How about we start at the base
Ground zero
The place of destruction
The beginning of the action
My brain

If you think you can take it
Go ahead, step on in
Welcome to what will probably be
The most traumatic experience
Of your life, yet.

It's a chaotic chronic
A twister of pain, little gain
No production, simply destruction
Addictive personality
Worrisome and stressful reality, honestly

I don't know just how to say it
Or how to express it plainly
So I'm gonna wing it
And hope you people can understand
That I'm truly not all there

Sure, I'm responsible
I'm a smart kid with a bright future
But I don't know if I want that future
I don't know if I want myself either
I'm internally deranged

I like the idea of wasting myself of throwing myself in the flames and playing hopscotch in the smoke rings
Of wandering oblivion
And living in eternal suffering

No, I'm never gonna be a drunk
Never going be a ******
Never gonna trade my soul
To the only one who knows
Just how far I really wanna go

I'm not gonna dive off that cliff
Into that endless abyss
That holds the cold embrace
If the sweetest, purest
Most adored lover's kiss

I'm gonna keep to myself
Leave behind the inhalants
The smokes, drinks, and capsules
And hold my daddy's hand
And stay my little girl self

Meanwhile, on the inside
I'm lighting your home on fire
Throwing your kittens in the river
Slaughtering your children's dreams
And revealing your secrets

Satan can keep his contract
I'll keep my soul, just like you want
But I'll inwardly express the pain
That is my life
Signs of a serial killer, right?

Well, remember
Whatever I become
You made me
Aided the monster
By caging me

It's okay to be afraid.

I tried to sit down
And write a poem about me

You know what I've found?
That that's just not me

I don't know myself
My inner thoughts are confused

I don't know myself
My identity got lost in the abuse

Truthfully, you make me jealous
You know yourself and you have talents

You understand how to have purpose
Thus, your days have meaning and balance

But I don't know myself
Though, I'm working toward that clarity

I don't know myself
So, I won't be writing a poem about me

Falling for you
Was the best decision
I've ever made

I can only break so much
Can only lose so much
Can only stumble so much

Until I'm permanently damaged
Until I'm a complete failure
Until I fall too far

And end up totaled
And end up lost forever
And end up in the abyss

Do you know how it feels
To wake up worried if you'll make it home ok?


Do you know what it's like
To cry yourself to sleep every single night?


Do you know how it feels
To wonder if you're mother is going to abandon you today?


Do you know what it's like
To stress over whether your younger siblings will eat or not?


Do you know how it feels
To go to sleep hoping everything will stay calm?


Do you know what it's like
To call your dad and have him ignore the phone?


Do you know how it feels
To lose your own parents to crystal?


Do you know what it's like
To throw away your own father's needle?


Do you know how it feels
To barely make it through the day?


Do you know what it's like
To come from a shattered home?


Do you know how it feels
To blame everything on yourself?


Do you know what it's like
To be a child like me?

Dropping my third can on the floor
I can't even stand anymore
My heart races and my pulse pounds
Fear grips me in its icy embrace
Why can't I stop?
All self control, I have lost
Will to move on, I have none
I wipe the drops off my chin
Then I crack open another can
Put it to my mouth and tip it up
Downing it all, I just can't stop
thud thud thud
My heart almost bursts through my chest
My vision blurs
My words won't come
I feel my body **** as I cave in on myself
Four cans down, Two to go
If I'll survive, soon we'll know

She's a soft cool rain on a hot summer's day.
She makes me laugh with the funny things she has to say.

She's the beat of my heart, and the air that I breathe.
She's the sun and the wind, and (Autumn's) golden leaves.

She's the pride that I feel when I know she's done what's right.
She's that warm feeling I get, when I remember tucking her in at night.

She is homework and a busy social life.
She has this beautiful smile that could light the darkest night.

She is the scared feeling I have when she stays out late.
Or the feeling that I am losing her, when she wants to date.

She's the mixed emotions I have, as I watch her mature and grow.
I tell myself she will never leave, but, I know in my heart that someday she will go.

I hope the man that steals her heart, will treat her like a queen.
Because she deserves so much more, than a man that treats her mean.

I will always cherish the heart wonderful times we have had.
The best part of my life was being her dad.

So now you know who she is, she's my little girl.
I love her with all my heart and always will

I miss the way things used to be
Back when it was just you and me
In the backroom, smoking a doobie
Making love better than they do in the movies
Showing each other crazy new things
Giggling, we were always laughing
Holding each other like otherwise we had nothing

Now, i sit here all alone
I only see you through my phone
It's been so long now you've been gone
And we're both finally almost grown
And neither of us has wanted to move on
I thank God I get to call you my own
And right now I can't stop staring
                       at your picture on my phone

Yeah. It's different.
But I love variety.

What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you

My head's under water
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard

'Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

When I see your face
I see my future

When I hear your voice
I hear perfection

When I feel your skin
I feel indestructible

When you hold me close
I know it's all okay

When you say my name
I get addicted to the sound

When you breathe on me
I get hypnotized

When you say you need me
I fall in love all over again

Let my lust overtake me
Let my sins forsake me
Let my anger erode me
Let my joy escape me

May this void replace me
May this addiction erase me
May this trust evade me
May this truth awaken me

I'll give in to the battle
I'll surrender my weapons
I'll open the floodgates
I'll learn these lessons

My ears are always listening

My mouth is always explaining

My arms are always open


Yet you always run away

We were living in a dying flame
Ashes among the embers
Stuck in the reality of shame
While we slept in the abyss
Finding any other man to blame
To save our already lost souls

Around the world, the devil crept
Leaving evil pleasure behind
Demons were all to remain
In the place of the lord in vein
And as our God abandoned us
We tasted the cries of the insane

.........

You thought it would be innocent
Always thought I was heaven-sent
A demon, from Hell I made my ascent

I never colored my hair
I parted it down the middle
My glasses were always *****
I never wore makeup
Hoodies were my closest companion
My ***** had not yet grown
My **** what flat as a table top
I didn't really have friends
My only escape was self harm
Baggy clothes were all I wore
I barely ever spoke
I held more secrets than I could count
I was miserable.

Thank God It's Not Back When

I'm drowning in the pain
Floating on the flames

In love with yesterday
Making friends with the stains

Let the heat rise up
My soul is on fire

I'll ignite on the inside
I'm in love with the burn
It's a Beautiful Kind of Pain

I cry, beg you please
Scream
Scratch desperately


Why?
Why not me?


****** words
Empty minds
Broken hearts
Lost in time


Open the doors
Let in the contraband
Crimson stained skin
Take me, I'm yours


Guess it's only right
To give in to the fight


You'll eventually leave
It's only for tonight

I want your love
I want your everything
I want no one else to have you
I want you to Be Mine

I'm happy one minute
And then you flip
And so do I

One minute I'm in love
And rightly so
But then you decide to speak

You like to take anything
That brings us joy
And crush it

Well, we won't pretend anymore
You've lost now
It's all over now

We aren't under your control
You're just going to lose us
But we belong here

And so I'll fight for them
Against you
And do what I know to do

So while you flip and flop
Change your emotions
I'll be emotionless

Because none of us can stand it
Any longer with you
Living Bipolar