You linger like yesterdays coffee
Staining the table
My breath and teeth
Leaking over onto my white shirt
Ruining it
For bleach isn't strong enough
Tide falls short
That faded white shirt
Stained
And despite the distortion
I still wear you to bed.

Bristling branches brush the brazen boldness of summer kissed flesh
Scratching their stories across warm leather and black skin
Kissing the sun with its brilliant caricature smiling from the canvas of hair, freckled flesh and happiness
The winding wind pulling in the playful tangle of curled hair
Where cheeks blushed under exertion
Huffing breath like a prayer
The call too great
Like a sudden pain in the soul
The sound the rush the feeling of touching something that was real
Stays real even after the moment is gone
Tickling hairs of grass meet curious hands walking the hurried gate down into the rocky trail bed
Feet teetering on unstable rock-stone-steps
Tapping out the excited rhythm of her heart
In the meadow on the trail in between the trees
She was truly beautiful
A vision of free.

There is no music here
Where I stay
Inside my mind
Locked behind the disturbances
That shake me
Quaking my bones until they come loose
Covered by despair like Pompey
Its silhouette immortalized
Against the back drop of my ongoing torment.

This depression a lingering installation
Stuck in neutral
  Neither here
Nor there
           Or right now
Living on Auto pilot
The inner structure of my mind in chaos.

While my feet plant themselves forward
Driven the upbeat staccato of footfall-pavement
The hooked-heel motivation of basic life maintenance.

I have rotted
I have lost
I have given the whole of myself
And still watched him walk away
Not goodbye forever
But goodbye for right now
Sounding just as permanent.

My body is tired
My mind is numb
I have given everything I am
To an idea
To a promise
And kept just enough to function

But I am tired now
Being half of something
Missing vital limbs
Toes
And fingers
So exhausted with life
Exhausted with myself

That right now all I wish to do is sleep,
And maybe
Just maybe I'll never wake to this hell again.

I did a fine job this time
Mucking up my own thoughts spiraling me down
To the pitfalls of logic
Where I loose the poet
And attach the analytic mind straight to the brain
Forego the heart
Snip it like some bothersome string attached to my favorite shirt
But here is where I wake
And realize that though logic and rhetoric help the structure of the self
The spirit is starving behind those cold bars
Scared to come out lest it be cut once more
Violated like a child
Helpless to the mindless bumbling oafish screams of listless beings
Whom's only goal is to crush it
Maim it to something other that what it is
Taper it's wings
And stunt the flexing whiles of its witless abandon
Oh how it shone
That beautiful fluctuating penumbra of brilliance
That taps into the ether and brings forth light and wonder
Abandoning my skepticism at least for now I bathe in the glory of freedom I have unbound

It follows close to my mind
Infecting those around me
The faces that grew me in one way or the other
Its metastatic narcolepsy filling the world with silence
Like to many candles in the wind
Blew out the breath's light
Snuffing out the beauty of living
Haunting, lingering in the edges
A hope battle that is over before it began.

It's pulsing
My over crowded mind
Boiled over like meat cooked too full
Splitting an egg cracked under pressure

Scrambled
Skittering across the surface
Thoughts, actions
All uncertain

Too full
Too little
Too unprepared
Dear lord the **** finals are here....

You hear them
Benieth some shadow of movement
Muffled madness spreading
Like an infestation
Gagging on their laughter

Lifting fist nodding indignation
I felt like 60 instead of 20

Sun sets behind closed doors
And morning is the light behinds the curtain
Breakfast is the lunching hour
Where homework meets yesterday’s coffee cup
Still remembering the taste of hazelnut
Silence becomes a quite chaos as Sublime takes over the concentration
Smiling the one man concerts begin
And ends just in time for Netflix

"Trust me.." he says
His poison mouth drawn tight
Over pointed teeth lined with a silver tongue
"You won't regret it...you'll be undone..."
His snap back and bedraggled experienced hands articulate
A sale , a sale another trip away from this place
With desperate hands that shake tremor with want
Eyes already rolled back in memory
Tugging and pulling
Panting in excitement
Choking on air
The dove lifts her wings to soar
Having been flightless for too long.

Like water the ripple of your life has stilled
Where I become the untouched pool purified by the fluxing of my own intention
Warmed by the shifting spirits of ideals
Like great bodies within the deep  the golden shimmer of epiphany engender deeper cultivation
Reflecting the world back out like a great mirror
Pushing away the digestion of filth from the center
That lack luster film of society dripping red from open hands
I expel the marginalized oppression
You tried to change me
Not aware I was doing so all along.

Feet cracking, bruised concrete making skin peel
Walking on the aching pads of reason
Finding home
Away from thought
No mind, he would call it
Acting without acting
Till the murmur of my disillusionments fade
To nothing

Quiet in the echoing void of my mind
******* away intended function
Allowing bones to cave in on themselves and muscles to stove up
Like dried dates in the summer heat

The night was long
Stretching its fingers out, pulling the hands inplace
So as an hour felt like an eternity
Each breath even longer still
I was exhausted
Walking on fumes
Blown over by a hard wind

But the end was in sight
The welcome red, bolted 1823
Where you rested, with soft bed
And warmth
Waiting to sooth the burn of my body
Final ease
Embraced in comfort only you could bring.

******
Why couldn't this come earlier this
Hustle and bustle
The need to compartmentalize my existence
Only to find new ground and plant roots
It's not that I didn't want to move
It's the packing
The lacking
And the living out of boxes
That **** me off
If I could find ground worth staying rooted in that would be nice

I remember the Space Oddity the melodic timber of your voice.
Taking me away in the most peculiar way.
Floating in a sea of distant different stars.
Stepping through the door of possibilities.

No longer in a tin of insecurity on whether I dressed as a boy or a girl.
Rebelling the notion of self expression as a taboo.
In those golden moments I was free.
No longer running the labyrinth of normality
Where dreams were not reality
You were my Hero, for more than one day.

Changing with time, one step ahead of the rest.
Thank you Lazarus for taking us past the Black Star.

It's another day
But the humming humdrum buzzing in the back of my mind continues and I feel that frequency once more
That bubbling back water tune of my thoughts
Cranking out the Beatles, Bob Marley and that smooth electric Queen ride
While the passing bodies emit the chaos of collective electric sounds vibrating too fast and burning themselves out too quickly
But who am I to tell them to change the station

Click back to something comforting like a Train wreck into those lyrics that make you mellow and keep the heart both heavy and light
Where "she wears high heels when she exercises"
Meets "Imagine all the people.."

Instead of "throwing glitter on the floor" and dressing like a *****
The integrity of a person can be spelled by the inclination of their music choice at least in some part
Where the air headed meets the raging ostentatious celebrity
And the more level seeks words that have space in the general meaning of what it is to be human
Singing beauty up into the thoughts of man

Feeling the frequency of my own mind
And rubbing the fuzzy static of less developed
I am humbled by my selective out cast once more
And find that the understanding of my person
Is not meant to happen here
As much as I would wish them to see listen more closely if not to music
Then themselves

Night is day in this round about week
When sleeping masks and tight curtained windows block out the sun
Night shift
Ironic jeans and t-shirt
Feet still eating up the newly waxed floor
Moving and shuffling heavy odious loads
In the creep quiet of the consumer skeleton
When a whisper a drop of a pin is too loud.
From between the ribs of corperate beast

2 am is here again
And yet not I go to sleep
Between the worried flies and dreaming cries
Restless I seem to be
The what ifs and could be's
Chase me around the room
And I find myself sinking further and further into an adult depressive loop.

Unlike when we were kids
When worries were solved by others
The panic power of the day to day tower
Of fears and aspirations
Keep most of us from our greatest potential
And consequently a good nights rest.

If this should end in fire
Then we should all burn together
Go up in smoke
Glorifying all that we were
The good the bad
And the terrifying
Because if I should burn
So should you

If I shall melt from the heat
Then so should you
For we are connected by more than this
Than this pain of souls shedding
To the core of what renders them

With heat you remade me from what I was to what I am
This self has climbed out of the ruin
The ashes of what was and has never shined
As brightly as it has under your hands
Under your warmth the butterfly transcends
Into excellence
Where her wings have never reached as far
And her heart  never bled as readily

I see fire
Glowing up from within
Ticking with the limitations of time
Where it is fed dreams
Hopes
And lies
In order to keep lit
Instead of burning bright only to fade
From the lack of air

If I am to catch fire
We should all burn
For without you
I will descend once more to the ember
Not to burst with brilliance anymore

Can't I not be human
Can I not dress myself, bathe myself, feed myself
And more?
So what right do you have to treat me like a child
Who doesn't believe actions have consequence?
I'm sick of your judgement
When the only one that matters is my own
Its the 21st ******* century!

Buzzing
Humming hum-drum noise
This blatant blockage of dribble and sludge
Stupidity at its best
My god man

How do you live
  With that spittle, of garbled words you call sentences
Do your thought really reflect the dirt that flows off your tongue
  Like clay wrapped *****
Regurgitated out of the mouth of a brain dead mute

Seriously!
Are you deft to boot?

Can you not comprehend the English that I speak?
You ill witted simpleton!
God you make me reek

By contending with your ignorance
I stink
The smell of rotting brain matter
The feted meat, calling fly's
Who choke on the sensation of overcooked eggs
And the stench of distilled bile
Thank God I only have to deal with this for a short while.

Or else
Sink,
   Like a rock
Into your bog of bigoted rag
My liberal mind to heavy to float

Sometimes when I sit in silence I hear voices
Whispering in my ears, like a breath so quiet you struggle to listen
To the hush you can barely make out words
Shivering down the spine like cold water
Igniting the flesh in goosbumps
My whole body stands at attention
Running a fevered hand across the brow I try to forget
Because sometimes acknowlegement invites trouble.

Light bleeds through red curtains painting the brown walls a muddy shade of maroon like dried blood on concrete
Sticky and hazy
The whooshing movement of fan blades fill in the would be silence
Tugging air with dull blades rapid and quick similar to the staccato of a heart beat
Wubbing its low hum sound the t.v static of a mundane morning
Sunday's have never held much meaning
Other than the once suffocating stuffiness of a dusty church bench
Listening to hell fire and brimstone in a place that smelled like death and hand sanitizer
Where children are paraded like prized cattle in front of relatives
Valued for their would be talents and their potential to redeem their parents mishaps
No this day was greeted with the smell of *** and the taste of syrup still lingering in the dry parts of the mouth
Legs tired from walking and stumbling at the bar
Eyes still wearing the specter of blue eye shadow
Lips the muted color of sin
No Sundays are special kind of sacred

You tell me I need Jesus
That my tattooed and metal appearance is offensive
But Ma'am I'm not the one condeming strangers
Not the one proselytizing hate
For belligerence has never swayed the secure
Does my existence make you question your own?
Is it my idol tattoos that threaten you religious security?
If anything when I smile, tell you to have a nice day and go about my business
I become the better person
Was it not your God that preached love and tolerance?
Where is that now?
Do you only preach what serves you?
And people wonder why I have problems with faith.
Its not your God that is the problem its his people.

I can see the world in your eyes
Behind those thick frames is wonder
Imagination
Reality becoming something magical and at the same time all together real
Tangible
Magical
Beautiful in ways that others can no longer see
You child are something special
Something unique

I can taste what life should be from the way you smile
Fresh
Wild
Glinting in the sunlight like dew on bright flowers face
Oh you are the brilliant
Bright in the height of day

Deeper than the deepest
More vibrant than the colors of the brightest star
Just being who you are
I celebrate all that is you

Yes you
There Poet
I'm talking to you.

Will you still love me?
When I am no longer vibrant
With the contengency of my youth
When my soul is laden with the suffering of a lifetime
Will you hold me?
Kiss away the pain of my heart
When the world betray's me
And my own heart denies me enterance into the realm of forgiveness

Will you still love me?
When my lips thin
No longer plump with the pouting potential of 21
When my blue eyes no longer spark with the reflecting depth of laughter
When age takes my skin into itself and adds new plains to my profile
Will you still see me?
Inside a body that shifts with the experiences that define it
When the shell that was once so vocal is quiet
When I revert inside my mind to find the answers to the world
Instead of forge a new path
When I travel a road long worn by the pads of my feet that I know it by memory
As I know you

Will you still love me?
When the ring on my finger no longer fits
Having loss the thickness of supple skin
Will you still love me?
When I can no longer grant life
When children sing no more lullaby's in their small voices
Can you still love me?
When nights grow colder
And the stories I tell you grow together
Weaving the tale of your life into a glorious creshendo
That words fail and you are brought to tears
By the essence of my love.

I will still love you
No matter how you change
I will see the young man with his wide eyed wonder
I will love the gentle expressions of your self when they change as we all do
There will be no faulter in my steady step as I hold your hand

Help you off the ground
Steady your shaking feet
Planting firm roots beneath you
When everything else is meant to fall
I will see you despite it all.

You test me
With this physical cliff
This distance
This depressed want
Verging on hopeless need
That I feel coming up the back of my throat like *****.

I can feel the tension
From my swelling
Aching wrist
Held so fiercely by the bond of word
You stand on
This borderline obsession
I have come to salivate for
To yearn so numbing that all other thought comes to hault
Persistent tugging again on the links
Holding me back from madness

From wanting to force your hand in a direction
I know only pushes you away
But this need is a painful thing
Manifested by the  fear
Of loneliness,
An overarching call
To the inner most basic part of a woman

Needing to be needed
Needing to have purpose
To get as close to someone
As she can and not have to let him go
Even if it is but for a moment

But that moment
Is what she lives for
When all the buzzing blind meaty cattle of society
No longer  swarms her ears with an insatiable
Craving
Wants of something they have not earned
Not worked for or built upon

The essence of her being leeching like a cracked
Egg on pavement
Humpty did not fall
But rather was pushed

That moment means
Absolution
The connection deep
Punctuated with the feel of two heartbeats in one
Being
One creature seeing
Touching tasting and thinking of nothing
But the feel
The motion
The sensation of this blistering
Blatent bubbling chaotic
Dynamic coming together of
Pieces once whole

You are a model of a modern major failure
A martyr to yourself
Breathing the narcissistic carcinogen
The egos fermentation
Spewing like mayflies from your mouth
Your words hold naught even air
Like the boy who cried wolf
And the bird who mockingly rhymes
You were not perfect
But ****** you were mine!

Lip stick stains the flesh of the mouth
The rim of a glass
The side of a straw
Coats the flippant strand of hair leaving little red streaks on the cheek
It melts in the sun, dripping into the mouth with the taste of wax
It brightens the white of the teeth and shadows the black of a bruise
It compliments the eyes, those brilliant blues
That cupids bow dripping red from a swollen nose burst brighter
Shadows and contour that girl is on fleek
That little red tube is nothing if not unique

Blips of color greet the green leave wonder of evergreen bushes
The fluttering finally subsides and winged whispers hush
Leaving the night void of movement

The stars were brighter outside than normal
Sitting out freezing frozen numbed tips of blue
Curled tightly in jacket edge
Where I sat
In the stillness of evening
Watching the world wind down
Except the wind
Whose words went unanswered
Pleading the sane to find heated doors
And cozy bed clothes

But I never claimed sanity anyway
Who wanted that dull bias label anyway
Moreover who could claim normality in a world of individuals
It was peaceful here briskly captivated by moonlight
But I could not keep composure
The flat line balm ripped itself once more into frenzy

For you popped right back into my mind
As if you only left to grab a bite
Instead of locking yourself out in this cold night
You had to wander back inside
And muck up all the barriers and reassurances I had made myself
Leveling the levy
I had built so I would not drown in sorrow any longer

You with a capitol Y
The one thing that could both leave me in bliss and shatter the fabric of my being
Burn it so the pattern is left thread bare
The edges frayed
Gummed up like some ancient machinery left in the elements of your wrath
Or worse
Your apathy

My solace ruined
I regrettably turn in
Creaking rusted legs
And pluck the melancholy dew drops
Of love  from the heavy air

There is beauty in negative space
Between the lines of your face
The absence voidless pockets of empty space
There is peace in the decluttering of nothing
Like stillness it is sometimes needed to tip the scales towards a healthy mind.
Listlessly I find myself seeking it
The vibrations of too much clutter
Has the stutter of insecurity
Too loud
Too close
Feel cloistered in the corner
Like herded cattle trapped within the walls of society.

I want new love
That kind of new buzz igniting the passionate flames of freedom
Like Spanish fire
Vibrant
Reds, yellows, and white
Bold and over the top
That cinematic love that faceless wonder
Beyond the tangles of a painted world
Where the heart sizzles, crackles like oil in a hot pan
The acid rub of raw emotion that chews up the back of the throat
Till there is nothing left but that sensitive ache

Where tears are from joy, and pain
Two emotions so entangled that one knows no end to the other
Where "I love yous" are murmured in the quiet
Screamed in righteous fury
Garbled in shaking tears.
I want new love
Something that is truly real.

That makes bones shatter and the mind reel
Something that binds my hands and ruffles my wings
That poisonistic aphrodisiac
Not cupid on his euphoric wing
I want raw
I WANT REAL
That feel love
That everything

True love
That fantasy
That makes me feel like a princess
The poet, the queen

I need real love, new love, and true love
All those emotions in between
Not a solemn promise, with no fire, no mind, just game
Not the fake, or whispers of what could be
I need real love, true love, that kind that only feels.

I want reach out but words stick
Glueing to the throat so thick i choke
Cough and fail again
What do I say
What do I do
I've tried so hard to forget
But my eyes are not so blinded by love
Not so clouded with desperation
Fighting to hold on
Failing to show you what could be
If you had but let go
Stopped kicking and screaming dragging your nails across the walls
Of sanity
Def to the what I felt
What actions caused

But the truth
I'm not sure you want
To feel as I have felt
The zenith of my accumulation what I learned from the outside in
Would most likely do you no good
Would hurt you and hurt s me to feel again
For I am removed from it but lost to it

I let you into where others do not go
Not my mother
No not even the other
You know as suridly as I know you will read this
Know this
And burn as I have burned at the realization
You were there in the places that none could see
Saw the raw integrity of all that I am
And you ripped them
Tore it from the socket those fragile things of beauty
Sullied them like they were not worth the delicate wonder they had been
Shining a rainbow gossimer of good humanity the raw feirce nature of what love should be
Nieave as they were meant
Forgiving and piercing they had lament



They but flutter a sad representation
A jaded remorse they have become wishing to be the butterfly that it once was.

Where has that classic romantic gone?
The one that writes lines of poetry on paper, on skin
The soulful sway of the heart, taking out time to separate
Away from the world
Within the world
Like the feel of music under the skin
In the veins warbling its majestic tune against the chilled goose-flesh of feeling
The heart on the sleeve
On the chest
In the mouth.

Gravity its working against me
Taking away my breath
Collapsing my wild heart under the suffocating weight
Of that ragtime dime
That jaunting beat of social feet
Pulling me against the current

To a colder tune
Something somber filled with the lonely blues.

Im that same little blue eyed girl who walked into walls before you knew I was blind.
That same jaggle-toothed imp who got busted for staying outside too long.
The crazy tomboy who hit a home run, sliding so fast she skinned her elbow, knees and arms.
Winning and grinning that victory smirk

Im the same punk *** teen that razored her hair
With blackebd eyes to old for her face.
The same lonely girl trying to make some space.
The sweet hearted goth with sarcastic smile.
The Greenday ****** against it all.

There was a time where the music stole my soul.
Only to return it shattered over a boy I didnt care to know
But it came back with a vengence.
To play rock band with the strings on my heart.

Now tattered and tatted I stand before you now
All all grown up the early phases of my life set free
Shifting like a camilion I am all these things and not.
But dont confuse me
Im better than ever before
Im not searching for it anymore
I am free of what used to be me.

Will you walk with me
      Hand in hand
         A leisurely stroll
               Promptly off the plank
                       And into the quagmire of my thoughts
                             Where words fade into meaningless garbled blips of sound
                                      Where the wet sluggish tick of my clock
Turns back on itself
   Into madness
And back into reality
                  Lapse in reason                                              Forgetful................................
I fall under                              sideways                                                                          farther still
                   Clutching                your  hand tight..........

                                      Where in darkness you have always been the light.
To my candle
      Keeping my wick warm
Dry, and free of debris
                                        My savior
Oh Captain,                                            My Captain
                           Sailors right
Steering me into                         Dangerous water

Waiting the kraken deep, my appetites hunger
                            It is only you they seek.
A snare!        A trap!                    Baited breath!
Shackled creep,
               Here within my heart you are mine to keep.

What do I do now?
When all my obligations are over
The school bells have  rang their final tune
The cap has sailed the air flipped over
Back down into the mush
Of payments
Uncle Sam coming to collect it’s due
I want to be free to live
See those distant shores travel those far off places
And exist in the floating twilight of possibility
I am scared that my dreams will only be that...
A dream
In another life another place
With a happier me..

Marley once said that music could heal the soul
Those words I am not likely to rebute
For music moves
It speaks, and motivates
A landslide of symbolic aspirations
In the right place and time
Music can do more in one moment
Than medicine can in days.

You touched me with words
Whispered sweet lies
I lost my breath
You touched me with hands
Trailing tips of dancing fingers
Leaving behind goosed flesh
You touched me with rose colored glasses
Distortion at best
I fell hard
Cracked china and lace

Devastation, that thrumming madness behind my eyes
Has not dwindled but kept itself in the back of my mind
You leaving has left its aching hole
The gradual upheaval in my soul

But I stand firm
Solid are my knees
Holding up my world
When everything is so bleak

With the hopes
A prayer
A silent plea
That you will arrive
Any day
Searching for me

With that smile
That swishing gate
And yes
I will watch you
Connect eye to eye
And when the fire of my love
Has fulfilled, a sated state
We will watch the sunset
And I will no longer ache.

Happiness is a feeling that is fleeting
Like hummingbird wings it flutters
Fast like a racing heart beat
Wasting no time to flood the system
A drug an addiction
That most spend their whole life chasing
Not realising that if they but slow down
Happiness would come racing to them.

Can we just close our eyes
And pretend
A dream of time gone by
When your breath fell against
Pillows frothing with waved curl
Shining like copper in early morning

Skin chilled
The goose flesh of warm hands making waking a sensation
Tucking closer to the warmth
That spread with the expanse of your arms
Can we not breathe and forget that I am holding your voice to my ear
Instead of having it tingle
The heated murmurs of tone

Not the garbled digitized timber
Where us was more than
Me telling him that you are there
That the next guy I tell will believe me
If he hears about you one more time
Sees your picture and doesn't think me a loon
For having a spouse that is not there
You are not make believe

That I will wake up not wanting for your touch
The gift of your laughter
And how somedays you are the only one to make me smile
Can we pretend just for a little while

It comes ringing jingling
And ring-ting-tingling
The holidays

Creeping up so fast all you can do
Is watch
In horror
As the warm fuzzy feelings of wanting to
Be with someone
Anyone
Family
Friends
Lovers
The need to be loved
Sprinkled like sugar on everything
The holidays make people needy

Eyes go dry staring at the black letters
Streaming across the white glaring edge of blank space
Filling up margins with contemplative speculation
Another theory
Another world view down
Peering down the mind of thinker long dead
And ideology long forgotten in the common consciousness of man

The heated whirring of computed fan
Making fingertips warm with the *******
Streaming off the tips of meated flesh
Vomiting regurgitated digested language and reasoning’s
Spoon-fed to the infant mind for four months
The final tick-tacking of keys
Setting in stone the effort and money of another semester spent
Steam rising off the cranium
The sizzle of taxed mind and drooping eye

Fascinated still by information that I'm too **** tired to process
Another semester down
Major coming into focus.

I might leave
I tell her crossing my arms beneath my breast
Listening to the rain speak
Washing away the yellow layer of pollen and dust
Agitating the old window panes
Scrubbing the sore throbbing anatomy of nature
Some relief from the spring season

It would be my right
I murmur hearing the quiet ****** my words into hushed darkness
By leave
I mean stay
Still wishing for what was
What is now a memory
Flickering black thumps against my feet
Sounding like footsteps rhythmic
More eyes blink in the dim light
Feeling the rubbing touch of whiskers
On nape of neck

leave
From ultimately him
She nods flicking one black silk ear
Turning green eyes to the swaying
Leaf fingers
Tapping glass

I mean it, this time I'll show him.
Lazy paws reach out
Stretching tiny feet and jingling bell tones
Chime in the silence

What it is like to loose me
Curling feet meet cold blanket edge
Where knees press so deep into breast
That hands release, wrapping closer
Tighter
Tucking socked toes next to warm
Breathing fur

You don't believe me, do you?*
Green eyes meet blue and the mewling assertion
Fills the air with conviction
She didn't believe me
She knew too well

This blonde deceiver
Lied to often
Mostly to herself

I feel like an irisis pushing out of the ground.
Trying not to drown in the rain.

I wait
Hollow eyed stilling time
Hoping to be swept away on what ever dull fog has possessed my soul
Clogged my mind
The dripping tap
Blitzing across the surface of my bursting mind
To full!
  Welling
        SWELLING
Straining the strands of my tentative sanity

Testing the limits of my mind
Maddening the constrains of my heart
Till numb fingers
List to the left
Straddling the median
On late nights
80 miles
and counting

Drifting
Sailing to the sidelines
Until the world drops
And blank eyes
Finally shudder no more
Wipers bridge no more tears
Blipping out of existence
Along with all my fears.

Waking in a huddled mess
Piled high the pillowed mountain fort
Canyons of comforted warmth
Burrowed in blanket mass
It still follows
No matter how tight I bundle in
Reality always finds me
Despite how much I dont want to let it in

In the quiet
I hear the mumbling sounds of muffled words
The voices of strangers
Not close enough to understand
But the vibration
The tinkering richness that comes from spoken word
Flicker across the drum
Quick
Like sounds of life outside a car window
It vanishes
He hears it too, shooting off
A rocket across the bed
His soul green eyes flinging off the light of headlights
Ears stretched wide
It comes again
My mind straightens up
The body ridged..
Hoping to hear that mad sound again
Wanting it to make sense
Like so many t.v. shows
Debunk the mystery..
It does not return..and only the goose flesh
Plus the sentry movement of yet another feline convinces me it was real..

If I could hate you
     I would
But the ring on my finger says other wise
If I could loathe you
    I would
But breaking of my heart tells me I would be lying
The stolen moments where I live like a crook
Cracked out on the presence of you
If I could keep you
    I would
Lock you away where my heart could no longer weep
As it watched you drive off to live a life that is not mine
If I could follow
    I would
Dragging nothing but a trail of broken dreams
And shattered mind
As though I am not already consumed by you
As though I was human
In a world were humanity doesn't exist
If I could just hold you
    I would
Shut out the rest of the world and shove this desperation outside with the rest of the trash
If I could stop loving you
    I wouldn't
Because despite this you are the better part
And you are all I've got.

If beautiful words are all you want to hear then taste the ash of my breath for only truth is burning here.

Touch my voice and know the depth of my heart for nothing but sincerity falls from my lips. Like rain it will cleanse the palate.

See the honesty within my words and know sanctity is ringing its trembling song without falsity I become humble. Truth taking hold the blooming flower you behold.

Look to her and know not truth for painted lips breed painted lies. She is not with honesty but slick with pride.

Be drunk on her an intoxication heed my warning and justification. She will lead you on and take your breath that painted temptrest is poisonous at best.