you say your hands are cold,that you forgot your gloves
i look down at my hands
i take my only pair off and give them to you
i feel the cold air on my bare hands
i tell myself its not too bad and you'll give them back if i need them
hours go by
you still have my gloves
the muscles in my fingers become ridged from the cold
but i love to see you warm so i don't ask for them back
another hour goes by
you still have my gloves
i cant feel or move my fingers now
the tips are starting to burn...
i know this is the start of frost bite
but i don't want to take the warmth from you so i wait a little longer to ask you for them back

i finally gather the courage to approach you ...
under my breath, i ask if i can borrow them for a bit?
just to get the blood back in my veins?
you stare at me for what seems like forever...then you start to laugh
you say: i'm fine
you say: i don't really need them
you say: i'm dramatic
i say, i feel numb
i say: i just need them for a little bit
you say: i'm selfish
you say: i don't love you....that i want you to be cold like i am
you say: i'm a coward and say that instead of asking you
i should just learn to deal with it

i stood there not knowing what to say ... maybe you right?
so i decide to bare it , i bare it while my hands start to sting
i watch you with our friends as i sit on the side-lines
the love i have for you is the only warmth left in my body
i look down and my hands are turning blue now
i cant let me do this to myself
i realize i need to find help ...but that means i have to leave you
i never want to leave you
but you refuse to go with

after much consideration, i do what is best for no one else but me
i leave..
i leave while you still hold a bit of me
leaving was one of the hardest decisions i have ever made

"i'm sorry "
"i'm here for you if you need someone"
presses send

tears run down my cheek
i didn't realize
how much that hurt
i guess i'm still a bit weak
do u have a clue
i waited three months
to hear the same words
from you?
"if you need someone"
I opened every text
wiped away all my tears
use all i had left just to smile at you
but you just walked away
i stood there perplexed
Now its months later, a guy dies
and i saying these sacred words to you
i hate how i give some much of myself
to only receive lies
"i'm here for you"
you will never know
these tears are not for him
i never met him
so...
these tears are for my hope,
my heart,and my soul
that shattered one by one
because of you

im so sick of crying
im not my usual self
and im sick of trying
im not okay
i havent been for a long time
but no one seems to notice
anyways
im sorry im a broken thing
im sorry i disappointed you
depression is my soul mate
here ill show u the ring
i hate my life
there i said it
i guess im ungrateful
but i live in constent stife
i know im ruining myself
but with the irreversible mess im in
i really dont care
im as functional as a crooked shelf
my body is rejecting me
well get in line
cause it seems everyone else is
this isnt how i wanted it to be
its not fair
i had everything....
then suddenly nothing
i didnt realize i was that hard to bare
depression is my lover
hes my only constent
he helps me put on the mask
i use as a cover
i am not in a good place
im can no longer apologize
you hurt me and now u
cant even look at my face
i'm sorry i hurt you all
i didnt mean to
i assure u ,it hurt me more
its months later and i still bawl
i lost everyone
i lost myself
i lost the battle
congrats you and depression won

Our relationship was strong
many things happened this year
I dont know quite
where it all went wrong
I try to connect with you
but you cut me done
Make it all about you
You say I'm making something out of nothing
but that impossible you can only make a something out of other somethings .....
You are my something
I built my life around you
If you liked it,I liked it
if you hated it,I hated it too
But I guess it doesnt matter
The only conversations we have now
is if i lost weight or am fatter
Your love is conditional
i just want to be myself
even if its not traditional
When did you stop loving me for me ?
I gave my life you to
I thought living for you was my destiny
You say I'm selfish
but im alway hiding my feelings, crys and desires from you
To be a good daughter was my only wish
Now I just crave acceptance
I cant live in your shadow
Im done...
Ive served my 18 year sentence

Thank you for soaking up my tears
I know there have been quite a bit
just this past year
Thank you for absorbing my crys
You muffle my voice
Cradle my face
while I scream "why!"
You have seen the worst
I prayed to die in your embrace
To be saved from this misery
To live left like a curse
Thank you for holding my head up
Even when I had no strength
to do it myself
You stepped in and acted as my back-up
I'm going to find my worth
I'm not no longer afraid
I'm going to live like its my last day on earth
Because I always know you are right there
Waiting for me to come back
Ready to take me as I am
No matter what emotions I bare