I’ve kept myself in stasis
by preserving with sodium

if it works for meat
it’s perfect for me

1 large jar of whole pickles
gobble them all
salt and pepper to taste
drink brine ‘til full

2 bags of salt and vinegar chips per lb.
consume in one sitting
lick fingers greedily
repeat weekly

3 bowls of green olives
the salty ones
eat ‘til you can sleep
dry dreams in the wake

I see you see me
but see, you see me as 'them'
I see, you see them

Everyone’s been looking
to be seen

Reflective deflections
attempted perfection
detecting surrections

I see
you
see me
through
and through

I had a-
Nevermind

Never
tell
see
speak
think it

Nevermind your own business
sever ties with your instincts
every time they aren’t in sync
with
efforts grinding you empty

Without
knee **** reactions
screams turn so placid
it seems the world is plastic
and ceases further advancement

I was adopted
that’s how I ended up here
I used to be in one family
and they lost me to two

I’m positive it was an accident
they probably thought I was in the backseat
we’ll laugh it off when they find me

I feel like I'm stuck
on what is
and what's snot

Post nasal drip
is when mucus in the nose
drops down to the throat

Voice coated and smothered

'It's not that bad’
a prime example

I was
lost

and you were there.

Standing upright,
uncertain and confident of the fact.

All of you were.

I was there when we first found one another.
Somewhere along the line we became you and I
in my mind.

All of you
and I.

We’re surprisingly similar
you and I
but the focus for me at the time was always on what made us different

what made us unique.

What I couldn’t find was what made us kin.
Connected by what other than us wanting to be so?

I want to say I know now
though I’ll never be certain without asking

which I’m afraid to do.
Will you think me the one that gone away

still lost.

I’ve grown
more confident of my uncertainty

much like all of us

that I know

My feet of sheetrock
knees and bones
stick and stone

Thighs of mica
calf of plaster
flint skin

I chuckle gleefully in buns of steel
and fiercely beat a sediment chest
with the face of a mesa and obsidian ribs
I see through tides of frozen lids

Armor clad, the blue knight sits alone
wondering why no one calls back

'Sure there's a dragon, but that doesn't stop them from picking up the phone once in a while!’

'Don't you think I have my own “dragons” to deal with?!’
cries the blue knight

'I know you said you don't need any saving,’

But

‘you should be grateful I even offered!’

And so the blue knight sulks
waiting to save no one from nothing

Laughing into the wind
no one can hear you
away only for a moment
if at your ear
then carried off

I use my inside voice
within my head
the rest is shouting into a void
if you can’t speak
it leads you to think

the inside can be a battle for sound
in and of itself
what rings true
and what needs improvement

Some better left said
requiring a spoken tongue
instead of a broken one

I’m getting carried away again,
or am I letting myself?

The river runs deep and reaps what leeches sow
blood in the mud but the mood is on buds
beaches of cheap seats to a preaching of Mother’s own
muting the boots of cubic shooting suits

The currents pull is incredibly strong;
but I might just be pushing too hard.

Blessed by a crest that’d test a jest-besting guest
watch ‘em swamped n’ stomped by a real wallop of a wave
a new craze of cadence encased in layers of nets
left bereft guessing at the message in a maze

It’s draining me of strength:
and filling me with calm

A new time as old as one that few knew
but it cues a new attitude: a shoe in for blues
refuses to stew on intrusions of youth
infusing a juice of consumable roots

I can feel it on the nape of my neck
a single drip slip sliding down

Is it me or the heat?

My breathing is shallow
calmly alarmed
afraid to exist past the lips

Nervous of the temperature
this place generates
weathered down to the pore
with no semblance of rest

Did I make a mistake
in not finagling for AC
and laying under layers

Playing with
flour, water, and yeast
at the table of a restaurant

Mush
mash
and roll it
while mom talks to a friend

Warm hearts
and
supple hands

I haven’t seen you for the first time again
but I’m not sure I want you to see me twice
at first glance

I’ve changed to want myself
and I’m scared you still won’t
so I don’t try
because I want you to

Bloodless skin
loveless kin
covet hugs from other sins

Streakless ego
signs of Inigo
white knight spine flushed into a sinkhole

Comedy class
is a joke
but that's how it's supposed to be
if it weren't we'd be in
serious trouble

I have a,

well,

I'm unsure what to call it.

Deep
receding
yet receiving water

feeling the breath co-mingle
when our chests are pressed
dancing to the in-and-out-
smitten with rhythm
indignant of dignity

invigorated significance
in figure eights and sycophants

given and taken
hidden to shaken
win it by faking

One is red
two is green
three blue
and four peach

I bet you didn’t expect that one

Red is tweed
green is nylon
blue wool
and four corduroy

It caught me off guard, too

They’re all Supreme
bought second-hand
most snapback
one is fitted

I wear it the least

Sometimes it’s hot
when not, it’s cold
in the middle of stillness it’s warm
or blew right through, cucumber cool

Today blows
the wind is whipping
all the shutters closed
yet gusts of dust roll through me
not cutting
nor biting
but blustering breezily
as though I'm not there
as though I'm not aware of such zeitgeist climates
as those that I reside in

I am not here
and the air won't give me oxygen
as I'm caught within a cyclone of my own
Mine
that is me
has been me, mostly
no longer

On this day
let me be wrapped in aerial vestments
the warm west rekindling my breast
the cool east resetting my bones
bring me back from the brink I breached so long ago
and let my solid form settle the storm

I’ve been smoking almost every day
for the last few years

I know it’s no Vik, Perc, Morph, or Xan
and it’s backwards to be used as chloraseptic
but I never needed sweeter substances
and it works a **** ton better than advil

But I’ve used it instead of friends
whether that’s good or bad depends
if I’m on the steep end of dependance
or just really spent  and tenuous

Acquittal is wishful
I’m wilfully guilty

But I’m unsure of what
and how not be

I don't need an excuse to be happy,
don't forget that.

I don't have to assign blame for it,
like it's someone else's fault,
as though it's a negative.

I am happy.

Happy is me.

Put the star on the Christmas tree.

What is a woman?
what makes her so?

Is it her body?

Of course not

Is it her mindset?

Of course not

What is it, then, that makes a woman a woman
other than her choice to be seen as such?

Or is it innate?

If neither the body or mind are the genesis
then do we even have a choice?

Are we simply the gender we are born as?
whatever essence settled in our embryonic bellies?

I couldn't say

All I know
is that when I choose to view myself as the woman I am
my conscience is kinder to and more supportive of me

And for me,
that's enough

I feel a calm
in your hold
a peace within reach

I’m arms length away
defeated by feet
a screen display between

Your fingers seem to
push me outside
through keystrokes

Palm pressing
knuckle dusting
dancing digits

Pepperoni pizza with
red pepper flakes
and white sauce on my thighs

I keep eating it
kinda cannibalized

But I’m greedy
for a greasy meat trio
calves knees and higher

A trees trunk is tough all over
not a soft part but the leaves
only when cut does it form a gradient

Smooth with the grain
rough against

We need that reflection
otherwise risking a finite spectrum
though nature would have its own way

Waking up to go to work.
Another day another dollar.
I don’t actually like my job but
you need to make money somehow, I guess.

Another day another dollar
I wonder if drug dealers like their jobs
you need to make money somehow, I guess.
I bet clowns hate their jobs.
        
I wonder if drug dealers like their jobs
it’s got to be hard knowing how you affect someone
I bet clowns hate their jobs.
Because they terrify everyone.

It’s got to be hard knowing how you affect someone
that’s why I hate my job
because I terrify everyone.
I am a clown.

i-come-from-a-cage-
small-and-it-thinks-
it’s-really-bright-there­,
makes-it-quite-hard-to-shrink.

With the instincts of  mime,
left breathless every time
i cried for escape.

-Quaver-

Iwasshamedanddetested,
IconfessIconsent­ed
byforceof a friendship
mostthoughtasoffensive.

But fiction begets
‘Til diction forgets,
Best left alone.

-Crotchet-

Grown up and free
But still trying to be
The rage I engaged with
That made ‘you’ a ‘me’.

Born on the page
Sworn to a sage
Age old as beauty.

~Minim~

Feudal -- in -- flight
create -- your -- own -- kite --
to -- strive -- for -- a -- night --
of -- sleep -- without -- fright!

Tighten your chest
There’s a fight in your breast
Maybe might, just find,

~Semibreve~

It’s 2:00 a.m.
and I’m still not the person I want to be.

Confusedly used and choosing to cycle
a doozy of a beut be abusing the noodle
a noose for the loose lies and snoozed eye libel
chewing glue ‘til you blew new bubbles in trouble

I taunt me,
like a ripcord to a jumper.

Am I toiling or roiling? Or, do I even need to be foiled?
It leads me to believe I’m receiving the peace
by impeaching the keenness of leaderless feet
indeed defeating the most royal of boyles

Safety always seconds away.
But never close enough to be chosen.

Bite-sized incisors to rise from within
riptides to ride side-saddle or be straddled with a grin
paddle again, battle a jinn: the sin-bin win-win for adolescent kids
the spirit can hear it, dinned in tinnitus

Asleep within a crevice
located between two rocks and a stone
if you drove deep enough to where nobody goes
there’s a hole with a whole boatload
of varying souls.

To the rods and cones they are nothing
as far as the eye can see,
to be seen is to be empty
like a large tank with sand, water, and coral
but missing a fish for which to swim in.

The peace it brings releases ease
and steeps in sleep awful disease.
It’s my steeple for people
who fear in unequals
and read into receipts to steer clear of evil.

The everything that permeates this place
is inflated solely by negative space
like a race that integrates grace
as a pace to be chased
erasing traces of hatred by opting faceless to waste.

I am sure that I am the ‘me’ and you are but ‘you’.
Sure, I am the ‘you’ that I am, but are you me?
I am me. But you are sure, that I am you.
Am I me? I am sure, but ‘you’ are you,
are ‘you’ but me? I am sure,
But, you are sure I am.
Sure, you are, but,
are you, sure?
Are ‘you’,
You?

No warning
maybe some
didn't check

Formed over Dorchester
Yesteryore from shore stretches
Ore of tomorrow quite heavy
Tore open today to lessen the load

There’s something, special
about the warmth.

Still.

That’s the difference.

And constant.
As a result of the stillness.

Sitting in bed
as my torso is half-warmed through the window
and my legs are half-frozen
from the lack thereof.

Not fully formed for
the frost mayhaps forgot, but
the ember forever remembers.

I’m too tired
besides I’m not
that
*****

I did it yesterday
which counts for something
and I’ll do it tomorrow
which doesn’t count at all

But today
it seems like work
and what’s worth
that

I was clean enough in the morning
sheets only a week old
plus this would be me being green
no need to waste the H2O





Day two without showering
I definitely need it at this point
pizza on the plate last night
worn on the face this morning

I could say I’m doing it
for the poem now
but it really just seems
too nice

Just get up and do it
is not really a reason
it appeals to some part of me
but I'm hard of hearing it out loud

How long could I go
before conceding
to drowned out drops
and softened locks




----------------------

rain on skin
open pores and warmed sores
robed within steam
I think the soap is unclean

At first I slept on the second section
when pulled out from beneath the rest
and left like an exhumed tomb

But soon consumed
by a womb within a room
like a capsule hotel
with chili string lights

Padded plenty with blankets
pillows
and lack of headspace

A bread break with neck aches

I’m so tired
the lights have since been dimmed
eyes closing
night within the lids

What’s cold will sweat
and frozen melt
don’t open yet
hold hope and breath

woke up
flick a light switch
nothing
surprising

Check with electricity
they’ll let us know
expected time finishing
about seven hours ago

Bag #1:

I am afraid
Of-POW-
A lot of things
But-POW-
More than anything
I-POW-
Am afraid of
This
Punching Bag.

(ding ding)

Hanging itself by its own chain
Harangued and mangled by big bangs
Strangled by change.

How does it function?

Bag #2:

It hardly has a heart
A dangling participle in the grammatical arts
Two words worth of work.

How does it feel?

(ding ding)

It’s comfortingBANG
This
Fear of recoilBANG
Because
The softer I hitBANG
It
The softer itBANG
Hits
Back.