A year ago, I was begging for him to love me, to remember the love he held for me.
That I was finally done figuring myself out after I repeatedly told him that it was time I desperately needed.
God did I love him so much, so much that it still hurts thinking about it.
I would have done anything for him, ignored everyone if that’s what he wanted.
I would’ve moved mountains for him, I would’ve lost myself entirely if it meant that I got to be with him.
He never wanted that for me, he wanted me to be whole and my own person, he wanted me to love myself first.
I didn’t understand it at first.
I was angry and heartbroken that he didn’t want me to love and put him first.
It was then, after it ******* near destroyed me when I realized what he meant.
He wants me to happy, to take care of myself and my son.
He wants only the best for me and that’s when I realize that he will always love me, from afar.
We will most likely never be together again but he still hopes and wishes that I will be okay no matter what.
We don’t talk anymore but all I can hope is that he is doing okay and that he will find himself the way I have.
That he will never have to wonder if I still hold love for him in my heart because I will always.
He’s been my safety blanket in a time of need and I hope that if this ever comes across him one day, that I will gladly be his safety blanket.
Thank you, thank you Nelson, for the nurturing care you’ve given me even if I didn’t want it at times.
I will always love you, after all, you’ll always be my first true love.
