I think of you every minute of every day.

This has made me lose myself

I need to be me, if you are to ever love me.

Outside air flirts with skin
numbing effect slowly creeping
gusting air, a soft assault
makes me grasp my jacket tight

I have torn in two, never to be one.
I formerly only cared for myself.
But now I care for you deep as a well.
I cannot find the bottom of the flowing love.
My heart will continue drawing from the depth of my soul.
As long as you are here, I am complete.

Deafening noise in waves
Glinting light blinding off mirrors
A circle turns red, steel at a standstill
The quiet lingers for just a brief second

Awoken abruptly
It burns my brain like acid
I dissolve, absolute fear
I would rather die than feel this
Indescribable terror
Non-escapable

I pour my emotions,
               letting them flow.
                                They run and
                              pool in a safe place
                             purified and bottled,
       then delivered back to me,
I drink them back up, invigorating life.

There they lie on the floor of the house.
Stretched in the sun, lounging about.
Furry and killer, soft yet so mean.
Gone when you want them, here when you don't.

Softly played music soothes
The wind howls as cars pass.
The fluorescent light shines on me.
Alone by myself, in a small room.
Paying for stress and work.
A slave of my own making.
I hope it will be worth it.

Elusive but everywhere
some live their lives seeking it,

"if it feels right, how can it be wrong?"
they say as they self-destruct,

The lord gives us free will, and we choose to die
who then can complain?

You beat up yourself
militarizing doubts.
but I can offer you
some good armor.
I give many pieces
but you must equip them.
Please hear and equip
because my heart is breaking for you.

You laugh, then I
Our breath escaping
Inhaling deep as we catch it
I'm so glad I know you

O bitter tears!
wetting my face, stinging my eyes
The weight of life draws you out
All could go wrong, you would be lost
Weeping bitterly is painful healing
I am glad to heal, glad to hurt
O blessed healing!

The burning continues, i'm on fire
Consuming me and growing, unceasingly.
I hope that you start on fire as well
if you throw water, I will die out.
Then glowing embers will fade away.

I write and I write thinking it helps
It only distracts me from myself.