psychedelics fogged mind in hooligan highs,  have you racing within my young mind, empty sounds within fading dream songs, you are either present but haunting. i'm left wondering were you even at all with me, for you kept running.

standing moments within my head, not always here and sometimes less in moments i feel my heart's ache throb, a choking torture for memories twist reality's crooked head.

however lost and accepted i do weep i confess, for a stranger now you once said you were mine, yet words lie, and i lay thinking that you weren't mine for actions spoke chapters i just didn't want to say goodbye.

in moments of feelings i write, pressed in words flood my mind, jotted down notes on my cellar phone, i translate these, to their archived home.
in my darkest days i yet to peacefully sleep, my warmth is lost in cold; im feeling weak, i do not eat only dream of kisses, starved for a stranger amor..

i will carve feelings you ashamed me to feel, bleed black ink in arm to leg, chest to calf to heal & feel. to catching courage again one day, when no longer scared or afraid, and to be able to trust anew but now i wait for i cant appreciate..

seconds pass as i romanticize my past for twisted present remains silent , now my bed cuffs me together as heart aches on my side, unable to sleep i write in hope of feeling sane within this madness.
for facebook posts remind me of moments pure love kissing affection, old posts and videos & images shared between souls are deleted to avoid distracting present realizations.

forced me to see you differently, no longer the one i knew. forced to see you a cheater, lying to feel complete & me a fool. you placed me into pit dark filled with mistreated social gore, worried, alone without a  hand to hold. now i force myself to see, for love is not for me, i love to heavens but hell is where my heart will be. so i whittle down my mind twenty five dollars a time, i feel my feelings rot, holding on in passion for i don't want to be or think for i wasn't lying i am not longer me.

tattoos print feelings, intimidation i scream, death satanic destruction my heavens are crying scabbed knees bleed from traffic.

without explanation or permission for your mind kept its imprint , for moments full of emotion your face a explosion of sunlight remain within mine..i will give this love its time, i will throw pride aside, for when im older, much rougher..allow art of us to flourish within different mediums , and songs sung with unheard emotion, the moments i will consider when mature. through color, vibrant reflections.., i hope i consider lifting a call to a deaftone number but you will have lingered & forgotten as you do ..these feelings i know wont reach you as you grow more beautiful like your favorite red wine, ill force myself to forget how you smile, whisper, and talk as you do, to a smell i miss and voice i want is to disappear away in acid tabs, lucid psychedelics dive to induce ego death for someone i was, will have died...

so forgive for trying to reach out to you, i was so in love with you..

triggers flair, neurons spark
breathless gasp, smothering fog
ocean green eyes, lonesome song  


for heartache i feel, more than within.
stabbed by memories that turn to tears
which ache of deep wounding hollows fears.

to the past i leave, doors i close for this love i wish for wishes not with me. to flowers i water, to a smile i will bloom from leaving memories behind. to a hand i held, a heart i gave, to hours worked and fed.
to moments i spent gripping at your affections to hours on end for my mind painted excuses so you could remain even for a second inside my lonely head.. i leave this here as my passionate thought, for hopes to disappear and love unlearning and forgetting..

a kiss to her, the yellow dress girl who i held in sleep, and dream as i played with your feet. sung in soul i miss, lips that shed new each day allowed our new kiss, and hands that fit.. for your mind thinks of others like i do of you, i mature in pain, i dive in darker, artistic passionate release..

so my mind shouts without filter as actions slow these thoughts as words can't pierce your heart's ear and my pride is thrown out i am better off without, for with you i was muted in comfort..but now i cry in awkward silence and shift in form, i split in moments, contortional maelstrom discord.

yet our kiss, oomba light bliss lingers in dreams for art or music cant describe...thankful for the dances you shared, the kisses you gave, the words you heard, and tears you shed or should, for when i left that dead sickly night your heart cried for me to stay.. for even a replaceable person like me held a delicate place inside your head not just within your lovely legs..

yet no place or person is home when communication is silent, left with brief moments of hellos n' goodbyes, money signs,and no string attachments which riddle without your true love's involvement which warped thoughts of love's translations in desperate transactions, for actions of love i threw, you ignored my heart turn unloved fury blues.. imitation of your actions i left you on read, and went on "do not disturb" to think of avoiding suffocating misplaying madness...

for love that hurts is no love at all. revenge is bitter i didn't wish to taste ..so to escape dead grass i drag myself to lay and breath with hope i try to forget my dreams,

to see my baby girl..." in love with me. "

undeletable tumblr message:
"Why are you amazing? Why do I feel nervous and impatient when with you, that I want to just kiss that beautiful face of yours? Goodmorning my love~ Have a amazing day, I'll be here thinking of you. <3 cx" - 2014

stretch wide my mind fled away, drowned in ecstasy, drugged, numb, and not okay! slumped with daze, ripped away in pits i forget your name.

foul without scent, i rip memories to shred. chest pressed in, i **** him, he, I created who carried you to bed in arms who bled for hours to no end. wrapped "together" in the ** for that's was how that night went

Longest of lovers and timeless friends, reincarnated people brought together again. in trial you plead, worried and afraid and within my arms you stayed safe. countless hours to interview and thousand more to hear about how they went..

Jealous of others your envious green showed through indifference & shame on your face. pressured by age you escaped the glue which held you and revealed the true face. tossed aside embarrassed to say, get away from family parties and friends.

Wanted by others you accept the advances you wanted their attention that'll help you escape this "cage". forgetful of commitments you dance your illusions in the arms of a stranger who's face blurred mine away.

you pressed your lips without time within the car, forced on me to fade the haze. a blanket of comfort the cold of may, my heart grew darker december's rain. the ****** agenda i did play, forcing the intimacy to burn it away. leaving your mind afraid.

but i do so hate, my heart that says. sorry for not holding you longer. the world ain't great, your grandfather was very special no one can replace. I wanted to hug your mother she doesn't deserve the pain and i hope i have you to hold if mine went too away.

our love for each other has become ugly..

minimal effort as I watch you leave, my arms cold from the selfish diseases, wrapped tight in comfort you had me under your sleeved, tucked in shadows no one will see..

pressed in books I couldn't be let breath as I crawled from anguish to a sunlight dream, basked in smiles from friends who wanted the best for me which motivated me to scream. old letters to ****** i drew that admire your form burn in fire to release my suffocating love.

yet I broke at every moments end, a image who was sparking as the sun stroked her face so genitally in pictures i adored, deleted forever they kept me in my wishful dream.

I loved for thousands suns, for the winter springs and august screams til the endless nights which kept me up as our bodies held together in naked sheets which you used to drain seed, with curling of feet within moaning kisses in between ******* energies we beat for our souls danced and heart beats in sync as i release..

you were the one, the pressing mornings and numbing nights. the lift of love, and lacking dream.

while the dread of peace kept you starved with wasted days.
my years with you were infinite fluttering dreams..

with withering tears passing dry cold on dark years nights old
my mind remains on the you who once was for love finds ways.
with blade I pull back the blade to expose vein, red dopamine rivers flow from my sleeve to numb my soul as i answer calls that drain away air to breath to hear your voice i wish for answers but am left not okay

with thin brushes i paint my anguish on canvas riddled with dangers of homicide, unable to die for the burden i leave will ****, morning horror dew..

a youthful mind trapping you in the delusion of time just hold on to me for who i might be scares me, love this true will leave me hollow and disconnected love was really never for me...

[Rain]
that falls motionless in waking dawn.
muffles the sadness within our souls.
mutes the voices within our heads.
holds us close when we're all alone.
that saves my drowning soul.
will help me grow...

Passionate lover, fluid strokes.
Deep inside, ****** moans.
***** thoughts, innocent tone.
Rough motion, head explodes.
Wet finish, all over her throat.
Beautiful kisses, on her toes.
Lustful whisper, do so float.
Heartful words, I do so devote~

.

**** the nine through five, which steals our time.
**** the system which decided if our dreams live or die.
**** the powers which puts money before love.
**** the luck, where ever it does so hide.
**** the I, who puts up with lies.
**** how i feel sometimes when you aren't by my side...

The breaking warmth over the morning glow.
The caramel macchiato which remind me of her love.
Her stress filled tears, do so bring me fury.
Her radiate smile, endless dreams.
Her heart, wishful happiness.

O' Fiddlesticks, The Harbinger of Doom
Do the crows know your woe?
A sad party, a crow storm parade.
A forbidden power, a dreadful surprise.
A draining link, to the fool who tries.
A lonely puppet, forgotten pride.

A haunting fright, left inside.
You know no bounds, without a brain.
A scarecrow with wooden pegged legs.

Lips so full, they bleed scarlet delight.
Abundant with jade beauty, her eyes are my sky..
hips rides me gently, as I hold her tight..
she moans my energy, and my heart does so moan her's simultaneously.
legs tremble in a quake, mind in love scream ****** ecstasy..

A sudden jealousy a envious eye.
A voiceless pattern within this head of mine.
A vigilant figure, watchful eye.
A masked emotion on a blazing red sky.
I don't dare voice my thoughts because they are of scorn, my inside twist scary storms.
A feeling, a urge to should, a voice so broken to see her stripped but to me she does not belong so i numb this pain till i see it rain away.