Every morning I feed my cats. Little toy soldiers that never wind up (until you pull their tails) They dont march well either. They just eat sleep meow repeat. I'm always saying that they need to lose weight, but maybe I'm the one who needs to lose weight. More off my shoulders and less off my plate.
Every day I give in to their precious faces. Prancing around in the most angelic of ways. I forget that even angels lose their halos some days. So I feed them. Gnarly minced meat that looks like a drunks *****.
The phone rings. I'm the type of person that absolutely has to answer. I could be brushing my teeth or doing open heart surgery, and I'd still answer. I'm worse than your granny who picks up to telemarketers. $200 landline bill and a cheeky response of "but it rings" Yes it rings but it doesnt need to be answered. Diamond rings exist but they dont always need to be bought.
Florida called me today. (Yes, the state) They wanted to know if I would test out some skin products but my skin is already a product. I answered the call, in hopes it would be you but it wasnt you, because it never is. Even when it is it isnt because you are never you. (its not like you live in Florida, but maybe you moved?)
You told me about a week ago that you were "emotionally dead inside" What the duck does that even mean? We're all dead inside! You told me you didnt know how to love. Nobody knows how to love, its just something we're supposed to do. If we dont know we just act. Thats why we have actors and actresses.
I'm not good at questioning you because you're about as helpful as those helpless self-help books that i'm supposed to do (but I never do). You always send me mixed signals and but i'm too stupid to read between the lines.
I always fill my glass with too much soda. I always fill my plate with too much turkey and never finish it. Actually, I have this weird thing where I always have to leave the ends of things. The last bite of Thanksgiving dinner or the end of a Candy cane at Christmas (I hate Christmas) But things like that are normal, and if they're not, they're strange things that nobody really cares about! (so stop asking)
Do you ever get intimidated? I mean really backed up against a wall shaking? Not that 1 night stand kind where your boyfriend forgot where he left his boxers and Mr. Moroz gets off from work in half an hour. No, I'm talking scared shitless. You act so tough like nothing phases you. Everybodys afraid of something atleast thats what ive been told. You like serial killer movies, and getting into the minds of them. I like serial killer movies, and getting into the mind of you.
You started a job placement. I was half heartedly happy for you, but sad also cause you'd be busy most of the day. You tell me you never ignore me on purpose but what about that day you left me on read for 3 hours? Anxiously glued to my phone until a blinking light revived me.
Sometimes you calm the storm. You make me feel alive even though you know i'm dying. You tortured me in a way that I liked it. Laying on top of you, your arms stretched around me, until we both fell into a deep slumber. You told me you've never been with a girl but you'd like to. Truthfully, I've never been with one either.
You love showers. You've never actually told me and I'm too afraid to ask. Is it because the water drowns out all other sounds? Or if you're crying nobody seems to notice. Water isnt that pretty to me. Alot of people dig the oceans view, but I just wonder about the fish and see past the bottom-less pit.
You had penne chicken tonight. Chicken is one of my faves too! I like it fried, greasy and deadly. Heart-attack in the making! You once asked me to pronounce something, I think it was **** but maybe i'm mistaken. I didnt know why then, but I do know now. I'll leave that to you to decode. You cant line up lies like numbers unfortunately. Life skills are a bit more complex than equations.
We all have self destructive behavior. We all dislike something about ourselves. After all, theres no perfect body. Theres no perfect brain. We all cope in ways differently, but indirectly that makes us all conclusively the same.
You told me you liked fire and I called you a Pyro. I should have called you a liar but at the time I didnt realize I was the one jumping through flames. You told me you didnt like fire because it got you off, you liked it because its amazing, its pretty, its miraculous. You told me you burned yourself. This should have rose red flags, I should have got goosebumps and took off running. I wasnt scared though, I was intrigued.
Maybe you're a thrill seeker. Maybe in the process of saving the world you forgot to save yourself. But then I re-analyzed the situation. I took a stand point from a birds eye view. You were never trying to dodge the fire. You were the fire and I should have been trying to dodge you.
You asked me what aroused me. I played ping pong and made you answer first. You said Brittany Snow. I wanted to say you at the time and maybe I should have. Maybe I should have held my heart on the line and watched you tie knots then burn it.
Maybe
just maybe
i'd still
be
here today