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6.6k · Nov 2018
Self - Discovery
GraciexJones Nov 2018
Diving into my insecurities,
Replaying the same mistakes
Unfolding memories from the deepest crease,
Mesmerizing the unforgettable words
Reminiscing over faint situations
Tears trembling down my face,
A wave of nerves tip toe down my spine,

Tearing my mind into pieces
Thoughts are scattering around,
Blemishing the good thoughts
Peeling away the flesh of my sanity,
Revealing layers of my anxiety

Losing sight of what’s right
A misunderstanding of my identity,
A willingness to be distant
From the people I love dearly
2.9k · Dec 2018
Everybody
GraciexJones Dec 2018
Everybody wants to replicate what they see on TV
Not realizing what’s really happening behind the scenes,
How content is edited to manipulate and brainwash the congregation,

Everybody trying to be someone bigger on social media,
An alter persona who is perceived is an ultimate influencer
Facebook, Instagram and Youtube grasping onto our self-esteem
Documenting our most precious moments,
No one wants to be deemed as a tedious loner,

Everybody wants a sense of control,
Yet we do as we are told by the local authority,
News and reports telling us misleading information,
False allegations about terrorism and celebrities,
Inflicting Brits to treat foreigners and refugees differently,
Yet this land belongs to everybody

Everybody judging each other by their own skin colour,
Racism isn’t getting any better in today’s society
Separating ourselves into categories,
No one is willing to listen to each other’s stories,
Fulfilling our time to educate ourselves on culture,
The definition which makes us all similar and unique,

Everybody defines each other from rich to poor,
The way we act within our community,
The clothes we walk down the street in,
The accents of our origin,
The opportunities we have been given,

Everybody’s grown to approve,
The corrupt system of our education,
Where teachers are desperately trying to improve,
The grades and courses their forced to teach in,
Fellow student’s aspiration is lacking inspiration
A designation to keep us all in line
Fighting for an independent thought,
Taught to follow and retaliate to what we see on the blackboard

Everybody should show a bit of respect,
To reflect on the type of passive aggressiveness
Hostility directed at strangers on the tubes,
Tutting at mother’s feeding their babies in public,
Discriminating women and men of all different sizes,
Projecting our views on gender stereotypes and roles


Everybody should stop living in the eyes of our own peers,
To follow our own instincts
Instead of being told how to feel and act,

To understand what is really important is our mental health
To live a life where we are not constantly being spoon-fed lies,
To recognize our own beliefs and self-worth,
To be happy within our sexuality and encourage body positivity
To follow our intuition and fight against the system
To be listened and heard amongst the shouting rage
To take a step back and recognize our greed
To understand the improvements we need to do,
To help this planet, to help me and you
915 · Sep 2018
Awakening
GraciexJones Sep 2018
A journey of uncertainly,
To-and-fro through star-crossed events,
She grasps onto her faith,
In this world of hurt,
To make her feel safe and heard,
She prays to the man in the sky,
Who disguises himself as the shining stars,
He is full of light and beacons of hope,
Beaming and shining throughout the night,

Ceaseless prays whispering through the air,
Drifting under the gleaming moon,
A glory rain begins to pour,
She feels his words start to fall,

She held in respect,
The words that he said,
Wrapped in the warmth,
A glisten of promise,

He made her realize she can’t have it all,
But she can be brave and faithful,
For the people she adores,
To provide a helping hand,
For the friends and family,
Who need the love and care the most
542 · Oct 2018
Defeating Anxiety and Fear
GraciexJones Oct 2018
The two brothers wait for me arrive home,
They call themselves Anxiety and Fear,
Fear with his grimace smile,
Welcomes me in with his rigid glare,
He takes one look at me,
Reminds me I am vulnerable and fragile,
Anxiety plays along,
With his insolent tone,
Tells me I am an ignorant fool,
Mocking me of my wisdom,
Fear reminds me I am blind,
I know deep down they are right,

Fear is talking with a big smile to Anxiety,
The two brothers begin to laugh as I sit and calculate,
My heart begins to ache,
Anxiety points out the truth,
I can’t deny how I went wrong,
Fear places his hands on my shoulders,
I start to cry as I am unable to conceal these thoughts,
He whispers in my ear he will always be there,
Anxiety places his hands in mine
He always said one day I will suffer
No one to save you,
Like vultures they begin to circulate,
I must stay calm,

I rise firm to my feet,
So you want to mess with me?
Fear retreats to the corner and hisses,
It doesn’t matter what you have to say,
How long you keep these thoughts at bay,
Anxiety continues to linger around,
Analysing every inch and sound,

I was naïve and innocent to follow to your dark psyche,
Fear attempts to shut me up,
Yelling nonsense in my ear,
Anxiety joins in playfully,
Twisting and turning my stomach,

I take a deep breathe,
I will not follow blindly to the devil in disguise,
I will not tolerate these fears and let them ride me,
I will not let anxiety take over my strive,
My devotion will be dedicated to creativity and insanity,
You are just made believed.

The two brothers wince at my capability to be brave,
Anxiety recoils and hallows a piercing shriek,
Fear grimaces and spits venom at me,
I catch the venom and throw it back at Fear,
I owe you nothing
443 · Dec 2018
It’s time to move on
GraciexJones Dec 2018
People will always assume the worst,
They start to pick holes in matters,
The petty anguish building up,
The insecurities raging from within,
Taking over our personalities,
Our identity
Our voice,
What a waste of consciousness,

Everyone has their own truth,
Their own interpretations of how one has come across,
Alienated by their opinions,
Perceived by their world views,
Personating their entity,
Mocking their capability to have agility,

The reasons why we disagree becomes a parody,
The constant need to be respected and heard,
A battle to be recognized for own self-worth,
For our ego to be replenished from the earth,

Our souls are getting tired from the same old fights,
Tapping into triggered memories,
The accusations and build-up of lies,
The trapped feelings we are unable to hide,
The close friendships and company we once thought we had,
Start to evaporate and mould itself into an unknown presence,

Our consciousness can’t bare it any longer,
Feeling exposed to our vulnerability,
The liability of handling our emotions,
The probability it could happen again,
It’s time to move on,
Regardless of what we tell ourselves.
GraciexJones Sep 2018
It feels like a battle,
Me and my mind,
I don’t want to be the kind to run and hide,
I hear myself quick to judge,
Not only myself but others

I want to be kind and strong,
Adapt to society,
Be comfortable in the skin I walk in,
Protest for my rights and equality,
Raise my fist,
Stand up for what I believe in,
Without being afraid anymore

Instead I look at myself in the eye,
Wonder why I am so flawed.
I failed to see the wild flower inside,
Full of ambition and desire,

Walking around holding my breath,
Repressing my natural feelings,
Supressing the layers of my ego,
Unwilling to follow my intuition,
Repetition of the same issues,
Waiting to be consoled,

I want to wake up.
Accept my place on this earth,
Thrive within my creativity,
Be a decent human being
Share my vulnerability,
Reflecting on my mentality,
Working through my past tragedy’s,
Reclaim my identity,
Get rid of the toxicity,

Recognize my flaws,
Break down these walls,
Reach out for communication
162 · Dec 2018
Brighton Beach
GraciexJones Dec 2018
Sitting on the beach on the coldest of days,
Winter chills which skims across my face and hands,
Watching the waves rising up and down,
Beating against the shore,
Roaring against the wind,
The smell of open sea rises across the land,

Birds are fleeting above my head,
Glimpse of the sun is peeking through the clouds,
My partner is drawing characters in the sand,
I run my hands over the seashells and tiny rocks,
I explore a combination of sharp edges and wet stone,

A misty gloom appears along the coast,
The sound of seagull’s squarking and dogs barking echo’s in the distance,

My partner lights a cigarette and sits across me smiling,
We hear the pitter-patter of a greyhound dog walking towards us,
The greyhound greets us with a curious gesture,
We welcome the dog with open arms and stroke their furry face to say hello
The grey-hound pondering between us,
Excitingly moving around,
We hear the sound of people talking in the background,
The grey-hound wonders off to accompany their owner,

A shift of temperature occurs in the atmosphere,
I feel the cold cracking my lips,
My partner begins to roll a spliff,
I contemplate about the warmth,
I propose we hit the Carrot Café along our way,
My partner agrees as he smokes his doobie
We get up and set upon our next journey.
146 · Sep 2018
Matilda
GraciexJones Sep 2018
Day after day her sanity peels away,
Living to fight another day,
Her hunger stirs inside once more,
Murky shirt is hanging loose,
Her face and hair covered in grime and dirt,
Clothes ripped and worn,
Her skin is withered and torn,
Physically craving meal,
Weighing 10 Stones lighter,
Sockless and penniless,

Time keeps slipping away,
Feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders,
She lays there on the hard concrete floor,
Feeling scared and alone
Looking over her shoulder,
Terrible fears plague her,
In this place she calls her home town,

Strangers walk by gawking,  
Analysing her vulnerability,
Criticizing her capability,
Paralyzed by her identity,

Stability is what she is hoping for,
A facility that puts bread on the table,
But the system shuns her away once more,
She grasps onto her faith in fear it will start to crumble,
A sense of purpose to stay alive

She sees a familiar man standing by her side,
He offer’s his hand with a welcoming promise and smiles with a high-spirited expression,
A sense of warmth and belonging races through her body,
She traces his wrinkles on his face,
His eyes are hazel-nut brown,
His hair and beard is frosty white,
She recognizes his smell from when she was a child,
A scent of incense and lavender,



He gently rests her cheek in his hands,
Sadness fills up in his eyes,
He glimpses into her shattered soul,
The grief which had burnt a hole,
The anguish deep inside,
Tears trickle down his face,
There a stands a man of her heart
Homeless victim in Brighton street
145 · Sep 2018
BALTERFEST
GraciexJones Sep 2018
Breathing in the air of **** and hash,
Absorbing the levity atmosphere,
The sun glares down upon us,
Covered in sweat and mud,
Floating through the sound waves,
A dissonance of sounds,
Feeling like a wolf in the night,
An unhinged lunatic howling,
Thriving for a sense of freedom,

Dancing to the heavy bass,
Feeling the vibration from the stage,
Moving my body to the rhythm,
Creating moves, stretching my body, leaping  
Twisting and turning with all my friends,
The bass drops and we pounce to the beat,
The crowd rouse and joyfully move their feet,
A glimpse of gracious placed upon everyone’s faces,
The moment is sweet and clear,
Wrapped up in a bubble of glee,
I never want to leave,

Adrenaline is pulsing through my body,
Amazed by the people I’m meeting,
Dazed by their oddity and individuality,
Hypnotize by their creativity and charm,
Eccentric personalities,
Majestic ensembles,
An honest conversation of TOxicity,
Of past stories twisted with our own memories,
Unique bonds moulding overnight,
A journey of finding one’s split soul,

Late morning belly laughter,
Bathed in a sweat of positivity,
Colliding with emotions of vulnerability,
Drum and Bass music still roaring at 4am,
Fleeting back and forth,
Slowly vanishing back to the camp site,
Reaching for the comfort of my tent,
I catch my breath and slip into in a state of serenity,
Echoes of squeals and laughter thunder in the background,
Sunlight radiating across my skin,
Warmth of content,
I slumber into a deep coma
106 · May 17
Every mark has a reason
GraciexJones May 17
A reflection of my human flesh,
I trace a mixture of scars and wrinkles,
I see crinkles around my eyes as I smile,
Each mark follows a story,
Of spontaneous ****** piercings and tattoo’s
Garnishing my body,
Covering the blues of desperation and release
From times of birth control,
Inserting pills and implants,
Hormones spilling from my insides,
Shaking my hairy legs and ****,
Dancing in the bathroom,
As I noticed the shape of my hips,
Thighs are squelched together,
My hairy toes wiggling underneath the furry rug
I tug at my skin as it itches again
My hair is dangling all wired and dry,
My perspective of my body -changes all over again,
Like the weight of my belly hanging over the sink,
As I brush my teeth between the crooked gaps,
When I pluck the hair flaring from my brow,
Each zit popped with enthusiasm,
Each mark has a reason
99 · Mar 6
Positive Change
GraciexJones Mar 6
They say count your blessings when you are in a moment of uncertainty,
I bury my head in those moments of anxiety,
Again and again,
Unable to comprehend or justify my capability to get through this,
Tackling to appreciate what is in front of me,
Grinding through this belly ache,
Doubts are swirling in my stomach,
Palms are continually sweaty,
I strive to keep my calm,
Feeling disarmed and un-steady,
I keep telling myself this will be a positive change
94 · Sep 2018
Let Go
GraciexJones Sep 2018
Everyone's walking around with their stories,
Sometimes the weight of our stories gets so big,
So let it go
It’s not what you have,
It’s what you do with it
Spit out the *******,
Lay back, unwind

Stop with the false pretences
Listen to what your heart has to say,
You’re full of good intentions,
A Hopeless victim,
Your emotions keep you hostage,
You season to perfection,
Desperately seeking for approval,
Constantly validating your life,
Open your eyes,
Re-evaluate your mind.
Come to realize,
You need to be more proactive
The words you are told do not define you
Justify your existence!
87 · Sep 2018
True Love
GraciexJones Sep 2018
A fiery passion continues to grow,
The highs and lows of two lovers,

Happiness was never out of their reach,
An understanding of each other on a deeper level,
Teaching and embracing each other’s intelligence,
Excited by their insightful mind and soul

Coming home to find a place of peace,
Waking up to the sweet joys of each morning,
Cuddling and expressing each other’s love,
Combining thoughts and energy,
Confiding in each other’s presence,
Making love to one’s existence,

Consoling in one’s suffering,
Acknowledging’s each other’s self-worth,
A beautiful reflection of their grace and sacrifices
Their devotion to be here and by each other’s side,

Their unique intentions to make each other smile,
Their love will continue to grow stronger,
Each peace lined with their differences and beliefs,
Instant recognition one’s true being,

Confronted with their woes and individual struggles,
They grasp each other’s hands in this world of cruelness,
Gripping onto each one’s fingers,
Each squeeze represents a commitment to each other,
A sweet embrace of harmony
80 · Dec 2018
Addict
GraciexJones Dec 2018
It’s hard to admit,
When everything goes to ****,
I am addict,

It’s always been this way,
Started at a young age,
Sugary sweets and red wine,
Cider and champagne,
Pumping chemicals into my little brain,

I never really understood,
The impact it would have on my adulthood,
The alcohol soaked in my veins,

My friends had started to notice,
Each party would become exhaustion,

My friends had started to notice,
I was trying to up-hold this notion,

My friends became distance,
I couldn’t keep filling this emptiness,

Flourishing myself in ecstasy,
Of pleasure and dreams
Treated as a remedy,
To escape from my reality,

Morning after,
Sunken eyes,
Wondering the streets of Brighton,

I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again,
I couldn’t understand,

Why I stood with the pain,
Let myself become this way,
The struggles I hid,
Got worse within time
50 · May 2
Therapy
GraciexJones May 2
During my therapy,
I have been able to confess my sins,
Expressing the confessions I had written underneath my skin,
Airing the convictions of right and wrong,
Words trembling from a throat unknown,
My heart feels heavier and heavier,
Feeling so grim and bare,

Cleansing the soul whilst I confer,
The dysfunctional tales of unworthy men,
The sentiment of being betrayed,
The moments of feeling afraid,

The therapist offers me peace and mending,
A moment of sigh and relief,
They emphasise on the pattern of actions,
The attraction to **** people
Easy misled by the wound in my heart
44 · Apr 26
Starting Again
GraciexJones Apr 26
Through all the troubles and all the strife,
I have managed to find the good things in life,
Although I have been taught to fear stability,
A train of thoughts I can’t dissemble

As my mind can wonder into a storm of uncertainly,
Guided by the coincidence of situations,
Reminiscing over the opportunities that had occurred,
Concurring along with my imagination,

A reflection could I be here at the right time at the right place?
A potential to grow and become the person I want to be,
A turning point from all the toxicity,
A chance to settle in a new vitality,
The audacity to try new activities,
Could this all be a possibility?

— The End —