I can keep everything under control
do everything right
Except when it comes to my sister
We're twins, but not identical
not in looks, or in brains
She thinks just a little slower than the rest of us
she's not even in special education classes anymore
but somehow people always seem to know
And treat that as a license to step all over her
She always seemed to fall into friendship with the same type of people
charismatic, popular, and couldn't care less about her
And at the end of middle school, it left her crying on a cruise all alone
She was smaller than me when we were born
I was Baby A, she was Baby B
so it's always been my job to protect her
I am my sister's keeper
I don't resent her for it
I love her
I love her staunch sense of right and wrong
that while she'll spend an hour doing her makeup in the morning
She won't conform all the way and do drugs just to be accepted
I understand why she surrounds herself with the comfort of the mainstream
the fandoms that feel like the friends she's always wanted but never had
I know she's scared of being the "add-on twin" in our friend group
that she's loved as my sister but not as herself
I don't know how she's not scared to try for things, like modeling and popularity,
Because I am terrified for her to
I don't want her to get hurt or be rejected
I try to dissuade her
when she freaks out that our friends are starting to not want her around
I try to defend their intentions
when she's angry at our mom for yelling at her
I try to give her ration and make her see my mom's side
But I forget
that my sister and I used to sneak candy from the kitchen together
She knows I can lie, and lie well
She doesn't want to hear me hissing out my fears
Always, after she storms away from me,
I want to smack myself
for getting caught up again in my need to protect her
Because I already know what she wants
*All she wants is someone to listen and be on her side