Suicide.

his voice has always had this reassurance to it.

not the kind of reassurance you'd get from a friend, parent or sibling.

it's the reassurance that you hang on to.

the kind you'd think about five years from now.

the kind that keeps you up at night from the butterflies his words created.

it's reassuring.

and it's all i need, all that anyone really needs.

life would be simpler if we could all understand that.

Today is my birthday
In which I was born 15 years ago.
Happy? I am not.
Do I know why? No.

I looked into her sparkling eyes.
All I could do was whisper,
“Sometimes, silence is the loudest noise...”

nothing makes me sadder than my own head.

I wish I never had to bare the scars that I have today...
But they’re what make me.

My breath hitched as I let go of her hand.

I let her go.
She looked back and all I could do is walk away.
...she didn’t care.
She never did.

And guess whose fault it is to think she did?

We used to talk all night.
And now we barely even look at each other.

I’m not entirely sure on how to start,
Other than I have depression,
I feel like I’m falling apart...
This isn’t exactly how I wanted it to be,
But we don’t always get want we want,
I’m just trying to let you know, let you see.
I’m always shrugging my shoulders,
I can’t seem to really get used to it?
But I’m not getting any bolder.
It’s like drowning,
Chained to a rock, i’m Sinking.
I can’t stop, i’m Always thinking.
Crying out of nowhere is fun as well,
It makes me wanna give up my soul,
Literally feels like I’m living in hell.
I don’t ever really talk about it,
No one really... cares?
I don’t know how anyone feels about it...
I just sorta... sit in this silence.
Waiting for this weight to go away.
I don’t like it down here,
I don’t wanna stay.
But I gotta, because i’m Chained.
My mind is insane, constantly strained.
I just wanna go back into your arms,
Where I feel at home.
That way... I can feel some sort of comfort.
I know this is probably not the best poem to explain how I feel,
But it’s the best I could do, I finally broke the seal...

I can’t help but remember the night where everything ended.

The make up running down your face.
The clocking stating that it’s 2 AM.

The door of my cheap apartment room closing as I watched you left.

It’s 2 years later and I’m still in the same apartment room.
Instead of me remembering,
I drink and I forget.

But I slowly begin to realize.
That everything...
S t a r t s

To go

b
     l

ur

      ry

And I can’t seem to put the pieces back together.
I wake up and it’s all bleak.
It hits me like shattered glass.
It comes in fragments.

But I’m okay with this.

Because I remember the night it all ended.

Your makeup running down your face.
The clock stating that it’s 2 AM.

You leaving my cheap apartment.
And me staying there.
Just to stay.
And think.
And believe.
And hope.
That someday.
You would finally come home.

Who would’ve guessed,
The Nerd sitting by you failed their Test.
Who would’ve guessed,
The Emo in the back passed that Test.
Who would’ve known,
The Nerd sitting by you had sinful thoughts.
Who would’ve known,
The Emo in the back had no scars to bare.
Who would’ve Guessed,
The Nerd sitting by you wanted to die.
Who would’ve Guessed,
The Emo in the back threw away his razors.
Who would’ve known what went through that Nerd’s Head.
Who would’ve Known what the Emo felt.
When everyone
Expected
Him to
Do it
1st.

maybe my real problem is that when I’m lost,
I look for you and not myself.

My
         Head

   Constantly
Spins
       When
  I’m
Thinking
Of

You.

You gave me anxiety attacks,
And I loved it.

“I love how you have to prove yourself.”

“I want people to know that it doesn’t matter who you are.
You don’t have to be a somebody in order to be great.”

You inject my veins with your love.
And
Make a fool out of me.
You’re addictive,
And i’m the submissive..
You’re a plague babygirl...
And I love it.

I stood there and watched you.

Your smile lit up the whole room,
I didn’t expect to fall so soon.