All that remains
Chalk that wrote our story
I absentmindedly erased
Essence of our core
Still searching
For the lines of us
Lost somewhere
Amongst the dust
My inspiration slowly fading
Sinking in quicksand
With no hopes of wading
I will always be waiting
Rising from the depths
Of my past life
Paper bound
And
Apologetic
Praying to all gods
That I don’t repeat
The same mistakes
Pleading woefully
For heavens sake
Desperately hoping
I don’t know how much more I can take

Overwhelming heat
Stuck to the linoleum floor
Listening to vinyl
Keeping one eye on the door
Not knowing what will happen next
It was clear to me
That you were not like all the rest
Moving in slowly
As to not scare you away
Subtle stares
Magic sent through pages
Writing each other notes
To ensure this isn’t just another hoax
Pouring out our souls
Discussing the future and our goals
We begin to coast
Vibing endlessly
We lose track of time
And before I know it
I begin to rhyme
Singing of you in every line

I dive
Icy Waters
Come as a shock
New beginnings
Never Easy
But I'd rather struggle
Than be stagnant
The Joy in starting over.

Curiosity has gotten me
Tongue tied
Twisted
Over the mystery of you
Wanting to know
Every facet of your character
Your mannerisms
And what makes you laugh
So I can strive to be that person
Every moment of the day
I am lost and swimming
In possibilities

Finding it difficult
to find myself able
to have faith in you
anymore.

Every sentence
laced with lies
lost in loathed
lipstick.

There once was a time
where I took your
words as an oath
never to be broken
and thought the
truth never omitted.

Here I lie in the aftermath
shown the truth to be set free
shell shocked and shattered.

I dream of life
Beyond
Dusty Walls
City Noise
Stressful Expenses
Imagining a life of ease
Out in the world
Where a Pen in all we need.

I thrived on beginnings,
Once upon a time... the fairytale romances.
The secrets that lie within the whispers of the woods.

Lost endings, the souls left behind.

We forged worlds beyond words,
within the boundaries of our minds.
We built walls to protect us,
against the odds of invasion by any force.
Any force other than ourselves that is...

Washing my hands
Doing my ***** laundry
On rocks of regret
Wondering
Just what got into me
Crawling under my skin
Without my noticing
Catching me off guard
Unstable and insecure
You are the virus
Overtaking me from every angle
Until my brain is drowning
In thoughts of you
memories replaying on a loop
Wondering just how you got here
And how you’ve planned your escape
Or if you’ve decided to haunt me
Infinitely until I’ve returned to you
But that day will never come
Beaten and bruised
From the saga of our downfall
Unable to return
To the scene of the crime
The one where you mistook me
For some kind of fool
And fed me lies
Until I was choking on proof
Leaving me abandoned
Searching for the truth

Limbs pinned straight
Like a marionette
Still without hinges
Attempting to cross the room
The chemicals in my brain
Have caused a sudden paralysis
And a silence from deep within
Imagining the end in various stages
The dive and the impact
Of adventures from the highest standpipe
Unable to pass over the bridge
Without the fantasies triggered
By the signs meant to be helpful
Reach out to those
Grasping for their final moments
In a half assed attempt to stretch
Our mental health budget
Numbers are given to call
In our most desperate seconds
As if we would dial
Or cry out for help
Determined to crush
The voices commanding
To take life in our hands
And extinguish it
To ease the pain of the every day
The twisted interpretations
Of words meant to comfort
Nothing is as it seems
We are lost in the murk dullness
Of being unable to feel
Anything but this

There’s an electricity in your eyes
The kind that compels me
To disregard all consequence
Drifting effortlessly towards you
Hypnotized by your gaze
I watch the smoke rise
From the edge of your vices
Grabbing your hand delicately
Showing you I’m not all talk
We wandered aimlessly
Through the night
High on the tension
Surging between us
A slow build
Into an explosion of epic proportions
Finding the closest corner
Tucked away from the world
Sharing these moments
So close to fantasy
You feel like a dream
As you consume me body and soul

In the comfort of your lips
I find Shelter in the storm
In the earth shattering cold
When my muscles ache
And my stomach trembles
I seek solace in you
I am both terrified and intrigued
By how we arrived here so rapidly
But I throw my hands up in the air
Because I know there is no point
In trying to return to a time before you
Now that I know of your existence
You are the only thing I see
Guided by your light
Blinded at the same time
To all of the negativity the world is hurling
In our direction
attempting to block our path
We walk forward steadfast
Hand in hand
Ready to face the day
Together

I fear in fact,
the true culprit of most ends,
is no disease or accident,
no suicide or overdose;
but that moment,
when it becomes reality:
We will not achieve the dreams we had set out our whole lives to accomplish.
The moment we know that we can't care for our loved ones forever.
The second we realize all hope is lost and our heart unfortunately,
yet inevitably,
Breaks and Bursts for a final time.
The whispers of our hopes and dreams echoing out into eternity.
Into lives past, forward, and parallel
to being fulfilled in other times...
And once again,
We are Lost and Wandering.

In the dim light of the street lamps
On a warm fall night
We spoke until we were spinning
On the wonder
Of how this hasn’t happened yet
Laughing until our faces hurt
Over everything and nothing at all
Passing back and forth
Stories of past adventures
And perhaps we’ve told them before
But this time seems different
There’s a spark in the air
Or maybe a gentle breeze
Either way we inch closer
Until we’re inches apart
Knowing this can’t happen
But enjoying the drumroll
Remembering
That we’re in the company of others
We sigh secretly
Not here
Not now
But maybe someday

Meeting secretly
Stolen kisses
The thrill of being caught
Hiding in corners
Finding time between time
Any minute we could have
Was enough to explore
Share stories of our lives
Make this love deeper
Almost instantly
They say love at first sight
And I believe
Not because of physical attraction
It’s all in the eyes
Pupils dialate and hearts race
To the sound of the others breath
We escape this place
Where we only have moments
Finding a world
Where forever is possible
Never having to worry again
Taking my hand without fear
Knowing I will always have you near

All of your one word answers
Fall on deaf ears
I’ve fallen apart
Disconnected
And I’m back at the start
When we would talk for hours
And laugh at all the same parts

Watching your mind work is enough,
Seeing you stop and stare in wonder as we gallivant through the city, makes me want to jump out of my skin with admiration for you.

Some mornings I wake up to the smell of coffee and the sight of you reading in the sunlight and I know I’ve truly made it in life, this is my destination, or at least the beginning of my road there.

I’ve noticed I’ve begun sounding like a greeting card lately and maybe that’s what you do to me, but I wouldn’t trade a single second with you, not even for a million epic pieces of writing.

You just make me feel light, like I’m floating, even though I’ve stopped caring about how much I weigh. Don’t laugh. You know it’s true.

The point is, I’ve never known a love like this before, but I wonder, why is it that when life hands me pie instead of lemons, I all of a sudden can’t write anymore?

Quarter till midnight
And there’s no one around
But the loudness of my thoughts
How did I end up here?
Lost
and without a soul who cares
Insomnia bordering on insanity
You seem to think
You’re the only one hurting
But guess again
The voices are louder now
And you aren’t here to stop me
From wreaking havoc on myself
And destroying every inch
Until there is nothing left
No remnants of the soul who broke you
No pieces to repair of the shattered mind
Nothing but ash
Praying devoutly that someday I will return
The Phoenix risen and renewed
The flames filled with rebirth
The flight guided by hope
That was once believed to be extinct

No matter how many times I tell you
You will never know
All of your blinders up
Walls built
Soundproof
So you can’t hear my heart stop
The second I see your face
And you give me advice
The kind a best friend shares
When trying to break your slump
But it’s you
Who causes my slump every time
Ignoring the signs
Running in circles for years
But meeting in the middle
When the timing somehow suits you
And I live along those moments
Walking the tightrope
Between wanting to love you
And telling you to simply *******

In the quiet of this empty room
Only the sound of our voices
Echoing to emphasize
The importance of our words
Vital to our sanity
And this endless back and forth
Love me
Hate me
Create and destroy me
But for god’s sake let me be
One way or the other
Allow me the ability
To move past this twisted torture
The one where you push me away
And then spill your kindred soul
So I have no choice but to crawl right back
As sure as the sun rises and sets
Falling right back into your web
And hoping you don’t devour me

Searching for validation
in all the wrong places
Dark spaces
Appeal to me
Moth
To a twisted flame
Glutton for punishment
Every day
Begins the same way
And by the end of it
I am a fool
Waiting patiently
For the days that never come
Where you can find yourself
Bare enough
To bare your soul to me

There is no forbidden fruit
Sweeter than your lips
No passion greater
Than the energy
That surges between us
You linger
Close to me
To feel the electricity
But only long enough
To walk away unscathed

The silence is deafening
Even with all of the background noise
We used to revel in these moments
When a simple look was enough
Now we sit fidgeting
Attempting to dodge
Serious conversations
About the state of us as a whole
Apologies
There will never be enough
To take us back to where we used to be
When trust was second nature
And blind faith was our downfall

Smoke swirls in patterns,
From the end of my cigarette,
As I watch you undress,
Kissing the nape of your neck,
I feel your body freeze.
Trepidation,
Anticipation,
The moments,
That leave you tongue tied,
Breathless,
Bordering on restless.

I visit my shadows frequently, dipping in and out, through curiosity and in fear, I see myself, drowning in the darkness and I grasp for the lightest parts that I know exist to pull myself out.

It's a wondrous feeling, the ability to walk along the edge, to know what it means to live in both worlds and pretend you have the option to choose in any moment which side the coin is going to land on.

Who am I today? And how long will this last? What triggers the change or am I the trigger, My mind the gun?

Firing off thoughts so rapidly, the shield of my logic has no chance of standing in the way of my reactions. I am blinded by the flash of the sudden explosion and temporarily stunned.

Being the person that tries to "keep it all together" is a cause for major shrapnel when it all blows apart.

The sound of my own voice pains me,
repeating in my head constantly.

Telling me what a failure I end up,
at the end of each day,
and closing my eyes never makes it go away.

An obsessive hum,
inside my mind,
Telling me to leave,
And leave everything behind.

To wander aimlessly,
Until the whole world forgets,
I can end the pain and suffering,
Without feeling any regret.

The thought to lash out,
at every single word,
and the reason in me Screaming back,
to remind me that it's absurd.

I've developed an abusive relationship,
Between me myself and I,
Beyond the point of numbness,
Unable to cry.

Feeling beyond feeling,
Can't shake the weight on my chest,
Fearing that I might wake,
As soon as I attempt rest.

She Came Around the Corner

with calf high boots
And a million dollar smile

And floored me, INSTANTLY

Trembling
“From the Cold”
I said

When in reality
I knew the truth

I was SHAKEN to my core
At the thought that she could stroll into my life

She kissed me
before a
hello
As if we’d been waiting
Our whole lives for this moment

No sense in a Drum Roll
When the SOLO was where it was at

And we captured that instant
Finding the rhythm in each other’s lips
And discovering a home there

Unable to separate
For long enough to walk to the car

We Finally Made It

stalling to settle on a destination
Knowing we had already found it
In the eyes and lips
That stood before us

EAGER to continue the night  
She set her sights on a familiar place

But
I
would
have
followed
her
ANYWHERE

I was dying to learn more

Her childhood

Her life

Her story

The words she uses

How she talks with her hands

The way she can discuss anything

And know at least SOMETHING about it

It’s like she’s the authority on the universe
Based on life experience
And
she
has
it
In Spades

I sat across the booth from her
While she put creamer in her coffee
And I IMMEDIATELY fell in love

Nothing could have stopped me

As I learned what she was about
The intricacies that make up her soul
I found myself seeing us
As
so
much
more
Than just these minutes that pass
The ones that flew by SO rapidly
Until we were back in the car
Begging for ANY excuse
Not to go home

We never wanted that night to end
It was PERFECT

The kind you put away in a box
To show your children what love should always be

Our own PERSONAL Happily Ever After

Entombed
In a prison
Of my darkest thoughts
A burial
With no witnesses
No eulogies
No one to miss me
Feeling the dirt fall in my mouth
Shaking from regret
After all
I put myself here
In the process
Pushing away
The ones that tried
to keep me from this end
Broke down their own walls
To reach out to me
I see the vision
Of hands outstretched
Cringing at the thought
That I could have steered away
Avoiding the dismay

Some days I ache for you, It’s a feeling beyond simply missing your presence in my life, but the way my heart would race, just knowing you would be around.

I know what happens if I cross this line, the cost  and the consequences, I’ve seen them first hand.

All those times I fell for you against better judgement, magnetized by your siren call, only to find myself sinking in the depths with no light to lead me back to the surface.

Unsure how I still find you alluring, knowing madness always ensues, the moment I feel the steady calm of a life worth living, I get the urge to feel the chaos envelop me.

Folding into a fire disguising itself as freedom from the mundane.

I have everything, more then I could have ever dreamed...

Would I give it all up just to taste you again?

Sitting on my stone
In observance of time
Of feelings
Staring at glimpses of souls
Across the highway
On rooftops
Planning futures
Planning endings
A lot can happen in the span of a lunch break
Your soul keeps me company here
Listening to music
Through my oversized headphones
Searching for signs of you
All I get are feelings
But I need something tangible
Something I can hold onto
For longer than a fleeting glimpse
Before I remember you’re gone
Maybe that’s you
but I wish you’d hang
Just a little bit longer