some say the moon is full of illusions
but i've come to learn that isnt all true
The sun
doesn't always fill you with kisses
he throws
darts and arrows
too

I saw you standing on
A different level,
In An alternate world,
In an alternate state,
You wanted to hug,
You wanted to apologize ,
You wanted to reconcile,
Make peace with everything
You thought you'd done,
Sew up the stitches in time,
Smooth out the waves in the sea
We call life,
But i found comfort in miles ahead,
And I'm sorry,
I can't look back now

the sky so golden so pure
the red the gold the auburn hue
glowing so brightly
hidden eyes
of the ones so true
the rain falls on the wicked and the good
it can be me or it can be you

the weather does not discriminate
good bad mediocre it dont care your all wet
youre all set for ups or downs
for crowns or crows
for snakes and arrows

when love and intimacy means everything

you dont need a ring
to define love wins
to define

love means

life lived and learned
or life lived but never learned
which ever you perfer
what ever your quirks
life has its twerks
of unwinding
unweaving
of showing reason
even in the harshest of season

Family
Friends
Coworkers
Strangers
Partners
Rings
Wrongs
Rights
Why's
Tries
Lies
Goodbyes
Thighs
But still
Alone
Single
Lonely
Little

Sometimes we feel chained down
Locked in our own self imprisonment
Locked in sometimes the outer world
Sometimes you are too weak to stand
Too humble to climb
And just not strong enough to
Show success
But you'll get there
Just wait
Be patient
And let life
Present itself
If you are too predictable
You're boring
If you're too mysterious
You turn people off
Just be you
The world has alot of the world
And only
One individual
Who is you
Be
You!

A rose doesnt warn you of its thorns,
and love doesnt warn you of heartbreak.
But if you pick up a 6 pack,
a liter of icecream,
a bag of potato chips,
and book the weekend off,
You forget about the rose ******.
You forget about love.
You forget about heartbreak.
The world becomes less cold,
Your heart becomes more warm,
and you begin to realize
that it is better to focus on you,
and less on other people.

difficult is sleeping
with a mind that never shuts up
difficult is being awake and alone
when the world is asleep and all together
difficult is watching the stars brighten up the sky
but only for you and your eyes
difficult is watching the sun set
but being able to share it with no one
difficult is cooking a meal for six
and eating it for one
difficult is learning to run
before you've mastered how to walk
difficult is rewriting stories
from a book that never existed
difficult is knowing what to say
but stumbling over the words to talk
difficult is starting a hundred projects
but completing negative one
....
(to be continued)

Grumpy
Grim
Grey
As she walked the tight rope
And jumped off that day

fighting other people is
easier than fighting yourself
its easier feeding other people ****
then being spoon fed
your own *******

but heres some ****** **** for thought.

It's scary to feel alone
But more scary to feel alone
With someone
With friends and family
She's swept under an old rug
Dust particles dance in the wind
And the rhythms dont match
Her clothes neither
Some odd denim jeans
And a torn shirt
She hated new
And embraced the old
Experience and wisdom
Like an owl calling out
From it's perch

Is that why we feel the rains
stronger
When we're upset
Do the trees have conversations with the wind about the nature of life
We're always pointing fingers
Blaming eachother
For our problems
Instead of looking inside
All the buildings and highrises
The wealth the money and technology
Blinding us
Stealing our lenses
Replacing our views with creeds
And wants
I don't try to fit into anyone's box
Anymore
If I don't fits I don't sits
And quite honestly
I'm ok with that

uneducated
illprepared
not ready
going no where
buzzing noises
shakes
heartbreaks
realizations
interpersonal
internalize
you dont even understand
or begin to see
the ways ive tried

The storm is brewing
The wind spits parked cars left right and center
Sometimes I'm in the middle of the universe
Wide eyed
Confused
And lost
Alone and scared
Locked in a cage like a bird
Gripping to metal bars
And poor sounding electronica
Dancing all night
And sleeping all day
Hands blistered
Trying to hold on
While the world spins too fast
Change is too hard
Time is too short
Kids are too young
Adults are too old
Something has to give
Because standing in the middle
Makes me forget the reasons
Of why I should live

Poetry is about the heavens above us
It's about the arguments between us
That we try to let go
It's about the business men
And business women
It's about the house parties we throw as teens
And regret when we're adults
It's about the sirens in the streets
The secrets that we keep
It's about looking to the sky and seeing beyond the blues
It's taking our 4 senses
And creating something we can use

It's about the poor houses with their families in pain
It's about the rich houses
That have nothing more to gain

We never notice the chirping of the birds  
Or the winds or the trees or the yellowing grass
We're all too busy
Pretending that the earth will somehow last

It's sitting in the car
With your mind on stand still

Observing the world
For its organic pill

Poetry  is
Feeling your surrounding
Poetry is
Learning grounding
...
What is poetry?

The grass isn't greener on the other side
That ***** is dead
Dead like the leaves crusting over on the sidewalk
Dead like the heart you don't even bother to acknowledge
I heard you
You know
I listened
You know

Sign here
She said,
Red chipped fingernails pointed at a broken line
Every letter you drew
Made me cringe
I paced back and fourth
Each penstroke
Took painstakingly longer than the last
The middle aged woman watched me like a hawk
Whispering to her coworker in some foreign language

Sweat rolled down my forehead
One minute felt like an hour


I looked at the sign and then at the clock
I looked at the clock
And then at the sign

"missing since tuesday"
I studied the image
properly wondering how
2 full time employed people
Could be here
bagging for money

Did she hit him with a hammer?
knock too much sense
Into his head?
Blow his brains out with a shotgun?

Hide his body in a dumpster
Or dig a shallow trench
And toss him in
Drown him in a river


He wasnt supposed to die that day!

Did he bleed alot?
What was he wearing a worksuit?
Did he have children ?
How old was he?

The sign was cold and uncaring
Like the man went missing and the world hardly noticed

The sign was vague.
It had been torn and re-taped
Hanging only by a hair.

It waved in the window and I noticed.
I noticed.
I noted.
And i nodded.


Finally with the transaction complete
Money in our pockets
And too many unanswered questions
From a missing man id never meet
We left.
My mind still puzzled with question.

The sun doesn't stop shining when it rains
You shouldn't stop smiling
When you're sad.

A friend is like a ball
You bounce it and it leaves but it always comes back

A lover is another story
It leaves and when it's gone it's gone for good

People need to learn the importance of a friend

Would you rather a life where you are guaranteed joy and laughter everyday

Or a week holiday banked with amazing *** and pure ecstasy
Then gone the following Monday

A friend is a ball with a plan
A lover is a plane with no landing

hold on to your opinion,
fight for your vote,
free yourself from self imprisonment,
imprison yourself in selfless things
just dont become selfish
swim with the tide
but dive where the crowd does not
Sleep when the mind wants you to
and live when the timing seems right

I hear the alarm
It's same tune chiming loudly like a preset radio from a love sick sucker
Drowning in liquor
Talking quicker than his thoughts can arrange
And I think to myself
Why do i bother to wake up
Why do we say good morning when we really mean bad ?

Cancer is cruel

"How to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things"

Your thoughts will destroy you if you let them
Watch them wash away all happiness through a river
Better yet a flood
Sinking
Swimming
Drowning
Dying
I'm dying
But all you see is you

Please don't slurp your coffee loudly
Spit splats over the table
Snot rags scatter along the floor
Crickets crunch under our toes
Its hard to believe this is the life we chose
It's hard to believe
That me
Was once we

we reciprocate the trust
the truth
the right
the wrong
the how
the why
the hi
the bye
all for romance
like the butterflies in our tummys
when we first fall in love
but sometimes
those butterflies
simply cant fly
they forget
sometimes
despite all their tries

Don't get engulfed in your history
Or history in general,
Sometimes history is meant to stay in the past,
We are creatures of structure,
When something's broke we try to fix it
And then we often say a lesson has been learnt
And we feel rich
But should we really try to fix things
And recreate history
When in reality
The future is but a mystery
And if you take the mystery out of history
Your future is the past
And not the future
So really
Just stay like a present
Box yourself
But put a pretty bow on the top
Even if you're cheap
Because
Cheap looks cute on you

Don't frown angel
The skies are clouding
The thunder growling
But we'll keep smiling
Knowing the world is dying

Everyone dies
Love dies
People die
Animals die
Friendship dies
The wealthy get poor
The rivers dissolve
The sun hides
You know what never dies?
The beauty of living while we can
When the world tells us we can't

I don't not want to love
I'm afraid to lose
To lose something is like
Hearing sounds but seeing no picture
Or thinking thoughts but having no voice
I can't lose anymore
I'm already too lost

us




commander



its a



mistake


                                 are we on the brink


we



                should
throw
                 in

the
t
             owe
l
                                                its
a

                                 m i         stake
mistake
mistake
mistake
                                   interdasting aint it?
this music rick rollin rocks

My body is stuck. My limbs refuse to move. My capillaries stopped pumping. My pulse stopped beating.

i  
am
losing.

I used to wake up from scary dreams but now my dreams have become reality
And dreams are the great escape

i am exactly like you mom
i have your blonde hair
the curls
the long lashes

i talk just like you
to be frank
i am your mini me
but something about me is different

where you seek love
i seek to lose it

three words
i havent said in probably 3 years
maybe longer

compliments
i dont do compliments
i do insults
or complex
complicating
evading
  
being elusive and ****
with a dark sided twist

i dont know
i feel like the world
always owes me
like ive been robbed at gun point
by my own silver bullet

sometimes i wish that
i could just **** well do it

get it over with
you know

load it
point it
**** it
blow it

but the problem is
i'm just like you

i'm too afraid of
jumping hoops

picking them up
and setting the rest of the world on fire
spinning the rings
on my left thumbs
typing up poems
because in person
i just sound dumb
........

I once was tangled in a web of confusion
Id sit at my desk
Trying to untie the knots in my stomach
Trying to forgive the world for forgetting I exist

I had a voice but only on paper
Could it be heard

One day a magic pill changed this

Or so I thought

Can I chalk up success to a pharmaceutical company?

Override all strengths
That might have lived inside of me?

I don't know
I may never know

All I know is that I can't ***** this up

I ******* this up

my sister is pretty
but mind is prettier.

(;


gotcha

I died on her birthday last year
This year I'm bringing
fireworks
Cake
Balloons
Alcohol
Marijuana
Brownies
Laced *******
Love songs
Sad songs
Dance songs
Acoustics
The rock
The electronic
The non stop
dance clock

So that if she does  
Forgive me,


It's not too late!

Tears roll from every corner
Crashing into eachother
Someone switched on
Irrational thinking
Try to remind yourself
Yesterday is gone

Tears roll down the edge of her cheeks
Pushed to the brink
"It was me"
That she thinks

So she sits and stirs
About the he's and the hers
In a fast paced world
Where close your eyes
And it's over

A disappointment at best
Would they still miss you
The answer is yes

A gentle caress
In time she'll express
For now just be patient

when the demons come knocking
the angels keep dancing.

The world feels alot less scary with music,
An escape goat
Through the ears and out the mouth
Or fingers
Depending on who you are

I don't see the sunset with the pink and purple hues blending together like cake batter before you lick the spoon I see castles millions of them spread out so far stars in the galaxy would be jealous of the distance ... distance yes distance something we need more of.. something I need more of... I am not some deep sea mermaid you can just use when ever you please or show me off like a trophy on your tv stand. I am more. So much more. Give me a chance to sink even if you know I can't swim. Please.

I'm bad at lying
Please don't lie to me

Love hurts
Hate hurts
More

"I saw the sun going down in your eyes with all the lies."

it was that moment
when pain conquered health
and she realized
i need help

If you could
Hold onto love you would squeeze it
Suffocate it
'til it's capillaries are bursting
Pretty blues and purples would rise
Coating the reds and oranges that we're used to
Ud grab it by the neck carelessly
Sink your teeth into it
With no second thoughts
Your heart would be racing
And the passion
spot on
Legs vibrating from excitement
' not wrong !
Not wrong until the birds stop their song
And the bees stop their buzzing
The silence grows long
And the love is just gone

The trees cast shadows
Like the dark ones
Chain-linked
to our
Hearts

The world isn't a battle field
There are no allies
There are bombs
Scars
Wounds
Tombs of the people we once loved
But the world isn't a field for battle

Music jolts my body
Senses are not senseless
used right.

You are always better
Than your worst enemy's best thought