It’s hard to admit,
When everything goes to ****,
I am addict,

It’s always been this way,
Started at a young age,
Sugary sweets and red wine,
Cider and champagne,
Pumping chemicals into my little brain,

I never really understood,
The impact it would have on my adulthood,
The alcohol soaked in my veins,

My friends had started to notice,
Each party would become exhaustion,

My friends had started to notice,
I was trying to up-hold this notion,

My friends became distance,
I couldn’t keep filling this emptiness,

Flourishing myself in ecstasy,
Of pleasure and dreams
Treated as a remedy,
To escape from my reality,

Morning after,
Sunken eyes,
Wondering the streets of Brighton,

I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again,
I couldn’t understand,

Why I stood with the pain,
Let myself become this way,
The struggles I hid,
Got worse within time

She says 'Honey I’m home' as she enters the room,
One life destroyed 7 lives left,
Ready to feast and fight,
She is the dictator of her fate,

She lusts for the crack of the whip,
The thrill and the thrive as she chases her victims,
The squeals and the cries as she plays with them,
The heightened experience of being alive,

She is one hot kitty-cat waiting for her prey,
She doesn’t want Batman to get in her way
She pins him to the ground and places a deadly kiss,
Upon his pouty lips under the Christmas mistletoe,

She cracks the whip once more as she scatters into the night,
Cleans her wounds and purrs softly under the moonlight
But she did not realise she left a fragment of her soul,
A piece of a kitty-cat claw which is stuck in Batman torso

Poem by Gracie Jones

The two brothers wait for me arrive home,
They call themselves Anxiety and Fear,
Fear with his grimace smile,
Welcomes me in with his rigid glare,
He takes one look at me,
Reminds me I am vulnerable and fragile,
Anxiety plays along,
With his insolent tone,
Tells me I am an ignorant fool,
Mocking me of my wisdom,
Fear reminds me I am blind,
I know deep down they are right,

Fear is talking with a big smile to Anxiety,
The two brothers begin to laugh as I sit and calculate,
My heart begins to ache,
Anxiety points out the truth,
I can’t deny how I went wrong,
Fear places his hands on my shoulders,
I start to cry as I am unable to conceal these thoughts,
He whispers in my ear he will always be there,
Anxiety places his hands in mine
He always said one day I will suffer
No one to save you,
Like vultures they begin to circulate,
I must stay calm,

I rise firm to my feet,
So you want to mess with me?
Fear retreats to the corner and hisses,
It doesn’t matter what you have to say,
How long you keep these thoughts at bay,
Anxiety continues to linger around,
Analysing every inch and sound,

I was naïve and innocent to follow to your dark psyche,
Fear attempts to shut me up,
Yelling nonsense in my ear,
Anxiety joins in playfully,
Twisting and turning my stomach,

I take a deep breathe,
I will not follow blindly to the devil in disguise,
I will not tolerate these fears and let them ride me,
I will not let anxiety take over my strive,
My devotion will be dedicated to creativity and insanity,
You are just made believed.

The two brothers wince at my capability to be brave,
Anxiety recoils and hallows a piercing shriek,
Fear grimaces and spits venom at me,
I catch the venom and throw it back at Fear,
I owe you nothing

I see you standing across the lake of fire,
Your body caved in wire,
Your eyes are the colour of black sapphire,
The excess of your skin begins to peel,
Your teeth are the colour of molten steel,
My heart is squelched in your hand,
You stare at me with hedonism,

Your long tongue runs along my heart,
You quench for the thirst of my self-worth,
Your long nails stretch and twinge my arteries,  
Feels like the blood boiling in my pancreas,
I fall to my knees and let out a harrowing scream,

Blood dripples down from my mouth,
My teeth begin to spill out relentlessly
My soul is inflamed by all your greed,
I force myself to get up and plea for my worth

You rupture into a lowering laugh,
Which punctures and disrupts the earth
A black desert storm erupts and crackles,
The dense grey clouds oozes and bellows,
Heaviness of dust grain fills the atmosphere,
Creating a wheeziness and tightness in my chest,

I try to escape from the feeling of desolation,
A sensation of electrocution shocks my neck down to my spine,
My brain shivers and flips as an electric shock hits again,
An odour of burnt flesh pollutes the atmosphere,
My skin fades into a texture of black charcoal,

Feeling debilitated,
I fold and recoil into myself on the cold desert floor,
A wave of emotional pain creeps over my body,
I chew on my lower lip as my eyes swell up with tears,
My stomach churning and swirling with nausea
I close my eyes as the tears gush down my cheeks,
Lips trembling as I grip my sleeves for comfort,

Moment of silence as I weep into my hands,
I hear a deathly, low and sinister whisper in my ear,
“It’s over now….”
My swollen pallid eyes look up to see,
Their carcass shrivelled legs standing over me,
“Surrender...” they whisper with a devilish smile

I wish you could see me for who I am
Not just a stranger or an acquaintance
I wish you would give me a chance,
Know that I am worth your time,
Not to take one glance,
Brush me off to the side,
I wish all my hard work amounted to something,
But it really doesn’t really mean anything

I wish my past experiences didn’t taint me.
That I could open my eyes,
Realize this isn’t the way it has to be,
I wish I could talk to you openly,
I wish you could be honest with me

I wish we can lie under the stars,
We could talk about all sorts,
Music, literacy, creativity and astrology,
Discuss the dimensions of the cosmos,
How aliens plan to take over universe,
Corrupted politics
How the world is going to ****,
What we are planning to have for tea tonight.

I wish I could take a step back,
You can tell me it’s all going it’s be alright,
That life has a way of orchestrating moments,
I wish knew how to comprehend,
Everyone’s ******* reasons,
I wish I wouldn’t waste my time.
With permeant blues and drinking *****,

I wish you would see now,
The implications in our problems
Grinding till the day we die,
With a life we hate,
I wish we could wind down,
Just smoke a doobie and have a laugh,
Stop asking why

She inhales a huge chunk of the chemically bitter white gram,
Shouts 'I said GOD DAAAAMNMM! GODANM' in the woman’s toilet,
The women snare at her and she beams a grin as she wipes her nostrils clean,
She strolls back to the same uncomfortable silence she had originally left,
A man with a face like a slapped *** and small crabby eyes stares at her,  
He lights a cigarette and continues to ask her questions about Mr Wallace,
She angelically takes a sip out of her £5 dollar milkshake,
An announcement storms the room “JACK RABBIT TWIST CONTEST”
She glares at him with an excited smug expression,
The man profusely refuses,
She pulls at the chance and says “I want to dance, and I want to win a trophy”

She centres the room with her bold presence,
Introduces herself and the man to the audience,
Chucky Berry 'You never can tell' dawns the room,
She strikes a mixture of aristocrats dance poses,
He follows along whilst wiggling his legs and arms,
She twirls and moves closer to him,
She spins and rocks the swimmer move,
Thrusting her chest towards him,
He drops into the mash-potato dance
She shakes her *** and struts her feet,
He jiggles into faster swings and sways his hips,
Captivated by her flow and energy,
She becomes entranced by his charisma,
The two intwine like a wreath of flowers,
She devours him with her blood shot eyes


The song comes to an end,
The crowd roar with excitement,
She beams at him with pride,
He shyly smiles and bows down with Mia Wallace

They say count your blessings when you are in a moment of uncertainty,
I bury my head in those moments of anxiety,
Again and again,
Unable to comprehend or justify my capability to get through this,
Tackling to appreciate what is in front of me,
Grinding through this belly ache,
Doubts are swirling in my stomach,
Palms are continually sweaty,
I strive to keep my calm,
Feeling disarmed and un-steady,
I keep telling myself this will be a positive change

Diving into my insecurities,
Replaying the same mistakes
Unfolding memories from the deepest crease,
Mesmerizing the unforgettable words
Reminiscing over faint situations
Tears trembling down my face,
A wave of nerves tip toe down my spine,

Tearing my mind into pieces
Thoughts are scattering around,
Blemishing the good thoughts
Peeling away the flesh of my sanity,
Revealing layers of my anxiety

Losing sight of what’s right
A misunderstanding of my identity,
A willingness to be distant
From the people I love dearly

You’re a storm in summer,
So fast-moving and out of the blue,

You’re like the first day of Spring,
Blooming and slowly rising,
Amongst the decomposing earth,

You’re like a shifting darkness,
Hard to tell where you start and begin,
Filling the space with your whole being,

Your firelight flares up like a firefly,
So bright and fluttering through the twilight,

Your eyes glow with a glace of gold and rose,
So fired up on adrenaline,
Running through the countryside like a wild fox,

Your depression is like the deep artic sea,
When it gets so heavy you crawl into your shell,
So desolated with your own thoughts

You’re like a broken violin,
So beautiful but splintered with visible scars,
From the lovers who had misled you in the past