I tend to jump ship
before I've even boarded
I'm halfway to the gate
before you catch your flight
I'm about to ask you to stay
Or maybe take me away
I'm so afraid of being cliche
So I don't board
or catch your plane
Instead
I walk the other direction
Chalk it up to a missed connection
You'll always question if it was you
It wasn't

We all know that
Death
is inevitable.
And somehow it
always
comes as a surprise.
Prayers in whispers
echo
among lonely halls,
as if mocking our
mortality

Forever etched into a reverie
A memory of you and me
Branded behind my eyelids
Last night

When you had had much to drink
Couldn't think of how to blink
Your eyes reddened 'round the rims
Of irises

You held me in a drunk embrace
Around my waist to save your grace
Walked us right out of
That bar

Don't go you said
And instead pulled the thread
That held us
Together

And somehow our lips intertwined
As if you were mine in that time
As though we were
Fine

Alcohol stained my tongue

Because of that kiss
I often miss
AA meetings

your reasoning falters
it alters
it fails
your opinions
they matter
to you
and none else
your pride is weak
it's bleak
and it's sour
and this is why
we don't care
for your power
your reign?
it's a game
played in the dark
no lights for kings
no last remark
time to revoke
your rules
we call jokes
because in the end
this is what
you've provoked

You are just a boy who walked away
Without so much as a goodbye
So forgive me if I walk away
I do hope you'll ask me to stay
But I've become intolerable
To the lack of effort
You seem to use quite often
I refuse to pour emotions into you
I won't invest my time
Into a boy who never looked back
I won't think twice
About walking away
Without so much as a goodbye
For someone who is only
Just a boy

At 2am
I'm an open book,
No filter;

Read all about it
Front page news
Fifty shades
of curiosity
And yours
to  unravel
Only yours
to unbind

Being confined,
Limited,
Strained,
Contained
By the few words
I need to say
It's exhausting,
Frustrating,
Chaotic,
In the inner workings
Of my brain
Why is it so
Impossible,
Improbable,
Imperative
That I say these words
In such a way
That I won't
Discard,
Disarm,
Discord
You

Essentially,
I am afraid.

We were once a thing
And you still think
You know me
You see,
You shattered me
But I built myself back
differently

I can hear her screaming at me
I'm underwater
I can hear her shouting
I'm drowning
I won't let her save me
I'm finally at peace

These past few nights
I've found myself
Wide awake
Half naked
On my bed
Sheets between
My body
And the air that compacts
Itself into this box
Of a room

All of this
Because of you

I cannot go to sleep
The wiring of
My nerves
Tingling and twitching
Underneath this
Summer skin
That longs for the
Weekends

All of this
Because of you

And on the nights
Where there is no air
Between my body
And yours
My breathing hitched
My moans all muttered
Is when I get my sleep

All of this
Because of you

It is such a risk
To find a slumber
Deep enough
To hold me under
When all I want
Is you

All of this
Because of you

And I don't know
but maybe I'm not supposed
to be who I once was
What is this radical notion
that I have to move backwards
in order to be me?
Perhaps in rebuilding myself
I can allow a few tweaks
Some new upgrades
Maybe a new me
Is who I'm supposed to be

I love you and I miss you. And I love you and miss you constantly. And I fall asleep with the thought of your right arm loosely around my waist and your left arm underneath the pillows, your hand slightly entangled with mine. I can feel my legs slightly intertwined with yours, finding comfort in the fact that this is my favorite embrace. This thought will help me sleep. But then I am aware of my thoughts when I am with you. You know? I'm in my bed thinking about what I think about when I'm sleeping with you. And as though I am there, I feel and hear everything. I can see the light from the TV casted onto the walls and ceiling and i am aware of my blinking. I can hear you drift off into sleep. You begin to breathe shallow and then start to snore that tiny lawn mower snore, and I know that you're not consciously here, or is there? And I start thinking about how lucky I am. How amazing you are. And how much I don't want to sleep just so I can cherish this moment for as long as possible.
I can imagine looking over you, your clock and reading it. 3 in the morning already. I should sleep. And I feel my eyelids growing heavy and by this time the movie is over and the room turns dark and I know I know I know that I should sleep. But I'm so afraid. I'm so afraid that if I sleep, I'll find out I was dreaming. Because to find out that you are just a dream would be a nightmare. So I scoot in a bit closer and kiss your hand and I try to feel everything before everything goes dark. And then it's morning. And you're still there. Or is it here?
And I think about all of that while I'm in my bed and feel everything. Diluted. But it's still screaming with feeling and seeing. And I can barely sleep. But I know I know I know I should sleep.

You all paint this perfect picture
And forget the mess
Of all your brushes
With each new color
Adding to the murkiness
Of your cup of water
That washes off each stroke
Your reds
Your blues
Your highs
Your lows
Ripple together when you dip that brush back in
The canvas might be a masterpiece
But your hands are not.

There she stands
Centre stage
The house lights begin to dim

She has always been
Well liked
And loved
By many
She has always
Stood up
Been brave
Given plenty

But nothing can compare
To the dance she shouldn't dare
To the music
Only she can ever feel

She'll twirl, pirouette
On one leg, arabesque
This pas de deux adagio
Except just by herself
First plié
Then Grande jeté
She shan't try
The tour en l'air
Turn out
Turn in
Plié again
The crowd stands on their feet
Round of applause
She's a lost cause
Shes out of frame
He'll never be her balletomane

The words I write
are for you
and they've touched
the hearts of everyone
but.
If poetry cannot
alter or affect you
then I do not know
how to show you
love

You look at me
But you don't see me
You hear me
But you don't listen
You touch me
But you can't feel me
So tell me,
How can you love me at all?

The truth is
We are all
Searching
For someone
To care
So deeply
About us
That we forget
What being
Forgotten
Feels like

What are you scared of
he asked
like he'd never been afraid
just jump
he commanded
as though all his beds were made
I'll catch you*
he claimed
as I began to walk away

and so he caught
when I jumped
and I was not afraid.