I moved to Seattle for the rain and the clouds
The water drenching my window
And the dark nights filled with wind so loud

I moved to Seattle to experience changes
To watch the grey accumulation
Slowly form over the mountain ranges

I moved to Seattle for it's predictable weather
So when the rain hit the windows
The sky and I could cry together

When you've been burned by an old flame
You'll never treat the next the same

Less affectionate
Less intimate

Decathect and fear that I'll end like the last
So you don't try as hard and go rotten from the past

I'm scared to love you the way I loved him
You're the best I've ever had though my psyche is grim

My soul cries to stay but my mind pays the price
Why after it all burns down does the heart become ice

My heart breaks a thousand and one times
I lose myself in my thoughts
And can't come up with rhymes
I used to think life was worthy of living
Until I was hurt so much
There was more taking than giving

I lost my best friend by a misunderstanding
We haven't spoken in months
It was all a crash landing
The blur, I forget, was it me who did wrong?
It's hard to remember the details...
Still the radio plays our song

My heart skips a beat every time I see your face
I wonder if you can hear it, as it jumps in place
My chest gets tight and my blood starts to race

If I saw you walking down the street
As quickly as I could I would pick up my feet
I want to catch up, but know to retreat

There are words I hear and things I say
That remind me of you every single day
You helped my life turn to color from gray

Every message I receive on my phone
I hope and I pray that it is you alone
To feel that joy I had once known

I miss you more with every passing moment
You will always be my friend, never my opponent
But it will never be so again, and I know it

I was once in love with God
And Satan soon to follow
The Lord made me feel whole
While Satan more-so hollow
Neither could take my pain
So why did I bother
Their love was not the same
I was another lamb to the slaughter
All I asked was for a little push
God helped me along
While Satan with an ambush
Brought you in the form of a dashing smart man
I thought you were my savior
But instead you were a devil with another plan

"Just remember when you think you're free, that crack in your heart is me"

But I'll never be free from your company
My mind circles around you aimlessly
You know, Manson seems to know a thing or two
The crack in my heart will always be you

Great, bloodshot eyes from another sleepless night
I know that it's morning since the shades bleed out light
I beg and I pray for sleep with no dreams
and a morning of darkness with no more sunbeams
There comes a time where we found comfort in the blankets
But what crosses my mind are the thoughts that you've tainted
You used to grab my ribs when I hugged you so tightly
Now every night I can feel that so slightly
I wake to the knowledge that you are not here
I wish like these dreams you would just disappear

You stole my heart with your silver tongue
with a voice so sweet from your crimson lungs
I beg for a day when my dreams don't consist of you
I lose sleep looking into your eyes, light blue
What's worse is the feeling that you'll never be mine
so I drown my heart in a bottle of wine
No liquor can remove the taste of your lips
or the warmth of my cheeks when your hands touch my hips
Maybe I'll forget how you laugh and you smell
but they pain you brought me... I'll take that with me to Hell

The ringing seems endless like the ocean’s infinite blue
I think it’s trying to say something
Can you hear it too

It seems the words are English, a dialect I once knew
I have wondered what it wants from me
The voice sounds like you

So I see it is not a thing but now instead a who
It follows me wherever I go
Can you hear it too

And it wants something that only I can help it to do
Escape the wicked mortal confines
The voice sounds like you

Suddenly the air felt thinner all while my body flew
It told me that I should end my life
Can you hear it too
The voice sounds like you

I wrestle with these thoughts of doubt
And all the hate I can’t get out
While you sit there and watch me in my pain

Imagine that this hurt will pass
That death for me is swift and fast
Forever in your heart you’ll feel the rain

I want to stay for me and you
But I’ll do what I want to do
This world has extinguished my bright flame

I knew when I saw you it would be like time hadn't moved
After a few moments we got back into our usual groove
And the scent of you lingered for the seconds I hugged you
I felt happy to be there and maybe you knew

I playfully motioned for you to hold my hand so you did
You probably didn't notice the smile I hid
The tv flickered with a game in the background or music
All while we leaned closer and in an instant felt lucid

We embraced again before the night was done
You walked me out and said you had fun
One more hug this time with a tighter squeeze
In a way it felt infinite and like time could just freeze
I nestled my face in your neck and you did the same
I'm sure you felt my heart race and still you stayed tame
I slowly let go of our entangled goodbyes
Then did my best to avoid your eyes

How long had it been since I felt those butterflies within
With him, it was truly a romance to get lost in

There was a time when we were happy together
The stresses of life were nothing more than the weather
And every smile on our faces brought us pleasure

But there are times in life when the wind becomes fast
And the sunshine turns to rain so the warmth doesn’t last

There is a split in the cloud, where the sun breaks through
That little bit of sunshine is when I see you
Without my sunbeam, what will I do?

It’s amazing the way that we bleed
The way the skin parts and the blood starts to bead
It’s a rush you feel through the skin
Like a tingling sensation without and within
Or a touch of rapture inside
Like the soul is escaping through a crimson tide
Believe it or not, it’s freeing
Until the moment you just stop bleeding...

In my dreams it all feels real
You hug me and it seems so clear
Then I wake and you’re not with me
Through the tears, I can barely see

But I’ve come to terms with this reality
No matter if I want you badly
I’m content with only getting you while I sleep
I look forward each day to my nights of counting sheep

Our fake bliss begets pain in my heart
And with the opening of eyelids our moments depart
I wonder if we’ll ever be together
But in my dreams, we will be forever

I break everything I touch
Whether I like it or not
The pain is a bit much

I steal hearts like a siren
and leave them out to dry
Men flock to me like pigeons
Yet I don't understand why

My features are average and I'm a grade-A *****
I don't offer apologies for broken hearts, not even a stitch

I have infinite suitors yet I want none of them
I want my Swan, he's my gem

******, the word is a sadistic place
The one man I want, would just laugh in my face

My heart burns
It aches for your presence
I will never stop loving you
My passion is relentless
It's been a while since I've seen your face
I miss your lips, how do they taste?
The sound of your voice is a memory at best
I'll see you again soon
Let's forget all the rest

I long for you like the grass for the rain
And I remember that voice, as distinct as the sound of storms in the city, as the cars splash by
The thought of you will bring me pain
A mere shadow at the end of the hallway
Or the silence at the end of the day
Unnerving, reserved, wonderful
Like a phantom the image of you is fleeting
But I will always remember those blue eyes, and drowning in them
I can no longer hear you speak in the back of my mind
Yet your words feel like my own
Your voice feels like safety, like home
Now shrouded by fog
Perhaps we’ll meet again
Maybe just for one day

When I see you I can’t help but smile
The look in your eyes is to die for
And that gorgeous radiant laugh can be heard for miles
You leave your business card in my shoe when I visit
I still have each and every one
When I’m not around, I miss it
I draw hearts on your calendar when you look away
I love when you find them
It makes my day
And no matter what happens you know I love you
That regardless of anything
Or the distance that grew
You’ll always be with me until the end
And I’ll always be here
For my lovely best friend

It’s been years now that I’ve loved you
In the basement I kissed and hugged you
Though I was redirected to your cheek
My knees couldn’t help but feel weak
Your eyes they glisten like stars
Your skin like beautiful smooth sand bars
The sound of your voice fills me
And I get lost in you as you lift me
You press your chest against mine
In that moment everything stops, even time
I long to be by your side
Nothing else matters, I don’t want to hide
I wish I could tell the world that I love you with my heart
I wish we could just hit restart

the entire time She was there I just kept thinking,
“what does she have that I don’t?
Is she thinner?
Is she prettier?
Is she smarter?
Does she have a better personality?” Etc.
So frustrating that i spent so much time comparing myself.
I ******* hate her; but I say that knowing **** well I don’t hate her.
Of course I don’t hate her.
I hate her role in everything that has happened.
I hate the way she played a part in my sadness.
I hate the parts of her I see in myself
and the parts of me I see in her.
I hate the idea of being second best
I hate the idea of not being worthy enough
and instead being left for someone else,
even if they don’t get together

I try to love each word
At the end of the day I yearn to be heard
Yet the verse falls flat from my lips
It bends and twists and in air it dips
And the meaning now is skewed
My words come across as brash and rude
Still I do my best to step back
To assure that my words have no means to attack
Though still I’m labeled as such
A disrespectful girl who says too much
I wish I could just be quiet
I wish when I spoke I could like it

I drink alcohol to soothe my soul
To cleanse and numb my broken mind
I drink for the buzz
To see what new reaches I can find
It’s scary in my head when I’m sad
When I’m throwing up that poison
I can’t cry for mom and dad
The pain is far too great
I love the tingle
But the taste, I hate

The world was water
And I was fire
With each unbelievable obstacle
My flames grew higher

But you were my fuel
My burning desire
Now with every day
My leaves grows dryer

Yet the water snuffs it
And my flames grow tired

It's been long, I admit
My heart still pains
Quite a bit
I chose to be happy without you here
Then lost my mind
When you disappeared
I want to say that I was wrong
To not accept your love
Until it was too far gone

I beg and plead
With every word
And deed
To rekindle our fire
And fulfill our hopes
And desires

Run away with me, O' please
Before we miss
The changing of the leaves

As long as you love me in my dreams,
I will be content in my waking life

You slowly forget little things about me
I’d never forget the way you move through air
I’d remember for the rest of my life how you sit so poised and elegantly
The melody of your voice soothes me and I can’t help but stare
I’ll never forget your lovely hands or the way you once touched my hair

Does your heart skip a beat when you see me
Do your hands still long to feel me
Does the mention of my name invoke emotion
Is my existence to you like a potion

Can you feel your heart beat on
Even on days when I’m gone?

I won’t stop loving or caring
Even now I’m more thriving and daring
I dare to take the leap of faith with trust
Jump with me, I’ll be your pixie dust

There are people in this room
Whom I know can’t be themselves
They sleuth and sly around
With super human stealth

I’ll start the string of confessions

I’m depressed and suicidal
And no one cares what I think
I’m obsessed and prideful
So I’ll never see a shrink

I’m strictly heterosexual
Which for some is not the case
Tell each other now
Before a love goes to waste

It hurts my heart to say
But I don’t eat enough
It’s the price you pay
When you’re stomach is a bit plump

To be completely honest
I don’t think at all
And when it comes to love
I don’t look before I fall

My parents drive me crazy
But I’m happy that they’re mine
My childhood wasn’t daisies
But I think I turned out fine

Imagine if we could be truthful
With our peers and those we know
Perhaps we’d stay more youthful
Without the stress that we don’t show

It is on the nights, when I can think,
That there is nothing left for me to do
But drown, panic, sink
This music around me changes the scene
I can't figure out how to feel
My mind is so mean
Please save me from what I am fighting
I miss your warm touch
Please save me from dying
Please be my crutch

Some days, the pain without you
Exceeds what I can handle
Honey you were the light of my life
My eternal burning candle
And the flame grew dull with every thing I added
I was stupid to do that
And to be honest, relationships? I'm bad at it!

I often feel a slight pain on the surface of my heart
Who am I kidding, it runs deeper than that
Where do I even start?

I wish I could be with you each dusk and dawn
To see you there with me, beside me
There you were, and now you're gone

You call me names in your fits of rage
You say you don’t mean it in order to save face
And it hurts me to say I believe my new names
And I always tell myself that I am to blame
So as we go each title is a little more hurtful
Beating my bruised heart beyond black and purple
I attempt to say “please stop”
But that only causes my stomach to drop
Because the anger in your eyes is frightening
And each electric word is like a flash of lightening
I’m scared to stand up for what I deserve
I suppose I’ll continue to work up the nerve

You were mine
You were my words and my thoughts
The whisper in my ear
Singing to me a song only I was blessed enough to hear
But the melody faded,
Dissipated into nothing but a hum
Now I dully strain to make the song remain
Yet it has grown so quiet
That when I try, all I hear is rain

I am not but a flower
And he
He is the whole garden

I think of you in every hour
And with every site of gorgeous flower
I try to forget the happiness you brought
But in my saddest moment that is the greatest thought
It brings a smile to my face, what we used to be
How undeserving of you I was and only now can see
I have no words that can express this best
Except, you’re the last thought as I lay my head to rest

I see you in my wildest dreams
I see you when I sleep
Both night and day I want you
I yearn to take the leap

It's hard to do it now
And I'm not saying we would
Just know I love you dearly
One day maybe we could

Please think of me often
I know I will for you
I see your beauty daily
In the sunbeams and morning dew

Lost in space
I find my mind racing
Chasing what parts I can still assemble
It resembles a time a while ago
When my days were in disarray and I searched for a way to find where I needed to go
So I stayed below the radar but some how not low enough and it was tough for me to be the center of attention
Especially when it was so negatively directed at me
My brains still races and retraces the thoughts places and faces that got me where I am
But **** does it hurt some times
They’ve committed no crimes against me or the law but when I think of some of the things said my jaw still falls and the drops from my eyes still stall in empty space
These thoughts reside only in empty space
So why do they hurt so much and cause my exhausted heart to pace

Today I am at peace

I released a few crippling thoughts
and the apologies I finally wanted to give
It brings a smile to my face how each day felt like a race up until this moment
I feel calm and serene
For once I don't want to shout or fall down and scream
And I thank you for being willing to listen

My heart can’t take another moment
The beats are slowing
It has exploded

I’ve contemplated drugs.
Heroine, LSD, *******,
Anything that could maybe numb the pain.

I’ve contemplated leaving.
The state, the country,
But I’m only deceiving.

I’ve thought about the facts.
Rolling over them in my head,
There’s no way to go back.

I lost myself some time ago.
I can impress but not connect...
I have many masks, tomorrow I’ll pick a new row.

I slowly forget the way you rubbed my skin
The way we snuck around
And all our sin
But as much as I say I’m moving on
It’s harder than it seems
Because to you I’m drawn
And all the thoughts that encompass me
Are simply of you
And what we used to be
I miss the bliss I felt from your lips
And the pump of adrenaline
When you’d grab my ribs
There’s something sacred about what we had
I can’t explain it
So good yet so bad

You were heaven
And I was hell
I miss you now
Even my soul I’d sell
To get you back for one more night
To lay with you
From dark till light

I wish at the time I had told you how I felt
But I guess my guilt is stronger than I meant
You made my heart melt my love
But I couldn’t keep it safe
Like a bird taking flight it flew through empty space
And no matter how fast I ran I could never catch your wings
So now I train every day through the sun and the rain to catch up to the things I lost when you left
The only theft was me robbing myself of you by letting you go and repelling you slowly
I didn’t mean to push you away I just want you to stay but it gets easier by the day getting over you
Maybe it wasn’t mean to be but honestly I would gladly blindly follow you for eternity
Something about you tugs at my soul and I can’t seem to feel whole without you
I know it will never be you and me but I’ll chase the wind daily until just maybe I can catch a glimpse of your soaring wings above me

If the world is water
Then I am the flame
If something goes wrong
I am always to blame
I fear for my life
In this miserable place
I wonder at night
If I’m merely a disgrace

In empty moments I cry
Tears made of ash
And in the mornings
They litter the floor like trash

No one is interested
No one cares to see
That the fire burning inside
Is what makes me, me

I try to convince them
That I’m worth the fight
I may burn you in the end
But in the dark I am your light

You once wrote of life without me

You mentioned, "our eternal love for one another"
And yet some how eternal was far shorter than expected

I was upon the water when I was with you
Now I drown beneath the waves
With low tide no where in site

I was far more in your reach than you knew
But I suppose we will never know what could have been
I forget what it is like to breathe above the liquid loss I feel without you beside me
And no matter how many times I tell myself that I will be okay and I will move on
There are still times that my heart breaks and shatters and I shriek into the endless sky
Far more endless without you

What we had was infinity and now it is so finite
The further we got the more it crumbled in my hands
And I am so sorry
And I am so sad
And I am so stupid for letting my emotions take control and ruin what we had

We were the future
And we were the Omega

Now we are the past
And now we are history

I tell myself not to love you
I say I'm done for good
But then I think of you
And to forget you, I wish I could
I've loved you for so long
And so deeply and so fond
I always seem to lose myself when singing to our song
I often imagine I'm with you in my waking time
It's even better in my dreams
Your presence feels real, sublime
I kissed you two nights ago at a quarter past 3:00
And when I woke to find your lips weren't there on mine
I sighed and felt my heart was heavy

How can the thing that brings me joy also bring me pain?
You’re like a new toy but every time I touch it my skin gets stained
I wish I could cut my heart out to numb the hurt
But I know you’d shove my wound full of dirt
You still pull my strings and I listen to what you say
I’d do anything for you just to make you stay
Why do I still love you this intensely?
Why do I still hang on to something that was never meant to be?

My tears are liquid ice
Cold to the touch and full of vice
They symbolize what we had
And the way we were so good yet so bad
I loved you with all my being
Now I am stuck here daydreaming
Of a time when it was your hand I was holding
Before my mistakes stepped in and it started molding
Into something different than before
I don’t know what the future has in store
But oh how I hope to God we can be Us again
I guess I’ll just continue to wonder when

You came back into my life and I couldn’t take the pain
I love you even more
Yet your feelings for me wane
You used to feel the same
And it makes me feel insane that I still feel this way
Just ******* **** me
There’s no other way

“One day”
She spoke softly,
“It’ll be just you and me”

“And one day”
He uttered earnestly,
“We’ll have eternity”

I fell for you too hard

Now I alone am scarred