O' little girl why are you so unhappy?
You tread to and fro
Holding yourself in misery
You grunt and whine when you see yourself
What do you see little girl?
I see your beautiful hair
I see your progressively slimming figure
Everything about you is changing
Yet you still look unhappy
Who made you so little girl?
Who filled you with woe little girl?
Back and forth in a nervous rage
Like a ballerina ready to take the stage
You pace and pander and swiftly look away
As though the next image you see will be different
That you'll get what you want if you just steal one more glance
You check the tightness of your shirt and the fit of your pants
To love is to understand
Little girl, you don't have a chance

Meet me in the deepest reaches of my heart
Past the hushed voices in my mind
North of what others whisper
Just a few miles from sanity and sense
Meet me in the deepest reaches of my heart
Enter through the gate of No Return
And kiss my lips like it will be the last time
Drink my body in like I'm part of you
Look into my vacuous eyes and tell me how you love me
Compliment me the magnificent way you do
And give me something to adore about myself
Meet me in the deepest reaches of this heart of mine
Continue into the void that will be our existence
I whimper goodbye
Painfully clandestine

I find joy in beads of blood
Like crystals gleaming
Or the reflections in a flood
The wounds they sting and burn
But despite the pain
To feel, I yearn
I lost myself today
In darkness I staggered
And sliced my skin the same old way
The crimson gathered slowly
Seeping from my sorrow
Like vultures to death, lowly
Do emotions ever end?
If I cry to the heavens
Perhaps an angel they'll send

I am like an elephant who remembers.
My life so endangered that I tread lightly

When I think of the world I see you
All the bad and the ugly is clouded from view
And I got what I wanted
Even so
A life full of joy to never let go

The thoughts of the past are amiss
I savior these moments and your tender kiss
This love of ours is divine
You stole my heart
A non-punishable crime

Stop and see your beauty
Transcendent and great
You go through me
Protect yourself from the harm
No longer foster pain
Lift your sleeve to clean arms

Enter a state beyond this and see your greatness unfold
Potent bliss

Yours truly I write and I promise it's true
You help me get through the nights and the days I don't rue

Good enough?
Not so.
My mind full of doubt
And my heart full of woe
How to go on?
Reap what you sow

What to do with myself?
An isolated friend
If it's pushed to the end
and it breaks
Can it bend?

Now it's over-with, done
I can't take anymore
And it's no longer fun

Leave me while you can
Was there a reason you stayed around?
Am I just a body to you?
Someone you can feel close to when you're in need?
I'm more than what you make me out to be
More than your silly descriptions of me
I am reborn in a new imagine of my former self
Wiser
All the wiser yet none the more stable
I thought you were my friend
More than my friend
But as things broke down, that came to an end
"We are forever"
Lies
Forever was far shorter than both of us imagined.
Somehow, I stopped caring when you did

"Eat" they say
they don't get it
it's not okay
the weight falls fast like stones
recedes to nothing
skin and bones
fatigue beyond compare
an endless cycle
at the mirror, stare
the scale only lies
air in your lungs
and between your thighs
in pain I lay,
take the hunger away

Some times life stops you
Like a bag of dirt,
Life drops you
There are days when we surrender
Silenced tears and heavy eyelids
and days we can't remember

I'm still me and you're still you
dragging on for too long
there's not much more we can do

Leave if you see fit
But don't expect me to chase you
I won't
Not one bit

Dark and dingy days
With rain clouds collecting
Blocking out the dim and dismal rays
Fatigue and sorrow injecting

I see no way out but the easy one
Why give life that satisfaction?
Why quit and be done?

A world unraveled by sorrow
A sun that will not rise tomorrow
A tear soaked pillow and sheets
A bright bubbly smile for every person she meets
A life full of pain
and dread

Her heart full of stains
and her brain all but dead
The anxiety rips her to shreds
fed up with the woe
Through the thick haze she treads
Many miles a minute
her mind races
In her own silly way
herself she disgraces

Autopilot set on repeat
the verbose emotion chills her
Down to her feet
Heavy limbs hang at her sides
as the long days go by
Her willingness subsides

When the clock strikes the hour, she abides
the torment and exhaustion she feels
keeps her pensive in thought
As she reels

Another day gone by in a flash
hidden emotions
Stored in the cache

What a beauty you are,
My shining star
What a joy it is to live
And my heart to give
To you I owe the world
And every diamond or pearl

You’re in my every thought
To me, happiness you brought
You’re my paradise
The savior from my vice

You’ve always cared about me
It’s not hard to see
Your smile fills my heart
You inspire all my art
I laugh and cry with you
No matter what we do
I know you’re here to stay
I love you more each day

Until the end of time
Until the end of rhyme
I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine

We've all had a fear
of the monsters lurking in the shadows
like ocean waves grasping the sands of a long forgotten beach
like sadness creeping up on an unsuspecting victim,
greatly within reach

The monster approached
here to take me now
"go away?" said I
"I don't want to die!"

They were standing there
in front of my face
staring into the darkness, peering
ready to take me to the place I've been fearing

Ready to defy the hands on the clock
no longer for me would they go, "tick-toc tick-toc"

These beasts are society
These creatures of stone

They make you feel lost
and sad and alone
then BAM all of a sudden
you're trapped in this hole

Escape is impossible
but you still set that goal

They fill your whole world
with anger and doubt
remember this though, there's no getting out

This hole it's darker than black
as quiet as a graveyard
there's no going back

You can taste the sorrow
and feel the despair
the sad thoughts and emotions
seem to float through the air

Tick-toc tick-toc
time has run out
despite the terror
you're unable to shout

Their vacuous eyes
their unspoken lies
this is the world
that we all despise

Have you ever had a fear
of the monsters lurking in the shadows?
of the creatures ready to take you away at any given moment?

Ah...neither have I...

I could fight this till the end
I have a heart full of pain,
A heart full of dread
The devil, she sits
Across the room
She has long hair
A skinny body too
Mascara on
Now look at you
Sleepless eyes
No gap between your thighs
Your stomach is full
You just want to cry
"Are you not ashamed!?
of this image you hold"
Is this devil to blame?
No, now your body is cold
She smiles instead
"Finally, that stupid girl is dead"

It was the darkest time of the night,
the moon was shrouded by clouds and hidden from view.
The cemetery was as silent as the bodies it held
yet in some way the mist seemed to sing a sad tune as I walked in between the tomb stones
of those already taken to a world beyond this one.
Time was a thief in the night for those lost souls
now stuck here, unlike the lucky ones
who got to escape to a better place than the one we live in now

The heavens are waiting, do you deserve them?

Depression is running through my head
Why am I alive, I should be dead
These thoughts, they cope inside of me
I'd much rather just set them free

These scars I've made
These cuts with my blade
I can't stop now, it's been forbade

I'm so close, near death now
The sorrow, the sadness, I'll soon drown
Anxiety, insomnia, the list goes on
I can't continue, this feels wrong

My life will end, I can see the light
It's finally over, no need to fight
The angels are waiting
My inner demons are dead

The depression is no longer running through my head

Roses are red
My blood is too
It's all over the floor and you never knew
My body is cold and lifeless indeed

My wrists they still continue to bleed

In a locked bedroom
With a towel by your side
Slicing away the pain
Letting it seep from your veins
With a little piece of metal
Bigger than you could ever hope to be

In the midst of the darkness
a wandering mind is elsewhere
in scenes that replay
purging a spectrum of thoughts
experiences
pains
sorrows
into one grand collage
of moments that instead
Should be flushed from
ones mind than constantly
be a reminder of such a
pitifully tragic life

We coast through each and every day
The same on repeat
Why do I stay
My blood stained wrists
Feel no tender kiss
My vacuous eyes
Filled with tears from the lies
How can I exist
If the pain is too great for this
I ask myself
In clear deliberation
In pure consideration
Why am I here

I extend a love
Greater than his
In return I get
Hurt like this
He yells and shouts
As I take the abuse
In excess amounts
Am I a bag to punch
Or a bone to crunch
What does it mean
When he calls us a team
I’m somehow at a loss
Like an idle rock
I gather more moss
As I try to turn towards the sun
I’m blocked by his words
And unable to run
I’m stuck in a tightly packed trap
It’s dark and I’m scared
I can’t find my way back
Do I just sit on the ground and wait
Or make another round, it’s too late
The exit is nowhere in sight
I stagger by the walls
With no remembrance of light
Do I give up on this futile attempt
I don’t feel anything at all
From his “love” I’m exempt

I know your pain
He hurt you
I see the rain
He made you cry
I feel your heartache
He lied
I recognize the mistakes
He made many
I can see you forgive
He already forgot
I urge you to live
He doesn’t know
But somehow
Love is worth it

My heart has turned to dust
The blood I bleed
Hardens like rust
The pain I feel inside
Is too much to bear
And too much to hide

The world is lost in my eyes
He picks up the pieces
He actively tries
But what of hope is alive
Despite all the hardships
Why do we strive
Do we keep it here for ourselves
Is there a point to this
Collecting dust on the shelves
Our brains are taught not to think
Unable to learn
Our ideas don't link
We get caught up with the time
To forget our duties
Is it a crime
We suffer and feel all the pain
We look at others with hate
And disdain
When will we be happy again
I cannot answer now
And I don't know when

Some days life's a mess
You cry more and smile less
The nights are dark and long
Death circles 'round singing a song
You feel worn and cold
Now reserved, those who were bold
An illness is not a game
Once you come out you're never the same
It gnaws its way to your core
Like you're trapped behind a heavy metal door
The light is unattainable
The joy is less sustainable
The laughter turns to tears
Caught in depression for many long years
Social turns to panic
The extreme anxiety then becomes manic
A world with no hope
The illness helps me tighten the rope
The chair beneath my feet
Quivers to my rapid heartbeat
In one fellow swoop I will fall
Then in the end, nothing matters at all

You're part of me
I'm part of you
I'd love to see
And love to do
Everything I can with you,
My light and day
My sunshiny ray
Our love is forever
We're always together
Soon we will marry
Our love we will carry
You won't be alone
We'll make our grand home
Snuggled and warm
Our future will form
Bring what it may,
What do you say?

She flew at night on a song
The rhythms and beats,
her feelings prolong
A single acid tear
Despite all the anger
Inside there was fear
She lay her head down to rest
Counting the sheep,
she tried her best
To keep the emotions inside
But behind her smile
the demons still hide

Although the times seem tough
I want you to know
You're always enough
Through every stumble and fall
You spring back up
And stand so tall
You'll always have my heart
My muse, my love,
my art
I'll talk you down from pain
I'll hold you tight
Through sun and through rain
I'm here for you till the end
Despite pitfalls
you're still my best friend

The sky is crying for us
If there is a god, he is weeping over us
He never realized
The pain brought into our lives
And through the hazy days
And the shattered sunny rays
We wish to be swans
Because it would be easier to die of a broken heart
Than to live with one

The birds chirp free
Leaves rustle in the trees
The bunnies hop and play
The days slip away
The insects buzz and fly
The flowers wilt and die
The sun goes down at night
The darkest creatures fight
The day begins anew
On grass a drop of dew
The wind whistles strong
The days last too long
The summers turn to fall
Time moves fast or not at all
Winter into spring
Life, what a wonderful thing

You're my peace and my rest
At my worst and my best
My lover and my friend
My guardian till the end
My hope and my stay
Through night and through day
Together whenever
Now and forever

Gyvenimas gražus ir žemė yra šventa*
Life is beautiful and the land is sacred

I love you more than life
We sit ignoring all the strife
We hug and kiss and share a laugh
One, maybe two or more than a few
The long days end when we lay in bed
Time stands still
You are my thrill
All I care for and long to keep
Is your warm touch
And blissful sleep

Dreaming of outer space
The beautiful boy
Visited a beautiful place
Immensely vast
He floated through stars
And then at last
He began to fall
Through nebulas and dust
Like a heavy ball
He fell and fell
For what seemed like forever
Then awoke shouting, "never, never!"
He panted and sighed sounds of relief
He knew the pills had worn off
And in disbelief
Laid back on his pillow
And shut his eyes
Like a wilting willow
His pain he disguised
Another handful then
*"Let's try this again"

I have always had a passion for helping people
I’ve always wanted to do something in my life that will benefit others in some way
Even if I help just one person
Even though I am just one person
I’ve wrestled with many career possibilities as I’ve stumbled down the path of uncertainty,
but despite the boulders standing in my way,
I will not be slowed down by them
I will not allow myself to fixate on them or become chained to those stones like Prometheus
In two years, I see myself going off to college and having a growth mindset since it will be a whole new playing field, in fact, it will be a whole new ballgame
In five years, I see myself with a career and a life that I am happy with
I have narrowed down my career choices to psychiatrist and detective
Two very opposite sides of a broad spectrum,
but those are passions of mine and additionally,
I would be helping people on a daily basis
Those that are living or those that are dead
I believe in a spirit world
Ghosts and such
I believe in a “purgatory” as Dante stated
and I believe that souls can linger until they find rest
I want to help everyone
I know there is so much to do and so little time and after all I can’t do it alone
But we all have to start somewhere
Why not here?
Why not start with our final years of high school and go into college with heads held high and willingness to adapt in our hearts
There is nothing more exciting to me than imagining a world in which people are genuine and help each other
What a beauty it would be to be able to give others as much as we can.

You cause my veins to overflow
You help my brain to work and grow
My bloodstream to fill with dopamine
You keep me alert and lean
You help to keep me stable
Like walking on a thick cable
You pump my mood with Seratonin
Without you I feel alone and there's nothing I can do
You help me feel the pain in life
A skinned knee or sharp drawn knife
You make my world continue forward
Without you there's disorder
You make me cry
Without knowing why
You're the reason I feel love
Attraction to the person I think of
You reside in a small portion by my brain
Most people treat you with harsh disdain
But because of you I am me
And there's no one else I'd rather be
Today, tomorrow
In time I borrow
I thank you
Pituitary

Migrants on highways-- hunger and need
In their eyes,
No argument, no system,
Need
Men fought for wage
Work for thirty--
Twenty-five--
Twenty
I’m hungry for work--
The kids see
They can’t run aroun’
They bloated up
--I’ll work--
for a little piece of good wages
Prices up
Great owners
Glad they bring more people in
Wages went down
We’ll have serfs again
*--Blackout Poem Chapter Twenty-One--

The future holds
A story untold
Happy release
A love at least
Deep desire
Inside burns a fire
For a love so rich
To savor a kiss
Two lives forever
Joined through every endeavor
The future unknown
A happiness, grown
In the end it's the same
Through the sun or through rain
I love you now more than ever
We'll always be together
Stay by my side
And I'll never leave you behind
Love me, I pray
My shining ray
Your shimmering eyes
Look deep into mine
You're my start
and end
My love
and friend
A lot is too little
Let's meet in the middle
My emotions soar
Fortissimo, roar
Feelings that never go away
I'll love you tomorrow
And more each day

Have we as humans already forgotten,
That the world is but a stage?
And if it were to crumble down
The people, it would enrage
Yet we wreck the homes of others
Countries, and our brothers
But what about the ones next door?
Or right in our backyards
The birds the trees
The bugs the bees
As they may
We make a way
But lives we still invade
For every tree
One, or three
Save them, I implore

To the Suns who shine so bright
To the Stars who light the darkest night
To the Candles who burn
And the Winds who yearn
To the ones who put others first
But in the end get it the worst
An anthem for those
Whom nobody knows
That pull the strings
To gain Angel wings
A selfless good deed
No secular greed
To the passive and silent
The angry get violent
Pushed all around
Figuratively bound
Entrapped in the mind
The thoughts are not kind
Yet still in the end
What matters is the trend
A pattern to follow
Or tough pill to swallow
A silenced tongue
The good die young

In the crevice of conflation the planets watch,  
In awe as the worlds collide
Each solar system fusing as one
To create a world unlike any other
Being pulled into a hole in the universe
Darker than the empty night sky
And the lack of stars
The constellations pulled apart
Like strings being snapped
When in an instant
It all stops
For a few mere seconds everything is calm
Until BAM
The self destruction of the colliding worlds
Was a beauty to be marvelled at
Each system seemed to explode
And paint the dreary sky
Creating an array of colors
Forming new strung stars,
Reshaping the old ones
And starting a new life for everything
That once was

Time is an illusion
A mindless exclusion
The best and the worst
The last and the first
The past was a risk
Does the future exist?
It travels one way
All day
Clockwise
Then comes sunrise
Time and space
An endless race
Seconds go by
But why?
Time will end
Space will bend
Perception unravels
The mind, it travels
The thought it takes
Make no mistakes
A theory until
With adequate skill
Proof is found
The truth, unwound
We now know
How it shall go
Always, forever
Through every endeavor
Time is present
Space is pleasant
A partner, a friend
Joined till the end
(Can it exist?
The thought is dismissed)

One cut here
A single burn there
No one will notice
No one will care
Ignore the pain
The scars we bare
The sorrow filled thoughts
The stories we share
But ask for help?
No one would dare
Suffer in silence
The world is unfair
A happy person?
The sight is rare
Maybe a deceptive smile
Warning, beware

When the timing's right
As the violins ring
We will all delight
As the angels sing
And the end draws near
With a timeless Ode to Joy,
But there's nothing to fear
O' when the beautiful
End is here

What beauty compares with the break of dawn
Shining like your smile, the one for which I long
To see again and again
Constantly wondering when.
The brilliance of your soul shines ever so bright
Your personality alone lights up the darkest twilight
Black Moon
The sleepless nights I spent thinking about you
Silver Sun
The mornings I spent wondering if these encounters were done
Where did you go?
I'm not sure if even you know
The light is so dim and increasingly dull
More obscure thoughts bounce around in my skull
I need you, please to save me from here
The bright light you provide and can't possibly fear
Illuminates the abyss in which I fell
Light that guides the way and makes all things well
Luminous, bright, a light pure as snow
I missed that smile of yours, you know

Everything
Will be okay
The end will come
Just not today
The strength you show
You can't let go
You have to fight
To win tonight

Like the mysterious ocean
A life without a price
The water a potion,
Like evil, entice
When stripped of emotion
To veins they splice
The mindless devotion
Hearts made of ice
Ingrown commotion
Stuck in their vice

Captain Nemo who thought,
The truth.
And Fontaneda who sought,
The fountain of youth

Like moths to a flame
Envisioned
The same

No one sees true night
Everyone's ignorant
Towards all except light

Nowhere to go

Nowhere to be

Nothing to do

Nothing to *see

I would drink acid
To get the sweet taste
Of your lips
Off my mouth

As the beast howled
The captain shouted
Over the wind and the rain
The burning skylines
Couldn't look the same
The monster was coming
They wouldn't survive
The crew and the captain
Would drown with the ship
And the treasure at their sides
The creature approached
As the crew manned the sails
The beast finally caught up
One mighty slash to the weak boat
It sank to the bottom
With the treasure,
Still in the cargo hold