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Jas Apr 2018
A shoe box filled with borrowed song lyrics
About two cups of gel pens that still smell like hot glue and cardboard
Probably 8 Fiji bottles of water with about 3 swallows left in each
And a basket of hair supplies that are seriously lacking in bobby pins.

I love
A lot more people than I have room for
And each one of them believe they hold my entire heart -
I love
A few indie movies here and there, a few artists here and there,
Myself here and there -
Maybe I love
Reminiscing and trying to recreate the things I've lost
Because I always lose.

I wish for
Traditional objects of desire: happiness, excellence, definite love -
Shoes that don't have socks wedged where the toes should be -
About $10 more in my bank account to spend on chocolate,
A clear throat, a throat that doesn't always hold dissatisfaction-
A better singing voice because music soothes the sting
And I want to be irrevocably, singlehandedly responsible for healing myself

Most of all,
I want to continue to smile.
I should be writing my essay. ****.
Jas Apr 2018
Terrors collected behind the barb and glass
Rising from the chimney of the lantern
In surfing shadows along each wall
He plunged in to slumber emphatically,
And they followed him there.


                                  ~ Mom & Dad
letters from Fears
Jas Apr 2018
My intuition used to keep me safe -
It used to sort my feelings in alignment with actions
My intuition used to save my associations.
Society locks away people that harbor justice within their intent
And the others simply dance away into the night.
When did my environment discover a new shape,
That which steals the form of a weapon that is legalized?
When did I betray myself and relinquish my grip on the handle
And when did I let the weapon choose my fate?
I bowed to the energy around me and decided to sink
But hell would not accept me.
Oh, how I wail for faith
How I long to understand why it abandoned me
And left me with choice.
Jas Apr 2018
Tell me about the things you do
And the things you've learned,
Let me try out your base experiences.
It won't unravel you,
They won't admit of your adversities;

And they won't bring me closer to the 'why,'
But by learning the things you've learned
I may feel some excitement and all other emotions around it
Similar to what you've felt -
And these feelings may be different, I know
But from what I DO know about you
I just might be able to feel something adjacent

And there won't be a need for you to be anxious about words,
You wouldn't need to fight so hard to release yourself to me
You will already be free, and I would be found by you.
Jas Apr 2018
How I doesn't include you
But to us it means two
Not to kiss you, or to be near you
To hold you or fall in love with you
But just one;
To do it all one time.
Not sure where I was going with this, but it was in my drafts.
Jas Feb 2018
Passive stances and subtle aggression
***** dishes wiped clean
A bucket of bleach and toxic masculinity
This is home to me,
Lavish meals and trips dripping in fantasy
Older men's eyes had *** with me
While my neck was seared with fake jewelry
Home appears to follow me,
Desire wears a scarf of sin
Lust around my ankles and wrists
Naked for all to see
This was home to me.
Jas Feb 2018
It's hard to notice small achievements when your mind is set awaiting impatiently on the end result.
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