The butterflies of freedom are filling me.

I want to run, with the wind in my hair.

Towards the sun.

I feel light as a feather.

I can go anywhere, and do anything.

Wherever the sun will take me.

In this summer heat, I've been drinking for days.

Drink to numb an unknown anxiety.

In a notification I saw today's date.

And I remembered, I remembered all of it..

In three days it's been a year.

A year since he took away my freedom.

Since he put his hands on my body.

Three days from now will be the mark of when something in me broke.

Something that can never be healed.

Sweat mixed with tears run down my face.

Just like that night.

I used my triggers again.
To check my feelings.

Our songs and pictures of you.
I felt nothing.

Somehow it's frustrating.
To feel nothing at all.

I never thought I'd get over you.
It seems like I did.

In a way I feel sad.
Cause you don't mean anything anymore..

I thought you'd always keep a piece of my heart.
But I've let you go completely.

That hurts too.

I'm dreading.

To pack everything,
from the place we used to call ours.

The empty boxes are staring back at me.

I can't bring myself to fill them.

I'm scanning the apartment that used to be ours..

I'm seeing our history repeating itself.

I somehow see your shadow from the kitchen,
and mine from the living room.

I hear your laughter when you mess up cooking..

And suddenly you're everywhere, and I'm paralyzed.

I can't move you into boxes, and I can't leave you.

Yet I need to leave you within this walls..

I've never felt this guilt before.

I might ruin your life.

But you've ruined mine.

You destroyed me.

Yet I feel like I'm the one to blame.

It's your sins, yet they feel like mine.

You always put them on me.

But this time you're gonna pay for them.

So why am I the one carrying the heavy weight?

I loved someone who saw my qualities as flaws.

I trusted someone who spoke lies fluently.

I literally crossed oceans for someone who'd never jump a puddle for me.

I cared for someone who, with a cold face watched me cry.

I was held by someone who didn't really care.

I have sent a hundred texts to someone who ignored me for days.

I was with someone who expected the best but gave the worst.

I have said "I love you" to someone who didn't answer.

I loved someone with all my heart knowing he was breaking me.

But I will never stop loving.

Someday, someone else will see my flaws as qualities.

The seat next to mine is empty.

No one is singing the songs back to me.

No one is interrupting my calculated playlist with bad old songs.

The comments on my driving that used to bother me,
I now miss.

There are no shoe marks on the dashboard,
no trace of adventure.

The over excitement about the view that used to make me roll my eyes isn't there.

I miss these silly things that I took for granted.