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The seething disturbance
The heart shaking kind
Has eased on my fragile soul
And plague inflicted mind

You know the reason why?
Time doesn't want to talk,
Yet god's rays cometh back come spring
Just because amongst the living you walk

Your heart is still under siege
How much longer can those walls hold?
You must know the road alone is long
How many more will you break as you grow old?

All those who approach your throne
Could never hope to realise
What that beautiful, stupid mind thinks
Behind those beautiful, empire felling eyes

None of this is your fault, nobody should
Cry because of something one can't control
Sending you down a spiral, you never thought
Would go beyond even the deepest hole

I could never hate you, although I want to
Everyone is the hero of their own story
Nobody can blame another for seeing differently
I've learned a lot, even the thing I needed, humility

Perfect and broken, unfortunate
Qualities that attract more war
Even I couldn't resist the battle call, sadly
You can't hope to see beyond my selfish bore

Maybe through this loyalty to yourself
That your candle is still lit
Even if a life as hectic as the ocean
Is striving to extinguish it

But a calm body of water, the frequency
Of that all healing, riveting smile
Perhaps a piece of my demise
Sure enough, gave you another mile

Cannot tell you how sorry I am for all this
If you want to, keep this in your memory
Know that I felt some minute solace,
Thinking at least for now you are "happy"
I was originally planning to send her this as a final goodbye, but now I know it is simply not worth it
Grateful to a self proclaimed god,
A piece of art I can fathom not
A witness to the echoing thought
Of one whom my heart so relentlessly sought

I spilled my soul upon her heaps
The soul of someone who rarely weeps
But made feel true emotion
Through this misunderstood notion

Sailing past the answering letter
The sailor should not have hoped for better
Saltwater, you see, induces dreams
Mirages of sirens, who need help it seems

The goal is beautiful to the mindful
Who can blame one to try and be rightful
Withering skies could not have fortold
Just how much salt a liver can hold

Asleep now, incessantly dying
Knowing the fact she's not even trying
There's much a simple mind can't process
But the sorrow doesn't regress the progress

The seas will calm down come morning
As the endless horizons stop drowning
A broken boat, a broken man
Should still eventually sail again
This endless cycle of ups
This endless cycle of downs
Once it breaks you out of these cuffs
Only to realise, you're the only one that drowns

You sense movement in your tearducts
From time to time, it shocks as it's warm
Meaning to let you down with waves of floods
Overwhelming you, before you resort to harm

Letting your eyes cough once more
Eroding the sandman's architecture
Which of them was left by which sore?
You ask while once again you lose all texture

So the vicious cycle can begin again
Building up to another main event
Over and over and over, my friend
Just when the **** will this ******* end

Seemingly calming now, I thought
The sun looks to be shining on this lord of cinder
But I need to find another siren to float
The next will drag me down in a different manner
But if it goes as far as to hold me,
I don't think it will matter

I'm cold, can you help me?
Give me another chance to flee
To see this wasn't all for no reason
Tell me this knowledge will elevate me
Otherwise fall might be my favorite season
Dissapating clarity
An invoiced heartache
A handpicked flower, lost
To gullible hypocracy

Dreary, windy, however bright
Mute songbirds terrified
Of the silence after the storm
They have wings, why do they fear height?

The life ending natural cause
Who you thought would give warmth
Left your eyes hungry for more,
For just a little bit more applause

The benefit of circumstance
Keep the leaves hanging on
Wanting to fall, needing to fall
They will learn the meaning of distance
So beautiful, so safe
Makes you feel
At home, at hope, at faith
Makes you question the boundaries
Of the infinite beauty
In this world God made
As her surface radiates

But as the willow retaliates
And as the widow segregates
You see the resemblence
Of duality on her face,
In her eyes an infinite cold
The kind you would still embrace
Just to be blessed by her grace.

So you could die at least,
Again and again and again
Comforted you might feast
On her illusion of radience
Amongst the ones, she recognises not
Seen as just another self righteous,
Humbling, esoteric beast.
I am tempted to leave it
To give up again
Once and for all
But I find I can't

I made an oath to myself
To finish what I started
To challenge my feelings
But I am left thwarted

I wish I saw her side
All the mistakes I've made
Could I have prolonged it?
The inevitable, premade

I was always going to fail
But this ******* glimmer of hope
The good old learning experience
Has left me at the end of a rope

It's not even over for god's sake
The glimmer's still there
Only very dimm
Why can't I not care?

I have to see her every day
This is not my choice
I only wish to help in the end
But the indifference in her voice
Makes me have to pretend to understand

But I can't, I won't
Will I never?
No telling if it is worth it
Still, this can't last forever
Can it?

Painful bliss, Blissful Pain
Is my present, my drain
Now I feel only rain
But from dead, dry earth
What has anyone to gain?
This was my existence for like a year, I wouldn't wish it on anybody
Thought I was lost
For the longest time
Wandering the void
For this soul of mine

For a gift
A divine purpose
Given to me only
If I shatter this circus

If I see beyond
A blind realisation
A choked thought
Into full illumination

For the first time in a long time
Slipping out of the gap again
I'm alive when I find the ones
Who themselves't dreaden

Who deserve more than
Being in their element
Who can be more than
Self righteous sedement

Humility is my present
Not past, but future
My purpose again
To, in return nurture

To expect no more
Than to let them think
Of ash and a newborn
Fullfillment and the brink

For my heart I will
Send their regards
For as long as this
Presence embalms
Probably the only positive one I wrote
Jun 19 · 136
I tell myself, stop looking at others
And look at the positives of yourself
Subconscious jealousy is what bothers
And I fail to see the positives of my existence, even if they are there
My mind brushes it all off
I know it could be worse, it's just not my fault
I feel ignored even if I don't speak much
Even when I do, they laugh and listen
And even the hugs at the end, that fill me with warmth
Leave my soul empty afterwards hungry for more
For a sustained lifeforce, that lets me be myself
And flourish amidst the success of mediocrity
And loss of value even in those who are not just people enjoying life, but also enjoying what they got
It's not learnable I tried and I cried
And I cried And I cried And I cried
Leave me alone, let me be happy
please don't leave me, oh precious sanity
I just wrote this, coming home after a party drunk
I'm full.
I'm filled with thoughts.
Why do I feel a hole.
I've never felt before.
A small void.
Still, I'm missing something.
That ***** up everything else.
An embrace.
That deletes all further thoughts.
That closes the void.
That leaves me fragile.
And opens up something else.
And engulfs my soul.
So I can breathe again.
So I can cry again.
Several days went by uneventful
Every once in a while she isn't resentful
I cannot find an explanation,
A motive for her motivation

Mysterious, as she is,
There's something behind the scenes
But why is there no consistency?
How is she lonely so casually?

She baffles me, unreprihansible
The only one to me, unreadable
There must be a reason why,
She doesn't try and she doesn't cry

She encloses herself, a princess of ice
Yet when she's herself, she flies
Something is definitely holding her back,
I wonder if one day, she might crack
We all know that one girl
Remember when you were happy
Even if for a couple of weeks
It might never come back
My mind and my heart shrieks

Only when I'm not myself
Do I feel accepted
Only when I'm somewhere else
Do I not feel neglected

The diseased sees no cure
The end I might never reach
One day my heart might be pure
Stop this, this incessant screech

Long have I climbed
But the way upwards is bent
One thing I have is Time
On these steps of Torment
The fact of the matter is I'm lost. The dense infinite sea has all the power over me. I go where the wind takes me. There is life all around me, yet I'm all alone. I had people back home, but all of them stayed as I set sail into the mist. I'm cold. The only comfort I have is, that I will inevetably come across some sort of land, somewhere I can take refuge, somewhere I feel safe and warm. Warmth. It's all I need right now.
I write to let my mind express itself and to keep my sanity. Of which I have not a lot left. Had I any to begin with? Why must I suffer. Why must anyone? I don't know if suffering together with someone would ease the pain, or would it simply multiply it. Only time will tell. I hope, I think.
Not knowing is manditory.
That is all I have left.
Soon i might know.
If only because of some miracle, the promiseland finds me.
The bottle, the one I set out into the emptiness, hoping it will find the one I sent it to, and return her to me.
I might never know. Know that feeling.
I might never feel again. Im starting to lose it.
I never learned how to sail.
Thought it comes naturally. I could, but it is keeping me from it. This. This one, that is both a blessing and a curse. The one, who promised me the confession will reach it's goal. How will it know the goal, when even I don't? Empty promises. Just like they promised to help me.
What did I expect
The start of an 11 poem journey about unrequited love, solitude and finding myself
Jun 15 · 112
I don't know
I don't know which feeling to feel
I don't know which of my wounds to heal
I don't know what to hope for anymore
I don't know how long I can go for anymore
I ran out of my less personal, surreal stuff. I guess it's time to get into my more sentimental, love poems. This one was written in the aftermath of all that...
Jun 14 · 139
Hung again
Am i blind? What is this? Why have the gods forsaken me? Wait, I see a light. Within the light I see only dark. Where am I? I wake. Thousands of shivers run down my spine as I rise up towards the source. I am alone. The light seems to be moving, does it want me to follow it? The ground beneath me is soft, almost sand like. I follow the light, why is it so dark?
It seems like hours have passed, but time is irrelevant in the eternal darkness, it seems. Even the source is dark, only less dark than it's surroundings. I tire. I reach toward the heavens in prayer, for that is all I have left. No answer. The light beckons. Millions of thoughts run through my mind. Am I dead? Is this limbo? Or purgatory? I shake. I do not even remember who I am. How did I get here? Weird, I don't feel like I'm dead. I still feel pain in my legs and my body from my journey. I pinch myself, what sort of horrible nightmare is this? The pinch hurts. I am sweating. Wake up! I shout, as I bang my head against my hands. It's no use. The only comfort I have, is the presence of this entity, that for some reason is leading me into what seems like oblivion. I become more and more weary of it, yet I'm drawn to it. It is my only hope. But first I must rest. Both my body and mind. Feels like most of the journey is ahead of me. I can't give up. Not now. I fear I will be consumed. It's as if something is watching me, I can almost hear it's breathing. The incessent silence feels louder and louder. It hurts no longer.
The very first thing I have ever written
Jun 13 · 202
The bird is just a stone's throw away
I don't have a stone.
The bird flew astray
Now I'm all alone.

I hear a cry
The distance is great inbetween.
Still it might be worth a try
A better throw I've never seen.

Where it went I still don't know
Was it the one that cried?
Where it came from, down below?
It lay just as I lied.

One dead bird, it wasn't me
There is no longer a distant bellow.
The greatest throw you'll ever see
There is no longer a distant hollow.
Jun 12 · 148
Open Wide
Open wide,
Little guy,
The unworthy
Shall outlive this
Remorse of thine

Open wide,
the mad man cries,
The sins of many
Should suffice
The one and only

Open wide,
The sad man dies,
In flames and agony
Never in doubt,
Born a nobody

Open wide,
Little guy,
The sod and sorry
Shall fulfill this
Hunger of thine
Jun 11 · 125
The echoes of my remains
Negative one,
I am cold and I ask of you
What are all the ways,
That you keep yourself abused?
I have seen the scars,
of the one who was left behind
I have seen them fall,
In this bloodstained mind of mine

I have seen the spark,
The spark of a thousand flames
How do you find ways,
To never feel any shame?
I have felt the loss,
of the one who had many names
I have heard the chimes,
The echoes of my remains
Based around Set Fire by Carina Round
Jun 11 · 134
Long time, no see
There, a free retreat
Hollow by night
And very discreet,
A welcome sight

There, again we meet
Hollow by day
Strange, bittersweet,
No absence of light

There, just what I need
No other way
To quench my need,
To peel and say

Here, I can feed
My emotion fright
The silence I heed,
The asylum flight
Jun 11 · 130
The outcome you feared
The liquidity of choice
Another of your kingdoms
Sat under rattling bones

Soaking transmission
Coming from the mountains
Give what light is left
To slightly fill the fountains

Dried up by everything
Made clear by those who explore
That it's really not worth it
To stick around and implore

Life here has no beginning
Life here has no end
Just those vocal chords singing:
"There's only sand.
There's only sand.
There's only sand."

Pick your visits proudly
But don't you dare turn cowardly
Accept your faith lightly
Then you won't wither so loudly

These ghosts are neccessary
You wouldn't want them anywhere
Outside your mind chanting:
"There's no point, is there?
There's no point, is there?
There's no point, is there?"

Forced as the walls of past
Built upon foundations of dread
Antennas reaching for air
To at least entertain the dead
This one is up to interpretation, but my concept was a deep, dark purgatory like town one enters when one is depressed or loses meaning. Everyone enters this place at least once in their life and there are those, who stay indefinitely.

— The End —