She stared right into those eyes
that she still saw galaxies in
and whispered
"I'm leaving you."

When I was 10 my mum Told me that
I was special
The Next day was the First time
she told me to shut up
When I was 14 my Friends told me that
I was funny
The Next day I Heard them laugh about me
And when I was 16
You told me I was beautiful
You told me you loved me
You told me you would do anything for me
But I did not believe you
Because I learnt that people don't mean
What they say
And I did not want to get disappointed again

I’m tired of this drive
   In this empty car
      On these empty streets
         To my empty apartment
            With its empty walls
               To go to sleep in my empty bed
                  To have my empty dreams
                     To wake up
Alone

When it's not so sad anymore I will show pictures of us to my future children.
I keep them hidden in 7 different folders on my computer to try and hide them from myself so I don't get weak and want to look at the better days.

I deleted you from social media, I blocked you, but as we all know that's a temporary solution to the bigger problem.
I always find love for you even when I hate you deep down inside- hidden under 7 layers of skin and memories.

When it's not so sad anymore I almost wish we would run into each other on the streets.
Maybe it won't be so awkward, I'll have moved on and you'll have moved on but maybe there will be a small spark still there.

When it's not so sad anymore, I will eventually delete those pictures from my memory and my computer.
I will find a way to permanently erase your love one of these days... maybe 7 months from now, maybe 7 years from now... someday.

Is it odd that
I have yet to write a poem for you?
A poem full of rose petals, a heavy scent
that traps us in each other's arms

I have not put my heart into words for you,
perhaps because I tell you all the time,
Sprinkling the roses over your head
so you know how I feel

I show you how I feel in every
move I make around you,
in every word I say,
so perhaps that is why

I haven't written a love poem for you
because my feelings are already on display
We dance in a rainfall of rose petals,
drowning in the scent of our love.

I
I need to write
Why?
Because I'm still awake
And everything feels fake.
I'm stuck in my fantasies
Unable to figure out reality
I can't seem to sleep,
I'm waiting for the rest I seek.
I am trapped in my mind
It's as though my soul has been signed.
To whom I do not know,
I only know that to dreamland I do not go.
I am stuck
Seemingly out of luck
True is false, false is true
Moon is day, Sun is night
Sky is down, Earth is up
Me is I, but I? am not me.
I write
For I cannot dream.
I scream
For I cannot shut my eyes, I am forced to see.
Why am I not fatigued?
I was tired only a moment ago,
When did that leave?
Why is my sleepiness low?
What is missing that causes me to stay awake?
What ails me so that the road to sleep I cannot take?
I know not.
I simply write,
And hope that reality is not fake.

There are many girls out there
with unloving fathers
I am not special in that regard
The difference is
I was always told that he did love me
And maybe in some way he did
But he was never able to show it

...if he really did

So I grew up believing
that the apathetic man
who rarely took interest in me
or the things I cared about
and constantly tore me down
with every mistake I made
was the epidemy of love

I learned to trust words over actions
somewhere deep down
I always knew his actions didn't line up
but you can do anything to convince yourself of love