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Drew Vincent Apr 2019
I know it now more than ever,

you were always my forever.
my soulmate
Drew Vincent Sep 2018
I have achieved my ultimate goal in life
to be seen as selfless
I love you, M.
Drew Vincent Jul 2018
You ask me what I'm thinking,
every time my answer is you.

I'm thinking of the way my heart swells when I talk to you.
I'm thinking of how comforting the sound of your voice is.
I'm thinking of the ways I could make you laugh.
I'm thinking of all the different ways your face will light up when you look at me.
I'm thinking of how I can't wait to hold your hand.
I'm thinking of how I'll look into your eyes and know this is right.

I'm thinking of how soft your skin will feel after a shower.
I'm thinking of how our bodies will feel pressed up against one another.
I'm thinking of the ways I want to trace the outline of your body with my fingers.
I'm thinking of how your skin will taste after a dip in the ocean.
I'm thinking of how your lips will taste and if they'll taste just as heavenly every time.
I'm thinking of how kissing you will never get old.
I'm thinking of how our bodies will dance under the night sky.

I'm thinking of how happy you will make me.
I'm thinking of how happy you already make me feel.
I'm thinking of a future with you.
I'm thinking of how easy it is to fall for you.
I'm thinking of how we were destined to meet.
I'm thinking of how the stars are aligned perfectly for us to enjoy life.
I'm thinking of how lucky I am to have a future with you in it.
It's you.
Drew Vincent Jul 2018
I imagine myself with you, M.
I can see myself,  happy with you.

I can picture us on our first date,
laughing so hard we hold onto each other for support.
I can picture us walking together,
admiring all the local shops and galleries our town has to offer.
I can picture us holding hands,
and you holding me as we gaze out at sea.
I can picture us snorkeling together,
and how you'll laugh when I inevitably breathe in the ocean.
I can picture us kissing for the first time,
how our eyes will meet,
and how our hearts will explode with excitement.
I can picture us kissing,
and how our bodies will melt into one.
I can picture myself falling asleep next to you,
and how peaceful I will feel when I wake up beside you.

Most importantly,

I can picture myself falling in love with you.
How wonderful life will be with you to share it with.
I will chase these butterflies forever if it brings me closer to you.
Drew Vincent Jul 2018
There is someone in my house.

It's late at night and I can hear the sound of vegetables being chopped in the kitchen.
I am supposed to be home alone;
all of my family is out of town.

Why do I hear someone in my house?

Hiding in my room,
I wait.
Could this be just another hallucination?
Could this really be happening?

There is someone in my house,
and I know it now,
because the chopping stops.
I hear footsteps.
I pull the covers over my head,
as if being completely covered in my comforter
will make me invisible to the stranger creeping in my house.

There is a child at my bedroom door.
She is very small and very young.
She barely is taller than my arm rest on my desk chair.
She is staring at me with the one eye not being covered by her hair.
Her hair is long and midnight black,
the street lights pouring in from outside are visible in her hair,
creating a silver glow to her dark complexion.
Her head is cocked to one side,
hair falling in her face.
I start to move and realize I'm paralyzed.
I try to speak but I cannot move my mouth either.

There is a man in my doorway.
He appears suddenly,
like the wind on a chilly day.
He's tall and has broad shoulders.
It's obvious he never skips out on the gym.
He has a pale complexion,
his skin glows in the amber street lights.
He moves swiftly,
taking two long strides to reach my bed.
In my head I'm screaming,
in all reality the only sound that could be heard,
is the sound of the plastic the man is tying around me.
Plastic wraps around my
and I still cannot move.
I cannot breathe.
Plastic wraps perfectly around my throat,
keeping me from being able to breathe easily.
I cannot even open my mouth to gasp for air,
I am completely restrained and paralyzed with fear.

There is a man in my bedroom,
and he picks me up with ease and tosses me into my hallway
before checking the other rooms.
The voice in my head echoes,
You're dreaming,
Wake up Drew.
He is not real.
That child is not real.
You're suffocating.
Your arms are burning.
You're not breathing.
You must wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up!
Wake up now, Drew!

With all the energy I had,
I catapult out of my bed.
Breathing heavily,
I rub my arms,
happy to feel they are no longer burning.
I think to myself,
thank God this was all just a nightmare.
I look up and see

There is a man standing in my doorway;
I'm no longer dreaming.
I had an awful awful nightmare. I believe it was sleep paralysis. I'm so sick and tired of having nightmares all the time. God how I wish they would stop.
Drew Vincent Jul 2018
In one month,
you will be gone.

You'll be half way around the world,
working in a desert while I,
sit here at home,
wishing I could be near you again.

In one month,
you will be gone.

Your truck will still be here,
I will still be able to ride in it,
but now I am the driver,
and will have no one to talk to.

In one month,
you will be gone.

You're going to be alone,
and I will worry about you everyday.
We will be twelve hours apart,
but will still try to talk everyday.

In one month,
you will be gone.

I'm going to miss you so much.
i really hate the military some days.
Drew Vincent Jul 2018
Your apology meant nothing to me.
Your apology was not meant for me,
Your apology was meant for you.

Your apology was pathetic.
You only did it to save your mind from eating itself in the middle of the night.
Constantly chomping at the thought of our last conversation.
The one where you called me selfish because my feelings were hurt.
The one where you said we would never work because our trauma doesn't match.
The one where you said I couldn't possibly fathom being in the same house as my ******.
The one where you told me our relationship was a pool and you couldn't understand how I was able to dive in.
The one where you told me you never wanted a relationship.
The one where you threw me away like a rotten banana peel.

Like a banana,
I opened myself up to you.
Peeling my layers one by one.
I started to get bruises from all the nasty words you said to me,
you said to my friends, and
you said to my family.
But I was still good.
I was still a sweet, ripe banana.
You always knew how to make me feel ashamed for being a bruised banana.

You were right,
we will never work.
Your reasons were wrong.
We will never work because I was never what you wanted.
We will never work because you could not open yourself up to me.
There were things you kept from me that I never would have kept from you.
Our trauma doesn't match because I'm working through mine and you're still on the first step,
afraid of what the next step has in store for you.
I have learned how to handle my trauma while you still let it eat away at you.
You let your trauma control your life.
I won't let my trauma control mine anymore.

Our relationship was like a pool,
I was ready to dive head first into the deep end
while you stare at me from the steps,
unaware of how to swim.
Our trauma was like a pool.
I jumped head first into the deep end,
tackling my trauma head on.
Ready to face my fears,
confront my ******,
my abuser, and
my family.
You stood on the steps,
getting your toes wet.
With multiple swim floaties
and a group of people encouraging you to jump in.
You were afraid of what you'll find at the bottom.
Even with floaties and people cheering you on,
nothing will ever be enough.

We will never work because I cannot be the counselor you seek.
You were wrong. I do know what it's like to be in the same house with my ******. I was with mine for a year after he ***** me. Unaware and confused that he could ever do something like that to me if he loved me so much. Our trauma is similar, you just refuse to believe everyone else's trauma because its not as rough as yours.
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