in the sanctity of sanity
is where I now aspire
as years
and my humanity
insist that I conspire
to find a hole
in vanity
and breathe what I inspire
until the words
drip from my veins
and sanctify this fire

I find myself in a colder place
growing older, not wiser it seems
the light has subsided from my face
fixed in the stare of old dreams
a simple life I once desired
a partner and children to love
a haven from those who relent
who are mired
in the madness a few rise above
I grow slowly and silently into this place
of solitude and fear
that I am drifting too calmly
that I am hiding too well
for another to find me here

what is love
in a world that's dying
what is joy
in a world so trying
what is truth
in a world where lying
is an art form

what is faith
in a world so blind
what is hope
in a world unkind
what are dreams
in a world where mind
is unexplored

what is peace
in a world unfed
what is poetry
in a world unread
what is living
in a world who's bed
has already been made

I have risen above the storm
while other men succumb to less
no-one turns as I pass
or nods in respect
yet I have conquered foe
they shall never see in their lifetime
I have faced evil in the coldest of nights
pulled another from the reaper's clutch
where many accept
I resist
where many remain silent
I question
I shall pass into my eternal home
as I arrived in this one
identity my own
dignity intact
my soul clean
as falling snow

in the bowels of the ever after
a conscious soul resides
it distributes hope and heartfelt laughter
where true love slowly dies
it borrows smiles
for wasteful lies
and never asks a wage
provides a word to struggling poets
to offset certain rage
calms the heart felt burdened
by the madness in this world
and opens thought once buried
to peace and joy unfurled

in the company of these
chosen ones
I felt the weight of cold stares
rein down like led sleet
tearing me away bit by bit
without a word spoken
their eyes
their hawkish eyes
and subtle feigns

in her company
I am transparent
an equal in her eyes
where all truth resides
where all that matters lives
and truth be known
they are beneath us

How does one learn not to hate
after facebook shows me a group of teenage thugs
savagely pull an old man from his car
and proceed to kick and sucker punch him
under the guise of who he voted for
if that were the reason
then why did they pick up everything that he
dropped on the ground and place it in their pockets?
How can someone be classified as a human being
that commits such an inhumane act upon a fellow human
I contemplate what I would do if I were there
to witness this cowardly attack
I could not stand by and watch as it appears
bystanders did
My stomach is in knots
my heart is thumping like a train
in my contempt for these cowards
these pathetic individuals who swarm like wolves
not in the name of survival
but in the name of hate
when I think our species might be progressing
I see such disgusting behavior and feel years of progress
were only a mirage

I'm covered in the stain of my own past regressions
I'm buried in the pain of old and new obsessions
I'm crying out in vain, can you hear my confessions
I'm smiling in the rain to hide these tears

I see the varying yellows and reds
of leaves dancing to the ground
after a slight wind
I see bluejays, cardinals and robins
jockeying for position on the birdfeeder's step
I see deer walk across the field
as I peer from the kitchen window
they seem at home in their freedom
I see the distant mountaintops fading as the Sun yields
to the approaching night
I see the emerging stars and the glow of the moon
as it begins it's nightly watch
then I see you
secure in the maple frame
I gaze endless
until the call of sleep awakens me
my home is wrapped in beauty
but all the beauty I see
begins in this frame
in this face
so far away

looking back through time shaved eyes
I am blessed by these corridors of memory
otherwise hollow
should you not be present
epic torture of a miniscule life
only room for so many kings
return to me on the power of thought
fleeting though it was
it was
I lose myself in the open valley
and rolling hills
on this daybreak drive
and I am there
with you in those precious days
when our love burned
through the boundaries
of time

the air hit my face like a slap to a helpless child
cold and unrelenting
like every morning as I leave before the Sun is up
I wanted to say something before starting the long drive
I turned but could think of nothing
perhaps there was nothing to say
perhaps it no longer mattered

eighteen inches fell last night
a Winter Wonderland here in the mountains
I may see the children before they sleep tonight
or I may miss them as I often do
traffic and that silent road have numbed me

snow has begun falling again
thick and oddly quiet
like the ravings of a mad man on tv
with the volume turned down
funny how wonderfully creative the mind becomes
moments before sanity escapes

just as I had nothing to say
when I began this typical Tuesday
I again have no rhyme
no verse
no connection to reality
as I flatten the pedal
and disappear into the white

if you delve deep into the fray
where the truly true musicians play
keeping their words and sighs intact
their hearts and tears and words impact
the tiny masses who search them out
to warm their souls and if you doubt
the world around you doesn't hear
your broken dreams
your quiet fear
look beyond the pompous trite
the subtle muddle that holds no light
there is a world though buried deep
once heard enfolds you while you sleep
close your eyes we will walk the moon
your heart and mine will sing in tune

dedicated to Angus & Julia Stone

Beyond these unyielding doubts
cast upon me like rust-splintered chains
haunting my every thought
my every breath
there is reason
for my existence
the strength of which carries me beyond the fog
from which these chains are cast

there is purpose in my struggle
a light that burns unrelenting
searching the summits
riding the storms to their end
darkness be ******
the rain and wind of change
only serve to make me stronger
more determined
to write these thoughts
that lay in waiting
for those willing

I remain a poet
in this age of the dying word

and as I face the fires of a new day
I place my truth in a jar
like an old man's teeth
twisted, honest smile
waiting for me
and the hours burn
the shore more distant
the eye less clear
yet I make my way
and undo the lid
hoping, searching I return
to me

I can see it all so clear
as the wind from the oncoming storm
ravages the trees on the Northern side of the mountain
as if trying to uproot them

I gaze from above on Bear's Den
as Connor Brooks tries to finish the mowing
on his 40 acres and Molly's cries for him
to get inside before dinner gets cold
echo upwards in waves
beautiful waves

The Village Market
serves the last few customers
before closing up for the evening
Birdman, Mike and Fuzzy,
all friends since high school
are stopping at the Horseshoe Curve
for a glass or three
while discussing their shared memories

and of-course
Sarah...scurrying to get the clothes off the line
before the downpour
unaware her every sensual move is being watched
by the unlucky poet
who didn't quite grasp the moment
and reap the harvest
that lay there awaiting his attention
so many years have passed


timing never was something that seemed to fall my way
always seemed to be a day behind
realizing what I should have done
the day before
most things you get over
most missed chances eventually dissolve into the blur of life
like a bruise

Sarah never dissolved
never blurred

she hesitates for a moment after picking up the basket of clothes
as if she heard a far off voice call her name

it's just the wind

it will be some time
when I leave this mortal coil behind
before they discover the sack of bones
and translucent skin
a putrid puddle of mixed blood and body decay
and this is how I will be remembered
after 65, 70...maybe 75 years of absorbing
vast amounts of sideways smiles, false nods
and scripted ******* that our daily routines
have become
it will be some time
because I will choose to die alone
so those formalities are not required on a daily basis
those lies will not come automatic
on the rare occasions when I must
endure another of my own species
I am not built for small talk, chit chat
or breeze shooting
I am a tv with a few bad pixels
a record that skips
an oldie that you never quite knew the words to
I must have been born a second later than the universe had planned
because as normal as I once believed I was
something is off
just ask any other bot that has spent more than a week with me
it will be some time
because I think I may have gotten a larger dose of DNA
that ET is adding to our OJ
perhaps a test to see what would happen if they jumped the gun a bit
say 200 years
the neighbor called it in when she saw I hadn't left for work in a few weeks
or maybe a few months
gonna be hell cleaning these wooden floors

I watch you
as you lick your fingers
and laugh at the funny man on your cellphone
while the clouds above your head
outside the taco bell are not real
while you breathe in the poisons you can't see

I watch you
as you dance in the fairytale of non disclosure
that the box displays
that the news portrays
the fictional truth
the yodeling boy in Walmart
captivates
while pleas from those who see the truth
fade like the voices of trees and bees
and empty seas

I watch you
as you shed tears for a dying love
but close your heart to a dying planet
the clock ticking
the hours wane

I watch you
picking out the last car you will own
working so hard to get that promotion
and you know you're so much better
as you ponder sugar substitues

through red and tired eyes
tears loaded with nano particles and other poisons
I watch you drown in your blindness
your sad brainwashed life
your own slow suicide

tonight, before you begin your final sleep
open your eyes just wide enough to see
you could have stopped this

Lips move silent to treated voice
technically altered in a vacant room
smiling clueless to clueless drones
their thoughts suppressed since mother's womb
manufactured superstars
dressed and fed by faceless greed
their lives a myth
a stagnant dream
without a truth on which to feed
resist with me
this vacuous realm
lifeless words and endless trite
follow closer to the heart
on vapor trails of tear's twilight

I've been criticized, ostracized, demonized, desensitized, scrutinized, chastised,  analyzed, generalized, politically sodomized, inspected, disected, directed, detected, deflected
all for acquiring and dispersing
truth
the only thing I haven't been
is plagiarized

I bought a Joker bobblehead at an antique store
it bobbled it's head as I went out the door
it bobbled and turned  
and with a laugh it said
get me out of this box *****
or I'll slice off your head
I turned right around
went back in the store
and asked for a refund
of $11.54 - including tax
I'm sorry she said
no refunds given here
now you're stuck with that *****
may God help you my dear
he's carved and beheaded
every Woody in my collection
he set fire to Buzz Lightyear
and gave Barbie a c-section
he's the devil himself
inside that bobbin' head
you'd better unload him
or soon you'll be dead
before she could put the closed sign on the door
I heard the feet of the Joker as they hit the floor
now you've done it she moaned
we've lost his *** now
I'm taking lunch
so find him somehow
before I could think of what my game plan would be
a voice, and a bob, bob, bob  from behind laughed at me
'10.99 for the Joker plus tax!?'
and I turned just in time to catch Daniel Boone's ax
between the eyes!

on a clear cold night
came a streak of warm blue light
I awoke under the Sun

Ghosts of bitter sorrow reign
within my somber, dark domain
tears of Angels streak my walls
cast aside, they walk these halls

voices echo in the night
whispers of their lonely plight
lost souls searching, drawn to me
window to the living sea

I am haven for their grief
once the king of disbelief
hidden here like tears in rain
they find solace in my pain

the last lover leaves
before dawn
before the necessity of conversation
stale coffee reheated
brings the numbing thought that this was your last chance
old man
there's nothing left
no slivers of heart to give away
no whispers in the dark that clever lovers say
you can no longer dance with brittle bones
your game has left you
and they were all games
were they not?
until the last sliver

now walk the shoreline as you always do
when they leave
and ponder the idea of love

You've reached your pinnacle, Roy
here in the rain
your tears lost
the prodigal son
will leave his maker
and meet no-one in the after
Rebel in your time
replicated emotion
but emotion just the same
perhaps the most human application
was one unintended
that thought is pure
in death

it is early morning at the beach
1:12 am to be exact
everyone else has gone beddy bye
and I can't sleep yet
because this is my time
where I live and breathe and think
without others doing the same and talking about it
all I can see through the sliding glass balcony door
is a liberty gas station across the street playing elevator
music at the pumps and selling insurance
that saves you 415 dollars a year
it's too cloudy to look for UFO's and the sherbert has all been eaten
so I decided to write something
I've reminded everyone what a nut case I am
hearing spirits and ripping politicians a new one
were pretty much my topics of conversation
I will say this...my sister's tacos were amazing
they over shop every year but **** they can cook

it's almost 1:30 and they will be rattling the breakfast dishes by 8
so I better get my crotchety old *** in bed
******* better get here early in the morning to fix
the **** washing machine
I only brought 3 pair of underwear

now
let me get started on this life changing poem
it is early morning at the beach...

"You take their lives with no compassion,
as if killing a fly.
They are Human Beings."

"They are cattle! and should be treated as such."

"But you were Human."

"Silence!
I have lived 10 thousand years.
Do you really believe I still carry compassion for these creatures?
You will lose compassion very quickly, my boy.
When you are sick of rodent and dog.
When nights pass one after another and your hunger is all that guides you.
When you grovel in the rain and mud waiting for a farmer to check his fields.
When their blood is your survival.
Talk to me of compassion after 100 kills."

"I don't know if I want this.
Must I lose my soul to gain immortality?"

"Don't be silly, my boy...your soul is already lost."

I took to the shore my final day
my final few hours
the Sun was low and the breeze had a coolness
though it was blistering hot earlier
I was watching an osprey returning from the ocean
a sizeable fish in it's claws
the beach was sparse this late
I relaxed and enjoyed the sounds and sheer beauty
of the Outer Banks
from my left I heard a light gasp that startled me
as I hadn't noticed her approaching
she spotted a lettered olive
as the sea gently lapped the shore
it was rolling back towards the next wave
but she managed to grab it just in time
a look of delight crossed her face
glowing like the Sun itself
'Nice find
those are tough to come by in that condition' I said
'they are my favorite' she responded with a smile
her eyes sparkled blue and her auburn air
tied in a bobble hung far down her back
'nice to meet someone who still appreciates
the beauty of a sea shell'
I was hoping for a name but one didn't come
instead,  
she sent a gaze that ignited not shivers
but an energy down my spine
'If only everyone knew the beauty that lives here
It's nice to meet another who sees as well'
I started to respond, but she turned and continued down the beach
her white kimono gently flowing with the ocean breeze
appeared to be from a time past
I turned my attention briefly to a group of pelicans
playing 'follow the leader' just above the waves
I could not let her go
I gathered enough courage to continue this chance meeting
but when I turned, she had disappeared
impossible
we are no less than 50 yards from the path off the beach
I just saw her less than 30 seconds...
I called out...but felt foolish
I tried to gather my thoughts
a light voice...or thought came as the breeze quieted
my name is Eve...
I walked the shoreline until it became too dark to stay
bewildered...I bid goodbye to the ocean and turned to leave
something caught my eye in the sand
amongst the thousands of shells on display
there lay a beautiful, perfect lettered olive
I will hold onto this one

I grapple with the everyday
nothing smooth
a sumo wrestler on ice skates
a one armed juggler
a 4 eyed ******
the muck and slime
that passes for normal
has overtaken my well
climbed my wall
I'm unfit to fit
too unscrewed to view
through a filtered lens
don't smile at me when you pass
but stop and ask what the **** is wrong with you
wake me up
and maybe I'll speak
maybe I'll peek around the corner this time
to see how high the **** has gotten
to see my childish dreams forgotten
and buried in the lies
that I've become

when snow has settled
and Sun is high
when dark gives way
to familiar sky
centuries have passed
since the final cry
fell silent on deaf ears

life begins anew

when your dreams
are where you'd rather be
it is time
to live them

a very thin veil
divides the living and the dead
a very tight thread

this I discovered in the depths of night
when she turned out the light
to pit fear against will

if you wither from thee
you will hear not her plea
in the softest of voice
'I hear you '

a whisper of a whisper
within the whisper of sighs
believer I am as I feel her eyes
upon me

light was returned
my nerve tested and worn
soul beautifully stirred
this night I was born

as the veil was lifted

pause
if for a moment
let your life force
melt into the energy that surrounds us
from battles fought within this
and alongside those occurring centuries past
from the first innocent child to see the Sun
we are the sum of these energies burned
we are the children of what came before
ever changing from ingredients
added to evolution's melting ***
from sea to cave to moon
and beyond
perhaps a home reflected
in the eye of the Hubble
energies link will lead us there
our beginning

I walk in dreams of faint vanilla
left to tease my senses after you have gone
that smell
long ago forgotten
I run through snow-covered fields
jumping to touch your smile
that floats just out of reach
that smile
long ago forgotten
we dance in rooms of endless halls
and whisper love's mystic words
that gently echo into forever
those words
long ago forgotten
we fold into each other
turned liquid by the thousand candles
that surround us
we touch that realm made possible
only by our love
a realm
long ago forgotten
in my waking world

I have not grown wiser in my waning years
more bitter
more disappointed
more beaten
'what's your advice to me old man?'
advice?
while the world crumbles around us?
let's just hope that there is more than what we know
for if the world is left to drift further into the abyss
without intervention
then who will see these words?  
or come say a prayer over your memory?
I always thought it cruel that if our soul moves from one to another
we don't recall the previous life...
or is it just one life with no memory?
I want to remember for we shall certainly leave the ashes of this dismal place...
soon
and all those memories will be lost
in time

(R.I.P. - Rutger Hauer)

In shallow pools of reflected thought
a child's face
sad and transparent
floats above a wheatfield
thick in bright yellow
amidst a flock of still crow

a shadow dressed in tattered pants
and a paint-stained shirt
brings a smile of recognition
to this lost child
then fades with a sudden gust of wind
the crow take flight
the wheat bend and sway into consciousness
our hearts are numb with the beauty of his pain

it can be hours of silence
I strain to hear above it
adjusting the headphones
the small voices that hide between the wind
and the settling of the house
the leaves jostling about
brushing the roof
I push myself to continue
whispered footsteps from upstairs
birds greeting the yet unlit morning
this house is alive
with the dead who remain
and when I am about to succumb
to the blur of exhaustion
the child comes through...
'Mommy!'
not once, but multiple cries
the sadness and fear in her voice
is palpable
and I am helpless to help her

how many hundreds of years has this child
repeated her cries
in this house
in this room
refusing to leave
still searching for her mother