Now,
I'm not one to wallow in the depths of my own despair.
What a waste of time,
I'd rather be jumping for joy in the paradise they call life,
such a blessing to live, to be alive
or so they say.
So when you display emotions of comfort or love towards me,
am I wrong in thinking that you are growing fond of me?
That perhaps we could be compatible, jump through life together,
or at least for the foreseeable future?
Was I wrong for mistaking your soft, heart-warming-now-heart-wrenching, messages as a sign that possibly, you were mine?
Then how so, is it, that I turn my back for a second and you're gone?
'There's nothing wrong with you, it's just she is something else'
Oh well, forgive me whilst I weep, forgive me whilst I sleep
the pain away, forgive me, for apparently, I have sinned.
I'm still not one to wallow in the depths of my own despair,
what a waste of time, but time is no longer of the essence, so I shall do as I please, turns out I was wrong.
I always am though.

Ripped jeans,
And beneath: torn ligaments
Fractures, bruises, scratches.
The pain, is no longer prevailing.

Such a thought to think you can't think
of anything worse.
Such a situation to be in.

Standing, leaning, slumping.
Collapsing, wallowing, lying.

Cold coffee,
Still warmer than your heart
that has grown colder than the Arctic in the winter.

One of these days,
we shall look back and laugh.
Tears joyously trickling down our cheek.
We'll wipe them aside and resume our stories
of which are filled with sorrow, yet shine brighter than ever.

This time I am determined,
that trophy of superficial happiness shall be mine.
It is my time, to shine, to dine, merrily, be the star that never shone.

If I could gather your attention,
Just for one second of your time,
because time is of the essence.
I would like to raise a glass,
to my shimmering, glimmering, future.

Long live this temporary sentiment.
I shall be happy, for as long as possible.

"Just stop messaging, ringing me etcetera.
What happened, happened.
Move on,
please!"

No pause, no hesitation.
He continued

"I don't want to be mates etcetera.
I just want to focus on the next step in my life"

He concluded,

"It's nothing you did, I just think you're not
what I'm looking for really."

If you were to look closely,

You'd see;

How the shadows follow their helpless folks at night, perhaps lost themselves.

You'd see;

The eery echo of footsteps belonging not to the human themselves, but their thoughts, their paranoia

For they're not alone, they are never alone

Hush! Hush!

Don't let the them know you're listening -
Don't allow them to control your very existence,

What do you hear at night?
When all is quiet and the gentle buzz of life has composed itself, now simmering

What do you hear at night?
Silence? Or worse, the benign yet firm whisperings of your mind.

If you were to look closely,
(which I suggest you do not)
You'd see things beyond your realm of understanding.

Don't look, don't ever look closely again.

He said with such ease 'I'm going, I've had enough'
He added, 'I don't love you, things have got tough'
I didn't cry, nope, wouldn't give him the satisfaction

I whispered, barely audible 'I still love you, you know?'
I added, 'It's hard, but, I'm not ready to let you go'
He didn't respond, he wouldn't face me for the rest of the conversation

And if this is what a breakup feels like,
I don't want to ever give away my heart to anybody else
Not ever, never.

I don't want to waste my affection, so tender and genuine
On somebody who is going to throw it back in my face, forcefully,
turn on their heels, and walk away.

It hurts, like a needle, pricking your heart.
It hurts, like a pounding headache after an enjoyable night out.

You need to understand, I don't need somebody to hold my hand
But I need support, comfort and love.
As if what I've given to you already, isn't enough.

He said, once again, 'I'm leaving, and that is that'
This time, I said, 'Fine then, off you go,
You ****'.