off to eat Mr. Whippy,
Yes, totally correct politically,
New fairy tales for the kiddies,
Skippy has two mummies,
Our norms do change, it seems....

My inspirational weight loss journey,
It's like being in Street Sesame,
Just keep saying, "No cookies!"
And no ice cream or choccies!
So, as well I'm gluten free,
I did reduce by 35 kilos, you see,
My inspirational weight loss industry!
Let's hear it for, "Good for me!"

Look at this, on April the Fourth,
A man torched his Porsche in Ringwood North,
Now, that is a headline to read,
Why did he torch his Porsche, indeed?
Well, for insurance, obviously,
So, he's in the manure, prithee,
Poor fellow got sprung, you see,
I do admire rhymes in literacy!

***--spell it as you like, any way,
His team played again today,
How do they lose so consistently,
Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory,
Now there's melancholia and doom,
He sulks alone in his empty room,
Ritual disembowelment of male gloom,
"Off to drown yourself, dear,"
"Never mind, one week at a time, cheers!"
"Yes, another rebuilding year!"
I can talk football too, my dears!

Read all about it, prithee,
This is Dr. Who's love for thee,
Boy didn't meet girl, indeed,
Boy made android,
Made love to girl celluloid,
Quite ******* for he,
No questions asked by she,
One for the Dr. Who society!

Here in my old lady's den,
I retreat and reflect, do you ken?
I can hide from everyone,
Introversion can be fun!
I scribble verse s I meditate,
I close the door and welcome faith,
Shhhh! Pray in silence, as our Bible sayeth!

On Father's Day, we pause,
Reflect on our dad, with cause,
A stoic, smiling, gentle man,
A gift to any woman,
But brave, a digger,
He beat the ****, ripper,
Our land is free,
Because of the brave, you see,
Let's celebrate dads and liberty!

Do you cry in movies?
Tear-jerkers can be groovy,
Emotional catharsis, yes,
Well-acted tragedies, no less,
So, movies explore being human,
I guess time stands still no man.......

My computer rests on a desk,
This old desk is the best,
My mum bought it in 1965,
My dad painted it while he was alive,
Still wears the original paint,
Couldn't replace it, that would taint,
A family heirloom,
In my bedroom,
Yes, my old desk.
Is definitely the best!

Let's look at cute love,
Now we're old, after wedding doves,
Observe teens' first love,
So cute, holding hands,
Endless chats, phones their bands,
So cute, such melodramas,
Boy meets girl, disliked by mama,
Are they star-crossed lovers?
Shall  they have wedding doves?
Isn't it so cute, love?

A day of solemnity,
A day of piety,
For a God of Truth,
Is the Shroud His proof?
Jesus gave up the ghost and passed,
Let's worship this long gone past,
Peaceful and sorrowful for Christians,
Sacrifice for all us humans,
A day of inspiration.
Our one day of sad contemplation,
On  Good Friday,
Let us pray.......

Does everyone else overthink?
I over-analyse everything,
Every little thing that people say,
As  we proceed through each day,
Horrors! I gained an ounce!
And you look full of bounce!
FU** we're going to die fat and alone!
And we'll all get gallstones,
Listen to all my inner moans,
I'm overthinking again, you see,
There should be an overthinkers' society!!

Our lawn mowing man is called 'Flipper',
He does a great job, what a ripper!
He got the flu, we were a bit stiffer,
Our garden was full of triffids!
Then he returned, thank you, Flipper,
Now there are no triffids!

Today is the first day,
of the rest of your life,
So how are you going to spend your day?
As it is, indeed, Sunday funday,
And blessings on each of us, this way,
Plan things you enjoy, pastimes,
Relax, it's weekend time!

I believe in magic ways,
Magic is free in each day,
A smile and a hug are free,
The pleasures of good company,
A blessing of fresh air,
Birds in feathers debonair,
Yes, magic is free in each day,
I believe in magic ways....

What is the best idea I've ever had?
Well, I made an essay template for likely lads,
So they would always be number one,
Their scholastic life has just begun,
Then I designed an adage,
Whatever happens,  I manage,
I designed a motto,
As I don't drink, nor get blotto,
"Good day to be alive, now smile!"
I'll invent something else, in a while!
So, what is the best idea you've ever had?
Let's all share, lassies and lads!

Let's design  new schools,
Where amity is a teaching tool,
One big family of friends,
Where Peace is the means to an end,
No bigotry, racism, or intolerance,
Hands circling the globe in platonic dance,
We still need to learn our literacy,
Not to mention our numeracy,
But we could design new schools,
Where Peace is the learning tool.......

This is a sordid tale to read,
What does existence mean
To your toilet brush, prithee?
He is, indeed, a basic fellow.
He does not bother with mellow yellow,
Everyone's blip stinks to he,
So what does his existence mean?
Angst in scheissenhausen time,
Being there is his problem in slime,
To your toilet brush, he or she,
What does existence mean?

Isn't football such an event?
Listen to the philosopher's lament,
Old Socrates barracked for his team,
In the AFL, worst you've ever seen,
Socrates gazed at the replay,
Groaned, "We lost again!"
So he drank hemlock and gin,
Slit his wrists, did himself in,
Drowned in his phony spa,
His ghost calls down from afar,
"The premiership is what is meant!"
Woe, Socrates' eternal lament!

Here you sit alone,
You used to froth and foam,
Abuse of women, eh,
Talking to yourself again,
You abused alcohol and drugs,
Now you're a winner with no hugs,
Yes, I guess that makes you a winner
of no privileges, now I'm a grinner,
Who does misogyny make a winner?
Nothing will save your morning teabag,
Fasting is good for you, dear, signed, this *******,
Now you're thirsty again,
You're the winner of a futile old age,
So, alcohol made you the winner,
Good day for a smile, I'm a grinner,
I'll never be your tea lady again, grinner,
So I guess that makes who a winner!

This is one joy of teaching,
Which is really like lay preaching,
That lucid clarity moment,
When, "Now I get it!" is an event,
It's called their comprehension,
Light has dawned, they never struggle again,
You can call that satisfaction,
Yes, it's like lay preaching,
The real joy of teaching!

Yes, being religious again,
I was  here, Jesus does say,
I'm never going to Golgotha again,
But I'm still here, blessings today,
If you wish, I'll brighten you my way,
Blessed are my peacemakers, let's say,
You're all God's got on Earth these days,
Let's pray for global peace, His way!

What was the Best Day ever?
Was it in Bethlehem, well I never!
When a little baby boy was born,
Was that the greatest miracle of all?
Begat, begot, begat, begot, let's say,
Bred in the purple to  be a royal babe,
Wasn't Angel Gabriel so very clever?
Was that humanity's Best Day ever?

Who is the most important in this life?
Has to be the Saviour,  Christ!
We cherish Him all year round.
A humble Faith is to be found,
He never gives up on anyone,
Always there  for everyone,
You don't have to believe, of course,
Life is better with Jesus on board,
You can be too religious, I guess,
Keep it to yourself, no less,
Indeed, that's what some sayeth,
True Love can be found in Faith!!!!

Hello, and Hell, PM, this is 2017,
Your medieval view is our scene,
It's the future for the young, their stage,
Do you want them all to live in the Stone Age?
It's called Liberal surreality, no less,
When's the next election? Guess!
Even poor people can vote one day,
A little humility goes a long way.....

I wear it like a badge of honour, eh!
I awoke this morning and dressed in grey,
The all grey colours of the club, let's say,
Bit of irony, when you're old and grey,
Must keep a sense of humour each day,
Let's hope we all have a kick **** day,
In a mild mannered oldie way!
The all grey colours of the club today!

Here, this a noble book!
400 pages of total sook,
Let's turn the page and have a look,
Why the team did lose,
Didn't the supporters boo,
It's published by OUP,
Snivelling galore, read  and see,
"We was robbed!", we all got that,
"Did not pull the flag out of the hat!"
"We was too slow and small!"
We got that, is that all?
"No, the umpires are maggots and cheats!"
Got that! "Gee, the team played weak!"
Got that, any excuse for you,
"Our team are bunch of tools!"
Got that, "They had no skills!"
Got that, "They're a pack of dills!"
Any excuse, now blame the coach again,
"Another year of footy down the drain!"
You're supposed to be good losers, eh,
Any excuse for you, that's the way!

Let's reflect on endless information,
Is there, indeed, malicious intention
In Microsoft's and Apple's inventions?
Humans hooked on technology,
We're turning into cyborgs, you see,
I write this verse digitally,
For cyborg poets to read,
Do we accept this as part of change,
This world shall never be the same,
I guess this is the cyborg way.......

Here I write some recipes,
From our anti--football league,
How to cook a football totally,
Must boil it for twelve hours, ritually,
Then you can dice it and fricassee,
Or maybe bake, broil, and grill,
What won't fatten, shall fill,
Or you can make mini-football custard, eh,
Chocolate footballs in a bowl, let's say,
We call it Footy Iles Flotante,
Star sweet in the anti-football restaurant!
Then a recipe for Grand Final Day, swell,
It's called footy Croquembouche Noel!
Hear the anti-footballers yell!
You, too, can write recipes,
For the Anti-football Society,
It's like dining at the Waldorf Astoria,
Anti-football recipes from Melbourne, Victoria!

Here is my tribute to anti-football,
We have a secret society, that's all,
Step One: Boil anything ritually,
Ignore football, you can cook tea,
Step Two: Play fave music good and loud,
The anti-footballers shall be proud,
Step Three: Do fave hobby for hours, dears,
While totally ignoring football, cheers,
But I'm thinking about football in this verse,
Could this be a  paradox, or worse?
Don't despair, any hobby will do,
Any secret coven of one or two,
Even, "Come and try my ales!"
Shhh, this is a secret, let's say,
Spread your anti-football germs this way!
SHHHHH!!!!

I designed my own Planet,
My name is Interplanet Janet!
What's so good about my planet?
There's no wars or disagreements,
Only Peace among all my little green men,
There's a chocolate bush on every block,
Chocolate meditation, no dumb shocks,
Everyone wears a smile on my Planet,
Come and see, signed Interplanet Janet!