Silence.
The darkness screams
as the moonlight trembles.
Unseen shadows hide the truth.
For what's lingering the night,
be all that unspoken.

Life is so much easier when you're lost in the bliss of air.
But.
What happens when you're found?

Sleeping with the heater on
Because you're anywhere but here.
Covers keep slipping off.
 All these blankets disappear.

She won't let you see.
Why?

They're all one in the same.
Yours and hers,
Hearts both on the table.
Only hers is halfway off the edge.
So close, but you just can't touch.

She won't let you see.
Why?

Intimate and passionate as one.
Yours and hers,
Bodies both skin to skin.
Only her bra will never come off.
So close but you just can't touch.

Her body,
Will never be naked.
Physically and Emotionally.

Why?
She won't let you in.

They say I deserve better.
But I disagree
because I fell inlove with his heart
and I know what I see.
Stubborn, independent,
and mostly he's free.
The cycle grows, but him and I
are all I want to be.

Know when to hold on
and know when to let go.
Every moment
Has it's purpose.

Because when a man disrespects your body,
it never looks the same standing infront of a mirror.

The back and forth.

The contradictions.
The inconsistency.

Compassion is not an inconvenience, remember that.

Optimism is indispensable when accepting the concept that life's ----- will always be on the horizon.

I'll forever carry that sense of hope in any situation that everything will all work out.
But I'm always prepared for the fallout.
I just don't known which is more disappointing.

I like this version of us,
where we let our guards down.

You can give someone your heart and soul.
But never give them the power to take away who you are.

The aptitude of benevolence derives serendipity of the soul.

And suddenly my entire
truth unraveled.
Every memory that
invaded my subconscious
had taken over.
And my life appeared
as a sad novel.
I'm sinking.

Because at the end of the day I crave it all. I want laughter, affection, friendship, and love with one person. But when I let my guard down and I try to be myself, I feel like I'm too much and not enough all at the same time.

Some days I chase these views and I watch the world pause. I get to take it all in for a moment. Some days it heals me, other days it reminds me that I'm simply running from my own reality. That's when I recognize how unhappy I've been.

My heart will not concede the spite I should be wielding for...

Stop hesitating,
Only giving up a glimpse of your love.
Stupid fool,
Don't you know I adore you?

Maybe one day, the right man will come along and read all the quotes encrypted on your body. And he will inquire the truths hidden beneath each designation. Only then will he truly know you. Only then will he truly understand.

I think the truth is,
we are all a little fraction of broken
in one way or another.
And there might be something significantly beautiful
in that unspoken darkness.

His eyes are empty.
Have you ever seen a soulless stare?
It leaves you feeling cold inside.

As if he is feeding off your light,
Until you are left alone in the dark.

We never spoke the words aloud,
But his eyes said it all.

She doesn't crave the touch of your Saturday night lust, if she cannot hold your Sunday morning love.

[ ] You will forever be the best thing to ever enter my life. I think about that every day. You were good to me in ways I never knew possible and I cant imagine any soul could ever compare. I want to run back to you every evening and just spend my nights in your arms knowing we will be okey. And I think about how lovely our future could be. But I remember that that conversation has never brought us happiness, and that breaks me every time. I'm not doing well without you, but I'm trying. And I hope you are too.

Thank you for running away from reality with me, for a moment.

And just like that,
     you came back.

As much as I wanted this,
  what if you leave again?

Every too often,
We never truly know what a person is capable of,
Until we witness it first hand.

Eunoia is my desired state of being.

Am I your weakness, the one you tell yourself you don't deserve.
Or am I just your fix.

"Do I have to," he inquired.
My answer is simple.
No.
I will never force anyone to feel required to be apart of my life.
I want someone who craves my company as I crave theirs.
I want effort.
I want to be wanted.

I want to be a light in your life. A simple reminder to smile on your bad days. But I am so **** broken. And you deserve much more than that. My problems aren't your burdens. And I never want to weigh you down.

"… And we all have faith, and we all have hope,
But we're all a little lost in the same **** boat."

He wasn't my type.
       And I was far from his.
We lacked chemistry.
       There was no "spark."
Passion was unheard of.
        But atleast we were honest.
With only two motives in common,
        both lonely and bored,
atleast we had eachother.

I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for your time when there wasn't a beer in your right hand.

I share my words
like a coward.

I write of these men,
but I'll never speak their names.

I hate that you're my safe place
Because I can't always trust
That you'll be there
When I need you.

I hate that the only arms
That hold me
Without fear or hesitation
Belong to you.

How am I supposed to accept a love
When I hate the person in the mirror.

I am broken
And you won't want that.

It's a sad game we play.
You,
        Showing up unexpectedly,
Over,
         And over again.
Me,
       Adjusting to your unreliability.
Cherishing
        The sequence of your visits.
Settling,
         Because a life with portions of
         your love...
...
   Is more bearable than your absence altogether.

You bring out the best in me. I find myself challenging all my own fears, head on. I admire your independence, it's contagious. You've shown me to be proud of the person I am. And to never stop working on the person I want to be.

Never take forgranted the days you feel proud of yourself.
Soak it in, you've earned it.
You've worked your absolute *** off and you deserve to smile at the thought that this moment, couldn't get any better.

Because other days are harder.
Because other days you compare yourself to everything around you.
The hard days can bring us down.
Sure.
But don't forget how far you've come.
Don't forget what got you there.
Effort. Patience.

There's an optical illusion in the theory of closure.
The mental torment and suffering may recede, but souvenirs imprint their terrain.
Awaiting recollection is inevitable.

I crave an old school love. The kind where reciprocated effort is displayed effortlessly. A mutual respect that doesn't need questioning. Trust in the fact that no matter what life disrupts, compassion will not be one of them. The days can get complicated, but an authentic love has the potential of pure ease.
I have no desire to settle or entertain the idea of a temporary fix for affection. I am too busy falling inlove with the girl I am becoming, the best version of myself. Independence is one hell of a drug. And I am happy with the "right now."

There is a fine line
between shutting people out
and shutting yourself down.

Indecisive ; Contradicting