I have nothing to say
No words to give you
My mind is blank
Void
Empty
No clever remarks
No witty retort
I won't waste your time
I'll just cut it sh...

If we feel guilty
For privileges we have in our life
We all must become victims
Doomed to be resentful
Guilt breeds resentment
Fear will do the same
If we all have to make our lives worse
Exaggerating our own pain
When privilege is synonymous with race
We will always have opposing sides
The media creates this hate
Not the people
They want you to be scared
They want war
It keeps us distracted
From the socioeconomic games
The wealthy need chaos
To keep us fighting each other
Instead of creating actual change
All your Governments colluded
They want it this way
We are all divided
Causing each other pain
I know there needs to be accountability
But there must be a better way
When we are no longer angry at each other
Humanity has found it's way

Sometimes
                     Depressed,
means knowing what you have to do but not knowing if you can.

Whispering winds and rustling trees,
The grass, a bench and quiet pleas.
A solace found, where sorrows nest,
My weary heart, finds silent rest.

A sturdy bench with its wooden frame,
Supports the weight of heavy shame.
Overcast mind and thoughts in storm
The bench suspends my melancholy form.

Outside of these internal struggles,
Happiness is everywhere, its me with these troubles.
Family picnics, kids play on the hill,
Friends laugh together, as I sit frozen still.

How do they do it, I can't help but wonder,
they dance in the sun, while I'm stuck with the thunder.
No sadness is seen, just smiles and glee,
I see that it is possible, but is it possible for me?

But then I remember, as the day comes and goes,
We all have our moments, the highs and the lows.
Today I am here, sat alone in the rain,
But Tomorrow I'll dance in the sunshine again.

Quite is what I need
less noise
more time to read
the world needs constant attention
but the headphones help a little
give thanks to anc
I just want space to be me
I cant help but mention
my rapid ascension
up past the tallest tree
with less noise in my ears
I will overcome fears
the quite will set you free

Today,
I disconnected from the network.
It's the most connected I have ever been.

What if it is me?

What if
I am what lurks in the shadows
What if
I am what scares me most
What if
I am capable of doing what others won't
What if
I am the monster under the bed
What if
I am the thing to be feared
What if
evil is me.

I can give you water
but I can't quench your thirst
I can give you food
but I can't stop your hunger
I can tell you jokes
but I can't make you laugh
I can call you spiteful names
but I can't hurt you

You must eat
You must drink
You must laugh
You must cry

I can't make you happy
I can't make you sad
I can't force you to love me
I can only give you the ingredients
but you must choose to make the meal.

the root was missing,
but paired with the grand prefix,
depicts all I need.

I swim
I tire
I drown
Tumbling down
Over and round
I sink to the ground
No air to be found
I Struggle around
These lungs are bound
don't want to drown
float to the top look all around
no land is found
So

This is a world of my own creation
I am the architect of my own isolation
Alone at the whim of my own dictation
Forever trapped in an internal altercation

What are you doing up there?
Lonely little cloud
Floating round a sea of blue
Peacefully you wander the sky
So gently you glide
yet I wonder
Do you not get lonely?
Solitary little cloud
abandoned by others
Will your tears fall to land
mourning your lost friends
Can I keep you company?
Lowly little cloud
Observing your grace
I see myself in you
Envying your freedom
but living your seclusion.

I Don't Want To Be A Warrior In The Garden
Nor A Gardener In A War
Yet I Shall Rise To My Position
Of This, I Can Be Sure

As Steel Touches Steel
And Seed Touches Soil
Peasant In The Field
And King With The Royal

I Shall Grace The Gardens
Be The Gardener It Needs
Storm The Battlefields
Be The Warrior That Bleeds

I Hold It All Inside Of Me
Everything I Am And More
But The Garden Needs It's Gardener
And The Warrior Needs His War

This is not the pain of eternity
It is but the pain of a moment
A moment that will not last forever
Nothing does
Nothing can
But it is in this pain we find what has meaning
To avoid pain is to avoid what it means to truly live

Screams my brain
Voices pound like heavy rain
You're in DANGER
Every cell begins to panic
Feeling manic
Beating drum inside my brain
Voices pound like heavy rain
RUN
Get out quickly
Everyone is trying to trick me
You can't do this
Always in pain
Voices pound like heavy rain
Trouble breathing
Everything's fading to black
I think I'm having a panic attack
I can't see
I can't hear
Constant ringing in my ear
Losing consciousness
All that remain
Are voices pounding like heavy rain

Emotionally repressed
With sadness stuck inside
Mentally distressed
Just want to run and hide
Tyrannically oppressed
Our feelings are denied
Why do our eyes protest
Would be better if we cried
Generations of men will attest
Some think it'd be better if they died
That's not easy to digest
Yet in no one we confide
Pain and trauma unexpressed
Constant strength we must provide
No wonder we're depressed
Too many lost in their pride.

On on
both good
Off on
you pick me up
On off
I pick you up
Off off
We stop and rest

I say thank you
Thank you to the me that brought me to myself.
The one who weathered the storm
The one that suffered as waves crashed
The one who pushed on when everything seemed lost.
Thank me.
For I would not be I
if you had not been you.

I am not scared of thunder
The low rumbles cause no fear
but when thunder is on the table
It's my phone beckoning my ear

I am not scared of lightning
I look at the electric sky in awe
But the candescent screen terrifies me
because of the Caller ID that I saw

I am not scared of storms
the rain doesn't make me sad
but a raincloud is hanging over me
for that phone call was from my dad

I am not scared of hail
though the crystal bullets cause pain
you have never cared about me
so a call from you hurts just the same

I am not scared of hurricanes
though I think I probably should be
I'm not here to soothe your conscience
making you feel good is not my responsibility

I am not scared of the weather
for I know that it will always fluctuate
storms don't stick around for long
neither did you for the son you helped create

I yearn for silence
these thoughts
these noises
Tormenting

I am not doing it:
                               For you
                               For them
                               For status
                               For wealth
                               For fame
                               For proof
                               For attention

I am doing it for:
                               Me

Thoughts are soda
The Brain is a bottle
Anxiety gives it a good shake
The lid is depression
Do you feel the pressure?

Women whom sing sad songs beautifully.

Some made inquiries
Some expressed interest
Some came for a tour
Some tried to cut a deal
Some requested changes
Some ignored the listing
Some turned up their nose
Some needed more
Some looked at the beauty
Some saw Squalor
Some moved in
Some left in a hurry
Some made improvements
Some caused damage
Some wanted to stay
Some got evicted
None stayed forever

Popularity
Superficiality
Similarity

And for a moment, everything was quiet—
no... silent.
Nothing moved, nothing raged,
not a whisper nor wind.
A moment where time stopped at nothingness,
a perfect little moment.

I am angry
I don't know why
I don't know for how long
but I am angry
It hurts me that I am angry
I am angry because I am scared
I don't know why I am so scared of being angry
but I am angry
It is affecting everyone around me
hurting the ones I love
this makes me scared of hurting them
I am angry.

I have been in a queue all my life
Waiting in line
Everyone else is waiting too
When I feel like I am getting close
There's another reason to let someone in front
A reason to put other people first
So I stay here
Waiting
Even when people cut the line
Jump in front and force me back
I tell myself
They must just need it more than me
I don't want to be selfish
But selflessness is getting me nowhere

Is love definite and true?
My anxious mind interrogates my heart for answers,
asking for evidence of feelings for you.

How do I know when to take it to the next stage?
My heart reads no definite chapter of certainty,
offers little advice of when it is right to turn the page.

How can I possibly know if you are the one?
I do not share your confidence,
I am willing to go the distance but I don't know if I can run.

Why does this always seem so easy to everyone but me?
Love at first sight does not seem possible,
I guess this is what it is like to be dating with anxiety.

I gave up my youth, to become an adult
Now i am an adult on my own
I gave up my time to become a wealthy man
Now i am rich and alone
I gave up my life, for what i thought I wanted
but nevertheless I was mistaken
I gave up my happiness, for what i thought was success
For which i have forsaken
The path I have chosen to venture
led to my own demise
I gained everything I thought I ever wanted
A life I created, a nasty surprise.

solving your problems
by blowing them up, just means
you make them bigger