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 Sep 2018 PEARL SMOKE
Oluwatobi
I told myself it was only for a night
So I hid it out of sight
But each night
I lose my fight
And succumb to the temptation
Then I welcome the guilt
And the crazy thoughts.
I often pray for redemption
And strength to overcome this addiction
But sometimes I think I don’t give my best
Because I always fail the same test.
©
Oluwatobiloba Kolawole
September 2018
Not everyone you value feels the same
Not willing to think highly of you
You smile and love life to the fullest
They see you as a joke
while they soak in misery
Take advantage abuse your kindness
The mind is blind full of denial
A heart fueled with love
can rise above the wick
Dreaming made it hard to sleep
Lost in the fantasty not the reality
My monsters mate then they duplicate
I offer contraception; but it's too late.
They wish to reproduce, I only wish they'd reduce,
and it would be truly perfection if we could call a truce.

And my demons dance, what a sweet romance,
I turn off the music but they move to chants.
They wish to cause a stir, but I would prefer
if they wouldn't abuse it; it's meant to deter.

Play a song and put on a show,
they wish to belong but I want them to go.
There's no escape, there's no debating
that they're in great shape and the monsters are mating.

My monsters mate after their date,
I provide protection but they won't take the bait.
They crave sweet intimacy, just like me,
but the affection is laced with toxicity.

And my demons dance almost in a trance,
now I'm going deaf from my own rants.
They wish to cause a scene and I'm not too keen,
turn right cause on the left the grass could always be more green.

They sway to a loving bloom,
and they're banging hard in my head.
So I tell them to just get a room
and they say I should go to bed.

Play a song and put on a show,
their love might be wrong but atleast it creates a glow.
There's no end in sight and my nerves are grating,
day always turns to night and the monsters are mating.
You were worth the suffering
You aren't anymore
Now these ****** up feelings
Have my heart bruised and sore
The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to figure out whos worth the pain.
I cannot ever fight my demons
Each cell in my body has given up already
Now I'm stuck with no ambition
I cried so much I'm unsteady

I should have listened to your words
Worried warnings gone to waste
Although I appreciate the love
Let tears teach lessons on my face
Nothing quite like the sting of tears to remind you that you ****** up
I do not know why I miss you
After the pain you caused my heart
Or why I love you so much when it's obvious
We are clearly better apart
Sometimes the person you want most is the person youre best without
I Didn't Mean To Be ******
I Didn't Mean To Be Hateful,
All The Drugs & What It Took
It's Left Me Here Unstable.
I Didn't Mean To Be Mean
I Didn't Mean To Be Ungrateful,
I Just Know I'm Half Mast
But That Doesn't Mean I'm Unable.

I Didn't Mean To Leave You (.)
But Left You I Did,
I Didn't Mean To Upset You (.)
So Upset So You Hid,
I Didn't Mean What I Meant
I Was Hard Like Cement,
I Didn't Mean To Vent My Spleen
Showed It All The Truths Is Seen.

I Don't Mean To Be Honest
'Cause Honesty Kills,
Ill Now I'm Stable I'm Taking My Pills,
Been Down In The Dumps From Jumping Of Hills,
I Wish To Be Healed & The Mantra Instills.

I've Set Myself Free From The Chains That Were Binding Me,
Written On Walls So The Words
Are Reminding Me,
Healing & Mending In My Mind I Am Finding Me,
The Truth Was So Ugly But Now Its Not Blinding Me.
Harry Roberts - I Didn't Mean © 12/09/18
 Sep 2018 PEARL SMOKE
mindmatter
don’t let me leave
don’t let me walk away
because I want to stay
my heart belongs to you

my mouth will shut
my mind will try to forget
I feel they want me dead
with you I have life to live

I tie myself away
I lock the door behind me
I throw away the key
only where you can find it

I only trust your love
I wonder if you will follow
this dark cloud of sorrow
to hold me tight again

the demons will fight
they won’t let go of my hand
they believe me as ******
until your light blinds the room

no one would face them
no one cared to sacrifice
showing me a paradise
that grows behind the clouds

now there’s your silhouette
that I witness in my dreams
that quiets my screams
singing my spirit to rest

when my eyes flutter open
now there’s your smile
inviting me to stay awhile
reminding me my paradise
is one I shall create
 Sep 2018 PEARL SMOKE
CryBaby Di
"Xanax for the pain inside my brain,
temporarily easing off of the full throttle gas petal that drives me insane.
Almost silencing all of the screams ,
and repetitive voices of my own self conscious, blaming self for all of my
regrets and broken dreams.
The calming of my ugly inner demons,
abusing me with the ways of their
constant torture..

I am still my own worst enemy,
and always will be,
evermore.."
.
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