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Anonymistress Mar 2020
Am I your weakness, the one you tell yourself you don't deserve.
Or am I just your fix.
Either way, nothing stops you from leaving.

(it's not a question, I don't want to know the answer)
Anonymistress Mar 2020
I want to be a light in your life. A simple reminder to smile on your bad days. But I am so **** broken. And you deserve much more than that. My problems aren't your burdens. And I never want to weigh you down.
About to push away the one man who is kind to me.  The one man who made a difference. Who made me forget for just a moment.
Anonymistress Jan 2020
I miss when you
   missed me
             when you weren't a few bottles
Anonymistress Dec 2019
She doesn't crave the touch of your Saturday night lust, if she cannot hold your Sunday morning love.
Anonymistress Feb 2020
I try to remain open minded because there are perspectives I have not seen and knowledge I have not cultivated. I hope after someone hurt me, that those were not their intentions. Some things are truly worth the wait, so I hold onto my patience.
But I am only one person. And I can only give all of this for so long with nothing in return.
Never stop caring, that is your light. But respect yourself enough to know when you're not being respected.
Anonymistress May 2020
"… And we all have faith, and we all have hope,
But we're all a little lost in the same **** boat."
It's a helluva life.
Anonymistress Dec 2019
Maybe one day, the right man will come along and read all the quotes encrypted on your body. And he will inquire the truths hidden beneath each designation. Only then will he truly know you. Only then will he truly understand.
Every mark has a story to tell. No one has heard them all, but you.
Anonymistress Mar 2020
Indecisive ; Contradicting
I go hand in hand.
Anonymistress May 2020
Some days I chase these views and I watch the world pause. I get to take it all in for a moment. Some days it heals me, other days it reminds me that I'm simply running from my own reality. That's when I recognize how unhappy I've been.
Functionally depressed.
Anonymistress Jan 2020
she wore moonlight like lingerie
and made gentle the wild oceans of my soul
If you read any work from Atticus, these are two of his poems combined. I felt that they flowed better together. The thought of the moon and its gravitational pull of the tide, beautiful.
Anonymistress May 2020
And suddenly my entire
truth unraveled.
Every memory that
invaded my subconscious
had taken over.
And my life appeared
as a sad novel.
I'm sinking.
...and I've lost my breath
Anonymistress Mar 2020
It's a sad game we play.
        Showing up unexpectedly,
         And over again.
       Adjusting to your unreliability.
        The sequence of your visits.
         Because a life with portions of
         your love...
   Is more bearable than your absence altogether.
Although it's better when you stay.
Anonymistress May 2020
Because at the end of the day I crave it all. I want laughter, affection, friendship, and love with one person. But when I let my guard down and I try to be myself, I feel like I'm too much and not enough all at the same time.
I want to feel wanted.
Anonymistress Mar 2020
His eyes are empty.
Have you ever seen a soulless stare?
It leaves you feeling cold inside.

As if he is feeding off your light,
Until you are left alone in the dark.
Yet I can't help but wonder, who hurt him?
Anonymistress Mar 2020
Never take forgranted the days you feel proud of yourself.
Soak it in, you've earned it.
You've worked your absolute *** off and you deserve to smile at the thought that this moment, couldn't get any better.

Because other days are harder.
Because other days you compare yourself to everything around you.
The hard days can bring us down.
But don't forget how far you've come.
Don't forget what got you there.
Effort. Patience.
Anonymistress Feb 2020
I don't just want to make plans,
I want to make them happen.

You speak of beautiful possibilities,
but that's where they end.
It was a nice thought: being someone's priority. But that's not something you ask for, it's something that finds you.
Anonymistress Dec 2019
Optimism is indispensable when accepting the concept that life's ----- will always be on the horizon.
Ever try to jot down a quick thought, but you weren't fast enough and forgot?
Anonymistress Feb 2020
We self sabotage the situation when it seems too good to be true because that's easier than being pensive and trusting the other person.
Pushing away what we deserve.
Anonymistress Dec 2019
It didn't work, did it?
Trying to void the indifference that pillaged your soul
With the silhouette of a stranger's caress.
Yes, you knew better. But still...
forgive yourself.
Anonymistress Feb 2020
There's a fine line between wanting to let your guard down to trust the process versus the fear of being vulnerable and mentally preparing for the heart break.
How many times can you let the same person let you down before walking away? When you know their intentions are pure and they never meant to hurt you. When they simply didn't know they had.
Anonymistress Feb 2020
There are ghosts in these walls.
Secrets no one knows to look for.
Listen for the unseen.
Anonymistress Jan 2015
The darkness screams
as the moonlight trembles.
Unseen shadows hide the truth.
For what's lingering the night,
be all that unspoken.
Anonymistress Feb 2015
Know when to hold on
and know when to let go.
Every moment
Has it's purpose.
Anonymistress Mar 2020
"Do I have to," he inquired.
My answer is simple.
I will never force anyone to feel required to be apart of my life.
I want someone who craves my company as I crave theirs.
I want effort.
I want to be wanted.
You miss the way he treated you.
Not the way he treats you.
Anonymistress Jan 2015
The menace  is of itself.
"Me" being the only troubles to face.
As one falls, will one always succeed in getting back up?
As the answer lasts for so long.
How long?
How long until reality smashes and shatters the dream?
The truth being, as it always has.
This poem can be interpreted in so many different ways. What's yours?
Anonymistress Dec 2019
My heart will not concede the spite I should be wielding for...
There are moments in life that could tear you apart. After taking it all in, is it worth your troubles? The answer is hardly ever yes.
Anonymistress Feb 2020
We never spoke the words aloud,
But his eyes said it all.
my favorite moment is now just a memory.
Anonymistress Mar 2020
I don't know how to let you back in.
Nothing I want more than to surrender to the thought of happiness in your arms.
But you dont know how to stay.
Time and time again, you've proven what I didn't want to accept.
No more open doors.
We pushed eachother away, but you won.
Anonymistress Mar 2020
She was just the girl with the loudest laugh in the room. Go ahead and help her escape, that was her weakness.
When it comes to small talk, she hasn't much to say. Simple and sweet, she'll mind her manners.
Hard working and benevolent, she just wanted to make a difference.
She was just the girl with a kindly head on her shoulders.
No one would question. The front she put up was built of bricks. The nightmares trapped inside could only be in her head. For the truths cannot exist when the tales are never spoken. That's the secret to scars. If no one sees the cracks, they'll never know she's broken.
Anonymistress Feb 2020
I crave an old school love. The kind where reciprocated effort is displayed effortlessly. A mutual respect that doesn't need questioning. Trust in the fact that no matter what life disrupts, compassion will not be one of them. The days can get complicated, but an authentic love has the potential of pure ease.
I have no desire to settle or entertain the idea of a temporary fix for affection. I am too busy falling inlove with the girl I am becoming, the best version of myself. Independence is one hell of a drug. And I am happy with the "right now."
Anonymistress Feb 2020
Eunoia is my desired state of being.
One day you wake up and you realize all the hurt is simply gone. Although it was fading gradually over time, there is nothing more refreshing than this moment of actualization.
Anonymistress Dec 2019
[ ] You will forever be the best thing to ever enter my life. I think about that every day. You were good to me in ways I never knew possible and I cant imagine any soul could ever compare. I want to run back to you every evening and just spend my nights in your arms knowing we will be okey. And I think about how lovely our future could be. But I remember that that conversation has never brought us happiness, and that breaks me every time. I'm not doing well without you, but I'm trying. And I hope you are too.
Anonymistress Dec 2019
The back and forth.

The contradictions.
The inconsistency.

Compassion is not an inconvenience, remember that.
Anonymistress Feb 2020
I'm a hypocrite in transparency.
Veracities remain submerged.
Consequences don't exist.
Some days you dont even recognize yourself. It's not easy to be proud in a moment of weakness, so you simply forget.
Anonymistress Mar 2020
You don't want to hear how he put a gun up against my head because there are no magic words to take away a memory that demeaning.
Or how he blacked out and didn't remember screaming at me for putting my pants back on.
How defending myself got me trapped between two walls with no way out.
No,  you don't want to picture his hand around my neck and the fear that filled my eyes.
You're right. Let's not bring it up, I wouldn't want to make you feel uncomfortable.
I never needed magic words. I needed you to hold me when I was falling apart. That's how you silence the hurt, even for just a moment.

... This was written with hesitation, not spite. My confidence is hindered and there is no hiding that. I fear letting a new love in because how am I supposed to let my guard down. How is a new man supposed to love me, given my past. What am I supposed to tell him in a moment of intimacy when I start to cry for no reason but the hauntings of my own memory? I am damaged, no one wants that.
Anonymistress Dec 2019
Because when a man disrespects your body,
it never looks the same standing infront of a mirror.
Anonymistress Apr 2020
I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for your time when there wasn't a beer in your right hand.
-to my father
-and to the boy I thought was a man
Anonymistress May 2020
Thank you for running away from reality with me, for a moment.
You are my sweet escape.
Anonymistress Jan 2015
Sleeping with the heater on
Because you're anywhere but here.
Covers keep slipping off.
 All these blankets disappear.
Anonymistress Mar 2015
They say I deserve better.
But I disagree
because I fell inlove with his heart
and I know what I see.
Stubborn, independent,
and mostly he's free.
The cycle grows, but him and I
are all I want to be.
Look into a person's eyes and fall for their heart and soul. ❤  Nothing else has to matter. Through thick and thin two people can form an unbreakable bond. Dont let anyone block that view.
Anonymistress May 2020
Stop hesitating,
Only giving up a glimpse of your love.
Stupid fool,
Don't you know I adore you?
Anonymistress Dec 2019
I know it might have looked like "all or nothing" from your point of view, but you were terribly mistaken. At five years old, I promised to never love a man that couldn't appreciate slow dancing in the kitchen.

But I loved you for years anyway, and let myself down. I had to accept that dancing alone was as good as it would get.

So when you wouldnt choose me in the end and expected me to stick around anyway, it wasn't all or nothing.

I realized you had never chosen me. And I stopped choosing myself too.

That's wasn't love.
Set your own standards. And set them for a reason.
Anonymistress Feb 2020
You had healed.
The memory had faded,
And the hurt had finally let you go.

But today you woke to the thought of his voice. His degrading tone is almost as haunting as the lingering grip he left around your neck.

You have to truly forgive what happened, but not for him.
He sleeps just fine at night,
And so should you.
They say pain comes in waves. Will I ever stop drowning?
Anonymistress Mar 2020
Unable to trust that you won't be cruel to my heart.
Waking to the thought you'll pass from sight once more.
...and stay
Anonymistress Dec 2019
Last night you said you don't want me to guess.. you want me to be 100% certain. But when we were falling apart at the end and everything exploded, I begged you to choose me. But you couldn't. You were the one that was never 100%. And that's why I walked away. I couldn't keep choosing a man that only loved me conveniently.
An old one from the books.
Anonymistress Feb 2015
Life is so much easier when you're lost in the bliss of air.
What happens when you're found?
Anonymistress Mar 2020
There's an optical illusion in the theory of closure.
The mental torment and suffering may recede, but souvenirs imprint their terrain.
Awaiting recollection is inevitable.
No one is free of this.
Anonymistress Dec 2019
The aptitude of benevolence derives serendipity of the soul.
""the natural tendencies of kindness achieve good fortune within
Anonymistress Dec 2019
He wasn't my type.
       And I was far from his.
We lacked chemistry.
       There was no "spark."
Passion was unheard of.
        But atleast we were honest.
With only two motives in common,
        both lonely and bored,
atleast we had eachother.
Anonymistress Dec 2019
Lynyrd Skynyrd mentioned a little something about keeping it simple,
let's try that again.
Waited 21 years to find out my dad and I shared the same favorite song.
How about that.
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