Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

I stare up at the clouds and wonder what you would see
           if you were still looking up with me
I imagine you're looking down now, down at earth, at me
I wonder what your laugh would sound like, grown up
My heart is trying so hard not to break every time I think
           of your sweet smile and the rest of my body shakes
The tears don't come any more, not that I was ever one to cry

When night falls
            and I see the stars, I look at my wrist and recall how
            I had to compose my self enough to tell the artist how
            to spell your name
When night falls
            the moon is still enough to light up my arm so that
            I can trace the script with my fingertips
When night falls
            I can't do anything but quietly whisper *"I'm sorry."

            **I don't know why I'm the miracle and you're the memory

I'm just thinking of the man with his flawless rhymes and carefully calculated poems
And of the most poetic boy I've ever known
Wondering why I associated both of them with the color green

      ~       ~       ~

Green eyes
I've always wanted green eyes
Green is money
Green is growth
Green is spring
Green is life
But I've seen too much death
I've touched too much death
I've caused too much death
I've loved death
I've chased it, begged it, taunted it
Death is around me
I suppose that explains the blackness of my eyes

But your eyes
Oh the eyes that take away the pain
Those warm comforting eyes
That belong to a man I love so much it kills me every time I have to say goodbye
The man who I so desperately want to share everything with
The man who protects me
Who saves me
Saves me from the lies I tell without even speaking
My best friend that I can never keep
He is only on loan for brief moments
The moments I truly need him
The man who gave me love
The man who made me greater than myself

But your eyes
The hypnotizingly icy eyes of the boy I wanted to desire
I desired more than I was allowed
More than he allowed
More than they allowed
More than I could have
I lied lies he didn't believe
I guess that proves it
He was always smarter than me
A boy with eyes that could ****
Held his kindness close to his heart
He showed it to me in fleeting shadows and whispers
The boy who let me take a breath, though perhaps I held it in for too long

don't tell me what hurts
         i could see the twisted pain written across your face

    what did you expect

you've known me so long but i know
          you don't really know me at all


you see me
                              but forget what i look like
you hear me
                              but have never really listened


                so don't tell me what hurts
                when you've never been torn in half

How can we be so close,
And yet you don't feel the need to consume me, to touch me?
I begin creating constellations
Out of the freckles on your arm
And I take sips of bitter coffee,
As I remind myself,
That our love is temporary,
And that one day I will be waking up
To the empty cries of the wind,
Rather than your drowsy eyes.
You tell me that you'd do anything to make me smile,
But I doubt you'd wait long enough,
To see the crease around my eyes form.
I want your words to resonate across my whole body,
But do you?

I can't be any closer to you
You can't be further away
                    I just want time to freeze
                    I don't want anything but to stay
                                        Stay here
                                        With you
Look at me
While I pretend to be asleep
                    Resting on your shoulder
                    You holding my hand
                                        *Just stay