I was a kid when I looked up at the sky
I was a kid when I pointed my finger at that star
I was a kid when I made that solemn vow that night
I was just a little kid with a big dream
A small body with a huge energy
I was innocent but my eyes were a mystery
All that was flashing through my mind was success
I was feeling a twinge of envy for those TV superstars
I was praying to god help me confess
Until that day when courage filled my heart
And my lips finally whispered my plan
Mama, I do remember that look in your eyes,
That surge of anxiety you felt,
That lack of confidence you had in me,
Those questions written on your face,
Would I be able to survive?
Would I make it alive?
Papa, I still think about what you wanted me to be,
An open-minded child with a brighter destiny,
You were standing still like a silent hill,
It smashed my hope but it didn’t tear my faith apart
I was running through blurry woods
Looking for the right door
To take me where I thought I belong,
Yes I made it that time
Mother father, drew that smile but it was obviously fake
I wasn’t ready to quit
I was fully aware, it was my journey,
I swore that I would be the pride of my family
I ignored my adventuring youth and work hard for the glory
I endured the pain and aches in order to write my story
After everything I’ve done, here I am,
Felt like my fingertips are barely touching my childhood star
But visibly, it ain’t my Betelgeuse supernova
I’m swimming in an ocean of doubts
Still wondering if this is really what I chose
Day by day I keep questioning myself
Did I make a mistake?
Those people who have been walking just half of my path
Are already holding their shooting stars
Shining like a diamond
Just tell me who’s to blame?
Give me just one answer, why I’m stuck here going nowhere?
I’ve got a million queries choking me
I tried to run away but they keep following me
As soon as I blink my eyelids, I see my dreams fly away
Every day they price my talent but still underrated
You say it’s not my fault so tell me why I can’t keep moving on?
My future is covered by those heavy clouds
So what could happen if I lost myself in the middle of this road?
What if I fall down and live like a forgotten shadow?
I’m completely lost but I’m not strong enough to start over
Maybe I should come through this **** until my life’s nightmare winds up
Would I be able to see the light at the end of this show?
Or maybe die midway with an extensive regret?

They said I should’ve chopped off my trust
They said I was too old to believe in fairytales
They said i was the dust queen in your castle
They said i was your unchosen card
They slammed the door of my broken faith
And left me sicker than ever
Her voice was louder than my prayer
Her face kept haunting my hopeless hour
Her lips were my bitter desire
And her name was my pen’s new lover
Hey you
I said show me the way to a merciful deceit
If i was destined to die frozen in your icy heart
I pled you to bury me in a cavern of lies
Hey you
Couldn’t you picture my agony
Poetry has become my dearest enemy
Done with my unchanging melancholy
Hey, do you remember
I married your demons
I ate your anger
I was willing to die for your life
I drew with you our thirteenth melody
I trusted your puzzling gaze
When you whispered hug me closer
I gave in but you weren’t all in
Hey you
I knew It was another cruel masquerade
As always I was the victim
of another maniac game
Your words ruined my illusion
You drowned it in the ocean of depression
I thought I’d be your salvation
But i was still an ugly slave
Who couldn’t speak your narration
You locked me in a silent cage
You burned my heart
You thought you could quench it
with your valley of apathy
But I was a loner in your world
Hey you
You told me that
I’m the dream of thousands of men
Thanks god I’m not  yours
The flood of my eyes is completely dry
I almost forgot the savor of my slash
Winter is sunny and so do my heart
My patience is wearing thin
No more drama
Vengeance isn’t my language
But I’m having fun with karma
Who’s the next crow
who’s willing to break me down
I won’t say I’m not at the age of this *******
Rather I’m not on the level
of those who’re sheepish
Love isn’t on my to do list
Scorpio is my name
And before knocking on my door
Know that I’ve got no room
for narcissists in my empire

I live in a wooden house
I cannot turn on the fireplace ’cause I may burn the walls
Winter has already come
and the snow covered my garden and cold froze the neighbor’s water
well
I look through the window and wait for you to come home
I’m so cold and I can’t feel the blood in my veins
you know, I’m not one of those who hate this season
I love the sound of the rain on my ceiling
I adore the steam coming out from my mouth to the glass then drawing
weird shapes and smiling
I like to wear my pink jacket and my Hello Kitty hat that my
grandma bought me
then going out to build snowman like I did last year
well I admit that I’m always the one who ate his nose
that’s why I told you, you should not use the carrot anymore
it’s our third winter together
but for me it’s the twelfth
’cause during those three years under the same roof
I knew only one season named cold
all my days were winter
your arms were always frozen
that even when you hold me I feel like I’m paralyzed
your words are so dry and your mind is always emptied
you asked me, “Why I like to hug and kiss my snowman? Isn’t too
dank?”
oohhh baby, i guess you never knew that you’re colder than a
snowman!
I can feel warmth even if you bury me under the frost
But I’d be cold, even if you built me a castle in your core
if you wonder why I’m still living in your frosted palace
you should know that even if you’re colder than a snowman
your heart is warm by the flame of mine
and if I go, you’re gonna lose the meaning of your life
even though you will never admit it when you look into my eyes…

True love never dies
Loyal souls never change
Don’t distort the beauty of fairytales
Don’t blame it on life
Don’t blame it on you
Don’t fake your heart
‘Cause I won't do
Thought you were my angel
So I gave you my wings
Now you're ready to fly?
I whined hey wait
But you're hailing goodbye
I offered you a platonic love
A ******, a pure an innocent love
I said babe *** got nothing on me
Clog your ears believe what you see
They only gossip about me
They can't be you and they won't own me
But you were disgusted with the taste of my kiss
That’s why I hated the scent of my lips
You know… I spent my youth buying time for you
Guess I’ll spend my sunsets waiting here for you
Even though I’m wide aware
That time and tide wait for no man
But I’m prepared to make an exception
‘Cause our romance was perfection
And I’ll rebirth its dead sensation

Love has always been the air I breathed

Love was the only reality I always believed

Love was the only reason, for which I lived

Love was simply born for you and me

Your heart was where I thought I could always be

And every breath, every touch, every kiss, were the vigor

That drove me in a sassy world

Where I walked blindly towards a blurry road

With so many closed doors

But at the moment when your light switched on in my eyes

And your flames heated up my veins

And your rays of hope blossomed in my mind

You're gone but I'm still standing here hopeless

You dodged but I'm still sticking around heartless

The core of you is completely healed but mine is frightfully homeless

That soul I used to call love, has become nameless

And all the colors I stole from the rainbow,

Has rubbed away in the darkness

Please remember the passion we shared

Plights we went through but we always came out alive

Those shooting stars we adopted

The plans we collected

All the tears we shed to stay together

How did you easily turn your back on them

As if nothing even existed?

In case you're feeling a dismal emptiness where you are

Come and find us where you left us

‘Cause with you my whole realm is fearless

Far from you, my nights are all dreamless

my love will
get you groaning
till you beg for mercy,
a magnetic string
ties up your body,
gravity can't handle it ,
you feel it
but no way to resist it,
you try to ignore it
but you're wholly
addicted...


©pygswhisper

Sometimes we talk without thinking
Sometimes we give without counting
And sometimes we wait for something
That’s only skin deep,
Love is beautiful that’s what novels say
Love is painful that’s what my core felt
But between my pain and their beauty
There’s a huge mountain
A thorny path that we had to cross
I’m not ready for love
I don’t really know if it’s a silly excuse
That I’m giving you to push you away
Or my heart’s still stuck in the same sick highway
That leads nowhere
What can I do if my depth is worn out?
What would you do to these unhealed scars?
I’m so tired lost in this moment collecting sores and regrets
I want to cry but there’s a drought in my eyes
I want to escape but I have no place to go
I wish I could erase him from the story of my life
I need to move on and live with you another fairytale
But why it’s always easy to be caged in love’s town
And it’s so **** hard to break its walls down
The more you hold onto me the more I feel chocked
You say you will save me but why your presence makes me scared
The feeling you gave me was so strong
That my heart couldn’t absorb
And it threatened his memories
That I'm treasuring within my bones
Don’t touch my body where he used to do
Don’t try to kiss me the way he used to do
I said I’m not ready for love?
Cos I'm still living under his canvas
And I do believe we still move in the same exalted circles
Since we’re alive
There’s never a vanishing point
To what we’ve started
When we were rolling the same league
Loving so legit

I’ve been needing your lies
I’ve been craving your poison
I’ve been missing your demons
I’ve been loving your hater
While I was playing with death
While it was ******* me upside down
While I was freezing face to hell
I’ve been moaning your name
When my hands were trembling
When my soul was jumping
When my veins were twisting
I howled your April’s farewell
Once Azrael was invited
And the sky was open
Then my mind got naked
Your shadow was my only Savior
My voice was resonating
But from your ears was forbidden
My snow capped depth was on the summit of its alp
Pleading you to be its shield
That’s when you threw it into a dark swamp
Claiming that you were lost in a blinded place
Everything was mute and your bones were broke
But I saw you secretly radiating in a crystal ball
You thought I’m nowhere nearer
Was it amusing to fool a downcast lifer?
You were pushing my destiny to its sharp ending chapter
Below the belts freedom was dedicated to a shrewd sinner
Meanwhile I’ve been taken to where nothing left to catch
Failures over the time of my rotten life have built my forgotten grave
Gloomy butterflies surrounded my sick grove
No flowers to bloom no hope to ****
No words to draw no feelings to touch
No time to rush no remorse to scratch
The door of paradise was barely visible
But the clouds drove me to a fiery jungle
I begged life to be my sucker
One last elegiac parting with winter
But death was an invincible fighter
Loneliness was feeding my blur future
Chiselling out my anxiety within four blank walls
Then stirred up a wild storm of toxic fears
Moving on was the synonym of stuck in a rut
A sterile heart gave up on its darned patience
Charcoaled love erased its existence
Dry tears chained to these anorexic cheeks
You shutdown the light you once heated up
Now I’m sober yet drunk on my coma
Trying to perforate your karma
While cleaning up my ugly Fantasia.
Where I was your moon and you were my star

Let me kiss your heart
I swear,
my lips will suture your scars
Leave it to me tonight
With your permission
My passion will stir it up
My breath will heat it up
My love will lift it up

©pygswhisper

I’m sitting alone in this damp street

No one but me and the moonbeams

Stars are shyly showing off their dazzling charm

The wind is passionately touching the tree’s silhouette

I'm silently watching them dancing to my mute melancholy

My volcano is strangely so wise tonight

My earthquake is finally constant

My tsunami is completely dry

No damaged fantasy

No query for a smashed memory

October’s moon is so plump

No more you within its sheen

I know, it’s a temporary truce

Between hate and love

I know I’ll crave you by noon

Yes I'm in the loop

But at this point, I'm over my love disaster

I'm missing you right now but I don’t lust for you

Obviously I'm thinking about you

But at this moment I don’t wanna behold you

You who carelessly watched me making out with sadness

And proudly locked me in the cage of loneliness

You who promised to keep me warm inside your chest

You who ghosted me with a cheap finesse

Instead of painting the vibrant amber, yellows, and reds of our 4th autumn

I'm writing the end of our finis chapter

Darling, I'm not hating you

But I'm not forgiving myself for loving you

For sending all my starry prayers only to you

For forgetting myself just to remember you

For ******* your anxiety just to hearten you

For dating the night just to meet you

For faking my satisfaction just to delight you

For believing the masquerade written by you

For cutting off what I needed and gave it to you

But I was invisible in your cold fortress

Where I thought I’d loose it with the flame of my romance

I was thrown away in your wizened forest

Where I believed I was your red tulips

In the end, I was your first falls leaf that fell from your sick tree

And set it free with a grip of an icy wind

Tonight, I'm lost on this wet sidewalk

Somewhere out of your zone

Aloof place where my broken heart was buried

I remember, you were my Bethlehem’s star

Everything was ridden by your shade

And I was a fool for believing that I was your sun

Sure, Love was never happy by my side

I lied to myself and now I’m paying off the debt

Tonight I'm stripping off my soul from its last ill hope

Tonight I'm on my knees apologizing to these sparkly creatures

For absorbing their spiritual energy

In order to protect who left me murdered

By the ghost of him

Who’s still dwelling within me

Tonight I'm dimming between these moving clouds

Losing myself to this wistful breeze

Weaving my torn spirit with hued autumnal notes

Before waking up from this dream

And back to beg my heart to stop begging you

Tomorrow I’ll fall again, break down again, and get rejected again

But tonight I'm giving up on my life

This life called ‘YOU’…

The sky is crying
My eyes are raining
My heart is hurting
This love I used to live for is fading
Those lips I used to melt for are vanishing
But like a fool I’m still waiting for your phantom
You whispered your adios hopelessly
So why I’m expecting your return hopefully
You took your heart and mine
Leaving our love in pieces
Forgetting that we wrote
The beginning of our romance happily
Now you closed the last chapter
With tears of my stupid ending silently

I had a dream
I was lost in the desert
I saw your face within the sand dunes
I ran to you, carrying my sorrow
Hope was filling my bones
Tears were watering the drought of my emotions
I was standing beside you
But you were a mirage
And I was all alone once again
That’s when my eyes started to hit my cheeks with guilt

My depth burnt with the words you blazed
Blaming me wasn’t enough
So you woke up my trauma
Now I'm living with that fear
Of losing my hope someday
Even though it’s already gone
So far away
Still I need to hear your soul
Tell me you crave for my love
Say you do
Tell me you care, clamor it loudly to the crowd

Look me in the eye
Say you need me closer
Tell me we won’t die
And when it gets harder
We’ll make it easier
Please tell me why my heart’s still invisible

You walked nearby
It called you, you didn’t hear
So it cuddled you, but you couldn’t feel

Rashly, you pushed it, it fell
You crushed it, you didn’t even notice
You kept moving and it didn’t dare to grumble
Was it a dream or I’m denying this reality
My love, is it true
I heard that you came across your euphoria
Somehow you got helped
You got what you deserve
Those emotions I couldn’t serve
When you were crawling apart
Now I'm feeling so numb
My soul is nowhere to be found
I'm chasing your shadow

But it keeps fluttering into the wild murky yonder

I need your light in the night
To rewind those memories we’ve made
When our hearts were hard to separate
Because darling, I don’t plan to live forever
If we aren’t graying together
And if missing you is a felony
Then I declare myself a perfect sinner
For loving you with hunger
Waiting for you on fire
Knowing that you will never come back to my cavern
Where I’m mummified with guilt and so much regret

I stamped your name
With a hallmark of gold
On my heart
Fully protected by
A silver fence which
My chest was its
Bricklayer


©pygswhisper

she can’t
counterfeit
my love
unless yours
is only
skin deep


©pygswhisper

Every night
In this crowded
space
I look for
A new prey
To ink its blood
On this lonely
Piece of sheet
That speaks
My hopeless
Language


©pygswhisper

There is something that I can't understand
Something blinds me when I look in your eyes
It makes my heart tremble
Can't help it I'm sweating
Wanna run away but my body seems frozen
Oh don’t you know?
Love is a deadly virus
Once colonizes your veins
You become addicted
And if you wanna give up
You have a contract to sign up
Leave your heart and go
Or take it with you broken.
If I have to choose between life or death I'd rather die in your depth
At least you won't forget about me until your last breath
You might say I'm cruel
Oh baby I don't wanna play the fool
Love is a war I can destroy the world to get ya
And even if the sky explodes over my top
And the ground is shaking under my feet and the waves swallow my bones
My heart will never stop beating for you
Yeah love is a war that I don't wish to lose
Love is a fray between fear and valor
Either take the risk till the end or forget about it and move on
But since I've fell for you your love is nourishing my blood
And there’s nothing else I'd care about
Cause baby I love you and I will never stop fighting for you
Here in my valley there's no white flag above my door
And in my head it's now and ever or let’s die together

You say you love me
More than I do
You talk about us
Like I'm the princess
And you're my hero
You disappear a century
Then you appear once
Like a full moon
Oh man
Thank you for your hateful feeling
That you call love
Thank you for this frustration
That you call pleasure
I’m really thankful for
All those forgotten years
That you call eagerness
And because I’m so fulfilled
I beg you to release me
I’m begging you to stop loving me
In the name of my lost life with you
I plead you to leave me
If you really loved me

Good morning
YOHO! I’m saying good morning
Why does everyone look constipated in the morning
Why does no one smile in the metro and are kinda boring
Why are they striving with anyone for anytime when they’re talking
Everybody pretends to be reading the newspaper
Only to hide their faces avoiding to come across
Someone they know or another they hate
They give the impression
They are going to the hanging room not to work
With their sharp looks
And their steps even stronger
Than those of a solider when they walk
Hey guys!
Here the earth is not a shooting in Hollywood
Life is just an LOL face so tell me why so serious?
Do you think chasing your shadow will make your eternal happiness
Live to earn money and select luxury goods without enjoying is your
success
Why work to work not work to have fun nonstop
Don’t tell me this is life, cause life is an LOL face
Come on why so serious
Stop for a moment and take a flashback of your life
See how you behave and how stupid you are
Running toward an unknown future
And leaving the most beautiful moment behind
Why follow the pace of life
Imposed by don’t know who
Make yours and impose yourself by what you do
And if life has made you a marionette
Make it a skeleton and exhaust all its forces by your ignorance
Oh, don’t you know
Life is a game so let’s play
Show your LOMA side
Cause life is just an LOL face
Don’t be so serious!

I’m not a fan of Hollywood movies
cause I’ve never found myself in these stupid love stories
I don’t have the lips of Angelina Jolie, nor the beauty of Kate Moss
I’m not elegant like Taylor Swift nor **** as Alicia Keys
I’m an ordinary girl, for some I’m an alien that everyone flees 
I ask myself many questions every night
that even questions are sick of my words
why my lips still ******
why I’m the girl that everyone avoids
it’s like I’m a Pig or Smelly dog 
why nobody noticed my Dior lipstick that I drew on my mouth
why no one felt my perfume
and yet it’s the Chanel 5 the favourite one for all the boys
why no one was attracted by my short pink dress
and yet it is the same as Inna’s one
I turned into a puppet to please you
so why my lips still single till today
Can someone be my mirror just for awhile
can you help me see my face in your eyes
can you help me touch my lips with your hands
can you help me hug my body with your arms
may be it will help me to know myself again
and perhaps I will find the answer
that I’ve been looking for longtime ago
who knows maybe you will be the judge
who imprisons my lips in the virginity prison
or the hero who will save them from the dark forever….

I have been in love for many times! 
but i was never able to make any of them lasts for life
I’m not ugly but I’m not beautiful
I’m not smart but I’m not an idiot
I’m not human but I’m not an alien
wondering why my heart is rejected after being stolen 
is like wondering why the sun rises from the east, not from the west
well, I’m not like the girls who cut their veins and drink their blood
I’m not the type who breaks up with food after losing the one i loved 
and i never thought of living in the dark and sleeping alone
my grandpa was a warrior, and I’m a survivor 
of course I grew up with the white snow who was saved by a kiss
and I lived a century with Cinderella, who was saved by a shoe pearl.
but I never dreamed of being saved by any hero prince
‘cause the midwife who helped mommy to give me birth
was miss reality in person.
and giving up on love doesn’t mean i don’t need love
but honestly i prefer writing about it
better than living it then become a depressed lover
yes, It’s strange, or maybe you think I don’t look like a girl 
with this weird brain
but lemme tell you something you never knew man
the reason why i don’t wanna be loved
It's because i don’t wanna be compared with the dolls you loved 
and being in love is like stripping myself from dignity and pride.
So the day you will choose me for who i am 
not because you want me to be who they are
i will grab you to my world then close the door
to live together till we die
but if you want to mix me with all the ingredients
that you had left to rot better not to approach
BOY.. I’m not her, I am me
and don’t hope that I will change to be perfect for you
whereas I’m aware that even her,
she did everything to be perfect for you too
but you still thirsty and you always order more than you offer

Maybe I’m still young or maybe I’ve already missed the train
But I still want to dream about the future and my happy life
I still want to have children and teach them what I've learned
I still want to tell them my story and how I fought
When I become a mama
I will teach my son how to respect his sister
how to be a real man by his manly charm
not by his rude character
I will teach him how to express his feeling to the others
and there is no theory says only weak men cry
and there is no rule affirming that men are monster's children
I will tell him how it feels to be a heartbroken
How it feels to be rejected and ignored
How painful it is when someone shows up your heart in public when you never wanted it to happen
when I become a mama
I will introduce to my son my best friend miss distance
I will let him spend a holiday with her without my presence
I want to help him understand
the true meaning of love by this experience
that when we love there is no place
for doubt or boredom in our hearts
and wherever we go we still can take care of our lovers
the more we are far away
the more our feelings grow like a herbs
I will plant in his pure garden my sensitive sensation
and I will etch on his white brain my precious citations
Don’t be ashamed when you fall in love
better to feel like a fool in life
than guilty ’cause of your prideful side
when I become a mama
I will show my daughter my real face
and before I became her number one bias
I was made of glass
I fell 4 billion times and
I broke and I took time to heal my scars
I will teach her that girls have one mutual pride
and they all fight for one mutual point
is to be respected as a human not used as an object
and the irresistible female beauty
is living under their superficial vestments
and before making up her face
she needs to learn how to make up her mind
I want her to understand
that the equality between men and women
doesn’t mean acting like them
till she loses her feminine charm
but it means doing what she can do to build a strong personality
but never let go of her sweet charisma
just as her favourite barbie does
When I become a mama
I will help my kids find their way and reach their dreams
I will respect their choices and support their decisions
when I become a mama
I will be the person that I needed to meet
when I was young but unfortunately never found…

Here another season has gone
And winter is back to this town
I’ve always been afraid of thunder and sparkle
‘Cause its rumbling reminds me that I'm a loner
You say you’re here to watch over me
That you‘ll never forsake me
And if I fall you’d be there to catch me
But it’s scaring me
Your warmth is shattering me
Why do you have to be that kind to me?
Why do you have to live only for me?
Why you never get furious and always forgive me?
I know that you know I ain’t faithful
I know that you know my heart is playful
I know that you know my love was never truthful
Your eyes smile when they embrace my face
And my mind is thinking about all those pieces of crap
I’ve been tossing behind your back
But you’re always here to chuck me under the chin
Are you aware? Are you an angel or maybe a saint?
All these times I’ve been lying to you saying I'm heading to my household
While I was sleeping with another boo
All these wakeful nights you spent wide awake waiting for me to come home
While I was splashing out and clubbing with the bad crew
All those moments you were proudly calling me lover
But to my world you were my brother
All those kisses and touches you were longing for with me
While I was sharing them all along that narrow alley
All those late night texts and calls, the smell of cigs on my clothes
You knew them all but you never told a soul
Sometimes I question myself,
Is this your way to strike back?
Are you torturing your core because you don’t want to lose?
Do you know that everything you do is leaving me ashamed?
Do you know how much I’m hating myself?
Today, under this cloudy sky
I'm confessing all my fallacies
I’ll break out my iniquitous mysteries
Yes, I'm the worst girl ever existed
And because you aren’t me not like the others
I won’t let you abuse your purity with a player
I could be anything but a human
It’d sound cheesy if I avow my love to you
It won’t change the fact that I'm a ****
Witch like me, cannot overstep love’s zone
So baby please don’t believe these stupid songs
Love can’t change people if they don’t want
Yes, I'm a cheater that’s why I'm leaving you now
‘Cause you deserve to live better and I deserve to cry and suffer
You deserve to be loved harder and I deserve to be alone forever

Just for one night
can I stop pretending!
The more I see you the more I want you
In the darkness,
neither the moon nor candles nor even the sun
can illuminate my eyes
Only your golden glow
has the power to clean
the black feelings that cover my heart
Your smile painted
on your honey lips
makes me survive
As soon as I touch you
my body flies to heaven
My heart is lost in your chest
and your mysterious look
makes my mind confused
Is it love between us?
or maybe what I feel
is a stupid adopted imagination
of an old story about
the impossible love between
a slave and the princess!
Just for one night,
can you share with me your warmth?
Just for one night
can you play the role of the prince
who saves Snow White with a kiss?
Just for one night
can you forget who I am
and welcome my frozen body in your arms?
If it could be possible that I leave the world tomorrow
Let me put an end to my life beside you just for one night…

Everything is blur this night
you are talking but i feel blank inside
all i see is your lips moving up and down
And all i know is that my ears refuse to hear what you’re trying to say
I’m watching you but I’m not sure that you are watching me back
‘cause the expression that i have in my eyes has only one sense 
Stop your Obama’s speech you can take your love and go away now
but you are working hard to find excuses for yourself
Simply ‘cause you don’t wanna be the one to blame 
Did i say you are guilty?
Did i ask you to stay with me?
Did i beg you to never leave me?
Boy„if you have to leave
lemme whisper those words for you
in the name of our love
lemme perform my poem for the last time in front of you
I’m not yours and you’re not mine
No one could own the others hearts
also no one could stop us from being in pain
‘cause of the one we love 
I’m not sad but my heart is not okay
Not ‘cause you’re waving up GOODBYE
but ‘cause I’m not able to hold on to you and make you stay
my stupid heart won’t talk to yours
‘cause you already took it away
i know I’m not beautiful lady 
I’m not **** I’m not classy
I’m so simple and my style is ugly
But I’ve got a tender body to warm you up when you’re cold
my heart is a greatest empire that you could call it home
inside there is only love, happiness, and desire
my world is ordinary from the outside
but when you open my door
your eyes will get hurt ‘cause of the brilliance of its stars
i feel ashamed ‘cause i couldn’t
make you see the lights or touch the sky
but i will pray for you
to find what you were looking for from the start
even though i still believe
that i could be what you need to survive
but i won’t try to change your mind
‘cause you already thought about leaving me once
so you will certainly think about it twice
so before the pain of my heart grows up
i allow you to fly where you could smile
and as i promised before,
i will never let you know if I’m hurt or not
‘cause i don’t want you to live with any blame
even I’m pretty sure that once you go out this place
you won’t even remember my name….

I still remember that day
when mom told me with her softy voice
you should never show your weakness
I need you to be strong over the rocks
I was only ten years old
I didn’t really understand the meaning of these words
but it affected me deeply
and I have learned throughout my thorny path to walk tall
she told me that I should never cry for a man
I should never think of marriage before drawing my way
and if I miss the train of love it’s alright
’cause men look for a slave and they fear the queens
so I worked hard to achieve my dream
I fought to have a solid place in this society
and I tortured my soul to have an unbreakable personality
I’m the woman who is afraid of nothing
the woman who’s walking 280km/hour
without thinking about the
walls that she can cross while running
the strong woman who changes the world
by a single glance
the one that sadness doesn’t dare to visit her life
and tears are afraid to face her eyes
I’m the example of the resistant woman
but they never know that I’m
the battered woman
After so many years I finally admitted
what I had always ignored
Brave Woman Is Weak In Love
I thought no man could underestimate me in my warrior life
but only one ripped my mask
he so easily broke my ego
without asking my permission he guides me and I follow
unintentionally I became dependent on an unknown human
when I had to be independent…
with one word I’m guided
when I had to be the one to order
suddenly I lost the remote control of my life
and I’m unable to stop the events that scroll in front of my eyes
it’s so fast and it makes me dizzy
I had lived without any worry
Now I live in fear of losing what was never for me
I who always used to choose between take or leave
I live where I have to choose between leave or leave
I who was always the winner
I got the award of the biggest loser…

3 am in the morning
Everybody is sleeping
Some of them are snoring
Maybe others are boozing
And the rest making out and moaning
Conclusion, everyone’s enjoying this night
Doing this doing that
Everybody is busy somehow
Only me lying on this 30 years old sofa
Listening to 90s boring música
And drinking my 3rd bottle of cola
Conclusion again, my prosaic life bores me to tears
Dear TV,
Why don’t these couples within you break up?
They brawl everyday
I don’t understand how they can have 4 children?
Are they ******* human or am I an alien?
Come sit with me and tell me the story
Of those girls that you call **** dolly
I’ve bought a million mirrors
But they all shattered before uttering a **** thing to me
My friends always stick a winkey on my empty yellow smiley
They say mine is so freaking spooky
Honesty I do adore seeing my body wearing on
That pinky ***** they call cutie pouty
Because No one cares either I look nasty or shapely
I’m neither sad nor mad
I’m not jealous but I’m completely pooped
Sick of acting in several movies in one day
I admit that I’m a phony actress
And an unpretty liar
I don’t hate myself but I don’t like it anyway
I’m not blaming you but I can’t get over you
I wish I could turn back time and try to be good for you
One more chance to look prettier than her
One more chance to act cuter than her
Please say it wasn’t my fault if I’m replaced by her
Please help me shut down this voice of guiltiness deep in my heart
I’m begging you to give me one last chance to be better than her
But I can see your beautiful smile smacking your mouth when you look at her
Yes I know you’re living happily now ‘cause of her
So I'm dying to Ctrl C ~ Ctrl V her,
I'm craving to try her up, to feel her, touch her and **** her gravity just to be her
‘Cause she is the one I should’ve been to make you stay
And I’m the one you shouldn’t have met from the start

I open my notebook, then i take a pen
I’m supposed to write a new poem
But all what is scribbled on the paper 
Is that drop of my tears flowing from my eyes
No idea runs through my head
My heart is bleeding again
Too much emotions stifle my breath
So much hatred burns my depth
So much fears block my steps
I am the clown who makeup her face with the blood of her wounds
Hiding her tears with an artificial smile acting like a fool
Dressing up in color her dark bone
And singing hope with her hopeless voice
Everyone wants to buy my life
Everyone envies the mask wearing on my face
But I wonder if they want to take my sad secret garden with them
I wonder if they are able to live with a deep pain 24/7 day and night 
I wonder if those haters have one single idea about my poor past
I wonder if those jealous are ready to walk on my cold rainy path
Yes I prefer to be your clown always fine
Cause I’m not ready to reveal who I am
I’m still weak can’t face my pain
I don’t wish to let you see me cry
I don’t hope to open my 24 years-old scars.
I’m the clown of life who never knew what she wants
I’m the clown who is lost in the valley of the dolls

I walked a long way on a path that seemed familiar to me
I met some beings, who seemed honest to me,
I opened my mouth until my tooth of wisdom appeared
To all those whom launched a brilliant smile to me,
But who knew at that time, it was only a fateful virus
That had poisoned my mind and set it on blaze,
I had a kingdom I called dream,
A roof I called protection,
4 walls I called vista,
But it took just a gust of wind, for all this to fall apart
I saw everything I built, flown in pieces into different directions
But my eyes couldn't catch one ******* patch until it all faded away
I tried to breathe the ashes of my soul
Which was badly charred in the cresset of my loss
Thinking that I could reborn it even though I was so **** doubting it babe,
**** I’m so dumb that I’m going numb,
Simply because I ****** this odium left in the dust,
I tried to whine my bitterness hoping that I could ****** happiness,
But I woke up frozen on this cold ground called sorrow
So, I yelled 'I need you to save me, without you I'm nothing baby'
But I didn’t even know whom I'm calling,
I don't remember why I’m here,
I hate myself I hate me
I hate the fact that my heart is still beating
Despite this ******* pain covering my body,
You told me once this life is a movie
Shoot it well or bury yourself in the obscurity,
So I climbed on this endless tower,
Waiting for your signal to awake my pulse
Maybe then I could love back who I am...

How many times you looked at yourself in the mirror
But the face you were seeing there didn’t look like yours
How many times you tried to play the role of a survivor
But all you did was swim in a sea of wounds
Just tell me how many times you wanted to be the killer
But you were always the one who got killed in life’s show
I know you are hurting
So can you stop lying?
I see you crying
Please can you stop hiding?
You don’t have to smile when your depth is bleeding
**** the mouth who told you keep on pretending
Let your tears wash up the hate in your eyes
Let it rain on your face till it freezes up the pain of your heart
Wanna hear you scream like you're livid, and shout out loud
Wanna see you destroy your sadness then break it down
Tonight everything is blank but I want you to paint it black
I want you to release all your anger and throw it away
Tonight is the day you’ll see how stupid you are
Trying to wear an ugly mask and acting like you are supa dupa okay
Tonight you will realize that your pain is weaker than you
That happiness was avoiding you because it’s sick of the drama you do
Let me see you living your depression deeply tonight
Just do it once harder than a volcano when it erupts and sees red
Then leave it behind and get ready for your next war

I wish I could close my eyes and sleep tonight
I wish I could erase those bad memories from my heart
I wish I could forget who I am just for one day
Please don't believe my smile
Don't believe when I say I'm fine
Don't let me give up, hold my hand
Tell me I will be okay
Tell me I won't be forgotten
Tell me I still have a chance, no need to be hidden
Don't allow me to hurt my lips with this fake smile
Don't believe it ‘cause I'm bleeding inside
I'm weak like a sick flower
I could die if you leave me alone
I'm so afraid of sleeping in the dark
And I can’t turn on the lights
‘cause I don't want you to look at my ugly face
I don't know why I'm crying again
I don't know why this baby girl in me won't grow up
I don't know where to go
And I don't know what to do
I'm lost in my own world
Many closed doors are surrounding me
but I don't know which one I've to choose
Can't find my way can't see my future
my tears blinded my eyes, can't you see I'm broken
My body is sweating, can't you feel my hot fever?
I was screaming in my dreams but no one heard my voice
I was running toward paradise but my feet didn't mirror my moves
Can you read my words?
Can you see my wounds?
Can you understand when I say
Don't believe my smile
‘Cause I'm not happy at all
I can't be where I want
Cause I don't know where I belong
I don't even know who I am..

Do you ever had this desire
Of throwing your heart on fire
Let it burn and see all your memories transforming into cinder powder
Have you ever had this imagination?
Of being ******'s Succession
**** everyone happy in love without any hesitation
Yes I did, and I do hate you
You who have the power of being loved
You who got everything I dreamed of
You who smile when my tears ruined my makeup
And have fun when my heart got worked up
I hate seeing your ugly heart worn on your plastic face
I hate hearing your disgusting moan when he treats you like a princess
I hate every breath you take when he chokes you by his kisses
Call me hater or call me monster
Just try to ask him about me and let me hear his answer
Would he be able to forget who I am?
His eyes could avoid meeting mine
Is he able to clean up my existence from his mind?
I'm the dumb girl who loved him more than he deserves
I'm the blind girl who couldn't see his lies drawn on his poisonous lips
I'm an old you who used to behave like you do
And you are a new me who'll bleed eternally when he'll go
I’m a skeleton who has been eaten by love’s gun
And still breathing a hatred polluted air
'Cause in my heart there is a numb girl screaming
A rapped soul and tired body claiming
They say time is the perfect remedy
But I realized that time is only drilling my pain deeply

Each new day that comes
Is a repetition of the day that’s gone
I wake up alone every morning
I open my sunken eyes hardly
Looking at the ceiling of my room sadly I sigh tiredly
Then I leave my bed after my daily battle with my worn body
I have no desire to prepare my breakfast
Oh, don’t you know that my kitchen is on strike?
Tired of seeing my ugly face every day
Drinking my bitter coffee in silence looking at my last year’s
newspaper without even reading a single word
Maybe you’re a fan of loneliness
You dream of having a kingdom all yours
Live for yourself
Sleep with yourself
Play and laugh with yourself
Perhaps you envy me for what I hate
And you are ready to give everything to get what I pray to throw away
‘Cause you never met my surd life
You never knew how it feels to be sick and no one knocks at your door
And confirms that you’re still alive
You never knew how it feels to be sad and nobody pats your back
and tells you it’s gonna be alright
Yes you never knew how it feels to be left out in the dark
and no soft arms around to hold you tight
No lips dry your salty tears
falling down like a river on your cheeks
No gentle voice whispers I love you in your deaf ear
You never knew how to breathe without love
‘Cause you never knew how it feels to lose who used to love you to
death
Ask me about what I’m dying for
And I’ll shout and run with my bare feet
I NEED LOVE… YES I DO
I need to find hope in each sun ray
I need to love the way I’m loved like a fool
I need to find the little girl in me
that everyone spoils
everyone wants to make her smile
I need love because love needs me from a long time ago
I need love… yes I do
Because my heart is a volcano of emotions
You just have to touch it
Then it will explode and warm up your soul with the flames of its
surplus affections…

I turn off the lights then I turn on the radio
I lay on the floor and my eyes are drawn to the window
I guess you never knew that it’s my daily attitude
I avoid meeting people outside
’cause I don’t wanna mix their voices with yours in my head
I walk with a blindfold around my eyes
cause I don’t wanna distort your picture in there
they think I’m living alone but I’m not lonely
they ask how can I communicate with the walls but I’m not crazy
maybe my way to live is kinda strange
but it’s my only issue to still remain alive
and despite the pain that burns me inside
I never think of leaving this world
the world, which contains my star!
to sleep in the night, I imagine you here
covering my body with your love and caressing my long dark hair with
your sweetness.
I cannot detach myself from my bed in the morning
if I cannot imagine your lips tickling my cheeks
and your words warming up my heart
I never have breakfast, lunch or dinner
If you are not around my kitchen, hugging my back and singing BABY YOU
ARE MINE
I know that I’ve got all the symptoms of a psychopath girl
and if you try to kick me out of this fantasy
I’m gonna be a dangerous criminal out of control
‘Cause you are my *******
and my life without you is like a Halloween
they ask why my eyes are always closed do I have to see a doctor?
I just reply that I’m filming a movie in which I’m the principal
director
and if you want to watch it, you have to buy your ticket at the
cemetery
gather around my grave the day of my death with my dreams
but don’t forget to recount me the end of my movie
‘Cause even when I’m the producer
I don’t have the right to chose the Farewell of my virtual story…

My heart was a sick seed
I thought you’d help it blossom
I blinded my trust,
Without doubting your power,
I gave it to you ,
You were its hope,
Your eyes were its home,
All these years
You were its religion,
Until you threw it to hell,
With no mercy,
You watched it burn
Saying you hate seeing it hurt,
Leaving me confused
Half alive on the ground
Where you buried our dead love..


©pygswhisper

Already twenty two years has passed
since the first day I opened my eyes
and to confirm that I’m alive
The doctor slapped my **** then I cried
everyone was happy and mom smiled
but for me it was just the beginning of an eternal war
they thought I cried ’cause I felt hurt
but they didn’t know that I never wanted to come
it wasn’t my decision, and no one asked my opinion
Did I say I wanna join your world?
Did I knock mom’s tummy and beg her to take me away?
I’ve never complained of living with many ovaries in the dark
I’ve never felt lonely, never felt sad
and honestly I was pitying those who have been chosen before me
their lives aren’t better than mine anyway
’cause actually we’re all on the same side
living with nothing
running over nothing
fighting for nothing
well we are the twins of mister nothing…
I tried to convince myself
that I could make a change
I tried to believe that I could ****** tomorrow
I tried to believe that I’m gonna be a hero
I tried to believe that I could manipulate life like my shadow
but I didn’t know that I’m gonna be manipulated by my shadow
I never knew that once they arrest you in life’s prison
you can never ever be freedom
And if you ask the reason for this cruel decision
they will tell you
your birth was a crime
and once you are here there is no way to look back
I was born to live alone
I was born to be my parent’s robot
I was born to please everyone
I was born to marry mister pain
in other words I was born to be your marionette
dress my body like a clown
makeup my face like a vampire
then throw me in your unfair empire.
I’m your puppet and I accept to pay for a crime
that I’ve never done.
’cause of you I breath injustice to survive
and I drink tears to still be alive…

Tonight I will speak to your heart
Tonight I will sleep in your eyes
Tonight I will reveal all what I’ve never dared to say before
Tonight my heart is naked
Tonight there is no need to wear the mask of friendship
because tonight my heart is kneeling for you
my heart cries while singing “I love you.”
tonight my heart is naked
Free from all its vestments of fears and doubts
All this time spent away from you
All this time of loneliness without you all the harm I endured when I saw you in her arms
All the tears that have been shed for you
They are all meeting with my heart under your foot in this room
illuminated by the flames of the fireplace
We are your slaves who watch for your happiness
we are soldiers who fight for your peace
we are the sun shining to comfort you and my naked heart is ready to die for you…
Tonight my heart is naked and prays yours to cover it by your love
my heart is naked and feels so cold
but if you refuse to adopt it
my heart will remain naked until it dies frozen.
Tonight my heart is naked and it hopes to get drunk by your kisses
tonight my naked heart is telling you
I love you, so what should I do?