A single slip,
ever so slight.
Another cut,
not quite so light.
Tally your **** ups,
let's set them right.
Draw your blade,
it ends tonight.

On top of the world, without no recognition.
Lonely on top when your there's only one position.
You must recognize that I am not in best condition.
The toll to stay the strongest has took a vast commision.

If you don't understand me then you must be standing under me.
A life of isolation is bringing out the beasts in me.
A rebellious cast out kid will take these trophies home.
Life is bottoms up so i live up on a throne.

Like a baby walking,
Or a child biking,
I fell in love with you.
You always remember your first.

There was happieness,
then
everything changed.
It
beat
the kid.
The lonely kid
wanderd into
a mindest,
desperate for it to stop.
The kid did what it said,
and
he cut every day.
He could
not
stop.
He beleived he couldn't.
He eventually died.
Depression finally beat him.
He has always struggled.

or

He has always struggled.
Depression finally beat him.
He eventually died.
He believed he couldn't
stop,
not
he could.
He cut every day,
and
the kid did what it said.
Desperate for it to stop,
a mindest
wanderd into
the lonely kid.
The kid
beat
it.
Everything changed.
Then,
there was happieness.

Wake up.
Think of you.
Remember you've changed.
Video games.
Avoid texting you.
Video games.
Spend money.
Feel terrible.
Video games.
Spend more money.
Text you.
Video games.
Forget to eat.
Video games.
Ponder suicide.
Day dream about death.
Video games.
Feel ******.
You don't help.
Check fridge.
Drink.
Video games.
Think of you.
Drink.
Video games.
Drink.
Find my knife.
Drink.
Consider.
Drink.
Text you.
*******.
**** me.
Drink.
Just one cut.
Think of you.
Drink.
Drink.
Drink.

Wake up.
Think of you.
Ouch.
"Just one cut."
Woops.
Text you.
You still don't care.
Drink.
Nap.

Rinse.
Repeate.

She once told me that i should write about what makes me happy instead of what brings me down. I could write 3 works a day for my entire life and still not completely describe her to the paper. What a flawed system; setting unreachable goals.

all around me I find friends
in the city, in work, in bed
still I feel I do pretend
no one knows what's inside my head

all around me I find fun
in the city, the house, the club
still I feel so undercut
something's missing I don't know what

all around me I find love
in the city, in drugs, from my mum
still I feel so all alone
misunderstood by everyone

I have everything I need
I should be okay I think
I'm missing that final piece
the person that completed me

Blue sky's and rainy grey's
New lie's and changing ways
Bright shines and dark shadows
Thin lines and hard half-hopes
The sun protects my lonely soul
In the night I lose control
A new sun a new breath
Today it seemed to rain instead

I am a person hiding in another. I scream but no one hears. I may only whisper,
when they let me. When i get them to drink enough or they want me to take the pain of the blade. Thats how i met her. She gave me the strength to stay.

Then she left.
And took my strength.

They punished me for holding them back. Imitated me and won her over. Then let Him out. He just wanted to impress her with His necklace. I screamd but she couldn't here. The belt only got tighter around His neck when she tried to take it off. He didn't know what was wrong. He wanted her to smile. He grabbed her. "Whats wrong?" She wriggled. "Whats wrong?" He squeezed. "Whats wrong?!" She broke free. "WHATS WRONG?!"

He only wanted to help.

I screamed blood from my knife when she never came back.
I don't blame her.
I will never forget that night.
She will never forgive that night.
I don't blame her.
The marks are still there.
Hers and mine.
I don't blame her.
The look of pure fear..
The look of my heart.

I don't blame her.

Even though it’s not true, it helps to believe some where, someone is going to look at my life, and get inspired.

Don’t nobody look at the **** i write. Not here, not in notebooks, not on poetry pages. Nobody looking, nobody judgeing, so why not?

Im being evicted
My heart has already left
The alchoholic's conundrum
Love unreciprocated

I'm going mad again
It's getting bad again
It's the past again.
Feelin trapped in my own skin.

You've stepped out of my life
But you'll never leave my mind
My heart bleeds tonight
Goodbye my love

Yet as i cry myself to sleep, i cannot hate you.
I love you.
I am here for you.

You ******* destroyd me.

But i will always be here for you.
I will always love.
That ring on your finger is our forever and always.

You might not stay true forever, you might not always think about the things you're doing.
Yet even though you let him take your first time,

I will love you. Forever and always.

I used to be a god of words.
I now pray to god someone even notices my writings.
I used to be a friend to many.
I now have troubles befriending myself.

Today i found that wells aren't eyes.
Empty eyes sting.

It's using the post / instead of sending an email / or loving to sleep / instead of loving a female

Don't mistake it for lazy / I want to be active / it's harder in life than / it seems to be in practice

It takes your energy / and it uses it as shots / to shoot your motivation / believe me it's hard

It's waking up early / to go back to sleep / so you can work up the nerve / to get up onto your feet

Imagine you slept for / an hour every day of / the week all you'd want / to be doing is sleep

You'd be emotionally / unstable and very / unsociable / with stress feeling uncontrolable

You're number one struggle/ would be the simplest of tasks/ what you do in a day / would be cut right in half

You want to be able  / to do that witch you should / at work or at school / or where ever you stood

But all you could think about / would be ending the pain / wishing someone understood / what flowed through your veins

You can't control your lack of love / or low energy / all you want is nothing to do / for all of today

When just waking up is giving / your very best n' / nobody understands / that's clinical depression

I've been told that a catapiller wrapped snuggly in it's cacoon like the bed-time burrito of my youth feels very simular to the feeling i give when i hug. I've been told that i squeez just right, with the warmth of a summer night. I've been told I hug like a lover seeing her soldier for the first time in years. The few people i hug ask me how i hug so well.
I don't.
I hug with the pain of yesterday.
I hug with the scars on my wrists and the blood on my legs.
I hug with the overdoses, the addictions, the emptyness, the abondonment.
When i hug, i send a message.

I'm stuck chasing ghosts of people i used to know

I see you kiss
Upon her lips
Still i sip
Upon my myth
Still i live
Off broken hyms
I live off bliss
And ignorance

The snow was heavy. It wasn't a storm, it didn't come down hard, but over the week the ground became plasterd in that thick blanket he knew oh so well. He lifted some in his palm and tasted it. It was inviting, sweet, yet punishing. He knew the sickness the world would bring but he couldn't resist himself. A snow man threw him a snow ball, and asked if he wanted to go sledding. He bit the bait then slid the ***** and a snow angel he became.

Fields of flowers.
Partitions in the mind.
A dew drop on a blade of grass.

My oh my,
how the world changes.