If you wake up with red puffy eyes and messed up hair, a body that would not be considered "perfect" by society's ******* up standards, wearing scrunched and unflattering pajama pants and an old stained T-shirt for a band I don't even like with a sore throat and a pale face, oily skin and rough hands because it's getting cold and dry this time of year, and you sit at the table and have your tea with me in the morning, still quiet and barely awake, how you look then and there will be when I love you the very most, because that's when I know you see our relationship as something that doesn't rely on us always finding each other's outward appearance attractive. But, that is when I will find you the most attractive of any moment in time, when you wake up, and look like YOU.

It's like why I wake up early. Then you can justify to yourself why you are feelings so lonely. Obviously, since no one else is up, it makes sense you feel lonely, but when you are around people and you still feel lonely, that's when you feel most alone, because it doesn't make sense.

If I'm cold, I can justify to myself the reason I feel that way. I'm not wearing a jacket in the winter, clearly it makes sense that I'm cold. Then, if I feel cold inside even though I'm wearing a thick jacket, I feel even colder than before and can't understand why I feel so cold inside.

If I were a celebrity...
I would contact all the rest of the female celebrities attending an upcoming red carpet event and try and get everyone including myself to show up without any makeup on at all to display not natural beauty, but a lack of concern for outer beauty to society and the media.

If I were a famous music artist...
I would write songs about imperfections I would write songs to heal people emotionally in the way only music can and get people who enjoy my music to contact me with their stories and meet with them so I can write songs personalized to their story so they can always have a song that they can 100% relate to.

If I were a famous author...
I would write books from the point of view of a girl who is unarguably NOT traditionally physically pretty, not necessarily traditionally ugly, but not particularly pretty (by society's standards and definitions I mean because beauty doesn't have a REAL definition), but my character would be so beautiful inside. I would write about a character who does all the normal things a real person does and not everything in her life would end in happily ever after because in real life, not everything does. She would be a real type of person, she would walk into rooms and forget what she was there for (which I do an embarrassing amount of times in a day) she would occasionally trip down the stairs (and up it too the way I ever so clumsily do) she would hate having uneven hoodie strings, her favorite song would come on all the time on the radio when she pulls into the garage, she would press those little buttons you find on the lids of fast-food drinks and she would always get stuck behind slow-walkers at the mall. I would create a character people can relate to because there are far too many books about perfect beautiful people with perfect lives where things turn out perfectly for them and I’d like to create a role model of a character who is not perfect.

If I were someone who could reach millions of people with my words, I would want to do so much. But I am just me, and my words cannot influence the whole world. I can’t change society, I am so small in our big, big world I don’t have a voice. I hope those who have a voice use it well.

Repost if you wish you had a bigger voice
Comment and tell me what you would do to change the world if you had a bigger voice

If Love could fall in love
Maybe She would leave us mortals be
Maybe She’d quit cursing us
If She could feel the agony
Of seeing the one you love in your mind every moment
And knowing they can’t see you
Not in the way that you view them
But you can’t let them go no matter what you do
Or if she could feel the anguish
Of loving another soul so much it hurts
And that love is why it hurts so bad being unable to forgive them
After they shove you in the filth and dirt
When someone who has passed this life
Is the only one your heart can think of
That crumbling feeling might halt Her cruel games
If Love could fall in love

If Love has hurt you before to, please repost.

If only Beauty weren't capitalized in my vocabulary.
But it is...
And I can't change it. :/

I'm in the bold.
He's in the italics.

"Well, you haven't spoken to me since xmas so I kinda figured you were done wanting to hear from me."

"Yeah, I regret that."

"I usually make it into people's regrets, oddly enough."

"Don't say that"

"I'll say what I want."


YOU LIAR.

If you had a bad day today
I just wanted to remind you
That you are wonderful
And you are worthy of life
I am here if you need to talk
I am here if you need to vent
Nothing anyone ever says
Nothing that ever happens
Is worth tearing yourself apart over
because this life
is yours
don't let society
take your life
away from you
you are a beautiful soul :)

11:59-Ikr I LOVE grilled cheese sandwiches!
12:01-I killed a man once...

I sort of know why things are this way
I sort my thoughts about it into little glass jars inside of my mind

Making light of my troubles I smile past them
Making light beams shining through the darkness that is my heart

The race that I belong to of crooked misfits without the appealing
rebellious pride
The race I run everyday wondering how I'll ever chase down Time and pass it at the finish line, but I can't keep up and Time, just like Life, goes too quickly

The club trumps my heart everyday, every moment, and I do loathe being second best, yet again
The club of Inadequacy that beats me ****** and bruised everyday

The fairness of your face can alter your fate and change whether you are adored or disliked
The fairness of reality is horribly off balance and nearly nonexistent

So I must act fine and dress fine and look fine because only the lovely are loved in this world
So I must act fine even though I am not okay because I can't be what I am not and I get to be what I was born as and that is my identity and my identity only gets a single definition, only one single meaning I get to be Me and that means Me, it can't mean Me as well as Lovely.

and I just can't be a double meaning.

Repost if you cannot be a double meaning.
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry or your thoughts on my work or on poetry itself as an art! :)

I just really hope you know you are beautiful.
I just really hope you know when I see you, my heart has a seizure.
I just really hope you know, your face is flawless to me.
I just really, really hope you know your existence makes a difference in this world to me.
I just really hope you know you are beautiful.

If I walked by you on the street, and we locked eyes for a spit second, would you  even say hey? Would you call my name? Or would we awkwardly look at the ground and walk on opposite sides of the road, pretending not to notice each other?

I like the type of boy
Who isn’t overly sure of himself
Who fakes his confidence
So he comes across bold and fearless
But secretly needs reassurance
Though he never asks for it
But he allows his nervousness
To show once in a while
I like the type of boy
Who holds onto things
Far too long
And can’t let go
Even when it has come time to
And even when he really wants to
I like the type of boy
Who isn’t afraid of emotion
And takes feelings like a man
Without treating them
Like something undesirable
I like the type of boy
Who would prefer to read
Rather than smoke ****
Who would choose to watch an old movie on a Saturday night
Over getting drunk at 2AM with a group of strangers
I like the type of boy
Who over thinks everything
I like the type of boy who gets jealous
‘cause it’s kind of cute
I like the type of boy who is passionate
Who has powerful emotions
Who never does anything halfway
Who means what he says
Who isn’t out spoken
But considers his words
And uses them well
Because he knows their value
I like the type of boy
Who yells when he is mad
Isn’t afraid to disagree with me
But is never unkind about it
Who is willing to listen
Who is willing to talk
I like the type of boy
Who will tell me I have a beautiful soul,
Not a beautiful face or body
I like the type of boy
Who calls me something deeper than pretty
Who doesn’t shower me in in meaningless compliments
But when he does
He means it
And he says something a little more original
Than calling me pretty
I like the type of boy
Who has a darker side
But doesn’t let it overpower him
Who can handle my darker side
But is one of the few people
Who can bring my out my brighter side
I like the type of boy
Who doesn’t mind when I act crazy
Who isn’t afraid to yell when he needs to let something out
And isn’t afraid to whisper either
I like the type of boy
Who messes up all the time, over and over again
Who has regrets
Who shows remorse
Who cares about stuff
And isn’t “too cool” to give a ****
I like the type of boy
Who uses proper grammar
Who is willing to tease me
And joke around with me
And make me laugh
I like the type of boy who isn’t afraid
To be afraid
I like the type of boy
Who likes the type of girl I am








…so basically the non-existent type of boy :P

Repost if you like the type of boy or girl that most usually wouldn't and comment, telling me the type of boy or girl you like.

Friendship like a mirror
Reflecting echos from our past
But those smiles we shared those days
Were just too good to last
And when that mirror shattered
We realized it wasnt forever
And it's better to leave It broken
Than hurting yourself trying to put it back together

Repost if you had to say a tough goodbye to something too good to last.

Yeah I totally love being single!
You can do what you want whenever you want without obligations or having to think about anyone else you can flirt shamelessly with as many guys as you like, there is no pressure to look good for anyone I love that I have all this me time where I can spend a Saturday night reading and listening to the music I like without trying to decode mixed signals in text messages
I never have to depend on anyone but myself.
No one is stressing me out by depending on me.
I can sit by myself on the couch home alone when everyone else is out
And feel completely isolated, unloved and unlovable
I can feel so ugly and obsess over it
I can scroll through pictures of pretty celebrities and models and girls I know online bitterly wishing I looked like them and could be like them so that maybe someone would notice me and give me a chance
I can scream at the radio for playing stupid love songs
I can eat ice cream and chocolate wondering why I am such a waste of space
Thinking of all the guys who have rejected me and dropped me over the years
Have no one to love
Or who loves me
No guy I can trust with my secrets and loyalty
No one who needs me
No one to want
Or make me feel wanted
To spend nights together
Just talking
And watching movies
Being cutesy and flirty with
Lie hand in hand with
No one I can gush about to my friends
No one I can bake for
No one I can buy stuff for, just 'cause
No one I can do random couples stuff with
No one in my life
It's pretty great.
I love being single.

I as much as I hate to admit it,* I honestly love him more than the sun.



Although...

+

+

+

+

+
I absolutely despise the sun with fiery loathing...



So I suppose that leaves him in the **"I really hate you" slot...

You’re crawling on the tips of fiery flames
You’re dancing with the shadows.
There’s no way back
You’ve gone too far
You’re creeping along
a bloodstained path
and it just isn’t fun anymore
not the same thrill to be the only one
“brave” enough to leap off the ledge
And tumble into a chasm of eternal agony
You got lonely with only the silence to talk to
Truthfully
You used to like this feeling
Like a sense of empowerment
Because no one suspects the secrets you keep
But there comes a time
When you don’t want
To keep these secrets anymore
You don’t want to feel strong enough to face the pain
You just don’t want the pain there anymore
You’re crawling on the tips of fiery flames
You’re dancing with the shadows.
There’s no way back
You’ve gone too far
No.
There’s always a way back.
There is no such thing as too far.
And I’m back.

Please repost if you too have made it back from an abyss of despair :)
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry or your thoughts on my work or on poetry itself as an art! 

I'm fine. I promise. Please don't worry about me.

I plan on going way over the top to keep you from slipping through the cracks. I know that won't fix it, but it can't hurt. I'll be here to support you no matter what. If you are broken and distant and unreachable, I'll be there to listen. If you just need someone else to talk so you can keep your mind off of your emotions that refuse to stay in your control, I will blabber on and on (I'm good at that), if you are okay but certainly not happy I will send you multiple jokes that are super unfunny to any normal person but given our sense of humor, might be kinda hilarious. If you are drowning in memories I will buy you insane amounts of chocolate and try my very hardest to draw your attention away from the past. Instead we can point out every problem with Disney princesses and speak in very offensive "Russian" (and I use that term very loosely) accents just for the hell of it.
Expect me to go over the top with this. I will be there to support you, and it will involved ALOT of chocolate!

I miss who you were, not you.
"You's" meaning changed in a year.
I would still die for the girl we USED to know
but you morphed into a monster
and now
with no trace
of the old you left
I just loathe this vicious beast
you have become
so leave me alone
You've broken enough people already
don't make it worse

Are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine. Why?

Well, you're huddled in a ball, your knuckles are white from clutching your own skin too hard, you're trembling so bad it's scaring me and you're sobbing silently and uncontrollably with a mirror you just smashed beside you...

I'm just fine.

Usually I lie
Whenever I say I'm fine
Except not right now

It was two lipsticks and a secret ago
That a text message from you lit up my screen
But my phone goes off and I read your name
The boy who uses pretty words that he doesn't really mean

And my name is not plan B
But you're a tough craving to ignore
Don't you tell me I'm beautiful
The way you never did before

'Cause I hate the way you overuse
The same phrase every time we talk
And I hate the way you think you're something new
When you're just another cliché in the flock
I hate the way you cling to my mind
With the letters of your name you can spell what I'm thinking
But between your indecision and the masks you wear
I hate how I'm only pretty when you've been drinking

You need to be brave enough
To hold my hand
Even though haven't been declawed
You need to be strong enough
To lift me
Even though I carry heavy burdens
You need to be kind enough
To hold me
Even though I'm made out of shards of broken glass
You need to be tough enough
To be near me forever
Even though I am burning fire
Because love is impossible
But if you will be
All these impossibilities
I'll be all your impossibilities

Please repost if you want ti be someone's impossible
Please comment I love to read interpretations of my poetry

I'm
                                             sorry for
                                       when I respond
                                            too quickly
                                              when I
                                               forget
                                                   to
                                                play
                                              it cool
                                         and not act
                                       too over eager
                                        because I get
                                         caught up
                                                in
                                             your
                                         perfection.
                                     Sorry for when
                               I take ages to answer
                            because I can't think of a
                              witty way to respond
                                 that I won't regret
                                      seconds after
                                           clicking
                                             send
                                                 to
                                             match
                                       every clever
                             phrase you type but it
                                seems I do anyway
                                    Sorry for being
                                      too forward
                                       sometimes
                                       I just really
                                         like you
                                          and I'm
                                           so sick
                                               of
                                            playing
                                       mind games                                                                
                              I don't know the rules
                           to so I'm just going to flirt
                            like there is no tomorrow.
                           Sorry for when I complain
                               too much and bag on
                                     myself, I've just
                                          run out of
                                            happy
                                        thoughts to
                                         share with
                                          you since
                                            you are
                                                my
                                              main
                                     sunny moment
                              in my day and I have
                           been too irreparably broken
                       so that the confidence I once had
                       can't make it back in ever again.
                          Sorry for when I keep secrets
                            from you it's just that some
                               crevices are too dark and
                                    deep to be explored.
                                          Some scars are
                                            carved in too
                                                hard to be
                                                  healed
         &nbs

I'm either always second choice
or not even a choice at all
I'm the girl who fights tears during slow songs
at the dances no one ever asks me to go to with them
while my friends go off and dance
in the arms of guys who asked them to
but I never get asked to dance
so I watch silently
because nobody wants to dance with me
I'm the girl who has never looked in the mirror
and felt beautiful
or even pretty
not even half decent
never even average
not even just plain
never felt ugly either
but every. single. time.
I feel hideous
and worthless
and repulsive
and ashamed of my face
and my body
and then I feel ashamed all over again
of my vanity
and pathetic obsession
with being beautiful
with FEELING beautiful
because roses are roses
and weeds are weeds
born a rose, you're a rose
born a ****, well, you're a ****
like me.
and roses will be beautiful
but weeds won't.
End of story.

You told me that you
And you never
I will never forget when you said
Because for that one moment suspended in time
To me you were
But then I realized
And it hurt
Because you told me
You called me
And I believed you
My mistake

Finish each Incomplete sentence the way your emotions lead you. Please comment with the version of this poem with the phrases completed, unique to you. I really want to see how it differs between different people.

He always wears longs sleeves
And anyone who tries to be friendly to him
He pushes away
He isolates himself
I've never seen him with friends
I gave him my number
He didn't text me back
I wonder if there is a reason behind it all
Why he likes to live alone, in silence
I'm going on the same trip as him
Late in the year
Should I try to get into his head
Try to talk to him
And unravel him?
Break down his walls?
I'd like to try
I'm not afraid
Of finding his inner demons behind the walls
I have my own
I'm not afraid
But I'm afraid
It isn't my place
Or that he will be angry with me
For trying to melt his steel walls
If I fail
If he doesn’t let me in
Is it worth a try?
Will it seem too stalkerish
If I try to break down his walls?
It never hurts to knock
But it hurts if they open the door
Just long enough to hurt you
Then shut you out again
I don’t know
What do you think?




Please comment and let me know your opinion. I need advice on that.
He is really attractive but beyond that he fascinates me. I liked him the moment I saw him. He plays violin and basketball and I really want to get to know him but I am scared and I am worried he will freak out that I am being creepy and insistent after I gave him my number and he didn’t text me back. (Although it is unconfirmed that he owns a cellphone and I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t) I have heard of other girls who tried to talk to him but he was pretty standoffish and they all gave up on him. Should I give up too?

I am not writing and doing nothing because I need a break from working, I am doing it because I am upset and I am trying really hard to escape myself.

I won’t let you scream


But I’m screaming inside



I’m the only one who can hear you



But at least you care a little bit



No I don’t, not even a little



Well, I care



You’re not allowed to care about yourself



You’re not allowed to control me



But you let me because you secretly want me to



Why would I want you to?!




Because it’s easier than doing it yourself, you can blame
me when you are trying to remember why you did it




I’m done speaking to you.



You’re never done speaking with me



This time it’s forever



It never really is though, to you forever lasts until you grow weak again. You get lonely without me



Not true. Leave me alone.



You can’t escape me, I’m always there, in your room,
in your home, at your classes, in the darkest alley you walk



This time I’ll just ignore you. I have to before you destroy me. I am strong enough to escape your voice.



It isn’t about strength, it is about possibility, and it is physically impossible for you to escape a part of you



I’m just a voice in your head, but I will NEVER LEAVE.

Repost if you have a voice inside of your head, even if it is only once in a while, when things get really dark
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry.

In my opinion...
If you have a British accent, you literally just got 354 times more attractive. ;P

In my opinion, the girls who everyone thinks are shy and angelic are the crazy ones sweetly staring at people they hate thinking of all the ways they could easily **** them and make it look like an accident.

In my opinion, homemade gifts are really the most incredible.

Being comfortable enough in your relationship with a girl to tease her (playfully I mean) means you have a better relationship than you would if you were comfortable showering her in compliments.

The edges of whispers tell more than the words
Tracing the secrets of echoing lies
It's hard to hear it over the silence
But I can see snowflakes in your eyes

I will never wake up looking like the girls do in the movies
I won’t always end up doing the right thing
I can’t promise I will never be angry with you
I can’t promise I will never do things that make you angry with me
I can’t even promise I’ll be sorry for them every time
But I can promise that even if you aren’t sorry
I’ll find a way to forgive you somehow even if it takes years
In our time together
I will have good days
And bad days
Busy days
And sweatpants days
But if you will be there for me
Through the rain
And the storms
And the mist
From sunset through ‘till dawn
I will be there through it all for you too
I can’t promise smiles the whole way
But I will promise you one thing for certain
If you will promise me the same
I promise you eternity

I want a boyfriend
I will admit that
I know,
That kind of makes me
A little bit pathetic
But I will not deny it
But I don't want you
I don't want YOU
The boy who treats me
Like his Plan B
It didn't work out
With her
So you turn to me
Your little ego boost
You might be gorgeous
You might be popular
You might be insanely charming
You might be clever
And a poet
And maybe you have
Incredible maple eyes
But you are
Unkind
And I have always been
Not just unpopular
But antipopular
So don't try and impress me
With that
Well, I am not longer
Going to just be
The back up, second best girl
In your life
I don't need
To waste my time
On a boy
Who I know
Doesn't mean a thing
That he says.

Is any other girl out there sick of society's definition of beauty when it comes to our ***?

Being kissed under the mistletoe?
Such a cliché
...but God I really wish it would happen somehow
I don't even care anymore if that makes me pathetic.

Is it wrong that I wish somebody would take time our of their day to notice me?
Is it wrong that I wish someone would CARE that I exist?
Is it wrong that I want to be loved by someone who isn't related to me and is a boy?
Is it wrong that I am so selfish that all I think about is receiving love from someone else?

I'm such a despicable human being because I want a boy to love or at least like me so badly and I don't appreciate those that DO love me already it's just that I really want love right now.
Is it wrong to want that?

Is it wrong that I feel like every poem, story, letter, grocery list for God's sakes that I write feels unnoticed and uncared about and lost?
Like a shout into silence with no one around to hear it?
I feel like I write and no one reads
I speak and no one listens
I scream and everybody pretends not to hear
I love
AND NO BODY LOVES ME BACK
It would just be so nice if someone sacrificed a little of their time
to notice that I exist
and that I have a voice
but I really don't feel worthy of that
and this pathetic self-pitying point I'm at
is a low point for me
I'd be too ashamed to say it out loud that I feel unloved
that I am so selfish and self-pitying
but I gotta write it
to get it out of my system
this lonely unwanted unnoticed feeling
like I don't exist
like no one cares what I have to say
Is it wrong?

I don't want to talk about it
That doesn't help
I want to go do something insane that will make me forget about it
Dwelling on it makes it worse
It doesn't help to "talk about my feelings"
I don't care if you think it does
I understand that I feel Broken
I know that I am not alone and I know there are people who understand
I know that people do care about me
But logic doesn't fix pain
I don't want to talk to someone about how depressed and worthless and hollow I feel
I want to be with someone who understands and is aware of what I am feeling
But who doesn't talk about it with me unless I want to
And we can just go and do something crazy
That will make the agony flicker and fade
For just a second

You
Me
Them
They
Us
Her
Him

I need a break from all of that. No more memories. Please. Just stop.

You were so hot I spun twice to see, call me a fan
Your regal youth made my blood boil, call you peter pan

You were like a boomerang I wanted to throw away but you kept coming back to me,
And maybe I've always been scared of hurdles and you were my biggest one, 'cause I just can't get over you, you see

I thought you were like a paradox:
Cool as ice and hot as molten rock

You were like a magician with words, drove me so crazy I was pulling out my hare,
You steal my heart like a pirate captain when I sea you standing there,

But you didn’t have any morals, I deserve to call you *****ible
Yet you still think you're cute. you know? leaving my house the way you came would be adooreble

I discovered your texts to her on my birthday, the cake was ruined with my tiers
You caught my Eye with your animal magnetism, but you’ve been a cheetah for years

What? you think this is a game? No, you don't have a clue!
You had a monopoly on my life and now your name is taboo

You said you needed some time and space to yourself you were the only one in the galaxy I Wanted,
I guess life never turns out how you planet and since you left I've been feeling haunted,

Why did I believe you were a great catch? Just because you master *****?
You made me think we could smash; every second felt like a brawl

Loving you was no gouda, though I swiss you now that you’re gone, it isn’t easy,
I said goodbye, It’s not you it’s brie, sorry that was cheesy.

You gave my life flavor but you were just a masked spyce that made my life sour like limes
I know I need to chili but you have really bad taste and we’re out of thyme

I need a holiday from your lies, my patience is running short
I’m better off with you gone, and leaving you is my last resort

I guess we didn't have that spark no need to be astunished,
all I know now is: IT IS TIME YOU WERE PUNISHED.

A single last scarlet autumn leaf, still clinging to the branch despite knowing that winter is coming. Maybe doomed, but a noble thing to do with its last moments of existence. To stay by the side of the tree through the cold when it is almost entirely bare. A spark of hope.

A single last petal left on a plucked daisy, he loves me. Maybe not true but a delicate type of fragile beauty. A single silken pure white petal. A spark of hope.

A single last person by the bedside of a stranger on their deathbed. Holding the hands of the terminal patient as life fades out of their body like blowing out a candle. A spark of hope.

It only takes a single last spark of hope.

Repost if someone has been YOUR single last spark of hope. Or if you just really like to repost stuff, then you go on and feel free to do that! I fully support that! ;P
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry or your thoughts on my work or on poetry itself as an art! :)

I trusted you with my secrets
I trusted you with my life
I trusted you with my love
I trusted you with details of my strife
I trusted you with my demons
And the darker parts of my soul
I trusted you with my odd sense of humor
I trusted you with me as a whole
I trusted you with my loyalty
And with my lighter side
I trusted you with my failures
And with everything else I hide
I trusted you with forever
And the pain that’s in my eyes
When the only thing I should
Have trusted you with was goodbye

Repost if someone has betrayed your trust...or if you like ice cream.
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my work or stories or any thoughts you might have on my poetry or even just poetry itself as an art.

I've attempted to **** someone before



The dark part is




It wasn't an attempted homicide

I can stop myself from texting him
That's a start
But if I don't want to think about him
Well...
That's a whole lot harder
But I can't listen to love songs
Or sad love songs
Or sad songs
Or angry songs
Or Ed Sheeran because he loves his music
Or the song Riptide by Vance Joy because he loves that song too
This music reminds me too much of him
I can't use the word lovely
Because that was my favorite word he used to call me
And he knew it, so he used it all the time
I can't even wear dresses and skirts anymore because he always liked girls wearing dresses and skirts
I can't read John Green because he actually liked his writing style
And I can't read ANY quotes from Neil Gaiman because he loved his writing
He of course, had to be a writer and a poet so it's hard to read love poetry without his name creeping into mind
I hate how I can't even finish the novel I was writing because I included some events based off of some of my favorite moments between us
I can't look at pictures of England because he really wanted to live in England one day
I can't look his exgirlfriend who he still cares for who goes to my school in the eye because just like he always did I will always compare myself to her and I can never measure up to even close to what she is
I can't text the words "haha" because he used that instead of lol all the time
I can't even talk about him to someone without feeling pathetic
He just wrecked everything
He ruined my favorite outfits, music, music artists, writing, books, countries, and even my novels that I had ideas I was just so excited for.
I just can't get him out of my mind
And the truth is
I don't like him anymore
I really don't
but I do miss him
and I admit that
I don't want to
but honestly, I do
So it is just easier... to forget
Although with all the things that lead me back to him
It's proving not to be easier
and I kind of don't want to forget
because he was the closest I ever came
To really liking a guy
Who liked me back
and just like the tense he used when he said goodbye to me
I say liked
*not like.

Look back at the damage you've done
you seem to leave a mess behind wherever you go
was it worth the price you have to pay now
for breaking the ones you were supposed to love no
no amount of tears can take it back
no amount of time can mend the cracks
it's the same story that you've sworn
a hundred times by now you'd never live over again
but you always do anyway
but you always throw your chances away
and you live in the world of remember when
don't cry
the past is history
I know you didn't mean it
forget your misery
don't burn the book just 'cause
you didn't like the start
I know
someone broke your glass heart
a long time ago and now
you've weaponized the shards
you've got to learn it's okay
to fall apart

I want to get so drunk, when someone asks me how drunk I am, I answer "yes".

Partly for fun, and partly to learn what it's like not be me for a minute.