sitting there, looking pretty
i can't help but wonder
starting to feel a little witty
hope i don't make a blunder

eyes lock, and you beckon me closer
and of course
hope you don't think i'm a loser
in your delirium, giving me the source

fingers touch, electricity courses through my veins
my eyes go wider
as i look down and confusion pertains
who the **** gets drunk on apple cider?

all i ask is for you to treat me as your equal,
so i don't have to fight with all my might.
all i ask is to be loved the same way you love my brothers
is it not only right?
all i ask is to be recognised when i achieve,
without dismissive comment.
all i ask is for you to allow me to express myself freely,
to be free of judgement, even if just for a moment.
all i ask i to not be the one to blame,
when i had to face the torment of assault.
all i ask is for this to come to an end,
please just bring it to a halt.

dear society,
ive done everything you asked.

what more could you want?

for when i was first brought into this world,
to when i found my first "love".
baby's breath so pure, sweet and delicate
like i once was.
do you see the irony now,
as more baby's breath now sits on my desk.
time changes people, as i am no exception.
oh how i wish life were different,
so many things i would love to alter.
but all that may just as well be a dream.

pristine and innocent,
damaged and corrupted.

who in the right mind
would still send me baby's breath?

maybe i'm just weak for love,
of perhaps its the chase that i get a kick out of.
stunning mister,
you make my heart pound faster.
tall, dark and handsome, its hardly fair,
tempting me into immoral affair.
fantasy is all it'll ever be,
nothing will come of what i foresee.
oh well, see you never, beautiful stranger,
with those eyes full of danger.

i wonder if you know
you take my breath away,
and yet being apart from you makes me feel like i’m drowning
i don’t know if you feel the same
but i beg you to lay me down gently

it’s barely been a week since
our first kiss
it’s barely been a few days since
our shared intimacy

is it too early to say i need you with me?
would you love me if i asked you nicely?

please
my head is underwater
and i can’t sleep

go to sleep, silly.
he doesn’t love you.

oh how sad it must be,
to constantly cast that hateful gaze
can't let yourself be free?
just don't leave your heart out to catch ablaze

much like that of a flea,
you cling to things
that people have flung out into the open sea
not quite sure what satisfaction that brings

but ok boomer

once again, the mistress of slumber has been cruel to me.
oh, why can’t the thoughts in my mind let me be?
i doubt this could be healthy.
just how ******* lovely.

watching the sun rise,
i wonder if this could lead to my eventual demise?
dark thoughts, i know, that i so despise.
staring into emptiness as tears dry.

i feel as though i’m on the brink of insanity.
the voices in my mind scream profanities.
praying and begging for serenity,
i’m only ever met with my own malignity.

dead in the night
all alone
dead inside

eyes wide open
glued to the ceiling
gone all mental healing

all the overthinking
praying for redemption
followed by slow blinking
for shame, i'm left with feelings of abnegation.

it's a new day.
a new beginning, as they say.
put away your sorrows,
and look forward to the morrow.
it's time for you to wake up and shine,
tell yourself, "the world is mine."
each day is for growing,
taking lessons to become more knowing.
it's a new day, my sweet,
here's to a life, that feels complete.

beautiful, isn't a good enough description
euphoria, even if just for a moment

dark locks, piercing eyes and smug smile
oh.
unparalleled and you know that
beating faster in my chest
till i realise
fantasy is all it'll ever be
unbearable pain ensues
looking away once more,

shameless of me
ought to be guilty
responsibilities and
restraints hold me back
yearning once again, as i watch you pass.

to live day by day
watching the clock tick away,

what is it all for?
yet, here i am.

the two of cups-
in the heat of passion
it felt like i’ve known you whole life
magnetic attraction, i never thought would happen
the hermit-
but just as quickly
i’m left once again in darkness,
wondering where you’ve gone
the moon-
the more i long for you
the more it eats me up inside
am i silly for falling so fast?
temperance-
the universe signs for patience,
but i fear the window is closing

am i in love with you?
or am i in love with love?
do i chase the dreams of you with me, hand in hand as we walk down our life paths?
or do i simply enjoy euphoric, temporal and carnal desire for you?
to give non-divine divinity, i’ve come to realise,
will only await pain and heartbreak.

sleeping soundly,
my love beside me.
i wonder if he knows,
my midnight woes.

not long ago,
i met a beau.
denying his glamour,
would cause me to stammer.

but i am reminded again,
of my sweet man.
nothing could change my love,
as pure as a white dove.

temptation is hard to resist,
but true love always persists.

what am i doing?
other than my constant overthinking
oh help me find my direction,
bring me to my resurrection.
lost, confused, cold and scared,
begging life for me to be spared.
i can’t see my end,
something i can’t comprehend.
oh, misty day
please don’t lead me astray.

oh you poor thing,
with so much hate and bitterness in your small heart.
it's sad, seeing you constantly loathing.
doesn't it get tiring? i wonder.
when everyone learns and moves on,
you remain and persist,
like raging acne on a hormonal teen.
in the gates of closure you sit,
preventing progress.
does this bring you pleasure?
if it does, how disappointing,
that you feed off the "hurt" that people feel from your poisonous words.
like a child, you gossip,
and like adults, people continue on with their lives.
you act like you're on a moral high ground,
yet, you've done things more heinous than anyone i know.
in a few years, those you've ******,
would've grown into better people.
but, oh not poor you,
still clinging onto the past.
peace and tranquility,
it's something you should try sometime.
or maybe to put it more bluntly,
don't be such a **** human being.

neon lights and drunken nights,
skimpy tights and unholy delights.

anything to make the pain disappear,
go ahead and down another beer.

hennessy to forget but somehow always remember,
that fateful night in september.

blaring music and tight spaces,
i'd doubt i'm still in your mom's good graces.

euphoria fills my head,
helping me forget a love now dead,

finding your next replacement,
thinking how to tell them about my lack of commitment.

finally, stumbling home,
letting strangers roam.

alas, the night has come to an end,
wake, rinse and repeat again.

surrounded by friends,
yet inside, all alone
sat the girl with rainbow nails.

she who was once plagued with the need to blend,
to be just another clone
who once paid attention to all the details.

she had always felt the need to pretend,
the one who seemingly everyone outshone
tried her best, but to little avail.

she wondered, if this would one day lead to her bitter end,
if this was her future, written in stone
some nights alone, she would let out a wail.

but one day, she decided to transcend,
her old habits, were those she no longer condoned
for a new life, she was willing to fight tooth and nail.

after some time, she learnt to tend,
to her own wounds, she held her own
now she promised to live by her own rules, without fail.

inevitably, old clones begin to condescend,
however, from society's rules, the bird has flown
bringing colour to her life, she has lifted the veil.

the world can push many to their wit's end,
but she wants those to know, that there is power behind the throne
here's to the girl with rainbow nails.

TRIGGER WARNING- ABUSE

cold, colder yet colder.
i watch as his eyes fill with rage.
from being a strong shoulder
to cry on, to being impossible to engage.

as red as blood can be,
as blue as bruises can get.
i pray and hope no one sees,
or again i'll face another threat.

if love were enough,
scars and bruises i'd ignore.
but reality is just that tough,
one day i might just turn to gore.

you kept me awake,
filled me with butterflies,
made me dream of my future,
my hand in yours.
you promised me with those eyes.

the universe works in mysterious ways.

you make me want to sleep and never wake up,
so i don’t have to remember,
the mistake i made.
i suppose it was my fault, for trusting you.

what am i, but a shell?
passion eroded.
personality? farewell.
innocence corrupted.
all love repelled.

i am trapped, yet in motion,
it's a bitter pill to swallow.
like a shell in the ocean,
i'm nothing more than hollow.

i should’ve known better than to put my heart into something so fleeting
and now i’m left here robbed
all alone

i should’ve known it was too good to be true

i supposed i should’ve heeded my mother’s warning,
not to open my door to strangers.
foolish girl,
always too trusting.

exposing my heart to him, raw and awaiting,
only to have it crushed in the palm of his hand,
while he sets it down gently.

tell me, how could you blame me for locking my doors now?

the night we kissed
you told me not to tempt you
but how could i?
knowing you wanted me just as badly

so why are you pulling away from me?

to say i was blinded by your light would be an understatement.

sweet nothings you whisper in my ear,
how could you expect me not to fall?

deeper and deeper my love ran through the tracks, only to find no designation.

how long has it been since i’ve faced rejection, i wonder?

stupid girl, to think a boy like you would ever come to love a heathen like me

oh how it feels to cry over a boy who doesn’t love you.

unadulterated and sweet,
depraved and bitter.

warm as the afternoon sun,
cold as the night's moon.

big bright smiles,
torn and bleeding lips.

heart full of love and care,
heart full of rage and envy.

bright eyes with a glint of mischief,
dead eyes reflecting self hate.

i'm sorry i can't always be who you want me to be.