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cassie marie Sep 2019
There are seven stages of grief
The first being denial
We deny that we are here
In this hell on Earth
We deny that some of our family members have been taken into the hands of death
We deny that we went through what we went through
In hopes that we will forget it ever happened
The second is the pain
The pain comes when it finally hits
Your family is dead
You will never be that same happy kid as you once were
The happy-go-lucky kid you were before the camps
The realization that your body will never work the same way
The next is anger
The frustration you have been holding back
Not at the Nazis or the Germans
You are frustrated at yourself
You are mad at yourself for being in that situation
You do not know why you are mad at yourself
But you refuse to place the blame anywhere else
The next stage is depression
The hole in your heart where your happiness used to lain
The realization that you are now by yourself and there is no one who will understand you anymore
No one will speak the language that us survivors speak
No matter how good of a therapist you are
It is a foreign language only select few speak
There is another stage we went through
The upward turns
The realization that you will be ok
You realize that you do not need your family to be ok
You do not need anyone who survived with you
You only need yourself
And that is all you have
There is another stage
This being particularly the hardest
It is working in an everyday life
With your new setbacks and PTSD
The new you starts to work properly
There is one more stage
It is acceptance
You finally accept what happened
You accept the fact that everything that you went through
Is not fiction
It is real life
You accept the fact that we went through inhumane treatments and tortures
And we accept all of it
We realize and accept that we were almost all killed off
Weather by sickness or ******
We accept we were the lucky ones
And never look back
I wrote this for a school assignment last year, and now it's being submitted into scholarship contests:)
cassie marie Jan 2019
i never thought i could fall this hard. i never once in a million years ever thought someone could actually love me back. but you my dear, oh you showed me just that. you showed me that i was lovable, i was wanted and i wasn’t worthless. i remember the first time you met my parents. they had a front on, but later that night you were holding me whilst i was hysterically crying because my parents are breaking their teeth on liquor bottles and having their monsters come out and have a fight. you showed me that you weren’t ever going to leave my side. i remember when i thought about all the possibilities of you just playing a trick on me, then you pointed out every single little thing you liked. i remember all of our stupid little arguments, it painfully reminds me of my relationship with my sister. except the one big difference; you didn’t leave me on my worst days. some people don’t believe in love, but if that’s the case, than what exactly did we have? because that was all love. i believe that the human mind can thrive without feeling every emotion, including love. i think when we don’t feel love, we shut down. i remember the first time we met each other’s friends. your friends took me in as a little sister the second they met me. and my friends made sure you knew what would happen if you broke my heart. i remember our biggest fight. an old friend was getting a little touchy, and you beat the **** out of him. i remember i wouldn’t talk to you for a few days because i needed to calm down about it. but you didn’t get mad at me, in fact you still texted me good morning and good night every single day. we had our ups and our downs. but i guess some girl who you had met and been friends with for 1 month can make you feel happier than someone you’ve been with for 2 years. i remember you looking me dead in the eye and telling me there was someone else. i don’t think i ever could hate you for putting me through this pain. all i have for you is love, and i may have accepted that we are done, but my heart still aches for you to kiss me at 12 am every single day because you wanted to be the first thing that made me smile every day. i remember the aftermath of our breakup, your friends still treat me like their little sister you know? they still defend me in every way and make sure i’m not doing anything stupid. i ask them about you every once in a while. but i just want you to know; we were in love, but i hope you’re happier with her.
hey so yea it’s been a while but i’m in a new relationship ! so ig that’s cool. i made a new instagram account for all of my poems and excerpts that i write. it’s @cassiemariepoems , check it out if you want.
cassie marie Nov 2018
you once told me something
you told me that you were so intrigued by me
you took my intimidating personality
and turned it into a mystery to figure me out
but you see
i was always one step ahead of you
you couldn't figure me out
i made it so i was opaque

you hated that
you did everything in your power to make me trust you
but darling
you didn't reciprocate the trust
for days you left me on edge

but you told me something
you wouldn't have been able to see color without me
so if that's the case darling
do you miss the blue, red and yellow?
or was your plan to always return to black and white?
"color" is essentially the beauty within things
cassie marie Nov 2018
he once told me
"you're eyes are gorgeous"
but i didn't believe you
i thought
"how could he love my brown eyes"
how could he love something so ugly

he told me
they were captivating
he could get lost in them
he could stare at them all day and never get tired of them
he pointed out all the colors they were in the sunlight
he pointed out how my eyes weren't just brown
they were green
and blue
and yellow
and brown.
he told me that he could lose himself in my eyes

i guess he lost himself so bad
that he left me
maybe i left him
but
to this day
i've learned to love my eyes.
my ex actually told me this, kinda made me cry writing this but oh well
  Nov 2018 cassie marie
Wynn H
Brown eyes are boring
I remember you saying…

There’s a special kind of beauty
in falling in love with someone
who has brown eyes.

Ever seen brown eyes
In the sun?
The colour brown,
becomes irrelevant
& is just a word…

They melt into rays
of amber gold,
circling an eclipse.
There is nothing boring
about brown eyes.

Even as the day grows old,
they create a sunset
of their own.

You know that sunset.
It’s the one
I fell in love with…

[22.11.2018]
cassie marie Nov 2018
would you miss me?
the thought that you won't ever see me at school
except it will be permanent
not temporary

how would you feel
if you knew that your words caused a parent so much pain
finding their daughter on the floor
pills and letters in hand

how would you live
with the thought of knowing
a girl so sweet and so innocent
took her own life because of your words
she thought she was worthless
but the human life is so precious
and you made her throw it away

how would you feel
when the school finally announces it
and you see her best friend
falling on her knees
you know she was never the same after that
she never was able to gain back the light in her eyes
her face is still tear stained to this day
she still holds the letter the girl wrote to her in her back pocket
of the jeans they both loved
she still blames herself

her family still has a hole
at the dinning room table where she would always beg to sit
they couldn't even have her favorite meal for a year
they still haven't cleaned out her room
her little brother has been acting out
her mother breaks her teeth on ***** bottles
and her father is angry
angry at himself
and angry at everyone else

how could you know right
that maybe a joke to you wasn't taken so lightly to her
that the things you called her
she held on to them deeply
whilst you don't even remember them

how are your parents going to feel
when they find out there's a police investigation
on their kids
for taking an innocent life
from their words
and their actions

think about this
the next time you call someone a *******
remember you might be in this position one day
hi don't be a ******* thanks
cassie marie Nov 2018
why
why
even after i left that hell
do i still remember everything so vividly
the ****** assault
the ****** harassment

the constant torment
the ransom texts telling me to die
the people whispering in the halls
about what your wearing, and why you're doing what you're doing

why do i still remember the faces and names
every single person that made this earth hell
i don't want to remember you

i want to move on
i'm trying to move on
i want to forget everything

but i just can't.
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